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He looked up in the direction of the stairs when he heard little footsteps racing down at full speed. “Hey,” he called, “slow down. Wait to get hurt until we are at the park, ah? Is much closer to the doctor’s office. ”

Maxim peeled out from around the corner, finally coming into view. “Okay,” he said excitedly. “I’m ready, Papa!”

Ilya looked him up and down. “Are you?” he asked. “I think you are missing something.”

Maxim froze in place, looking over his body at his Spider-Man shirt and shorts. His eyes stopped at his feet. “Oh,” he said, realizing he forgot his shoes. “One second!” And just like that, he was off again. 

Ilya chuckled softly and shook his head. Max was only five years old, but he could practically outrun both Ilya and Shane already. Shane always liked to joke that ‘speed is Max's specialty’, which was true both on and off the ice. 

He was in skates before the age of two, and was eager to start hockey as soon as he could. Shane, surprisingly, was the one who was hesitant to enroll him in lessons. Something shifted in his brain when he became a parent, suddenly making him more aware of potential risks and life changing injuries. He also didn’t want Max to be forced into some kind of family legacy that he’d feel pressure to live up to. Ilya had to talk him down from his anxieties and convince him to at least let Max try. He reassured Shane that Max was the one who wanted to do it, for himself and not for anyone else and that they weren’t forcing him into some hypothetical destiny. It took some time but Shane gave in after his fourth birthday. Which, of course, ended up being the best decision ever. Watching Maxim blossom on the ice was better than Shane and Ilya ever could’ve dreamed it would be. Luckily Max was talented in the game, but he just genuinely enjoyed it more than anything. The smile on his face as he sped across the ice reminded Shane and Ilya of themselves at his age, carefree and happy to be there.

Ilya quickly wiped down the counter before looking up when he heard heavier footsteps coming down the stairs. He tossed the tote bag over his shoulder and walked forward, moving towards the staircase. A smile naturally formed at his lips when his eyes met with his husband's. Shane was coming down the steps less quickly than Max had, but still fast enough to let Ilya know he was stressed about being late. 

“Sorry,” Shane grumbled quietly, finally reaching the bottom step. “Emi needed to be changed. It took longer than usual.”

Ilya’s eyes drifted to the three year old in Shane’s arms. She was dressed perfectly for the weather, a blue sundress flowing around her and matching flower-shaped sunglasses on her face. Her hair was in two tiny pigtails on top of her head, sticking straight up. Shane had been insisting on doing her hair the second it was long enough to put up, which was technically a month ago just after her birthday, although Ilya still thought it looked a little funny.

“Is okay, accidents happen,” he smiled and reached for Emi, who leaned away from Shane when she saw Ilya’s arms open up for her. Shane traded for the tote so Ilya could focus on her. “You will finish your potty training before you know it. And, as promised, you will get the biggest ice cream cone ever as your reward.”

Emi’s eyes lit up at the mention of ice cream. “Cookies and cream?” she asked, wrapping her little arms around Ilya’s neck. 

Ilya pretended to be offended, earning a giggle from Emi. “Is there any other flavor worth eating?”

“She certainly takes after you,” Shane said, smiling widely at them both as he slipped past, moving a few feet away to the front door. Ilya watched as he grabbed the car keys, his sunglasses, and his wallet off of the shelf in the entryway. He carefully set Emi down next to him and held her small hand in his. He gave it a gentle squeeze and looked down at her. 

For a moment, he was struck by how big she’d gotten. Max’s adoption was somewhat unexpected and sudden, joining the family when he was already almost a year and a half old. Emi, on the other hand, joined the Hollander-Rozanov family via surrogacy, well planned and right on time. Ilya firmly believed that out of all of his accomplishments, like winning several cups and countless trophies and medals, even starting the Irina Foundation with Shane, being Max and Emi's parent was the only truly important thing he’d ever done in his life. Seeing her now, much bigger than when she was born, made his chest tighten in the best way. 

“Maxim, we’re gonna be late! Hayden and Jackie are probably already there, I’m sure the kids are waiting for you!” Shane yelled up the stairs, which was immediately followed by fast foot falls rushing down. Max landed in front of them, wearing flip flops on his feet. Ilya wanted to chime in and tell Max to put different shoes on, ones that are easier to play in, but thought better of saying anything because he didn't want to add to Shane's stress of already running late.

“Is okay,” Ilya said, shrugging. “The Pikes will not be hard to find when we get there. We just need to look for the big bus full of twenty children who, thank god for them, all inherited Jackie’s good looks.”

The kids were giggling. Shane was not. 

Still, Ilya could tell that Shane was failing at trying really hard to look unamused. It made his heart flutter.

Shane gave in and smiled, rolling his eyes a little. “Alright,” he said, trying to hold back a laugh and giving one last glance around to make sure nothing had been forgotten. “Let’s go.”

