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Living with Beca is easy. But that’s something Chloe already knew. What she didn’t know is how easy it would be to live alone with her. How easy and comfortable and just so inexplicably perfect it is.
Beca’s a surprisingly good baker – something Chloe never knew about the brunette. She’s neat and tidy and quiet and she doesn’t complain when Chloe decides to set up a day every week for them to clean up the entire apartment. They deep clean the apartment on the first Sunday of every month, something they’ve grown used to doing together, like a well-oiled machine.
After their breakup, Beca spends a few days wanting more closeness. She didn’t want Chloe to know, but the redhead could hear her crying before going to sleep. It would prompt Chloe to join her on the surprisingly comfortable pullout couch and hug the brunette close. Beca never seemed to complain.
It developed into a routine, until Chloe stopped going to her own bed altogether. Starting the night holding Beca so the brunette wouldn’t cry as much. It’s comfortable and sweet and Chloe doesn’t mind.
She can tell Beca finds it strange when Chloe finally gets in her own bed after weeks of sleeping with her. She gives her a weird look, but Chloe chuckles, shaking her head, making a joke about Beca being so needy but going over anyway.
Chloe decides to go to the farmer’s market on a random Saturday. She chuckles at Beca’s sleepy face when she sees Chloe get out of bed at 8 am on a Saturday. She rolls her eyes half-heartedly when the brunette pulls the covers over her head and goes back to sleep while Chloe brews her coffee.
By the time Chloe has finished getting dressed, she gets out of the bathroom surprised to see Beca throwing on a hoodie and grabbing a small purse, sitting on the edge of the pullout couch.
“What are you doing?” Chloe asks.
“I thought we were going to the farmers’ market…?” Beca says, looking confused.
Chloe shakes her head with a chuckle. She doesn’t argue any further, she just grabs the keys and leaves with Beca in tow. They take an Uber to the Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket in silence while they each look out the window.
It’s a sunny, cool day, which is perfect for browsing. Chloe buys them bagels, which they eat while walking around, observing every single stand and talking about what they see. Beca sees the redhead stop in front of the Far Out Cactus stand, staring longingly at the succulent plants, and tries to reason with Chloe that they can’t buy a plant. Of course, with only a pleading glance from Chloe, Beca caves and buys the burro’s tail Chloe had been staring at. They leave with the small pot and instructions for care. Beca shakes her head with a smile, watching Chloe carrying her plant as if it’s a newborn puppy.
Chloe buys a French sourdough and a levain bread from Bread Alone, unable to resist getting a few more everything bagels as well, and they both discuss getting a grocery cart when Chloe buys organic vegetables and has Beca help her carry the bags.
The redhead approaches the Hudson Valley Fish Farm stand, taking a look at the trout with a hum. She can already imagine the dishes and recipes she could try out and turns her head to the side to talk to Beca about it. But she’s surprised to see the brunette is not by her side.
“Beca?” she turns and sees Beca standing several feet away, covering her nose. Chloe gives her a look and laughs. “Beca, come on! Don’t you like trout?”
“Nope!”
Chloe frowns, stepping away from the stand and going over to Beca, who’s quick to lead them away from all the trout.
“Don’t you like fish?”
“Nope.”
“Not even salmon? Or sushi?”
Beca makes an exaggerated gagging noise, making Chloe stop her. The brunette looks at her expectantly but smiles.
“I don’t like any seafood,” she says. “I mean… I guess shrimp is okay. And I never tried lobster.”
“Oh,” Chloe says. She takes this information in, finding it weird that she never realized this before. But then she remembers how in Copenhagen, Beca had been complaining and trying to find a place to eat that didn’t serve fish. “Oh that’s right!”
Beca nods.
“That’s a shame though, I was hoping I’d have someone to make a fish dish with,” Chloe says.
“Sorry about that,” Beca says.
“No, don’t be,” Chloe assures her. “That just means I’m gonna have to find a date who will go to a restaurant with me!”
Chloe smiles, but Beca doesn’t show any enthusiasm whatsoever over that idea. She simply hums a response. Chloe tries not to read too much into it, but Jesse’s words, told a few months earlier, come right back to haunt her. Echoing in her head.
She’s starting to hate that conversation. She can’t go too long without wondering if Jesse was right. If the interactions between her and Beca do mean more than friendship. It almost makes Chloe want to straight out ask Beca if she feels anything, but she fears that might close the brunette off. Besides, if Jesse was right, Beca doesn’t even know about the feelings herself, so maybe asking isn’t the right thing to do.
For now.
Chloe stops walking and turns to look around. She nods, deciding they have done enough shopping for their first farmer’s market, and turns to Beca with a smile. “Shall we go home?”
Beca nods, looking a little more upbeat.
Chloe doesn’t mention dates for a while. Not on purpose, but the idea of dating isn’t her main priority at the moment. She’s not actively looking for someone. Beca doesn’t ask her about it either, so the subject is forgotten about.
Beca chuckles when Chloe places the burro’s tail on top of one of the kitchen upper cabinets, the one closest to the front door. When she steps down from the chair, she admires her handywork and grins.
