Chapter Text
Tony tore ahead of Natasha excitedly, not having to be encouraged to put together his costume for Halloween tomorrow at all. Bruce, on the other hand, was a little tentative, waiting for her to hop up from the chair so he could hold her hand and let her lead him to the bedroom where she had set up a stack of old clothes, some cardboard as well as old sticky-tape and even interesting looking hats Natasha was sure she could turn into something with a pair of scissors.
‘Your big brother is excited, isn’t he, malysh?’ She asked pleasantly, hoping to goad Bruce into some more enthusiastic behaviour as well as distract herself from the worries Steve kept on bringing up to her.
She understood the oldest teenager’s concern but did he have to be dire all the time? The children would be in costume, amongst thousands of others, yet somehow, Steve managed to make it sound like the most dangerous undertaking ever. He had accepted it was happening but he certainly wasn’t doing it silently. They had a rather hushed argument and he was out somewhere now, grumbling about the unnecessary risk it was. Clint and Thor were on a food run so it was just her with the kids at the moment.
She really could understand where Steve was coming from but for her, this Halloween celebration wasn’t unnecessary, as the oldest thought it was. Tony and Bruce were going to miss out enough in their lives and she was sick of realising that, sick of feeling that with them, with her, it was some kind of disadvantage. She hated it with such a fierceness that sometimes it made her feel quite ill. She just wanted to remove one thing … one thing … that they wouldn’t miss out on. Yes, they wouldn’t have proper costumes; and, yes, what she would be able to create would be sub-par. But, maybe, if she tried her very best, the two little ones could go out and still have a reasonably good time, with the whole group keeping a close eye on them.
The toddler next to her didn’t say anything, but instead, cuddled into her hand, letting her lead the way. As though he sensed her distressing thoughts. It really wouldn’t surprise her if he did. In return, she gently squeezed his hand.
For her and Bruce, it was enough; he understood and so did she.
Once in the bedroom area, Natasha could feel her sourness at Steve and melancholy of their situation fading immediately.
Tony, as per his usual enthusiasm, had launched himself at the pile of clothes and was basically waste deep in the material they had accumulated over the years, going through it like a prospector did when he found gold.
The glowing smile lit up his face and he held up a grey t-shirt to her. ‘Do you think this is what the colour of a robot would be, Tasha? Or do you think it would be darker?’
The little boy had actually been a bit back and forth on what he wanted to be. One minute, he wanted to be an astronaut (though the enthusiasm for that idea had dimmed when he’d been told he could not tie a plastic bag over his head), then a robot, even as a scientist. At the moment, he must have been on the robot track.
Natasha didn’t mind one bit; she was just so happy to see him excited about this, not even noticing the less-than-stellar selection they had.
Smiling, she gave a thumbs up to the shirt. ‘I think that’s perfect for a robot, solnyshko. A robot can be any shade of grey you want.’
‘Awesome!’ Tony bounced on his knees, digging in with even more vigour, but still managing to clutch the shirt in his fingers as he searched for more stuff.
Next to her, Bruce had stopped sucking his fingers and was actually approaching the pile of clothes, spurred on by Tony, as he always was.
‘Dress up?’ He questioned, looking back at Natasha, always confirming whether it was okay to touch things not explicitly his.
‘Of course, lapushka,’ Natasha smiled at him, kneeling down on her mattress. ‘And what do you want to be for Halloween?’
Bruce’s reaction to Halloween had been … less than enthusiastic. They had to warn him in advance about people dressing up as monsters, which made him hide under the cot for a solid hour because, according to him, monsters couldn’t access him there (Thor explained the logic behind his reasoning later when the largest returned at the end of that day).
As always, it was Tony who was able to explain to Bruce it was all pretend, doing it in Bruce-speak, saying, ‘No real, real monsters, Bubba. Just the silly ones with big teeth or melting faces.’
Natasha had frozen at explanation, unable to comprehend how Tony thought that was comforting. However, a few seconds later, Bruce had poked his head out from under the bed, tearfully looking at his big brother.
‘Weally?’ He had asked, pitifully hopeful. ‘Just … just like skel’tons or … or werewolves?’
Tony’s enthusiastic nodding and exclamations of, ‘That’s it, baby!’ had distracted Bruce from the blood draining away from Natasha’s face and going deathly still.
It was the first time she realised Bruce had a completely different definition of monsters than regular children did. And it was the closest she’d come to throwing up for a long, long time because of pure fearful sickness.
