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The car trundled down the road, headlights bright and loud, jostled every so often by hitting a rock or a particularly angry bump in the road.
Helga kept herself together on the outside, but on the inside, her panic was slowly climbing the further she went down the country path. “Why the hell did that Football Head decide to drive down this road in that stupid old clunker his Grandpa gave him?” If he were here, her husband would admonish her for calling the beloved family car an ‘old clunker’, but it seemed like every week a new part broke down on the Packard, and Arnold had been left stranded.
Two hours ago, he’d sent her a message, his voice calm and apologetic as she listened to the voicemail. “Hey, honey. Sorry about this, but the Packard broke down again. I called a tow truck, and they said they’d be here in two hours. I’ll be home ASAP. I’m sure it’s pretty easily fixed, but uh, the flashlight is dead and my uh…my phone is dying too. Really should get that power bank. Heh, anyway, I’ll be home soon sweetie!”
Helga had given her beloved Arnold three hours before grumbling and calling Phoebe to come by and watch the kids while she drove by in her reliable vehicle that wasn’t a thousand years old. Arnold had at least sent her his location before his phone died. He’d been driving down a country road near the edge of the city. Why the hell was he even there? He’d been visiting his weirdo cousin Arnie’s farm to meet his new nephew, but the road between the city and that stupid farm village was practically a straight shot!
“Criminy, I swear if I end up mugged or getting murdered or something I’m gonna kill him.” Helga grumbled as pavement gave way to dirt and gravel, the blonde gritting her teeth. Again, why the hell had Arnold been driving down this stupid road? It had taken nearly an hour for Helga to find the location, and she only continued to swear up a storm as she noticed her phone’s signal was getting weaker and weaker. It was just like Arnold to get stranded in a place with absolutely zero reception.
Her mood was only lifted by the sight of the nearly 80 year old car sitting on the side of the road. It was a pretty normal country road, trees and wild bushes on one side, and a large fence with a farm off in the distance on the other. Helga got out of the car and walked over, expecting Arnold to be sitting in the driver’s seat, excitedly waving at her. Instead, the Packard was completely empty and abandoned. Helga grit her teeth and pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers. “Arnold…”
She reached into her car and pulled out a flashlight, turning it on and scanning the area, finding nothing. Helga shook lightly. “It’s okay Helga. He’s alright. He hasn’t been kidnapped or hurt, your imagination is getting away from you.” She grumbled, but the more she walked up and down the road and didn’t see her flaxxen-haired husband, the more she began to jitter and shake. Finally she couldn’t handle it anymore, cupping her hands to her mouth and shouting, “ARNOLD!” Nothing happened at first, and Helga began to worry as the sun slowly began to set. “ARNOLD!” She called again. Again, silence, and for a second, she feared the worst.
Until something hit her ears. A melody, a quiet tune played on a harmonica, coming from her left, towards the farm. “Oh, don’t tell me you jumped the fence, you idiot.” She grumbled as she did just that, following the tune that she knew was one of his favorites. The field was filthy, and Helga could smell the delightful scent of cowpies, and she stepped carefully, sweeping around and looking for her husband everywhere. As she kept moving, she saw what looked like an entire herd of cows laying down in a small area, and for a second she thought one of them had grabbed her husband’s harmonica and tried to eat it.
But the music kept coming, and she looked through the piles of relaxing cows, idly swatting at flies, to see Arnold, leaning against the stomach of a cow laying on the grass, harmonica between his lips and playing his tune. Another cow turned and sniffed at him, and Arnold laughed good naturedly when it sniffed and nibbled at his spiky hair. Helga couldn’t help but smile at the adorability of it, surreptitiously pulling her phone out and snapping a few pics. Finally he stopped playing and looked up, beaming at his wife.
“Hey, Helga.”
Helga spluttered at his blase reply. “Don’t Hey Helga me! What are you doing here and not at that 100 year old hand-cranked clunker?”
Arnold frowned. “Don’t disrespect Grandpa’s Packard, Helga. And I was just passing the time until the tow truck came. I was sitting on the hood, playing harmonica to pass the time, and the cows came and seemed to like that. So I decided to see if I could pet them.” He shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Honestly Arnold, only you would be able to befriend a filthy creature like a cow with nothing but your harmonica-playing. You really are such a boyscout.” Helga crossed her arms and glared. “But the tow truck could be here any second Arnold. Couldn’t you have placed your keister somewhere closer to the road?”
Arnold shrugged again. “This is where the cows wanted to sleep, Helga. I can’t exactly control that.”
“Yeah right, like I buy that malarkey.” Helga rolled her eyes, and Arnold gave her a half-hearted glare. “You probably led them all the way over here like the Pied Piper.” Helga’s snark was cut off by a cow slowly trundling up behind her and flicking her tongue against her neck. “AAAAACK!” She jumped out of her skin and whirled around, but the cow just leaned forward and gently took the tip of her hair into its mouth, chewing slowly. “Hey, let go of that, stupid ungulate! My hair isn’t made of straw you oaf!”
Arnold laughed. “They’re not the cleanest, but they’re not dumb, Helga. They’re pretty smart. Even Arnie said so.”
“Yeah, let’s listen to the human snooze button.” Helga grumbled, whipping her hair out of the cow’s lips with a satisfied smirk. The cow didn’t seem interested in the game of tug of war and lumbered off to find a cool spot to sleep in..