“Our first house plant!” Chloe says, grinning at Beca. “Thank you, Beca.”
A light pink colors Beca’s cheeks. And she looks down, taking off her shoes and getting her slippers. Chloe knows Beca isn’t a huge fan of being the center of attention. She just smiles, looking back up at the plant.
“We’re gonna take great care of you, Stevie,” Chloe says with a dreamy voice.
Beca glances up at her with an eyebrow raised, “We?”
“Are gonna take care of Stevie,” Chloe nods, looking at Beca, who approaches her. “You better not let her die.”
“Okay… we named the plant and we’re calling it a she?” Beca asks.
“Yes,” Chloe says. “We’re plant moms now.”
Beca blinks comically, it makes Chloe laugh. She bumps her shoulder against the brunette’s before grabbing all the vegetables to put them away.
Chloe, of course, doesn’t really expect Beca to help with Stevie. But within the following weeks, she constantly catches Beca stepping up on a chair and grabbing the pot to check on Stevie. She even warns Chloe not to water it (or her) when the redhead plans to, claiming she’ll drown Stevie.
In August, Chloe comes home from a long day at work, where she spent basically cleaning up kennels, so she is in desperate need of a shower to wash off the smell of dog shit. She gets inside the apartment, groaning out loud and kicking the door shut, making sure to lock it before throwing her purse on her bed.
“Chloe, Chloe I’m so glad you’re home! Look!” Beca says, coming out of the bathroom. She hurries to the kitchen, climbing on a chair and carefully grabbing Stevie’s pot.
Chloe frowns but steps closer, curious to know what the brunette is so excited to show her. Beca steps down and holds the succulent for Chloe to see. On the ends of its lump teardrop-shaped leaves, there are a few flowers blooming. They’re hot pink, the ones that already blossomed are red. It looks so sweet and cute and delicate, it makes Chloe smile.
“Stevie’s blooming!” Beca says. “I thought that was rare!”
“We did it!” Chloe says with a grin. “Our baby’s thriving!”
Chloe knows she doesn’t want her to see it, but she sees Beca smiling so lovingly at the plant in her hands, admiring the work she and Chloe have put into it. She studies the brunette’s face as she looks at the succulent in her hands, turning the pot around to check for more flowers before she sighs.
“We did it,” she says once again before climbing back on the chair to put Stevie back.
Chloe watches her with a smile before she puts on a teasing look and crosses her arms. “I thought you didn’t want to be a plant mom.”
Beca blushes as she climbs down from the chair. She freezes in place, looking at Chloe like a deer in headlights, which makes the redhead burst out laughing.
“I’m just teasing you, Bec,” Chloe says. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
Beca throws her a glare Chloe knows isn’t serious. She takes her shoes off and grabs a change clothes while Beca puts the chair back.
“Yeah, go, because you smell like shit,”
Chloe’s glare is a little more serious, but it makes Beca laugh.
Chloe practically – and by practically I mean literally – forced Beca to celebrate her birthday when the day came. She even woke the brunette up with a candle on a cupcake, singing happy birthday, which made Beca smile before claiming she didn’t want any celebration. Chloe wasn’t having it, of course.
Given their financial situation, they can’t afford to go out, so Chloe orders a Buffalo Chicken pizza from Armando’s for dinner, teasing Beca about the topping she insists on having each time she orders. Chloe also ends up walking three blocks to Vanbrunt Market to buy them a couple bottles of wine to celebrate despite Beca’s protests.
They eat their pizza sitting on the floor, their backs against Chloe’s bed, watching The Office on the redhead’s laptop. They’re halfway through the second bottle of wine when Beca groans out loud, placing her hand on her stomach.
“I’m so full,” she says.
Chloe chuckles. “You’re welcome.”
Beca looks at her and smiles. Her face is covered in sauce and her teeth are purple from the wine. She looks a little buzzed, but Chloe can’t tell if it’s from the pizza or the alcohol, or a combination of both.
“Thanks, Chlo,” she says. “I really enjoyed my birthday dinner.”
“You’re welcome,” Chloe repeats herself, hitting pause on the episode and handing Beca a napkin. “Now wipe your face, you look like a toddler who just finished eating spaghetti.”
Beca blushes. Each time Chloe makes her blush, she noticed Beca gets redder and redder. It’s something the redhead loves to see, so she continues to find reasons to ways to make her blush. It isn’t hard.
Jesse’s words come back to her mind when Chloe thinks about it, and she quickly loses her smile. She curses in her mind before groaning.
Beca throws the napkin away, failing to get it at least on the counter by the kitchen sink, but makes no motion to pick that up. She sits back with a chuckle.
“What’s wrong?” she asks Chloe.
“Nothing,” Chloe says, shaking her head in dismissal. She never told Beca she ran into Jesse the day they broke up. Or that they talked at all. She has a feeling Beca already knows something, because she never asked how Chloe knew what happened when she came back to the apartment. “I just realized I didn’t get you a gift.”