Gentle tapping on her hand made her glance up, pulling from her horrible thinking, to see Bruce holding up a faded and stained orange shirt to her.
‘Tiger?’ He asked softly, but unlike before, she could see the hopefulness there. Maybe even a bit of excitement.
She scooped him into her arms and playfully peppered his face with kisses, which gained surprised giggles. She knew he couldn’t have possibly been happier than her at that very moment though of seeing a bit of enthusiasm in him over something she had worked so hard on making happen for the children.
‘Of course you can be a tiger,’ she murmured, rocking him gently, as his honeyed brown eyes twinkled up at her. ‘You are going to be the cutest tiger ever.’
Though he blushed profusely, she could see Bruce was thoroughly pleased by the complement.
‘Hey, Tasha,’ Tony called from the other side of the clothes pile where he’d migrated to. He was holding up a Stetson-like hat, again, not deterred by the holes chewed in it by the rats. ‘Do you think I should go as a cowboy?’
‘Whatever you want, bratishka,’ Natasha replied softly, kindly, crooked smile forming on her mouth. ‘Whatever you want.’
Tony pushed his lips out and nodded his head, like a ‘Not a bad idea’ expression before putting the hat down and getting lost again in his mad search.
Chuckling and shaking her head, the redhead slipped the orange shirt on Bruce. It was leagues too big, falling to just above his ankles while the sleeves flopped around his wrists. Truthfully though, it was probably better, because they certainly didn’t have any orange pants, of that she was sure.
Upon seeing what was happening, Tony immediately lost interest in what he was doing.
‘Ooh, ooh, I want to help with Bruce’s costume too!’ He said, raising his right hand up as high as he could, bouncing a little in his excitement.
Before she could even reply, Bruce clapped in delight, smiling over at his big brother, proclaiming, ‘Tony help!’
Natasha laughed at the two’s inseparableness. Tony just adored doing anything in a caretaking role for his little brother, from getting him to eat his dinner and even trying to carry Bruce around, though Tony himself was far too small to lift Bruce properly. And Bruce just thought anything Tony touched turned to pure gold, following his big brother into anything and everything because as far as he was concerned, his older brother always knew best.
‘I wouldn’t be able to make it near as good without your help,’ she said genuinely, rewarded by Tony’s suddenly shy smile.
He scrambled over to them and Natasha watched with interest as he grabbed some cardboard, ripped a strip off, and began rolling it expertly with nimble fingers. Then, he grabbed some sticky tape and began easily ripping some strips off it with his teeth, not reaching for the scissors because he knew he wasn’t allowed to use them without supervision. Natasha knew he was more than capable of working them but she was more afraid of him taking off somewhere with them if he heard one of the others come in, sometimes turning absent-minded when he got excited or distracted by some outside stimuli.
She really couldn’t see what he was getting at with his project, until he kept on rolling out the cardboard thinner and thinner until it was just a tip at the end, wrapping a few more slabs of tape around certain spots for good measure. Then, he held up a very realistic looking tail, thick at the top and tapering out at the end.
‘Tony, how clever!’ She absolutely wasn’t hamming on the complement; sometimes, she really couldn’t believe how inventive and quick-thinking the little boy was with his hands. If he had the proper equipment, she could only imagine what he could make on a daily basis.
Again, Tony’s smile became incredibly shy, but he soon forgot about his bashfulness at Bruce’s breathless, little gasp.
‘Oh, bwother, wow,’ he breathed.
Tony grinned, chestnut brown eyes already glittering with more ideas. ‘Stand up, Bubba, let me try to get it on you.’
Bruce obeyed and Natasha sat back, letting Tony do his thing. It was his idea, he should be able to do what he wanted and sometimes, he got quite self-conscious when someone else interrupted with one of his inventions, thinking he was being corrected, not helped.
Scooping up a bit of string, which had probably come from one of the food packages Thor tended to hide under his shirt as he strolled out of a shopping centre or meandered off from some stalls at marketplaces, Tony looked back and forth a couple of times between it and the tail. He then glanced at the scissors and at Natasha.
She nodded once. ‘Always with one of us here to watch you. Thank you for asking.’
‘No choice,’ Tony muttered, showing a spark of his natural sarcastic, little rebellious streak.
She snorted, which made the boy crack a grin as he grabbed the scissors and deftly used them to make a hole in either side of the thicker end of the tail. Then, he threaded the string through the holes, stood and wrapped it around Bruce’s waist. Quickly tying it in an easy slip-knot so it could be taken off and re-attached tomorrow, Tony stood back to look at his work.