Ilya looked at Maxim and offered him his free hand to hold. Max took it happily, and the three of them followed Shane out to the car. 

Shane pulled the car into the parking lot at the park, which was a few miles outside of downtown Ottawa. He quickly scanned the lot, his eyes landing on Hayden’s car. 

Shit, he thought, glancing at the clock on the dashboard. We’re so fucking late. 

Ilya must’ve sensed Shane’s spike in anxiety, because he put a gentle hand on his thigh and squeezed. It had an immediate calming effect; Shane felt his shoulders drop a little. 

“Is okay, they will understand,” Ilya whispered, not even bothering to ask what Shane was thinking about. He made sure he was speaking quietly enough that his words would only be for Shane without reaching the kids in the back seat. “Remember, Hayden has to get five times our number of kids out of his house to go anywhere, and he is almost never on time. Is okay.”

Shane chuckled and pulled into an open spot. He smiled over at Ilya, silently thanking him. Even after all this time, he sometimes still couldn’t believe that Ilya knew how to read him like a book and respond accordingly. 

He shut off the car and turned around in his seat to face the kids, who were now looking at their parents, excited and eager to get out and play. “Okay,” he said, bringing as much authority as he could muster into his voice, which wasn’t a lot when it came to his children. “We’re gonna go have a super fun time with Uncle Hayden, Auntie Jackie, and the kids. Remember your park rules?”

Max nodded and began to recite, rushing through them in an effort to get to the playground quicker. “Play safe, play nearby, play nicely with others, and have fun.”

Emi nodded in agreement and gave a thumbs up. Shane could feel his heart bursting. He didn’t need to look at Ilya to know he was experiencing the same thing in his own chest. 

Shane smiled and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Perfect, let’s go.”

He helped Emi get out of her seat while Ilya grabbed the bag and wrangled Max on the other side of the car. Once she was out and all four of them were walking towards the park, he took Ilya’s hand. It was something so ordinary, almost mundane, but it still gave him butterflies. It was deeply ingrained in him now to not take things like holding hands for granted because he remembered what it was like when he couldn't do it in public while they hid their relationship. Now they were out to the world, and he held Ilya's hand any chance he could get. 

Shane once again looked around for Hayden and Jackie. He spotted them at a picnic table under a tree, setting up some food. He saw that Ruby and Emma were at the table too, both on their phones. He moved his eyes to the playground, finding Arthur on the slide and Amber on the newly installed tire swing. Max must’ve seen them as well, because he took off running towards the play structure. Shane didn’t try to stop him. Instead, he smiled to himself. He could feel the sun on his skin, his husband’s hand in his own, his daughter on his hip. He was about to be with his best friends and their family. He couldn’t think of a better day. 

“Hey, you made it!” Hayden called, waving them over to the table. “And only,” he paused to check his watch, “twenty minutes late this time! We’re making progress.”

Jackie elbowed him in the stomach, leaving Hayden wincing as she went to give Ilya a hug. “Ignore him, he’s grumpy because the girls won’t get off their phones,” she said, intentionally increasing her volume so the twins would hear her. Ruby just rolled her eyes, but Emma laughed a little and put the phone in her pocket, evidently giving in. 

“Sorry we’re late, is my fault,” Ilya said, letting go of Jackie so she could move on to give Shane and Emi a hug. “I had to organize the Tupperware to find the right size for the watermelon slices.” 

Shane was grateful that Ilya took the blame, still feeling a little badly that he’d taken longer than usual to get Emi changed and ready to go. He smiled and returned Jackie's hug. Emi reached for her and Jackie happily obliged, taking the little girl into her arms and onto her hip. Shane could hear Jackie asking Emi if she wanted a cheese stick as they walked back towards the table, which he knew Emi wouldn’t turn down.

Hayden walked towards the group, arms outstretched to hug Shane first. 

“Hey buddy,” Shane said, giving Hayden a soft squeeze. “Thanks for coming, this should be fun.”

Hayden pulled away, smiling. “Of course, dude. Any excuse to see you and your way-better-behaved kids is a good one. Plus, you know I love a picnic.”

Shane watched as Hayden stepped to Ilya, immediately bracing for whatever snarky exchange was about to come. 

“Couldn’t find the Tupperware, huh? The great Ilya Rozanov, forced to organize his food storage supplies. Tell me, how does it feel to be so domesticated now?” Hayden asked, a smirk pulling at his lips. 

Ilya was quick on the draw, a chirp already prepared in his mind no doubt. “Feels good. I am number one in everything. Husband, father, hockey captain, ruler of our house and kitchen containers. Better than being like you - only husband option, tolerated father,” Ilya paused, seemingly for dramatic effect, “and traded from being Montreal's fifteenth best player to being Ottawa’s sixteenth best.”

