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are you having sex with my rookie?

Summary:

LaPointe: omg lol can you imagine

LaPointe: luca brings his mystery man along next week for the hard launch

LaPointe: and it’s cliff fucking marleau

LaPointe: now that would really be a hollander/rozanov manoeuvre lmao    

Crack/Texting fic. Cliff Marleau is dating Luca Haas. Ilya has some feelings about it.

Notes:

this is soooo unserious but i guess i got tired of psychosexually torturing luca in my haasollanov threesome fics and wanted something a bit more fun for him

fanon cliff marleau i would literally die for you my himbo king

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

centaurs 🐎​🏒​💪​😤​

Bood: hey @Luca Haas

Bood: it’s so cute you thought you could just text me direct about this 

Bood: want to share your question with the class 👀

Luca: ☹️

LaPointe: weird choice to ask for sex tips @Luca Haas but go off ig

Bood: “weird choice”????? 

LaPointe: straight????

Bood: you know what fair

Bood: but let’s focus on the real issue here

Bood: go on @Luca Haas, ask them what you asked me

Bood: assistant captain’s orders

Ilya: assistant captains cannot give orders

Ilya: more like suggestions

Ilya: requests

Shane: @Ilya Rozanov I assistant captain order you to hang your laundry out, it’s starting to smell bad.

Holmberg: lmao

Ilya: @Shane Hollander fine i will do this but because it is sexy husband order NOT because it is assistant captain order

Ilya: now @Luca Haas

Ilya: tell us what you tried to tell bood in secret

Ilya: real captain’s orders 😉

Luca: FINE

Luca: @Zane Boodram is it ok if I bring my boyfriend to your BBQ next week?

Luca: He’s visiting from Boston

LaPointe: hold the fuck up

Holmberg: BOYFRIEND

Bood: 👀

Ilya: luca you have a secret boyfriend???

Ilya: @Shane Hollander and i raised you so well 

Bood: somebody call hayden pike there’s still time to get a fanmail of you and him at the BBQ making out @Luca Haas

Shane: @Zane Boodram too soon, dude.

Bood: 🤐

Ilya: shut up about fucking pike i want answers

Ilya: @Luca Haas what is his name

Ilya: what are his prospects

Ilya: what are his intentions

Ilya: can he fight

LaPointe: “can he fight” lol roz are you trying to steal haas from him or what

Ilya: what

Ilya: no 

Ilya: have you seen @Shane Hollander

Ilya: why would i do that

Ilya: i mean i will fight him if he hurts you @Luca Haas

Luca: Thanks?

Young: @Luca Haas answer the questions we’re nosy

Luca: You can ask him yourself 

Luca: On Thursday

Young: booooo

Bood: i got you at least for question 1 @Ilya Rozanov 

Bood: haasy dropped the name when he first texted me to ask 

Bood: secret boston boy’s name is cliff

LaPointe: omg lol can you imagine

LaPointe: luca brings his mystery man along next week for the hard launch

LaPointe: and it’s cliff fucking marleau

LaPointe: now that would really be a hollander/rozanov manoeuvre lmao    

 

 

Ilya: marly 

Cliff: brooooooo

Cliff: what’s up roz

Cliff: miss u stud 🥵🥵 it’s been too long! 

Ilya: marly

Ilya: i’m only going to ask this once

Ilya: are you having sex with my rookie?

Cliff: you mean luca? 

Cliff: hell yeah brother!!! 

Cliff: luca wanted to wait to tell you in person

Cliff: i think he’s kind of scared of you 🤣

Cliff: i was like relax kid rozy’s my boyyy

Cliff: he’ll get it!!! 

Cliff: in fact bro it’s really all thanks to you honestly

Cliff: and not just because we met at your wedding

Cliff: but i mean i feel like real talk over the years u really opened my eyes

Cliff: like i never would have even thought of it u know

Cliff: but being gay is kind of sick 

Cliff: like a dude just really knows his way around another dude

Cliff: knows how to work with it all if u get me 

Cliff: lol of course u get me i know what u and hollzy are like 🤣🤣🤣

Cliff: but also it’s like

Cliff: when i was hooking up with chicks it was always a bit like damn what’s she really thinking 

Cliff: whereas with luca it’s like

Cliff: i know what you’re thinking bc ur my boyyyy 😍

Cliff: just like ur my boy 

Cliff: my king 👑👑👑

Cliff: seriously man i can’t wait to see u in ottawa next week

Cliff: we should hit the clubbbbbb

Cliff: tho honestly i don't really do that so much since luca locked me down 🔑🔒

Cliff: but u know what i mean it’s like an expression bro

Cliff: like we can hit the club in our hearts

Cliff: but just chill at your place

Cliff: whatever ur feeling dude

Cliff: chill is probably better for me anyway

Cliff: need to save some of that energy for luca if u know what i’m saying 🤣🍆💦

Ilya: marly

Ilya: i’m going to fucking kill you