The tail suited amazingly with the orange shirt and even trailed on to the ground, waggling adorably when Bruce took a couple of steps.
This time, Bruce didn’t say a word. He simply threw his arms around Tony, burying his face in the other boy’s chest, sometimes so overwhelmed when something was done for him out of pure kindness.
Natasha swallowed thickly at the two of them. Sometimes it really made her eyes burn at how grateful they were for so little. It wasn’t fair in any way. They were kids. They should be throwing tantrums over not getting a toy in the shops, not almost crying over having a tail made for them out of cardboard.
She had to look away for a bit, breathing deeply through her nose, getting her breath back under control.
Tony lifting Bruce caused a fit of giggles from the two of them, which helped immensely, and she cleared her throat, grabbing a little black beanie. It wasn’t orange, but tigers did have black on them so that would hopefully be close enough. She tried to hold back again her anger at not being able to give the two sweetest little boys in the world something as simple as a good costume.
‘Do you think we could use this?’ she asked, wanting to keep Tony involved and show how much she wanted his opinion.
With the way the skin wrinkled around his eyes, she had succeeded.
‘I could cut out some cardboard to look like ears and attach it to it,’ he said, gaining another gasp of approval from Bruce, which made him lean down and give his little brother a kiss on his curls, just as Tony saw the older ones do all the time.
The ease of which he performed it warmed Natasha from the creeping ice in her.
‘Great idea, solnyshko,’ she praised, causing Tony to duck his head, looking close to even blushing.
They fell into a rhythm of making Bruce’s costume. Each time Natasha felt herself getting a little depressed over their limited choices, Tony’s enthusiasm in which he approached any task and Bruce’s little gasps, showing so much excitement for something he had originally been in fear of, chased it all away. It wasn’t long until she was actually laughing genuinely when Tony would give one of his witty observations or Bruce would show some of his extremely rare, cheeky personality by grabbing his ‘tail’ and swishing it now and then in a funny, little walk.
‘Looks like youse are all having a swell time in here,’ a voice called from the entrance.
Natasha had heard the approach but steadfastly refused to look up.
Without Clint standing next to Steve, the oldest got the first hug from Bruce, who went racing to him as soon as he spoke.
Steve laughed, scooping the tiniest boy up, holding out his other arm to Tony who was twitching from foot to foot, wanting to run to Steve, but waiting for an invitation.
Tony grinned and didn’t hesitate, jumping into Steve’s awaiting embrace.
‘There’s my favourite two babies,’ Steve grinned, standing with them, and bouncing them in his arms.
It was only then Natasha noticed he’d set a small, cotton bag down next to him when he picked the children up.
Tony, for once, didn’t take notice of the new item, but was too busy enthusiastically telling Steve all about the costume they were making for Bruce. Steve ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ in all the right places, causing Bruce to snuggle lovingly into him, like he was thanking Steve for liking it.
The oldest placed a kiss on Bruce’s curls then another on Tony’s temple, gaining the normal token whine, though Tony never pulled away from it now. ‘Well, it sounds like you have just been so clever in helping Nat with baby boy’s costume, hmm? And it has paid off! You look amazing, honey! I have never seen a more awesome looking tiger!’
Tony’s little chest puffed out at the praise while Bruce became shyer again, burying his face in Steve’s shoulder. Steve simply gave him another kiss.
‘Yeah,’ Tony nodded in agreement before solemnly proclaiming, ‘we are going to get all the candy in the whole of New York!’
Steve threw back his head and laughed before shrugging. ‘Maybe we should leave some for other kids because we won’t have enough room here for us if we have that much candy! Okay, kiddo?’
‘Okay,’ Tony nodded agreeably before, ‘what’s in the bag?’
This time, Natasha laughed. She knew it wouldn’t take her nakhal'nyy mal'chik long.
The blonde grinned. ‘That is a nice surprise I was told to pick up by Natasha. So, it’s a nice surprise from her to the both of you.’
They now never failed to specify nice surprises because, unlike with most kids, surprise didn’t always mean good things for both Tony and Bruce.
Natasha frowned. She’d never sent Steve to get anything. Unless that thing was to get a grip, then she couldn’t figure out what he’d gotten. They hadn’t parted on the happiest terms with each other, something they went to the highest extent to hide from the babies of the family, particularly Bruce, who found it hard to grasp the concept arguments could be had without ending in violence.
