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Day 4: Hospital Visits
October 1990
Dean watched another popular football player walk into one of the rooms down the hall and felt that same bittersweet happiness for the person on the receiving end of the visit. It was nice to see his friends getting to meet their favorite actors, sports players, singers, artists, or whatever, but what wasn’t nice was knowing that the only reason they were getting that privilege at all was because they were dying. He watched from his wheelchair for a moment before the burden of that knowledge just became too much to handle, and he turned the chair around so he could return to his room. It was a 2 bed room, and since Eddie Guerrero had finally gone home, having received the diagnosis that he was in remission 2 weeks ago, the other bed had stood empty. It wasn’t empty anymore. Another boy, maybe a few years older than he was, sat in the middle of the bed, legs crossed, reading a magazine.
“Hey. When did you move in here?” He asked as he rolled over to his bed.
“They put me in here about 10 minutes ago. My roommate Teddy, he’s dying and his family wanted to be alone with him. Is it ok that I’m in here? You’re ok with having a roommate?” The boy asked. Dean shrugged.
“Yeah, sure, I mean, my roommate went home.” Dean considered the name of the dying boy. “I don’t remember a Teddy. Was he here long?”
“Yes, 3 months. We were up on the 5th floor, in the teen ward.”
“What’s your name?” Dean asked.
“Castiel. What’s yours?”
“I’m Dean.”
“You have cancer, Dean?” Castiel asked. In here, amongst other kids, they didn’t sugar coat things. The adults tried that, but it was more for their benefit than for the children.
“Yeah. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. They have it under control though, so I’m hoping to go home soon. You?”
Castiel opened his legs and slid them over the edge of the bed. That was when Dean realized the boy only had one leg.
“Osteosarcoma. Bone cancer. They caught it in time, it didn’t have a chance to spread.”
“How are you feeling?” Dean stood up and took the 2 steps necessary to reach his own bed. It took effort to get into the bed, he was always so tired now from his treatments as well as his illness.
“I’ve been better.” Castiel replied dryly. The corners of his mouth twitched, which Dean noticed.
“Ah, a comedian, I see. How old are you, Cas?”
“I’m 13. You?”
“I’ll be 11 in January. 3 more months. I’m looking forward to it.” Dean looked forward to every birthday like it was a precious gift. He thought maybe he always would.
“I just turned 13 last month. I want to reach my 14th, and every birthday after that.” Castiel slid down to the floor and dropped into the wheelchair next to his bed with a grunt. He wheeled himself over to Dean’s bed. “Want to play cards?”
“Sure, what game?” Dean reached into his nightstand and pulled out a well-worn deck of playing cards.
“Gin rummy. You know it?” Castiel climbed up onto the bed to sit across from him and watched as Dean shuffled the cards.
“Sure do, my mom taught me. We play all the time.”
“Good. I haven’t gotten to play in a while.” Castiel said.
“We can play anytime you want, Cas.”
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
July 1992
Dean sat in the waiting room with his mother, the only sounds in the room being Maury Povitch on the television and the sound of his pencil as he wrote. It was summer, so there wasn’t homework, but Dean liked to make up stories, and this was a perfect time to write. His mother was distracted by the drama on the television, leaving him to his own devices. Not that he ever got into much. He was pretty dull. The door opened and more people entered the room but he didn’t bother looking up at first. When he reached the end of the page and was about to turn it, he glanced up at the clock. It was past his appointment time now. He hated when they made him wait. Taking a moment to look around he spotted a familiar head of messy, dark hair across the room.
“Cas?”
The other boy turned at the sound of his name, his blue eyes lighting up with recognition.
“Dean! Hey! How have you been?”
Dean shrugged. “Alright, I guess. This is my 6 month checkup. Making sure it’s still gone.”
Castiel got up and walked across the room to sit in the seat on the other side of Dean. He nodded politely at Mary who smiled before directing her attention back to the television. A few seconds later she patted Dean on the shoulder and said she’d be back in just a few minutes.
“What do you mean 6 months? The last time I saw you, you were getting better. Did you relapse?”
“Yeah, but I’m definitely better now. My dad says it’s cause I’m a fighter. I’ve been cancer free 6 months now.” Dean was confident the cancer was gone this time. “What about you?”