The smirk wavered on Hayden’s face, but he hugged Ilya anyways. Shane’s eyes met Ilya’s over Hayden’s shoulder, and he was grinning. Ilya was obviously very proud of that one, and Shane was sure he’d hear about it later. 

"Asshole,” Shane mouthed to him. Ilya just winked, still smiling as wide as ever.

Hayden’s trade two seasons ago hadn't come as a surprise to Shane. He knew that Hayden had lost a lot of his motivation and desire to stay with the Metros after everything they'd done to Shane. Sure, he'd stuck it out for a while, but Shane remembers the sudden late night call where Hayden told him he was either going to leave for a new team or retire altogether because he’d lost his hockey spark by staying with the people who’d hurt Shane so badly. 

Luckily for Hayden, Shane had a pretty solid connection to the captain of the Centaurs, and he put in a good word to try and get Hayden on the team. More than anything, Shane was just happy to be in the same city as his best friend. Playing on the same line again was the cherry on top. Ilya knew what it meant to him, and made an effort to do his version of a warm welcome, which mostly consisted of snarky comments and slightly-too-hard slaps on the back when he scored a goal. Shane knew that Ilya didn’t truly dislike Hayden, rather he actually enjoyed being around someone who could tolerate all the shit he dished out. Plus, Ilya was really close with Jackie and the kids, which made for a great dynamic between their two families. It had been the Pikes who were there for them every step of the way when their kids came into the picture, and Ilya was the one who thought it would be nice to ask them to be Max and Emi's godparents, which made Shane cry actual tears of happiness.

They got to the table, and Shane helped Ilya unpack the bag while Hayden quietly pleaded with Ruby to get off her phone and join the picnic. Shane pulled out the watermelon slices first and opened it right away, knowing Emi had been waiting for one. He pulled out the Tupperware with chips and the side cup full of salsa, setting them next to the bean dip the Pikes had brought. Ilya took out the purple picnic blanket he’d been fighting with that morning and laid it out on the grass next to the table. He looked at Jackie, who was still holding Emi, and made a grand gesture of showing them the blanket. “Ladies,” he said dramatically, inviting them to sit down on it. They both laughed and sat on it. 

“Dad!” Max yelled, running towards the table. He slowed down on the approach, coming to a full stop in just the right place to sneak a hand past Shane to grab a fistful of chips. “Can you come play with me and Amber, please? They finished the new tire swing!”

Shane watched Max in amusement as he shoveled the chips into his mouth. “I still need to finish setting up our lunch, buddy. Maybe after we eat, okay?”

“Maxim, why don’t you play for a few more minutes and then come eat with us? And bring Amber and Arthur back with you,” Ilya chimed in, finishing setting up the food. Max huffed once but seemed to be fine with this, grabbing another handful of chips before running off. 

The picnic was delicious, albeit a little chaotic with so many conversations happening at once between everyone. Ilya spoke louder than usual to be heard by Jackie when they were talking about the end of summer trips with their families, which meant Shane had to listen harder when Hayden was talking to him about his plans to build a cottage of his own on a nearby lake. Max was explaining to Amber and Arthur how his newest Hot Wheels course was better than his other ones. Emi was too busy shoving peanut butter and jelly sandwich triangles into her mouth to join a conversation, but Ruby and Emma were helping her stay clean while arguing over some kind of drama in their middle school friend group.

Once the picnic was finished, everyone spread out to relax, but Shane and Jackie went into clean up mode and started packing up.

“Hayden, can you please help put everything away?” Jackie asked, a light frustration leaking into her voice. Hayden had been sitting on the blanket, playing I-Spy with Emi. 

“Fine,” he grumbled. He stood up and turned towards the table. “Girls,” Hayden said, looking at Ruby and Emma, “can you take Emi and play with her for a bit? She can go on the smaller play structure, but you’ll need to watch her and be with her.” Emma took no convincing, smiling as she took Emi’s hand. Ruby followed along because she had to, and Hayden shook his head. “When did her defiance kick in? Where did my sweet little girl go?”

Ilya grabbed his chest, pretending to be wounded. He pointed to Ruby as she walked away. “She is right there! Those girls are angels, I think maybe you are the issue.”

Hayden huffed in response and started helping to clean up the picnic. 

Max ran back up to the table from the playground, panting from all the running around he was doing. “Dad, can you play now?”

Shane sighed and looked at the table, which was still messy. “I’m sorry buddy. I have to finish this up. I promise I can play once I’m done.”

Max started whining and sniffling like he was going to cry, which Shane knew was his favorite way to get Ilya to cave and give him whatever he wanted. He knew Ilya didn’t stand a chance against it, and braced for impact.

“Oh, moy milyy mal'chik,” Ilya said right on cue, crouching down and wrapping a hand behind Max to rub his back. “I will come play with you. Five minutes, then Dad and I will swap.”