‘Can we see it?’ Tony’s eyes had widened in wonder while even Bruce peeked curiously out of his hiding place.
‘In a moment, buddy.’ When Tony began a protest, Steve gave him a bounce. ‘Uh-uh, baby. I need to speak to Nat for a little while so I need you to take your brother into the lounge room with Clint and Thor. They’re back now as well.’
Tony closed his mouth but he still gave terrific pout, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.
Steve withheld a smirk, knowing it only ever stirred Tony up more when he felt the others were laughing at him. ‘Come on, it’s snack time! You know your baby brother needs his food, hmm?’
It was clever of Steve to go at it from that angle because Tony sometimes seemed under the impression he was somehow superhuman and could go without food or sleep whenever the mood hit him. When it came to Bruce though, Tony would insist on only the best.
It had the desired effect. Tony immediately forgot about his sulk while Bruce perked up immensely at the mention of Clint, honeyed brown eyes looking longingly down the hallway, as though he was waiting for his adored Clint to appear at any second and couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t.
‘Okay, Steve,’ Tony agreed readily, wriggling to be put down.
‘Thanks, buddy,’ Steve praised as he set the child gently on his feet, sitting Bruce down next to him, and Tony immediately took his little brother’s hand. ‘You’re such a help to me, my baby.’
Tony straightened to his full height, so proud of himself for taking care of his little brother, while Bruce reached out for a kiss from Steve, always wanting a bit more affection from whoever had been away for a while.
Steve happily granted Bruce’s wish with a soft smile and gentle ruffled both kids’ hair. ‘I’ll be there in a minute, my babes.’
‘Don’t forget to bring the nice surprise,’ Tony reminded him seriously, already traversing down the hallway with his little brother in tow.
Rolling his eyes in amusement, Steve called out in the affirmative before he shook his head, hands now on his hips. ‘As if I’d be ever able to forget it with those two.’
Natasha staunchly didn’t say a word and simply began folding the clothes into more accessible piles. While she knew it would be destroyed as soon as Tony came back, she was more doing it for a better reason to not look at Steve.
There was a moment of silence before Steve uncharacteristically tentatively cleared his throat. While Steve was a little awkward with people outside of the family, he never was with them, unless he knew he’d messed up, or admitting to something he saw as embarrassing. Which, as far as Natasha was concerned, he had done the previous, not the latter.
‘Um … do you want to see what I got?’
Natasha still didn’t look up as she pleasantly replied, ‘Unless it’s something that will magically make their Halloween not so shabby, I’m really not interested.’
She didn’t expect the reply of, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about a shabby Halloween, because what you’ve done is amazing, but, well …’ followed by something contained in plastic tossed gently in front of her.
Out of reflex, she immediately glanced at it.
And spotted the face painting set. The children’s one, set out in a little plastic palette, with ‘artist’ paintbrushes and the paint which was safe to put on little ones’ skin. It had a rather large array of colours, twenty in total which she counted automatically, so it would have been quite expensive. By their standards anyway.
She really didn’t know what her expression indicated as her eyes trailed over to Steve, who was crouched next to her now, right hand rubbing the back of his neck, a tell-tale sign of nervousness or unsureness in him.
‘It even goes on clothes as well,’ he said, as though for lack of anything else to say. ‘So, if Tony still wants to be a robot, we can add dials to the clothes and even black stripes to Bruce’s costume as well.’
When Natasha still didn’t say a word, just continued to stare at him, face painting set now firmly gripped in her hands, Steve gave a soft sigh, looking her directly in the eyes.
‘I’m sorry, krasivaya,’ he admitted softly. ‘I’ve been a bit of a jerk about this whole Halloween thing. You’re right, I’m being paranoid about it and … and that’s something I need to work through. I shouldn’t have made you feel bad about something lovely you’re doing for the kids.’
Natasha just sat deathly still, staring at the beautiful colours staring back at her, and letting Steve’s old nickname sit inside of her.
‘Krasivaya? Please say something, Nat. Please, you have no idea how sorry I am. I really didn’t mean to make you so upset, I promise I’ll think next time before I—’
He was cut off as Natasha launched herself at him, winding her arms around his neck the way she used to do when she was a little girl and he would find her crying in a corner in the orphanage. He would always scoop her up with such ease, carrying her back to Clint, before going to beat up whoever had said mean things to her and made her cry. It wasn’t that she couldn’t defend herself against some of the people, but sometimes, she just felt so tired. Or even felt she deserved what had been said. Being in Steve’s arms had made her feel so good though and he was so sweetly gentle with her that it made all of that fade away until she could feel her own worth.