Beca gives her a look and waves her hand in dismissal. She makes a motion to grab the bottle of wine, pouring more on her empty glass. “The dinner is my gift. And I love it.”
Chloe smiles, deciding to accept her answer. Beca takes a sip of her wine and smiles back at Chloe.
She loves you!
Chloe examines the brunette’s face, the way she takes another sip of her wine. How she doesn’t mind that they’re lying on the hard floor instead of on a comfy bed, given they have two available. She even thinks about how Beca is simply comfortable with anything, really. She doesn’t complain about sharing a bathroom, and the rule they set about not locking the door after a couple of accidents. She doesn’t complain about the lack of privacy, especially for changing.
Chloe is brought back to reality when she sees Beca’s dark blue eyes staring into hers and her toes are touching her shin, either looking for something or Beca’s trying to grab her pants with her feet.
“Beca, are you… are you playing footsies with me?” Chloe frowns.
“No,”
There’s a hard pinch on the skin of Chloe’s ankle.
“Ow!”
Chloe looks at Beca with eyes slightly wider and Beca is grinning mischievously. She bends her legs, effectively hiding them from Chloe, who reaches down and rubs on the spot. She still looks shocked.
“How do you… how can you do that?!” Chloe says.
Beca shrugs. Her eyes shining with mischief. She glances back at Chloe, chuckling again and the redhead ends up chuckling with her. When their laughter dies down, Chloe’s left smiling at Beca, thinking of how amazed she is at her sometimes. How Beca’s able to pull a laughter or a smile from her without trying too hard.
“Dude, the show! Imma pinch you again!” Beca whines before she warns Chloe.
“Okay, okay!”
Chloe presses play, shaking her head before she grabs her glass of wine.
“You learn from pain,” Beca notes with a teasing tone. She smirks at the redhead, who turns to look at her with a comic frown. “You little pain slut.”
Chloe almost chokes on her wine. That sentence, and the knowledge that Beca apparently knows what a pain slut is, makes her blush. Quite furiously if Chloe knows herself well enough.
She can’t pinpoint why that is.
Chloe gets asked out on a date.
It’s not in her plans. It’s not something she’s actively seeking. It happens after her shift. A tall, dirty blond man named Luke approaches her when she is headed for the subway. He’s good looking, kind and he has a 10-week-old German Shepherd puppy that needed his shots and Chloe assisted the vet. They exchange numbers and Chloe thinks about it the entire subway and bus ride and walk back to her apartment from the bus stop.
She doesn’t mention it to Beca first thing – she can’t explain why. Instead, she’s quiet, still thinking about the entire thing, trying to figure out if she’s happy about it.
“Chloe, what’s wrong?” Beca asks as she pours them both juice while they’re having dinner.
Chloe blinks, realizing she’s been quiet since she left work. She glances up at Beca, who’s giving her a concerned look as she swirls the spaghetti around on her fork.
“Oh yeah, nothing,” Chloe says. She can tell by the way Beca narrows her look that Chloe didn’t convince her.
“You’re quiet. And distant,” Beca says, “Did something happen at work?”
Chloe shakes her head, grabbing her glass of apple juice and taking a generous sip. She looks back up at Beca, considering the news. She then relaxes her shoulders and chuckles.
“A guy asked me out on a date,” she says.
Beca frowns. “A… A creepy guy?”
“What? No! Why would you think that?” Chloe asks with a laugh, finding the brunette’s question weird. Beca chuckles in return, with her cheeks turning a bright pink color.
“You don’t- you don’t seem so happy about it,” Beca comments.
“Oh,” Chloe says. She thinks about it but offers the brunette a shrug, “I’m neutral about it. I wanna go out with him and see how it goes.”
Beca’s quiet. She chews on her spaghetti for a rather long time, not looking Chloe in the eye. She dabs her mouth with her napkin before sighing. “So, you’re going?”
Chloe raises her eyebrows, trying to understand the younger woman’s overall attitude.
“Yeah, I am,” she says, studying Beca’s face. “Why?”
Beca shrugs in response. She doesn’t bother looking up at Chloe, she just shakes her head. The amount of time it takes for her to finally speak makes Chloe nervous.
She doesn’t even know it!
“Stop,” Chloe hears herself say. It makes Beca look back at her with a frown.
“I didn’t… I didn’t do anything,” she says.
“Yeah, sorry, I… I didn’t mean you,” Chloe says, waving her hand in dismissal, rubbing her temple for good measure, “I just had a… a ringing in my ear.”
“Oh,” Beca says.
Chloe doesn’t ask again why Beca looks so avoidant of her. Or why she didn’t seem to like the idea of Chloe going out on a date or even show some happiness for her friend. She decides to drop the subject, but that’s just in favor of making sure Jesse’s voice doesn’t echo in her head again.
So, Chloe goes out with Luke. He takes her to Pearl Street Restaurant when he finds out she lives in Brooklyn. It’s something she appreciates knowing, that he picked a restaurant closer to her home so she wouldn’t have to pay a lot in Uber or even a cab.
