Chapter Text
Five years, five years, six months and twenty days since the last time he saw Tommy.Five years of silence. Five years of fear,the same that paralyzed him today when they share a moment,when their eyes met just for a second and Buck felt his heart stop like when they rescued Bobby six years ago.All their moments together went through his eyes, all their shared breakfasts, all their laughs between beers and pizza, all their days and nights together when they used to become one embraced in a hug or when they made love.
Those days had been over since ages ago. His relationship with Tommy was done because of him. His damn mouth which talked without thinking, his own grief which stopped him to answer all Tommy’s texts after Bobby’s funeral. His own cowardlyness pushed him into stupid dates with weird people. But even more because of his own fear of rejection which for once was logical and stupid at the same time. Tommy stole a helicopter to help him despite how bad their last morning together ended but somehow it made him feel worse than before. Buck never gave him the same grace. So he knew deep inside of him, that he didn’t deserve anything from his ex boyfriend.
When they received the call and Chim told them that it was a really big fire he knew that there was a possibility that 217 was there too. That Tommy probably could be there. He felt nervous, he could see how the others stared at him while they were going to the emergency. It was crazy how they never crossed paths again for that long time. There were other opportunities for them to meet. At first Buck was hungry for those ones. He always loved to see Tommy at work but it never happened, not since their last time working together against the law to save Chimney’s life. That “ and for you” has kept resonating in his mind until nowadays. But it never happened, sometimes Tommy worked partnering with 118 when Buck had his day off and other times Buck was there but Lucy Donato instead of him went for help from the harbour station.
Today wasn’t the case as soon as they arrived the first person Buck looked at was Tommy. His voice was the first thing he heard on his radio. The 217 was in charge so they had to follow their instructions. The fire was in a house located close to the mountains. At first it seemed a simple one,that was the reason the 122 was there but after a big explosion happened from the back of the house; it extended to the forest. It was there when the pilots took charge of the whole operation. Firefighters from three different stations besides the 118 were in the triage, evacuating all the people from the area and trying to prevent it from getting closer to the city. Meanwhile two or three helicopters were in the sky trying to dissipate the fire from three different fronts: one was closer to the forest, the quarter closer to the house; another one in the other quarter on the city's side and Tommy was up to the house.
They have been trying to cease that fire for hours but the wind has made it difficult. The dispatch has told them that the owners didn’t know what had caused the fire and even less the explosion. They have lived there for twenty years .They also said that there was a company interested in buying their house because it was needed to build a new tourist hotel but they refused to do it because that house was their home, their love story.
Both of them were happy to be out of danger. Matt and John have been married for 20 years. They met when Matt was 30 and John was 42.Just like him and Tommy when they met. In some way they made him remember that call when he was a probie and Thomas and his partner showed him what real love looks like and how much he wanted to live something like what they had. Back then he wasn’t out as a bisexual man,back then he hadn't met Tommy. So now Matt and John like Thomas and his partner was the living proof of everything that he could have with Tommy if they would actually work their relationship out. And with Tommy there that image was even harder to see.
Since the first moment he met the pilot he knew that he wanted him in his life forever. When they started to date he confirmed what his intuition had been telling him after the cruise rescue, he was everything that Buck needed and wanted for him. When Josh asked him if he loved Tommy he wasn’t ready to say it out loud, especially to someone who wasn’t his boyfriend but there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted a future with him. The future that Matt and John had. The future that he had dreamed for years now. The future which is his big “what if” with Tommy.
“So, what’s the story?” Matt asked while John was looking at him with a curious look.
“Sorry,what?”
Which is the story with you and whoever is up there in that helicopter that you haven't stopped looking at?
“Oh!...He is my ex-boyfriend. We broke up six years ago. This is the first time that we have to work together and it’s weird”
“Weird because you still love him?” John added.
“Yeah, I suppose so. But even if I love him, I don’t think he would.”
“If you don’t ask, you’ll never know”
“It’s complicated. I was an asshole with him in the past. I don’t think he would forgive me for any of it”
“Everything is. Have you actually said sorry to him?“
“Not exactly.”