It hadn’t changed a bit. As soon as Steve got over his shock, which was all of one second, and wrapped her in his strong embrace, she felt all her embarrassment and regret of the Halloween she was giving to the children fade. She was doing a good thing, and more than that, she was doing a good job. The kids were loving it so far and so what if it wasn’t what every other child had? Tony and Bruce didn’t care if things weren’t the best quality and she was certainly giving them everything with the most love, more than anything she could buy in a shop.
She didn’t say a word because she didn’t quite trust herself. Just concentrated on breathing around the lump in her throat and the stinging nostalgia. Especially when Steve kissed the top of her head, singing softly to her, ‘Oh, my beautiful krasivaya. I’m sorry. My beautiful krasivaya.’
She gave a watery smile into his shoulder at that. She remembered trying to explain to him that he didn’t have to say beautiful before krasivaya because the Russian word literally meant beautiful.
He had simply smiled at her, a gangly kid just starting to fill out. ‘You’re so beautiful that it needs to be said twice.’
Natasha closed her eyes as the memory washed over her. ‘Love you,’ she murmured softly, allowing herself to curl into him.
His grip around her tightened and when he spoke, she could detect the tears in his voice. ‘Love you too, Nat. Love you too.’
They stayed like that for a while, both needing the reassurance after having a fight. None of them hardly ever did so it was sometimes quite distressing when it happened. Even though deep down, Natasha knew Steve would never leave, there was always a dark part of her that feared it. Feared the very protector and leader of the group, the one she looked up to the most, wouldn’t walk back in, though the logical part of her said it was impossible.
But then, fear was never the most common sense thing in the world.
Sighing softly in contentment, she remembered the paint set still grasped firmly in her left hand.
‘How’d you get it?’
Steve shifted, something he did when he admitted to doing something illegal, always a little shameful when he told the others, like he was worried he was being a bad influence or something. She held back a snort at the ridiculous notion Steve often had of their ‘innocence’ but she never had the heart to pull him up on it.
‘Lifted it from a corner store,’ he replied, voice distinctly sheepish. ‘It was packed with all parents getting last minute Halloween preparations, so it wasn’t as well watched as usual. Too many people.’
Natasha pulled back to smile at him, full and open. ‘The kids are going to be thrilled with your present.’
Steve adamantly shook his head. ‘No. Your present.’
Frowning, she immediately opened her mouth to protest but Steve shook his head again.
‘If it wasn’t for you insisting, they never would be experiencing this.’ Steve detached a hand from her to wave to where he had been standing with the two very content children in his arms. ‘That never would have happened. It’s all thanks to you and you deserve every bit of the credit. If it was up to me, I would have them in the apartment, wrapped in cotton wool all the time.’
Natasha snorted. ‘Stupid American,’ she proclaimed, but she did it with the fondest smile on her face.
Steve’s blue eyes warmed and he couldn’t stop himself from giving her another hug, which she easily returned. Often, she didn’t like taking too much of Steve’s attention aay from the others. Tony and Bruce needed so much love while she knew Clint often struggled and wanted Steve a lot as well. While Thor often just needed to sit in silence with mostly the oldest, needing that solidarity until he could decide whether he wanted to voice what upset him or not.
Natasha liked to think she was the independent one who didn’t monopolize Steve’s time because they were all so needed now, and even though he didn’t need to, Steve tended to worry himself over every single one of the little family’s problems. So, she tried not to indulge herself, not wanting to exhaust Steve or make him feel like he was pulled every which way but loose. But, at the moment, being held strongly by her oldest brother, she realised how much she sometimes couldn’t will away what she really needed. And if that was a hug from Steve now and then, so be it. With the way he was clinging on to her, it made her realise maybe he needed it from her as much as she sometimes needed it from him.
‘We’re messed up, aren’t we?’ She murmured.
She knew she didn’t have to explain her thinking. Steve understood what she wanted to communicate with so few sentences and could follow her thinking so well.
‘We’re learning all the time, krasivaya,’ he murmured, gently running fingers through her hair. ‘Look at what you taught me today.’
This time, he didn’t have to specify. She knew and she appreciated more than she could say with words so she tightened her grip extra-hard, letting him know in just that there.
And she knew he did.