Luke is a nice, kind guy. He insists on paying the bill, much to Chloe’s insistence, and he is interested in her. He asks all the right questions, and he seems polite enough to at least pretend to listen – even when Chloe feels like she’s talking too much about herself.
He doesn’t ask if she wants to go back to his place, or even assumes Chloe is taking him back to hers. But he does give her a kiss when she tells him goodbye before hopping in her Uber. Chloe smiles in the ride back home, already feeling good about a second date.
Beca asks how Luke is. She doesn’t ask how their date was, or if Chloe enjoyed it. She asks if Luke is a good guy. Chloe thinks she might even be showing a bit of a protective side – she tries telling herself this has nothing to do with what Jesse said, despite being less and less convinced of that each passing week.
Luke is nice. He likes taking Chloe out, he takes her to the Guggenheim museum – which the redhead isn’t that interested in but she goes anyway. Despite not knowing much about art, Chloe enjoys watching Luke talk about the exhibits and watches him look and get emotional seeing a Degas painting. She smiles, admiring the way he talks and feels so passionately about art.
They go out to dinner afterwards at an Italian restaurant. After their third date, it’s the first time Chloe goes home with him. He’s… okay in bed, nothing outstanding or that would make Chloe feel like she’s in cloud 9.
After breakfast – prepared by Luke – Chloe says her goodbyes. Since Luke lives in West 39th Street in Garment District, she stops at Liberty Bagels and Best Bagel & Coffee before heading to Penn Station to take the A train back to Brooklyn.
When Chloe gets back home, she’s greeted by her roommate sitting at the kitchen table on her laptop. Beca moves her laptop out of the way so Chloe can place her bags on the table.
“Hey, look what the Upper East Side dragged in!” Beca says, putting her laptop aside and looking through the redhead’s bags while Chloe puts her stuff away. “Tired of rubbing elbows with the rich and fancy?”
Chloe is on the way to putting away her outfit from the day before, but she stops in order to offer Beca a half-hearted glare. It makes the brunette smile teasingly back at her.
“Luke lives in Garment District, not the Upper East Side,” Chloe says. It’s as if Beca didn’t know that already, but she ignores Chloe.
“What you got here?” Beca takes out a medium sized box from one of the bags and frowns as she opens it.
“Oh I got two egg everything, French toast, blueberry and sesame bagels from Liberty Bagels!” Chloe says excitedly. She moves to the other bag, taking out a similar box from it and opening it. “And two cinnamon raising, sun dried tomato, pesto everything and jalapeño cheddar from Best Bagel & Coffee for us to try.”
“Wow!” Beca says, chuckling but nodding. “You went all out.”
“I know you like bagels, so,” Chloe shrugs. “I decided to get you a little treat.”
Beca chuckles. She helps Chloe put the two boxes away in their fridge before looking at the redhead.
“Happy to know you still remembered me even after the night with your prince charming,” Beca says.
Chloe laughs, shaking her head. She finishes putting her shoes away, checking her laundry basket before finally sitting down. Beca grabs her laptop again and sits on Chloe’s bed this time.
“Oh, before I forget,” Beca says, looking up from her computer to her redheaded roommate. “Amy texted me, she’s thinking of moving to New York. Stacie too.”
“Oh nice!” Chloe says. “Do they know when?”
“Well, Stacie says she found a place in Kips Bay already, she’s moving in in the second week of September,” Beca says. “But Amy doesn’t… she didn’t tell me anything solid.”
Chloe chuckles and nods. “That does sound like Amy.”
“I just wanted to give you a heads up,” Beca says, making Chloe look at her, “We might wake up one day with her in our apartment and she won’t mention leaving.”
Chloe thinks about that and nods slowly. At last, she chuckles again and grabs her phone to check the battery. “Why am I not surprised?”
Beca also chuckles, shaking her head. She turns back to her computer.
Chloe goes out with Luke again. She starts noticing a few things about him she’s not particularly fond of, one of them being the way he starts asking about her job, asking if she’s still going to work if they get more serious.
She starts spending more time at his place, since it’s only a 13 to 15 minute subway ride to the clinic she works at, and Luke pays for everything. Chloe’s still not entirely sure how she feels about their relationship. She hears him introduce her to others as his girlfriend and, okay, so maybe she is his girlfriend.
The way Chloe feels about Luke gets clearer when, one morning in mid-November, he gets upset that she’s talking about spending the weekend with her friends since Stacie just finished settling in and she hasn’t seen her in over a year and hasn’t been home in a few weeks either. Luke complains her home is in his apartment, and that he doesn’t approve of her spending the entire weekend away from him with her friends.
Chloe gets a peak of her future if she chooses to stay with Luke. She can already see him separating her from her friends, demanding she stays home instead of working, basically being a 1950’s wife.
When she breaks up with him, he turns into a completely different person. He even cries, begging her to stay, saying he won’t say anything like that again, that he won’t badmouth her friends again.
