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If there was one thing that Shouto Todoroki was grateful for it would be the endless patience of his classmates. It was difficult adapting to Yuuei at first, it was drastically different than the life he had known for fifteen years. Living a life under an overbearing, watchful eye with every action controlled and punished accordingly, Shouto did not know what it meant to truly live but thankfully his classmates, his friends, were more than willing to teach him.
It was towards the middle of the school year when his classmates had introduced the idea of ‘hanging out’ to Shouto. He didn’t fully comprehend it at first. It seemed rather pointless to be in the presence of his classmates doing god knows what when he had more important things to do and for Todoroki, important things usually meant training. He was conditioned to only think about being the best, to be the ultimate weapon to defeat All Might and become the number one hero. He had no time for silly things like watching movies and going to karaoke and Shouto was sure of himself that their homeroom teacher, Mr. Aizawa would not approve of such childish activities either.
It was only until 1-A had convinced Mr. Aizawa to join one of their karaoke nights that Todoroki finally relented. That night, Shouto learned that he was not really a great singer. A little too flat with his tone, he ended up making the songs sound like speeches instead. Although Shouto did learn one other thing that night, he enjoyed seeing his classmates have fun.
Watching Kaminari and Sero dramatically perform their own cover of Thriller by Michael Jackson left a warm feeling in Shouto’s heart. It reminded him of when he would watch his siblings play out in the garden. Touya,Fuyumi, and Natsuo. It was always the three of them and Shouto was happy with that. Happy seeing his siblings have fun despite the ache in his stomach because he desperately wanted to join them but he had a duty to fulfill and if that meant his siblings wouldn’t have to deal with their father the way he did then that was okay with him.
Ever since that fateful night of karaoke, Shouto’s classmates became a little more insistent in including him in their hang outs and after a while, the split haired boy could admit that it was nice spending time outside of his dorm room, that it was nice spending time thinking about other things rather than the impending doom of his future. What started out as group hang outs eventually led to one-on-one meetings.
Every Friday night was spent with Momo at the library, every Sunday he went to the grocery store with Bakugo to help with their weekly pantry restocks for the dorm, and every Wednesday afternoon he went to Kaminari’s dorm room and they would read manga together.
Shouto quite liked spending his time in Kaminari’s dorm room. Despite the blonde’s brash personality that Shouto attempted to avoid for a good part of the school year, they surprisingly had a lot in common and Shouto learned to find his presence comfortable.
It was another Wednesday and Shouto was quick to drop his things off in his dorm room to head over to Kaminari’s room. He had been borrowing Kaminari’s collection of Steins;Gate and he was eager to finish the manga today. It was the first time that Shouto was introduced to the concept of time traveling. It sounded trivial at first but it ended up becoming a concept that Shouto wished was real. If he could go back in time maybe he could have stopped his eldest brother from burning himself to death, maybe he could have gotten his mom the help she needed, but at the end of the day, it was only a fantasy that Shouto could indulge in within the confines of Kaminari’s bedroom.
“Hey Shouto! Come in man!” Kaminari greeted him at the door, still in his uniform. Shouto maneuvered his way to the bookshelf and reached up to grab the second volume of the manga only to find that it was missing.
“You are missing the second volume of Steins;Gate.” Shouto pointed out, a small pout forming on his lips.
Kaminari was stripping himself of his uniform, his head hidden between the fabric of his undershirt as he pulled it over his head.
“Oh, check the drawer in my desk, it might be there.” Kaminari attempted to turn towards Shouto as he spoke but he ended up facing the other direction, speaking to the wall instead. Todoroki nodded his head and moved towards the desk.
Shouto opened the drawer and attempted to school his expression into something flat. It was an absolute mess in the wooden compartment and he quietly wondered to himself how the blonde had managed to cram so many random objects in one small space. Whatever, Shouto wanted to read, he would lightly scold Kaminari later.
The split haired teen rummaged around in the drawer for a good minute, his hand all the way towards the back of the drawer. His fingers glided over a crumpled piece of paper and Shouto decided that he could help Kaminari empty out the trash as he looked for the book. Killing two birds with one stone, a phrase he learned from Sero.
Despite himself, Shouto slowly unfolded the piece of paper the moment he pulled it out. He wasn’t a nosy kid and understood respect and privacy better than anyone else but surely it wouldn’t matter now, it was clearly trash.
“Kaminari-kun.” Shouto called out, turning around to face the other side of the room.
He lifted his eyes from the paper to look at the other teen. The blonde was draped over his bed in a such an odd manner that Shouto was certain it would cause some sore muscles later.
“What’s up man?” Kaminari hummed, peeling his eyes away from his phone.
“This is a suicide note.”
Shouto was surprised by his own tone. It was flat, as if he was talking about the weather. He wanted to sound more concerned, he wanted to show is friend that he cared. How was he supposed to do that?
Kaminari obviously wasn’t expecting those words. Blinking at Shouto owlishly before he got up from the bed and snatched the letter from Shouto’s hand.
Maybe Shouto wasn’t supposed to say anything. Maybe this was one of those things that Midoriya had taught him. Sometimes it was better to just not say anything. To keep your mouth closed and keep your thoughts to yourself. Unfortunately, that realization came too late. He had already spoken and now Kaminari was standing in front of him with a very prominent frown.
The room was eerily quiet. The kind of quiet that Shouto dreaded. The kind of quiet that reminded him of the silence that his father threw at him when he was upset, when Shouto had made a stupid mistake. He was taught to know better. Surely, Kaminari was upset and Shouto had to fix it.