“C’mon Helga. The truck is more than an hour late. Just sit with me for a while.” He extended his hand. Helga grumbled, but she saw that subtle little smirk on her husband’s lips. He really did have the power to make her go along with anything. She slowly took his hand and knelt down into the dirt and grass. The cow they were leaning on didn’t even stir from their sitting, angling around to sniff at Helga curiously. “Go ahead Helga, pet her.” Helga grumbled, but reached forward, her hand gently landing on the hard head of the cow, who actually seemed to lean in and appreciate the pets.
Helga looked into the cow’s eyes, seeing her let out a small moo and slump to the ground, comfy as can be. “Heh, for a creature that can’t control her own bowels, she’s pretty cute.”
“Right?” Arnold smiled enthusiastically. “I like to look into their eyes. There’s so much emotion in there, like you can see right into their soul.” Helga wanted to roll her eyes, but she found herself doing exactly as he instructed. The cow looked at her, and she could swear she saw it, a sparkle, like one would read about in story books.
“Dammit Arnold, you’re making me feel things about cows. Future hamburgers.” She pouted, and Arnold laughed, gently pulling his wife into his lap as he pulled out his harmonica and began to play again. The cows drifted closer, laying down all around them, close enough for Helga to reach out and rub between their eyes.
Slowly, the sun set, oranges drifting away into the dark blues and purples of dusk. “Man,” Arnold began and Helga leaned against him, blinking softly. “Say what you want about the city, but the country gets a much better view.” Helga followed his gaze into the stars, and her eyes widened.
She’d seen the stars before of course, but even heading to the mountains outside of Hillwood didn’t seem to compare to what she was looking at now. The stars bloomed in the hundreds of thousands as she watched the constellations form, constellations she’d never seen before in her life, rivers of white light danced across the dark sky, utterly dazzling her, and she didn’t even notice Arnold grinning at her.
“Oh my god.” She whispered, pointing. “That’s…Orion. And the Big Dipper.”
“Right? You think this view is good, maybe you should visit Arnie’s farm next time.” Arnold chuckled.
She didn’t answer, just watching the moon slowly loomed large over the stars, almost shining a spotlight down onto the field. The cows seemed to just melt into the shadows, the moon seeming to calm them down to let them sleep. Her chest twisted at the sheer enormity of the sky around her. She’d been raised in the city her entire life, any excursions focused more on Arnold or her parents annoying her than actually enjoying the view. But now, her parents weren’t there, and Arnold was there, watching her.
Slowly, words came to her, and she spoke without thinking.
“The City taught me that skies were stingy things,
Hiding Beauty beneath a blanket of light
But here, the dark extends forever, and with it, the stars are bright.
And you, strange and gentle boy with cornflour locks,
Playing among the sleepy cattle like a football-brained Orpheus
You hum music to the night, the stars coming closer when you play
Even the cosmos listens to your notes
While I place every song within my heart.”
Helga blinked, face red as she swore the pasture went still, even the cows seeming to have gone quiet. Her face burned with shame as she just spat her heart out in the middle of a blasted field. “Oh god, please forget you heard any of that.” She groaned, placing her palms over her eyes. “That was some real dreck.”
Arnold didn’t laugh, just sitting there. Helga finally looked at her husband and saw him gazing at her with that beaming smile of pure affection and love that made the air struggle to escape her lungs. “That was beautiful.” He said simply, placing a hand on his chin.
“Oh what do you know, hairboy?” She scoffed weakly. “Your standards are just stupid low.”
Arnold’s hand moved through the grass until it found hers. “No. You raise my standards too high I think. Your poetry is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” Helga’s heart stopped as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
“Sh-Shut up, Arnoldo…” Helga muttered, her face cherry red. Arnold simply laughed and slowly pulled her back to lay on his chest as he relaxed against the cow’s belly, who didn’t seem to struggle with their weight at all. Slowly, she began to breathe a little deeper, letting herself relax, her husband’s heartbeat against her ear slowly guiding her to sleep.
HONK! HONK! HONK!
Helga and Arnold startled, almost jumping up to the sky. The cows slowly got up and moved on, trundling deeper into the fields, leaving the pair standing and whirling around, eyes wide.
“What the? Whoza?” Helga asked, eyes wide as she stepped around, only stopping when she recognized the headlights blaring in her face. “Oh. It’s the tow truck.”
“Took it long enough.” Arnold groused unnaturally, stretching and placing his harmonica back in his breast pocket. “I called them nearly…” He looked at his wristwatch. “Four hours ago.”
“Well, guess we’ll be heading home then.” Helga sighed and stretched, heading back to the road to give the tow truck driver a piece of her mind. The driver was apologetic, and hooked up the Packard for free and drove back to Hillwood.
Helga shoved Arnold into the passenger seat, making sure to connect his phone to the charger. As she circled back around to the driver’s seat, she stopped for a second and stared up at the sky, admiring the stars for just a bit longer before getting into the car.
“Your football-headed Orpheus needs to hug his kids when we get home.” Arnold sighed, slumping in the seat. “I bet they’re worried sick.”
Helga’s face turned red a bit more and she sighed. “Get some rest Arnold. I’ll make sure Phoebe hasn’t put the kids to bed yet.” And her car drove off into the night.