Chloe goes home that day feeling like an idiot. She’s carrying a medium sized duffel bag with the few stuff she had over at Luke’s place. She holds back tears, not wanting to be that weirdo who cries in the New York public transportation system – she’s seen a few of them a few times to feel sorry for them, but she doesn’t wish to be one of them. At least not yet.
When she finally opens the door to her apartment, Beca’s in the process of putting away what’s likely clean laundry. She’s got her hair up in a ponytail, wearing sweatpants, a band T-shirt and a hairband. She looks very surprised upon seeing Chloe return home. So much so, she throws Chloe a quick glance before looking back down at the task at hand.
“Oh look who came back!” she says. “I thought I wouldn’t see you again since you moved in with Luke.”
Beca doesn’t get a response. She finishes putting her jeans away and looks up at Chloe, holding the empty laundry basket.
Chloe finally allows the tears to fall. She covers her mouth when she feels a sob escape. She drops her box on the ground where she stands. Beca hurries to her side, also dropping the laundry basket near the dresser. She wraps her arms around Chloe without a second time, allowing her to cry against her shoulder. And Chloe cries harder than she thought, surprising herself. Chloe doesn’t even know why she’s crying so hard, she wasn’t that into Luke to begin with. She wasn’t in love with him, they had been dating for a little over a month, she was only into him. And yet, her tears won’t stop falling, and her body won’t stop shaking in sobs.
Beca doesn’t joke anymore. She doesn’t ask any questions, much like Chloe had done when she and Jesse broke up. She just holds Chloe and allows her to cry. She even moves them to the redhead’s bed, where she’s quick to place the older girl sitting.
Chloe sees Beca remove her shoes and urge her to scoot further up the bed to stretch out her legs. It’s sweet and caring. And it makes Chloe’s body relax, her sobs finally ceasing. She sniffs, laying her head on Beca’s shoulder, while the brunette keeps one arm firmly around Chloe’s waist. She brushes her red curls away from Chloe’s face and examines her.
“Hold on,” Beca detangles herself from Chloe for a second, going to the bathroom.
Chloe wipes her tears with the back of her hands. She glances around the small apartment with a sigh, removing her jacket and letting it fall on the floor to the side of the bed. Beca emerges from the bathroom with a box of tissues, which she moves it out of Chloe’s grasp when she reaches for it, making the redhead frown.
“Let me,” Beca says simply with a frown that soon turns into a smile. She grabs a few tissues and gently wiping Chloe’s face. She dabs the soft paper all around the parts where Chloe’s tears touched, even her chin, and makes sure there are no more tear stains before she stops. She offers Chloe a smile, crumpling the tissues into a ball before throwing them in the general direction of the kitchen.
She loves you!
Chloe finds herself smiling at the gesture. It’s so sweet and gentle the way Beca is trying to make sure the redhead feels better. She places the box of tissues on the bedside table next to her and pulls Chloe close to her again.
“Do you want anything to drink? Are you hungry?” Beca asks, looking at Chloe with a concerned look.
“No,” Chloe mumbles. “I just… I don’t wanna do anything.”
Beca nods. She wipes the next few tears that roll down Chloe’s cheeks with her thumbs. She offers Chloe a sympathetic look and kisses the spot where Chloe’s hair meets her forehead. She arranges their positions so they’re lying down, and Chloe is quick to rest her head on Beca’s chest, humming when Beca pulls her even closer, her hand going up to her scalp. She starts massaging her, stroking her hair softly, making Chloe instantly relax. She closes her eyes with another hum.
Chloe’s body relaxes in such a way she finds herself falling asleep in Beca’s arms. Jesse’s voice is not echoing in her mind, now it’s her own voice. And it’s starting to sound more and more sure of what it’s saying.
Thanksgiving comes by and, once again, Beca and Chloe don’t fly back home. It’s not just that they can’t afford to fly back home, it’s also that they’ve enjoyed their last thanksgiving – or Friendsgiving as Chloe started calling it – and decide that they’re going to repeat it. This time with Stacie as well.
Chloe repeats her stuffed turkey breasts recipe and Beca wants to cook the au grating potatoes from the previous year, but she’s being a bit secretive about cooking it. Chloe finds it weird, especially when Beca insists she go first to Stacie’s and start preparing her part of the meal there, and that Beca will come later. The redhead decides not to ask anything further – especially why her roommate seems adamant to get Chloe out of the apartment for the majority of Thanksgiving day.
Chloe goes over to Stacie’s before lunch, deciding to give Beca the space she needs. Maybe Beca wants to try a different recipe or something and she wants to be alone when she cooks. Or maybe she’s cooking a family recipe and she doesn’t want Chloe or Stacie to know it.
As a housewarming present, Chloe gives Stacie a scented candle – overpriced but Chloe thought her friend deserved it – and a bottle of wine. When she arrives, Stacie is looking through her computer for an acceptable pumpkin pie recipe, a task she abandons temporarily when the redhead arrives.
Chloe then invites herself to Stacie’s kitchen, commenting on how white and bright her place is, compared to her and Beca’s apartment. The walls, furniture and most of the cabinets in the kitchen are white. The backsplash is a mix of grey, dark grey and black tiles that go perfectly. It feels open and big, despite only big a little bigger than the studio Chloe lives in with Beca.