“I’m ok. Just got this one cause I had a growth spurt.” Castiel rapped his knuckles against his prosthetic. “They, uh, found a spot on my other leg. It’s not cancer though. So almost 2 years now and counting.” He tapped the notebook in Dean’s hand. “Summer school?”
“No, I just like to write, make up stories. When I was really sick and couldn’t get out of bed, I’d just daydream about all kinds of stuff. Dragons, knights, monsters, that kind of stuff.” Dean didn’t think his stories would ever amount to anything. Mostly they were just a way to express himself.
“Really? So, fantasy stuff? That’s cool. Can I read something you wrote?” Castiel asked. Dean’s fingers tightened on the notebook. No one ready his stuff, save for his mom, or Charlie, but that was because she liked to write the same kinds of stuff. Sometimes they would research monsters and other creatures at the library so they would sound more realistic and authentic in their stories. He had a short story though, in another notebook in his bag.
“You won’t laugh, will you?”
He and Castiel had ended up roommates for more than a month, and once in a while after Castiel went home, he’d come up to visit Dean whenever he had an appointment at the hospital. Dean ended up being in the hospital much longer and aside from his parents, his brother, and Charlie visiting, no one came to see him. He always appreciated that Castiel would take the time to come visit. It had been almost a year though since they had seen one another and Dean had to admit, he had missed his friend. Castiel had never made fun of him or teased him, so he trusted the boy to read something he wrote.
“Ok, there’s a short story in this one.” Dean pulled out the finished notebook and flipped to the start of the story. The first few pages were just doodles of dragons. Castiel smiled as he accepted the book and began reading.
It didn’t take long, maybe 20 minutes, but Castiel’s eyes stayed glued to the story until it was finished. When he looked up finally, it was as though he were seeing Dean in a whole new light.
“This is really good, Dean. Hey, Mike!” Castiel waved to the man he had walked in with. It was clear they were family since they both had the same dark hair and intense eyes. Mike got up from where he’d been reading a magazine and walked over.
“Yeah?”
“This is my brother Mike. He works for a publisher. He’s an editor. Mike, this is my friend Dean, we had a room together a while back. Will you read this, see if it’s something they’d like?” Castiel looked first to Dean to make sure it was ok to show his brother. He nodded and watched as Mike took the notebook. Taking the seat on the other side of Castiel, he started reading. Mary still had not returned and Dean suspected she was probably out in the hall calling the babysitter to check on Sam. He waited patiently for Mike to finish.
“Wow. You wrote this? By yourself?” Mike asked before handing the notebook back.
“Yes. Like I was telling Cas, being sick, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do besides watch TV or daydream. So mostly I just daydreamed. Then my mom suggested that I start writing them down, so I did. I have maybe a 100 short stories. This…” Dean patted the notebook currently in his lap. “Is my first attempt at writing something longer.”
“Well, you’re talented. I’ll talk to the publisher and your folks. They might want to put out a book of your stories.” Mike handed the notebook back. “I’m guessing the dragon in this one, it’s a representation of your cancer, and the knight in shining armor is you finally conquering it. Am I right?”
Dean smiled. Mike got it, he understood. “Yeah, that’s it exactly.”
“Cassie, give him the house number, if he doesn’t already have it. You can reach me through Castiel, and after I talk to the publisher, I’ll talk to your parents. Ok?”
Dean nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Ok!”
Mike smiled and got to his feet. “I need to make sure they know we’re here. This is an awfully long wait.”
He slipped from the room, leaving the boys alone again.
“So, your birthday’s coming up.” Dean said.
“Yeah, my 15th.” Castiel confirmed as he plucked the pen from Dean’s hand and wrote his number down inside the front cover of the notebook. Dean studied the other boy’s face closely. Puberty was giving him a thin little mustache and a few chin whiskers as well as broadening his shoulders. He was handsome. Suddenly he wondered if it was ok to think that. Could boys find other boys to be handsome? Could they think they were attractive? That wasn’t exactly something he wanted to ask his dad, it was too embarrassing.
“Whatcha thinking about there?” Castiel asked. Dean blushed and dropped his gaze back to the notebook in his hands.
“N-nothing. Is it hard to grow a mustache?”
Castiel chuckled. His voice had deepened a lot in the last 2 years.
“This has taken me forever. I started growing it around the time I got out of the hospital but this is all I can get it to grow. He rubbed at his little mustache. “My dad has a really cool one. Beard too. I hope mine will be like his.”