“Trying to get out of clean up duty, Rozanov?” Shane joked, shaking his head disapprovingly. 

“Always,” Ilya singsonged, standing back up and turning to Shane. He leaned in for a quick peck on the lips before scooping Maxim over his shoulder and taking off towards the playground. Shane couldn’t even be annoyed as he watched him run towards the tire swing, Max letting out loud giggles the whole way. 

“No fair, he can go play with the kids but I have to clean up?” Hayden whined. 

Jackie shook her head. “Jesus, Hayd,” she mumbled, not looking away from the bag she was packing up. “I’m not your mom. Fine. Go play if you want to play.”

With that, Hayden gave her a kiss on the cheek and was off at full speed following behind Ilya, running towards Amber and Arthur.

Shane laughed and turned back towards Jackie to continue their conversation, chatting while they finished tidying the table. Jackie couldn't help but smile too.

“Is Max nervous to start kindergarten in September?” She asked, packing the last of their snack boxes into her bag.

Shane leaned down to grab the picnic blanket off the ground. “I don’t think so,” he said, shaking the lingering grass blades off of it before rolling it up. “You know him, he’s always just excited for everything. I think he’s really gonna love it.” He put the perfectly rolled blanket into the bottom of the tote and placed the empty Tupperware containers on top, easily zipping the bag closed when he was done. “He does really well with routine, so it should be-“

Shane and Jackie both nearly jumped out of their skin when they heard a loud, metallic bang from across the park. The whole park was suddenly quiet, and the following few seconds felt like they were stretched into minutes. 

Shane quickly turned around and looked at the playground for his kids, instinctively needing to make sure they were okay. He saw Emi, safe with the twins on the toddler play structure. They were also looking around for the source of the noise. He started walking.

One, he thought, internally checking off Emi being okay.  

He kept looking around, his feet now picking up speed as they numbly carried him forward.

He spotted Max on the tire swing, covering his ears and staring down at the ground next to him. Hayden, Amber, and Arthur were there too, unmoving with expressions of shock on their faces.

Two, he added to his tally. Both kids apparently in one piece and accounted for.

Shane felt a sudden rush of cold over his body. “Where’s Ilya?” he quietly said to himself. He knew Ilya would’ve stayed near Max. So where was he?

Shane finally rounded the playground's edge and was able to see the rest of the tire swing's frame. 

Ilya was crumpled face up on the ground next to one of the four thick metal support poles holding up the swing. 

“Fuck, Ilya!” Shane yelled, running the last few metres towards his husband. Shane felt adrenaline and terror fill his body. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Once Shane was at his side, he crashed down onto his knees and put a shaking hand on Ilya’s chest, rubbing it. No reaction. “Ilya- hey. Hey. Ilya?” His voice cracked, urgency flooding his tone. He looked back at Jackie, who had followed behind him to check on her own kids. She was picking a now sobbing Max up off the swing. "Call 911," he frantically directed. She quickly nodded and pulled her phone out to call for help. 

He turned back to Ilya, and his brain went into emergency autopilot. 

Check for a pulse, check that he's breathing, he thought. He scrambled to put his fingers on Ilya's neck, where he was able to find a heartbeat. He moved his eyes to his chest. It was rising and falling. 

Okay, he's alive. Thank god he's alive.

His mind shifted from making sure his husband wasn't dead to trying to figure out why he was on the ground unconscious. He scanned over Ilya’s body, trying to find a cause for what the fuck was going on. He looked up at Hayden, who was crouched next to him. Hayden's eyes were as wild as he was sure his own were. “Did you see what happened?”

“H-he tripped, I think,” Hayden stuttered, looking back at Shane. “Max said he wanted to spin as fast as he could on the swing, so Ilya was holding onto the chain and running around the swing in circles to get him moving,” he said, his voice full of panic. 

Shane quickly looked back at the swing. Right under the tire, he spotted something small and black. He put the pieces together. Something in his gut twisted painfully. “Max's flip flop” he whispered, his voice breaking. “It must’ve fallen off while he was riding the swing.” He turned his attention back to Ilya and rubbed Ilya’s chest again, harder this time. Shane prayed it would get a response. “Ilya, come on.”

He could hear Hayden’s breathing pick up next to him. “He probably tripped on the shoe and let go of the swing. He went headfirst, straight into the fucking pole,” he said, eyes flicking between Shane and Ilya. “Fuck, Shane. What can I do?”

Shane heard Hayden, and tried to make sure he was comprehending the words, but he didn’t respond. He raised his hand off of Ilya’s chest and carefully brought it down on the top of his head before gently pulling it away and looking at it. He didn’t see any blood, although he knew that was only one piece of the head injury puzzle.