“So where’s Beca? Why didn’t she come with you?” Stacie finally asks, cracking open an egg in a big bowl to start making the pie.
“I don’t know, she was being all secretive and weird,” Chloe says, helping Stacie by opening the pumpkin puree can.
Stacie frowns, throwing the eggshells away and cracking another one. “I’m afraid that’s very much Beca behavior.”
Chloe laughs when Stacie says it, realizing Beca was known to be secretive during their last year at Barden, especially with her internship. But, this time, it doesn’t feel sketchy, it feels like Beca is trying to make a surprise for their dinner.
“We’ll see it when she gets here,” Chloe says.
Stacie adds the pumpkin puree to the bowl and gives Chloe the whisk before she turns around, looking for the other ingredients. “Yeah.”
Stacie starts mixing the other ingredients in a different bowl before she adds those to the puree Chloe is currently mixing, taking the whisk from her. “So how are you, Chlo? Any news? Any dates?”
“Umm I was seeing this guy, Luke, but he was… he ended up just being a jerk,” Chloe says, drying her hands with a washcloth. “We broke up a couple of weeks ago.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Chlo!” Stacie says, offering the redhead a sympathetic look, dropping the whisk for a moment so she can grab and squeeze Chloe’s hand in a gesture of empathy. “How are you?”
“I’m okay, I’m feeling better,” Chloe says. “I wasn't in love or anything.”
Stacie offers her a smile before she continues mixing.
“How’s living alone with Beca? Any issues?” Stacie asks.
“Oh no, we- we get along great, Beca’s a great roommate,” Chloe says. “She and I even have our farmers’ market tradition!”
Stacie chuckles and smirks as she looks at the pie she’s making. Chloe notices but doesn’t say anything. She just crosses her arms, leaning back against the counter.
“It’s been great,” Chloe says.
“How’s Jesse? Are they still together?” Stacie stops what she’s doing for a moment, grabbing the unbaked pie shell and putting that into a cooking pan.
“Oh no, they broke up months ago, during New Year’s, in fact,” Chloe says. She thinks back to the things Jesse said to her, if maybe Stacie would have anything to say to that. Perhaps Jesse wasn’t the only one who saw Beca was clearly closer and more comfortable with Chloe than her own boyfriend. “In fact…”
Stacie looks back at Chloe with clear interest, leaving the pie aside for a moment.
“Beca told me Jesse’s… apparently he wasn’t a big fan… of me,” Chloe says, “Isn’t that weird?”
Stacie looks at her like she’s hiding something, or like she thought Chloe knew. “Chloe, it’s not that weird, Beca’s always been glued to your side.”
Chloe sighs. She had decided she wouldn’t tell anyone about what Jesse told her, but seeing Stacie seems to see things the same way, maybe she can also offer some insight.
“Do you think that was the reason they broke up?” Stacie asks, placing one hand on her waist and the other on the counter next to her.
Chloe looks down at her shoes, suddenly finding them interesting. She scratches the back of her neck and sighs, looking back up at Stacie. “Yeah.”
Stacie’s eyes widen and her stance changes. “Really?! How do you know?!”
“When I came back from Florida, I ran into Jesse sitting on our footsteps,” Chloe says. “He… he told me a few things I never knew.”
“Like what?” Stacie asks. Chloe gives her a weird look, making the tall brunette laugh and shake her head, “I don’t mean to pry, I’m just curious.”
“Stacie, Beca doesn’t know Jesse told me these things, so please don’t tell her,” Chloe says.
“Of course,” Stacie promises.
“Jesse said he… he hated me,” Chloe says, making Stacie look even more surprised, “Because he always tried to be the perfect boyfriend but Beca’s… her heart always belonged to me, as he put it.”
“Oh wow, he said that?” Stacie asks.
“Word for word,” Chloe nods. She turns to face Stacie fully, looking a bit unsure and uncomfortable with her next words, “He said she… she loves me but doesn’t know it yet.”
Stacie tilts her head and makes a comic face. Chloe can’t tell if she’s trying to hold back a laugh or thinking of a nice way to call Chloe an idiot.
“Oh I can definitely see it,” she says at last.
“What? Stacie,”
“I mean Chloe, c’mon!” Stacie says. “You two are… the perfect lesbian couple cliché! For fuck’s sake, you go to the farmers’ market together! Have you adopted a cat yet?”
Chloe gives her tall friend a look. Stacie temporarily stops looking at her to put the pie in the oven.
“We don’t have a pet, Stacie,” Chloe says. Should she tell Stacie about Stevie?
“But Chloe, you know what Jesse said can easily be true, right?” Stacie asks once she closes the over door. “I mean, looking at your bond with Beca over the years, it’s… completely plausible. She’s… the way she acts around you is- it’s different. Everyone can see it.”