Dean didn’t have facial hair. Yet. He hoped to someday grow a beard like his dad’s. Maybe then people would stop calling him “pretty”. He really hated that.
“I hope I start growing one soon.”
“You’re what, 12 now?” Castiel asked.
The way he said it irked Dean. Like Castiel just saw him as a little kid.
“Yeah.”
“You don’t sound happy about that.” Castiel observed. Dean shrugged.
“I never felt like a kid. Got my first cancer diagnosis at 8. Kind of hard to be a kid when you’re getting chemicals pumped into you and most of your time is spent in a hospital.”
Castiel simply nodded. He understood that.
“So where do you live? Close by?”
“We make an hour drive to get here. We’re actually in Lawrence.” Dean replied. Castiel’s eyes widened as a grin appeared.
“No way! So am I! We live near downtown, on Palmer.”
“I live on Peachtree. We’re not that far from each other.” Dean realized. He had to walk past Palmer on his way to school each day.
“That’s so cool. We should hang out. It would be nice to talk somewhere that isn’t a hospital. I’m so sick of this place.” Castiel sighed and dropped his head back, thunking it against the wall behind him. Dean hummed in agreement.
“Yeah.”
“Dean? Come on, the doctor’s ready now.” Mary had popped her head back in and Dean hurried to gather his things up. Almost as an afterthought he grabbed Castiel’s hand and flipped it palm up. He wrote his phone number down.
“You can call too. If you want.”
“I will. Catch you later?” Castiel asked, arching one eyebrow.
“Yep. See you around.” Dean gave a short wave before following his mother. All he could think about was how much he wanted an all clear from the doctor.
February 2008
The weather had been brutal the last few weeks and Dean was ready for the tour to be over so he could just go home, light a fire and kick back with a beer to watch the game. Didn’t matter what game. Any would do. Another book was placed in front of him and he looked up to see a little girl, no more than 8 or 9 smiling at him. Her blue eyes had a fire in them, despite the yellowish tint to them, and the dark circles. She was bald but someone, her mother probably, had put a pretty purple headband on, with a fancy matching bow. She had a cannula in her nose and he realize belatedly, she was in a wheelchair. All too often he saw children like this when he did these book signings. It broke his heart every single time. Still, he smiled wide and pulled the book closer.
“What’s your name, beautiful?”
She giggled and looked up at the lady standing next to her. The woman nodded and motioned towards Dean, so she turned her eyes back to him.
“Amber.” She replied softly.
“What a pretty name. How do you spell it?”
She gave him the spelling and watched as he wrote out a special note to her.
“This is my favorite book. I’ve read it so many times.” She gushed excitedly.
“Really? I’m impressed. This is the biggest one in the series. What’s your favorite part?” He asked.
“When Jocelyn conquered the dragon by using the enchanted sword she found by the lake. And when Miranda came to help her. I think they’re best friends. I want to have a friend like that.” She replied. Her excitement was endearing and he loved seeing her so animated.
“That’s right, they are best friends.”
“Mommy says you had cancer when you were my age. Did you really?” She asked. He nodded.
“I did. I had leukemia. It was a long and difficult fight, but I won. The cancer lost.”
She looked thoughtfully at the book his pen was still poised over. “This is my 3rd time. I’m tired.”
It pained him to hear her say that. He set the pen down and reached across the table to take her hand.
“I know, sweetheart. I was so very tired once myself. Do you know what I did?”
She shook her head, waiting for him to tell her.
“I dreamed of dragons and princesses, of knights and elves and all sorts of mythical creatures. Then my mom told me to start writing down the stories in my head, so I did. I was still tired, but I had something to look forward to. You see, my story wasn’t finished, and I had to see it through to the end. You need to find your story, and start writing it. Don’t give up until it’s finished.”
Her smile was so bright and he tried not to look up at her mother who had tears streaming down her face.
“I like mermaids. I wanna write about them. Is writing hard?” Amber asked.
“Nah, not really. I didn’t start writing for anyone but me. I had so many stories in my head and I wanted to save them all. If you like mermaids, that’s wonderful. Learn all about them and then write what’s in your heart. You can do anything you put your mind to.” He winked at the little girl and she burst into a fit of giggles.