“Ilya, please, can you hear me?” Shane pleaded, fumbling through the words. Shane quickly turned his head and looked around the park, seeing if any one around looked like they could help. Almost everyone was silently staring, varying expressions of shock and concern covering their faces. No one stepped up. His panicked eyes found Jackie’s, who was on the phone while still trying to comfort the little boy in her arms. 

Then his eyes moved to Max’s face, which looked absolutely terrified. He was still sobbing, continuing to keep his hands over his ears as he rested on Jackie’s hip. Guilt suddenly coursed through Shane's veins. He had briefly forgotten about his kids amidst the chaos of trying to make sure Ilya was okay. It made him want to rip his own hair out. 

“It’s okay, Max, Papa will be fine,” Shane shakily tried to reassure him, though it felt more like he was trying to convince himself. It killed him to look away from his son while he was so obviously afraid, but he shifted his attention back to Ilya. 

He watched his husband, tears coming to his eyes. Ilya’s face was pale and slack, his lips slightly parted. Under any other circumstances, Shane would’ve thought he was asleep. Here, however, it was eerie and unnatural. “Ilya, can you hear me? Jackie’s calling an ambulance. I’m right here. Please,” Shane rubbed Ilya’s chest again, feeling utterly useless. He had decades of hockey under his belt, which included countless hours of training on head injuries and concussions. But, in this moment, all of it went out the window. He was far from the rink, and he felt like all of that knowledge was left somewhere in the arena. 

Fuck, come on Ilya. Wake up, he thought. Please. This can't be fucking happening. Please please please.

His prayer was answered almost immediately. Shane felt a twitch in Ilya’s body, followed by a deep groan. Shane took in a sharp breath and felt another wave of relief crash over him. Ilya let his head roll slowly to the side, causing him to wince. He let out a soft whimper.

“Oh my god, Ilya" he gasped. He tried readjusting this tone to sound calmer, hoping it would prevent Ilya from panicking too. "Hey, sweetheart, I’m right here. Can you hear me?” He gave one last gentle rub on his chest.

Ilya’s brow furrowed. “Shane,” he murmured, “chto sluchilos?”

Shit, Shane thought to himself. He wasn't quite fluent in Russian, although he knew enough to passably get by. You're really gonna test my Russian right now?

“Ilya, you-“ he stuttered. He attempted to take a deep breath, which was a challenge because of how tight his whole body felt, and tried again. “You hit your head while you were playing with Max. You’ve been unconscious. Jackie’s calling for help. You’ll be okay.” Shane hoped that stating simple facts would help Ilya come around more easily.

“The ambulance is on its way,” Jackie said, taking a few steps closer to make sure Shane heard. “Look Max, your Papa is awake. It’s okay. Take a deep breath,” she said softly, trying to ease Max's sobs.

Relieved that help was coming soon, Shane raised a still shaking hand up to Ilya’s cheek and gently cupped it, rubbing his thumb softly. 

Ilya’s brow relaxed a little at the touch, and Shane watched as he tried to open his eyes. He squinted and groaned at the sunlight, his eyes glossy and unfocused.

Ilya tried to look around a little, and must’ve seen Max in Jackie’s arms, because he put on a small, forced smile. “Ey, Maxim, s papoy vso v poryadke. Neschastnyye sluchai sluchayutsy,” he slurred quietly to Max, closing his eyes again once he was done talking. 

Shane looked back at Max and tried to translate just in case Max didn’t hear or understand. “It’s okay, buddy. He, uh, he said he’s okay. It was an accident.” 

At least I think that’s what he said, he thought.

He could tell the words weren’t having an impact on Max, because he cried harder and turned into Jackie’s chest. Their kids were close to Shane’s skill level in Russian, probably even better, but Shane knew that Max was unlikely to take anything in while he was this upset. “Jackie,” Shane choked out through his own anxiety, trying to identify what would help Ilya in this moment to remain calm and unmoving. “Do you mind taking Max away for a minute? I don’t want him to watch all of this. Can you also check on Emi, please?”

Jackie nodded and quickly carried Max over to Emi and the twins before leading the group back to the table.

It was quieter with Max not crying next to them, which Shane hoped would help Ilya. He turned back to face his husband, moving away from Ilya’s cheek to hold his hand. “I don’t know if you're aware, but you’re speaking Russian.” Shane could hear sirens in the distance, and he hoped they were for Ilya. “I don’t think Max can understand all of what you’re saying right now. Just stay still. You don’t have to talk, okay?”

Ilya frowned, ignoring Shane. “Menya toshnit,” he groaned, trying to turn to his side as much as he could. 

Shane gently held him in place, instinctively worried about his neck being jostled. “Shit,” he whispered, shifting his own body back. He looked at Hayden, who was still next to them. “I think he’s gonna throw up.”

“Oh, fuck,” Hayden said, quickly standing up and moving out of the way to avoid being in the danger zone.