Chloe looks at Stacie, thinking about what she said for a few long minutes. She then sighs, looking back ahead, examining Stacie’s kitchen. “I don’t know, Stace. I mean… sure, Beca does some stuff for me, but… that doesn’t have to mean anything, right?”
Stacie gives her a look but doesn’t answer. She sets a timer for the pie on her phone before she grabs the plates and silverware so she and Chloe can set the table.
Chloe gets a text from Beca that she’s leaving their apartment and will be there soon. Chloe puts the finishing touches to her turkey breasts and Stacie opens a bottle of wine.
“Listen, just to close the subject,” Stacie says, pouring Chloe some wine. “If you don’t think Beca goes the extra mile for you, then you’re too blind.”
“Come on, no she doesn’t,” Chloe says, rolling her eyes with a chuckle.
“Chloe, that girl would run the New York City Marathon barefoot if that meant she would make you smile,” Stacie says.
Chloe gives her a look, sipping her wine. Stacie puts the bottle down, clinking her glass to Chloe’s when the intercom system goes off. She lets Beca in and goes to the front door, unlocking it and opening it as she waits for the small brunette to show up.
Beca comes in, wearing a nice dark grey long dress with a short turtleneck and long sleeves, black combat boots and a black leather jacket over that. She smiles at Stacie, promising to give her a hug once her hands are free. Stacie is quick to take the ceramic pot with the potatoes, leading Beca to her kitchen.
“You can put those in the oven until they get a little more golden/brown,” Beca says to the tall brunette.
“What’s that extra dish you got there?”
Beca places a smaller pot that’s covered in tinfoil on the counter and blushes. She tucks a lose strand of hair behind her ear and clears her throat. Stacie raises an eyebrow and glances at Chloe, who’s quietly standing by the door, resting her hip against the doorframe.
“I um… that’s- that’s for Chloe,” Beca confesses, her cheeks turning a darker shade of red.
“Wait what?” Chloe asks, intrigued. She walks further into the kitchen, past a blushing Beca and closer to the dish. She uncovers the foil and gasps when she sees mac and cheese with some pink and red lumps that are clearly lobster meat. “Becs… you didn’t!”
Beca looks down at her feet, clearing her throat once more, clearly embarrassed about being put on the spot. “I knew that was your comfort food and I... I wanted to cheer you up, dude. I know you’ve been down since Luke.”
Chloe looks up from the dish to the brunette, who’s suddenly examining Stacie’s washcloth like it’s a collector’s edition. She smiles, trying not to get teary-eyed, especially since she can feel Stacie’s eyes burning a hole on the side of her head.
“But… But Becs, you hate seafood!” Chloe says. She turns more towards Beca, so Stacie can’t see the tears still threatening to spill.
“But you don’t,” Beca says, finally looking up at Chloe, “I admit I might’ve… gagged a bit while cutting the lobster tail, though.”
Chloe laughs but gives Beca a soft look, which doesn’t help the brunette’s burning cheeks. She walks over to her and wraps her arms around Beca in a tight hug, which makes Beca yelp, patting her back.
“Okay, okay, enough of that,” Beca says awkwardly. “Stacie’s watching.”
“God, you’re acting like this is PDA or something,” Chloe rolls her eyes, but separates from Beca, grabbing her glass of wine from the counter.
“This is PDA, dude… by definition!” Beca argues.
“Fine, fine, I won’t grope you anymore, you little buzzkill,” Chloe says. Beca simply murmurs as a response and turns to leave the kitchen.
Chloe finally looks up at Stacie, who’s setting up more timers on her phone with a small knowing smirk.
“Don’t,” Chloe says.
“I didn’t say anything,” Stacie says with a laugh.
Chloe doesn’t respond.
As their dinner gets ready, the three friends sit down. They share a few words, a few things they’re thankful for, they thank each other for being there, enjoying their Friendsgiving, before they allow themselves to dig in. Chloe, of course, goes straight for the lobster mac and cheese, humming loudly when she chews on it. She closes her eyes, being hit with an intense familiar feeling of nostalgia, being brought back to when she was a teenager and her mom would make this dish for her because she just broke her leg and couldn’t do some stuff.
“Oh my God,” Chloe says when she opens her eyes, not being able to hold back the tears, “Beca, this… this tastes exactly like my mom’s, how- how you did do that?!”
Beca covers her mouth, wiping her lips with a napkin before she looks at Chloe. “I might’ve- I called your mom.”
“What?! You did?! When?! How?!” Chloe asks, using a napkin to dry her tears.
“I… I went through your contact list when you were asleep…” Beca blushes, “Which I apologize for, but I just needed her number.”
Chloe’s rendered speechless. The tears continue to fall silently, and her napkin is rendered useless.
“She walked me through it as I was preparing it,” Beca says, looking down at her plate. “I wanted to make sure it was… up to her standards.”
Chloe looks at her in awe. Beca chuckles again, still blushing furiously. “Please, stop giving me that look, it was- it was no big deal.”
Stacie glances between the two, smiling quietly. She looks at Chloe, who’s wiping the rest of her tears, cursing under her breath because her makeup is on the way to being ruined.