“My apologies, I didn’t—” Shouto was interrupted with a wave of a hand.
“Don’t.” Kaminari mumbled and it was odd to Shouto because he had never heard his friend this serious before. Shouto immediately shrunk into himself and nodded.
Shouto wasn’t the best at social interaction. Bakugo called it being socially inept, another term that felt foreign on his tongue. It was hard when he was isolated for most of his life. Interacting only with his father, the house maid, and the occasional doctor that would visit their estate. He didn’t know how to talk to people, he didn’t know how to keep friends or how to make them happy or how to not fuck up like this. Many times Shouto would say the wrong thing and would quickly be shushed by his classmates. They would correct him with hushed voices and Shouto would nod his head. There were so many rules.
Shouto’s mind was flooded with too many thoughts. The voice in his head beating him down just like his father did while the other part of his mind was reeling at the fact that his friend had thought about killing himself.
Shouto felt stupid for not noticing earlier. He was dense but he wasn’t stupid. He knew how to observe people, he learned that at a young age. How did he miss something so alarming? Kaminari was loud and excited and always helpful. Kaminari was like a bright light that refused to dim, Shouto should have seen it. He should have realized that his friend was hiding behind a well crafted mask because Shouto knows what it feels like.
Kaminari had long since moved from where he stood. Silently walking back to his bed with the note in his hand. His fingers were crumpling the edges of the paper, folding it in an awkward way.
“Kaminari-kun.” Shouto tried again.
The blonde lifted his eyes from the paper and it took Shouto a moment to process that he was crying. Uraraka was good at comforting people who were crying. She would talk in a soft voice and hold them with gentle hands but Shouto wasn’t sure if he was capable of replicating the same behavior. He wasn’t trained to be soft but he was going to try anyway.
“I have written a few letters before.” Shouto added after a moment.
Kaminari shook his head, his frown intensifying into something ugly and angry. The boy shot up from his bed and stomped his way towards Todoroki, the note now fully crumpled in one hand.
“This isn’t some stupid letter, Todoroki!” Kaminari’s voice wobbled, jabbing a finger into Shouto’s chest. It didn’t hurt at all. It was nothing compared to the other things Shouto had experienced but his chest still ached at the contact.
“This was…” Kaminari sniffled, pausing for a moment, “God, I don’t even wanna explain it to you. Just don’t tell anyone.”
There it was. He knew what Kaminari wanted to say. That he’s too dense. Too sheltered. That he wouldn’t understand and it’s easier to just brush it off but he wanted to try.
Shouto shook his head and hesitantly reached out to place a hand on Kaminari’s shoulder in an attempt to mimic Uraraka’s behavior.
“No. I’ve written my own suicide letter before.” Todoroki said. Kaminari’s face crumpled into something else that Shouto couldn’t decipher. He hoped he didn’t say the wrong thing again. This is how you comfort someone, right? Shouto knew it what it was like to feel utterly alone and helpless and he wanted his friend to know that he wasn’t alone. That he shouldn’t feel ashamed and that he definitely wasn’t an outlier. He wanted Kaminari to know that he was here.
Kaminari stayed quiet, his shoulder tense underneath Todoroki’s grasp and for the first time in Shouto’s life he rushed to fill the silence.
“It was before I enrolled at Yuuei. It was rather awkward because I didn’t know who to write the letter to. I didn’t have friends or family to tell.” Shouto’s throat felt dry. When did he get so thirsty? He cleared his throat, his mind scrambling because Kaminari was still quiet and his friend was never quiet.
“I think, what I’m trying to say is… you are not alone Kaminari-kun.” Shouto finally added. That felt right to say. It sounded like something Mr. Aizawa would say when one of his classmates was having a hard time. He risked moving his gaze from the wall to meet Denki’s eyes. They were wide, almost pitiful looking but Shouto knew better than to think his friend was weak. If anything, Denki was one of the strongest people he knew.
Kaminari still hadn’t spoken.
Todoroki was expecting the worst. He had taken a gamble speaking up like this. Soon, Kaminari would shrug his hand from his shoulder and kick him out of his room and they would never talk again. Shouto waited and waited but it never came.
Almost like a snake finally moving to attack, Kaminari jumped towards Todoroki, wrapping his arms around him and stuffing his face in his shoulder. It took Shouto a few moments to realize that this was a hug. Kirishima had told him it was always important to reciprocate a hug between friends. With that in mind, Shouto fumbled around for a moment before he cautiously placed his arms around the smaller boy.
“Man… you’re getting really good at talking.” Kaminari remarked with a sniffle, pulling away from the hug with a wet smile.
Todoroki’s eyebrows pushed together, “I’d like to believe that I have always been proficient at speaking.”
Kaminari burst out laughing which confused Shouto even more. He wasn’t joking but if it made Denki smile then he would not correct him.
What mattered was that Denki wasn’t crying anymore and Shouto felt like he had done something right. It was growth. Shouto was fully aware that he wouldn’t have been able to do this if not for the help of his friends who graciously taught him the ropes of the world and relationships. Shouto took a mental note to thank them individually later.
They didn’t speak on it after that but they didn’t need to. There was a silent understanding between the two that would have been difficult to explain to anyone else but that was okay because this moment was just for them.
The rest of the evening passed by with a breeze. Kaminari was reading on his bed and Shouto was sat on the floor, nose deep in the book in his hands. He really liked time traveling.