Luckily, Ilya was able to keep it together until the ambulance arrived. Shane looked up towards the parking lot when he heard the sirens pull in and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. He looked up at Hayden, about to ask if he’d be willing to go over and get them, but Hayden was already on it. 

“I got it,” Hayden said before getting up and jogging over to the lot. Shane could see him speaking to the medics for a moment before they all started heading back to the playground.

He looked back at Ilya below him and forced a smile. “The medics are here, okay?” 

Ilya made a weak sound in response, which was almost quiet enough that it made Shane worry he was about to pass out again. Shane felt his heart rate pick up a little.

“Hi, my name is Simone,” the first EMT said when she arrived, introducing herself as she looked at Shane. She looked like she was in her mid forties, with green eyes and dark curly hair tied back in a half ponytail. She crouched down next to Ilya, already getting to work on checking him over. “Can you tell me what happened?”

"He hit his head on the metal support pole while playing with our son,” Shane said, giving up on trying to hide the fear in his voice. “He was unconscious for... I don't know, a minute? Maybe two. I didn’t see it happen but our friend did. I heard it from across the park.”

Shane felt a shiver run through his body thinking about the sound. He knew he’d hear the reverberation of Ilya’s head smashing against the metal frame tonight when he closed his eyes. He tried not to wonder if he’d hear it forever.

Simone nodded as she listened to Shane, the other EMT joining them to crouch next to Ilya too. “Sounds like you got a pretty good hit on the head, sir.”  

Shane carefully pulled his hand out of Ilya’s and forced himself to step back, allowing them more room to work. His hand felt empty. He was left to focus on how much it was shaking, so he shoved it in his pocket to try and keep it still. Ilya immediately frowned at the loss of Shane’s hand in his, and let out another groan. “Shane,” he mumbled, opening his eyes and using his own hand to search for Shane’s. He repeated himself with a little more urgency when he couldn’t find it. “Shane? Moya lyubov?”

“I’m here. I’m right here,” Shane said, moving into Ilya’s line of sight right behind Simone. 

Simone and the other medic starting checking Ilya’s vitals, monitoring his heart rate, oxygen, and breathing. “I’m gonna use a light on your eyes, okay? Can you tell me your name?” Simone asked Ilya softly, using a pen sized flashlight to check his eyes. 

“Ilya,” he replied quietly, squinting at the brightness. “Chto sluchilos?”

“He’s asking what happened,” Shane automatically chimed in. “He already asked a few minutes ago. I don’t think he remembers.”

“That’s okay, that can happen with head injuries,” Simone responded, still checking Ilya over. 

Shane nodded dumbly, as though it were the first time hearing this fact. As though he hadn’t heard it a hundred times before. Simone looked up at him. “Does he only speak Russian?”

Shane opened his mouth to answer, but the medic on the other side of Ilya beat him to it. “No, he speaks English,” he said, smiling a little as he looked across at Simone. “This is Ilya Rozanov, he’s the captain of the Centaurs.”

Shane blinked, unsure how to feel that they'd been recognized during such a scary moment. “Uh, yeah,” he said slowly. “He does speak English. I don’t know why he’s only going with Russian.” 

“I’m Luke,” the medic said, introducing himself before looking back to Ilya. He couldn’t have been older than nineteen. His ginger hair was buzzed down, and he barely looked old enough to grow facial hair. If Luke had shown up to a Centaurs practice on the first day of the season and said he was the newest rookie, Shane wouldn’t have questioned it. “Big fan, Mr. Rozanov. Although I’m sorry to meet you in this situation.”

Ilya softly grunted in response. Under normal circumstances, Shane was sure he’d be correcting Luke to have him use his proper last name of Hollander-Rozanov, which they used in their personal lives. Ilya and Shane had agreed after they got married to keep their solo last names for anything having to do with hockey, finding it too complicated to try and override so many years of people calling them by the names they were used to. But outside of the arena, he was always telling everyone how proud he was to be Mr. Ilya Hollander-Rozanov. 

Shane watched for another few minutes as they checked over his husband, asking him all the usual head injury questions. Between answering them, Ilya kept asking what had happened, unable to remember the answer he’d already been given more than once. His English started to come back after two or three more questions, allowing Shane to take a break from trying to translate. Which, admittedly, had been much harder for him than it should’ve been. 

I need to brush up, he thought, giving himself a stern mental reminder to re-enroll in his virtual Russian course. 

Then the questions turned to him. He answered everything like it was second nature. Which, to be fair, it basically was. Things like Ilya’s birthday, allergies, medical issues, if he’d had any past head injuries.

“Shane,” Ilya called to him for what felt like the tenth time, snapping Shane out of answering Simone’s most recent question. She nodded her approval that he could step forward. 

He didn’t waste any time. He took a few steps towards Ilya, crouching back down and taking his hand again. “Hey,” he said quietly, “I’m here.”