“That’s so sweet, Beca,” Stacie says. “So when’s you guys’ wedding?”
Chloe effectively chokes on her wine. Beca gives her light taps on the back until she’s breathing normally again. Tears in her eyes for a whole different reason this time. Stacie’s still offering them an innocent looking smile.
Their Friendsgiving goes by pretty uneventful after that. Stacie insists they take the open bottle of wine, since it’s ¾ full and she’s not going to finish that on her own. The two friends share a cab back home, feeling so full but so cozy.
They get home after a silent ride. Chloe takes her shoes off and leaves them by the door, while Beca puts away the leftovers and hangs her leather jacket, sighing and sitting down on her bed.
“Beca,” Chloe says. Beca looks up at her. Chloe removes her jacket, hanging it next to Beca’s before walking over there, sitting next to the brunette. She grabs Beca’s hand and squeezes it tight, giving her a warm smile. “Thank you.”
Beca blushes again, though not as dark as she did back at Stacie’s. She clears her throat again, doing nothing to let go of Chloe’s hand. “You’re welcome, dude.”
Chloe chuckles at the nickname, looking down at their hands for a second. It’s comfortable, it’s… it feels right. Beca seems to think so, too, because she doesn’t retract. She runs her thumb over Chloe’s knuckles in an absent-minded caring gesture.
“Wanna finish the wine?” Chloe asks.
“Sure!”
Chloe tries not to ask herself why her hand feels that much emptier and lonelier when she lets go of Beca’s hand in order to get up and get two glasses of wine. She steals a glance at the brunette, finding her looking down at her own hand for a second before looking at her side.
Chloe pours them both wine and smiles, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs. It makes Beca frown.
“Are you… do I have cooties or something?” Beca asks. Chloe laughs.
“Cooties? What? Why would say that?”
“You’re… you sat so far from me,” Beca says, drinking her wine.
“You’re the one who mentioned PDA,” Chloe says. “I’m just respecting your wishes.”
“Well, Stacie’s not here, it’s no longer PDA,” Beca points out before patting the spot next to her. “Come back here.”
Chloe takes another generous sip of her wine with a teasing hum. “I don’t know, Bec. I think I better keep my distance. Practice for when we’re in public.”
Beca sighs, dropping her shoulders. “Okay, I’m- I’m sorry about that, I just… I feel weird when there’s other people around, I feel like… like they might make jokes, like…” Beca groans, looking at the side, possibly looking for a way to explain herself. “Like that wedding joke.”
Chloe’s look turns serious, she finishes her wine and leaves the empty glass on the table, going over to Beca and sitting next to her. She waits, but Beca won’t meet her eye. “Did that joke make you uncomfortable?”
Beca blushes. She still avoids looking Chloe in the eye, moving nervously, as if she’s looking for something to do.
Chloe can feel her heart beating faster, as if she knows this might be a big moment. In fact, she’s gearing herself up to mention what Jesse talked about. She’s ready to mention their conversation and ask if it’s true. If Beca might have feelings for Chloe.
“I don’t- no, it’s not that, I just-,” Beca shuts her mouth, groaning, “I don’t want people to think I’m like in love with a girl.”
Chloe frowns, opening her mouth to tell her it’s okay. That being in love with a girl isn’t a big deal, it’s not an abomination and it’s definitely not the end of the world. That Chloe herself might be too.
“Especially not you,”
It feels like a punch in her stomach. It takes out her air, and it makes it hard to breathe. Chloe’s eyes fill with hot tears and her whole body feels numb, like it’s suddenly about to collapse and she’s about to fall into an abyss.
“Wow,” Chloe finds herself say. She doesn’t look at Beca. Instead, she turns and gets up, going back to her own bed, wanting to be as far away from her as possible – which isn’t a lot, considering they live together in a studio apartment.
“Wait, no, Chloe, no!”
Chloe throws herself on her bed, curling up in a ball, turning her back to the side of the apartment where the pullout couch is located, refusing to even face Beca’s general direction.
“Wait, Chloe, that’s not- that wasn’t what I meant!”
Beca touches her arm, but Chloe shrugs it off. “I got your message loud and clear, Beca.”
“Chlo,” Beca says. Chloe doesn’t turn to look at her, but she can feel Beca sitting close to her. “I’m- I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant.”
“Leave me alone, Beca,” Chloe says. She wipes her tears before grabbing the covers and going under, covering herself with it.
She hears Beca’s heavy sigh. She doesn’t touch her arm again, but it takes a while before Chloe feels the bed move as she gives her space. She continues crying, sniffing silently, and she hears another heavy sigh.
It still hurts.
More than Chloe anticipated.
Chloe hadn’t been thinking about her own side of things since her talk with Jesse, only Beca’s side. Up until a few minutes ago, she never thought maybe it wasn’t just Beca who had feelings for her best friend. And it didn’t dawn on her how hurtful it could be to find out maybe people were wrong. That maybe Beca doesn’t have feelings for her after all.
Chloe cries harder when she thinks about that. About how, maybe, she loves Beca, too.