“Well, that would be a good start.But kid, do you think that our life has always been like this? We broke up twice. We were messy at first.Both of us screwed things up but we came back to each other.Even on occasions that no one would do it for any of us.Maybe this is your chance to come back to him, maybe this is the reason for all of us to be here today.”
“Thank you. Yeah, he always came back to me when I was in need.Maybe this time is my opportunity to give him that as well”
A big noise was heard from the house.This time from where the kitchen was. A long fire escalated towards the sky and Buck’s worst nightmare started to become true. He could see how Tommy’s helicopter was spiraling.The tail boom was broken and one of the slades too. The pilot was doing everything he could to land but when he was closer to do it another exploitation happened. The helicopter kept rotating and when he was about to land close to the edge, the floor broke down and with it Tommy.
Buck didn’t think about it, he ran to the fire truck. He needed to get the pilot back. He needed him back. He couldn’t lose another person he loved. He couldn’t lose the love of his life.
Shouts from Hen, Chim and Eddie didn’t stop him. Not even the operation chief. From the edge he couldn’t see Tommy. So he started to descend from there. No one questioned it. Chimney was there holding the rope.Eddie was next to him ready to go there. Hen was talking with other Tommy’s work partners. Everyone was working together to save his pilot. Everyone was there,finally for him, like he had ever been for everyone.
They started to descend. He could see Eddie checked in on him step by step. Every movement had to be safe, every movement needed to be done right. He couldn’t face Tommy’s death. He wasn’t ready for it.Tommy had to be alive he repeated to himself. He would be alive. For once, Buck would be the one saving him. For once, Buck would be the one coming back to him. For once, Buck would be the one doing everything possible and impossible to keep him alive. For once, he would be the one fighting for the two of them.
His heart was aching.Tommy wasn’t in their sight,neither the helicopter. He tried to go down faster but it wasn’t possible. The field was weak.
“Buck! Buck! Are you ok?”
“ I won’t be until we have him with us”
“ He will be ok ,man. I know it’s hard to think this way right now but you have to trust”
“ It’s hard to do it but let’s go. We don’t have to waste more time”
And with that his little chat with Eddie was done. They descended another 500 mts.Behind the smoke Buck could see the chopper. His best friend just nodded. Both of them knew what they had to do. He carried all the equipment to disband the vehicle. Even when he was impulsive, he tried to bring with all the stuff who he would possibly need.
They told Chimney on the radio that they found the helicopter. Their vision was bad because of the smoke. They started to dissipate it. There was no sign of Tommy. Not even his helmet. Buck felt that he was going to be sick. He couldn’t lose the pilot. He couldn’t lose him. Eddie started to move all the broken pieces until they saw a hand. He was under the cockpit.His best friend went to check on him. His pulse was weak. He had a bunch of bones broken and internal blood but he was alive. They needed to get him out of there. Buck removed the helicopter’s part which was on Tommy’s body. His eyes couldn’t believe that the first time they worked together in years and that’s how his ex boyfriend.Maybe he really was cursed. Maybe he wasn’t the best for the pilot. Tommy seemed so different from how he really was. The strong man he fell in love with wasn’t there and Buck couldn’t take it anymore. Tears came down slowly from his eyes, he was going to lose him again and for good this time.
“Buck,Buck!Listen to me! Tommy will be ok. Chim is bringing up the stretcher and we will take him up. He will survive, do you hear me? he will make it”
“He won’t and life is so unfair to him. He deserves so much better than this, so much better than me. And I can’t know if we can save his life like he did with Chim and you…and I was so ungrateful and I couldn’t give him a call”
“Buck, there is no time for this. You are right,all of us were so unfair to him and I’ll give you that but we have to move.”
And with that they started to climb Tommy up. Hen was waiting for them. They carried him straight to the ambulance. Buck wanted to go with him but Lucy closed the door before he could get in.
She was right after all. He didn’t deserve to be there with him after five years of absence.