Ilya relaxed a little. “What happened?” he asked again, prompting Shane to look back at Simone. He didn’t know how to keep answering. He felt absolutely helpless, like it was his first day on planet earth. 

Simone squatted back down and looked at Shane. “He’s definitely got a bad concussion, and he has some tenderness in his neck. All of his vitals and reflexes look reassuring, but he should be seen and get some scans to make sure there’s no neck injury, brain bleed, or anything more serious like that.”

Shane felt his breath hitch at the mention of anything being worse than a concussion. 

“I’d like to take him to Ottawa General in our ambulance,” she continued. “You’re technically allowed to decline, but I really wouldn’t advise-“

“No,” Shane interjected, cutting her off. “No, of course. I want to play it safe. I can come with you, right?”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll get him in a neck brace before we get him on the gurney and loaded up.”

“Okay, thank you. I’ll be over there in a minute. I just need to sort out our kids,” Shane said, looking back at Jackie. At some point in the chaos, Hayden had walked over to the table to try and help her with all of the kids, most of whom were looking very anxious or crying. Shane didn’t realize it was possible for his heart to break any more than it already had over the last few minutes, but he knew he was wrong when he saw how scared his children were.

“Sounds good, we’ll see you over there in a minute,” Luke said as he stood up. He talked to Simone about the plan, and jogged off to get the neck brace and gurney. 

Shane looked at Ilya. “Hey,” he said softly, “we’re gonna get you checked out at the hospital.” Ilya softly whined at that, but Shane continued. “Don’t argue with me. You probably don’t even know where you are right now. You need to be seen.”

“Is not true, I know where I am. I am outside.” Ilya weakly protested. 

“And where outside are we?”

This seemed to stump Ilya, who blinked and looked around with his eyes as if he were trying to identify any clues around him that could give him an answer. 

Shane’s gut twisted again. “Exactly,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m gonna go check on the kids and talk to Jackie and Hayd. I’ll meet you at the ambulance, okay?”

“Da,” Ilya responded quietly, giving up the argument. Or maybe he forgot about it. He closed his eyes. “Tell them I love them.”

And there it was. Another shatter in Shane’s heart. More shrapnel floating around inside him.

“Of course,” Shane breathed. He took both hands off of Ilya and stepped back as Luke walked up with the neck brace. “I love you,” he said to him. Then he added for good measure, just in case Russian was still easier for Ilya, “ya tebya lyublyu.”

Shane watched Ilya smile a little at his words before forcing himself to turn away. He jogged over to the picnic table and took a second to take a deep breath, the adrenaline of the last few minutes starting to wear off. 

“Holy shit, dude. Is he okay?” Hayden asked, meeting Shane a few feet from the table and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Shane let out a shaky sigh. “I guess, kinda. He’s awake, so that’s good. He’s not remembering anything that’s going on or where he is, but you know that can be normal.” He watched Hayden nod in acknowledgement, knowing he’d had his own share of concussions. “They’re taking him to Ottawa General in the ambulance. Is there any way you guys can keep the kids? I’m sorry to ask. I can also call our nanny, Chloe, or my parents to see if they-“

“Shane,” Jackie said, leaving the younger kids with the twins before walking up. “Don’t even start. Of course we’ll watch them. If you’re still there really late, we can figure something out with your parents, but don’t worry about it until then. I can take Emi and Max in your car back to our place, and we’ll sort out getting you home later.”

Shane teared up again. “Thank you,” he choked out. “I’m sorry, this isn’t how I saw today going.”

Hayden shook his head. “Like Jackie said, don’t even start. We love you and the kids, you know we’d do anything for you.” Jackie gave him a hard look, and Hayden rolled his eyes before adding, “and we love Ilya too. Obviously.”

It earned a small smile from Shane. He took a deep breath and sniffled his tears away, reminding himself to keep it together in front of everyone. He looked back at Ilya, feeling much further away from him than he actually was. Ilya was almost done being put on the gurney, the brace already on his neck. He turned back and looked at the kids over Jackie’s shoulder. “I’ll go talk to them. I’ll need to be quick, I think they’re almost done.”

Shane gave each of them a fast but tight hug, feeling immense gratitude for his best friends. He took a deep breath and walked over to his kids. Max was sitting on Emma’s lap, still sobbing. Ruby was holding Emi on her hip. Shane mustered up a small smile for the twins, thanked them, and gently took Emi into his own arms before sitting next to Emma and Max. 

“Hey guys,” he started, unsure of how to talk to them about what was happening. He and Ilya were lucky enough to not have had any serious hockey injuries since having kids, and Shane realized this was the first time they’d ever seen one of them badly hurt. He felt terrible that it was as serious as it was. He took a deep breath and powered on. “I know that was really scary. Papa is okay, I want you to know that.”

Max was hiccuping through his tears, his eyes closed tight. Shane took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. It soothed him just enough for him to look up at Shane. “I’m sorry. It was an accident, and accidents happen. But Papa is awake, and he wanted me to tell you that he loves you.” It broke Shane’s heart that he was the one having to pass along the message. He wished Ilya could’ve told them himself. He felt a chill down his body thinking about what it would’ve been like if the injury had been worse, and Ilya hadn’t woken up right away. Or at all. He shook his head a little, trying to get the thought out. 

“Papa and I are going to the hospital in the ambulance,” Shane said, taking his hand from Max's to point it out in the parking lot. “You two will stay with the Pikes until Papa is feeling better, or until someone picks you up. Maybe Grandma and Grandpa or Chloe.” He looked at Emi in his lap, who looked scared and confused. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he pulled her in closer and gave her a kiss on her forehead. “I have to go, okay? But I promise it’ll be alright. We love you.” He suddenly felt the need to say it to them in every language they spoke at home, just to make sure they felt it as wholly as Shane meant it, so he repeated it in Russian and French. “My tebya lyubim. On vous aimes.” He wished he could say it in every language that existed, in every way possible. 

Max’s sobbing slowed down a little as Shane pulled him into a group hug with Emi. Shane could feel him shaking in his arms, which made his chest ache. Neither Emi nor Max spoke, but Shane didn’t push it. He gave them one more kiss each before returning them to the twins.

Shane ran a hand through his hair, thanked Hayden and Jackie one more time, and walked over to the ambulance in the parking lot. He got there right when Ilya’s gurney was being loaded in. 

“Hey, I’m here,” he quietly called to his husband. 

Because of the brace, Ilya couldn’t move his head to see him. “Shane?” He replied softly, trying to move against the brace and the straps around him. Shane could tell that his husband was more anxious than he had been a few moments ago. 

Simone looked at Shane for a second before continuing to load the gurney into the rig. “He became a little more confused and agitated after you went to your kids. He started speaking Russian again. Once we’re in, you can sit next to him so he can see you.”

Shane nodded, watching as they put Ilya’s gurney into the right spot. Simone and Luke finished locking it in place before Shane was called to get in. He moved forward quickly, sitting in his seat next to Ilya’s head as Simone closed the door. She squeezed between the gurney and Shane’s knees to get to her seat as the ambulance started moving. 

He looked around for a minute, wondering how they’d been unlucky enough to end up here on what had been such a nice day. The ambulance walls felt suffocating, which added more stress to Shane’s already overwrought brain.

He took a slow shaky breath, trying to recenter himself as he looked at Ilya. “You okay?”

Ilya’s eyes met his, and he could see that Ilya had been crying. The ache returned to his chest, spreading wider this time.

“Oh, Ilya,” he murmured. He took Ilya’s hand and raised it gently to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on his knuckles. It killed him how confused and scared Ilya looked.

Ilya squeezed his eyes shut and let a tear fall down the side of his face. “I don't know what happened,” he whimpered. “My head is fucking killing me.”

“I know, sweetheart. But you’re safe, everything is okay. And I’m right here.” 

Ilya opened his eyes and looked to his side at Shane again, the tears falling freely. “Where are the kids?”

“They’re fine, they’re with Hayden and Jackie.” Shane lowered Ilya’s hand back to his side without letting it go. 

Most of the ten minute ride consisted of Ilya cycling through the same few questions repeatedly. Shane reassured him without hesitation. Yes, the kids are safe. Yes, I told them you love them. Yes, you had an accident and hit your head. No, you aren’t bleeding. Yes, you were unconscious. 

Yes, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen, Shane thought. No, I never want to see you like that again. Yes, I’m gonna see it every time I close my eyes. Yes, I’m worried Maxim will too. 

“Was it in front of Pike?” Ilya asked abruptly.

Huh, that one’s new.

It caught Shane off guard, and he let out a small laugh. “Uh, yeah, it was in front of Hayden. Sorry,” he replied. 

Ilya huffed and frowned. “Now he will know I am not…” Shane watched as he struggled for a word before picking one in Russian. “Nepobedimyy.”

He thought for a moment, struggling to figure out the translation. “I don’t think I know that one.”

Ilya sighed shakily. “Like, cannot be defeated. Cannot lose,” he mumbled. 

“Oh. Like invincible?”

“Yes,” Ilya said, his voice rough, “invincible. Now he will know I am not invincible.”

Shane laughed softly again. He turned his head when he heard Simone laugh, too. He had almost forgotten she was there. 

“Glad to see you still have a sense of humor,” she joked, reaching down to recheck Ilya’s vitals. 

Ilya gave a small smile, but Shane could feel his anxiety and fear radiating off of him. It was alarming, in a way, because Ilya was usually outwardly so strong when other people were around.