“Thank you.” Her mother whispered as he closed the book and slid it back across the table to Amber.
“Any time.” He replied.
Amber was the last person in line. He began gathering his things together when someone walked up.
“I always knew you’d be a successful writer someday.”
The voice was deep, rich, and Dean was caught off guard by it. He wrote children’s books and most often he spoke with the children themselves, and occasionally their mothers or grandmothers. Rarely ever the fathers. Looking up he found himself staring into a very familiar pair of blue eyes.
“Cas?!”
“Hello, Dean. Long time no see.” The man was smiling warmly at him and Dean shot up from his chair so fast he knocked it over. He reached over the table and pulled the other man into a tight hug. Castiel hugged him right back.
“Where the hell have you been? You dropped off the face of the planet! I had no idea what happened to you! After the publisher signed me when I turned 16, Mike was suddenly out of the picture too, so I couldn’t even ask him what happened to you. Your number got disconnected and I thought…” Dean shut his mouth quickly. No, he didn’t want to talk about what he’d thought had happened.
“I’m sorry, Dean. Yeah, I got sick again, spent a few more years in and out of hospitals, but I’m 10 years cancer free now.” Castiel replied as they finally let go.
“What even happened to you?” Dean asked. Castiel motioned towards the second chair and Dean pulled it out so he could come sit next to him. He noticed, as Castiel came around the table, that the man was walking with a cane. Once he was sitting, he began to explain.
“I was too old for the children’s hospital anymore, and my family wanted the best care for me, so we actually moved to L.A. for my care. My entire family came with, it was really surprising. Once I was cleared and there was no more cancer, I stuck around there. Went to Stanford, got my law degree but I didn’t like practicing it, so I decided to go back to school and now I teach Criminal Law and American History. I just took the position at our old high school, actually.”
“No shit, really? You’re back in Kansas?” Dean was thrilled to know his friend had returned to their hometown. “I’m still there too. Never left.”
“I know, your bio is in the back of all of your books.” Castiel said with a small laugh.
“You…read them?” Dean was in awe of this man.
“Of course I did. I tell everyone my old friend penned them. I just didn’t have a way to reach my old friend. Your Facebook and Tumblr are fan based, not really you, so I couldn’t contact you that way. I waited for you to have a signing near Lawrence so I could show up and surprise you.” Castiel said.
“Well consider me surprised!” Dean was grinning and he couldn’t stop. He was so happy to see Castiel again. Time had done the man a lot of justice. He was gorgeous now, his dark hair still messy, his blue eyes bright, but his features, once soft and boyish were now rugged. Dean’s crush on him when they were kids, once he’d realized that’s what it even was, had become quite painful when Castiel had suddenly just disappeared. He wondered though, what the man had been up to besides school and work. There was no way someone as amazing and gorgeous as Castiel was could possibly be single.
“What else have you been up to? Besides work and stuff. You married? Any kids?” Dean didn’t feel like beating around the bush. Castiel blushed slightly but didn’t look away.
“No. I had a girlfriend for a while, til I got sick. You remember Hannah?”
Dean nodded. Sure he remembered her. Superficial bitch that acted like Castiel was a burden because he was missing one leg.
“We weren’t serious. She was bad for my self-esteem, so I dumped her. Then I relapsed. I, uh, lost my other leg.” Castiel frowned as Dean’s eyes drifted down to where his friends hands were clenched in his lap. He’d noticed the limp as the man had come around the table to sit next to him, but then again, Castiel had always had that limp, as long as he’d known him. Dean met his stare again.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Cas, but I’m glad you’re still here.”
A ghost of a smile passed over his friend’s lips.
“Thank you, Dean. I wasn’t ready to give up.”
“So then what?” Dean asked, urging him to continue.
“Then…nothing. I started college late and then didn’t go back to get my teaching degree til I was 26. I focused on work and school, dated here and there but you’d be surprised how superficial people can be when they find out you’re riddled with scars and missing both of your legs.” Castiel said bitterly.
“Sounds like you were dating the wrong kind of people then.” Dean had picked up on the use of the word “people” and not “women”, but he wasn’t going to draw attention to it if Castiel wasn’t.
“Yeah, that’s what I realized. So I stopped dating. I have an apartment near the school, a cat named Shadow that tries to kill me on a daily basis by trying to walk between my legs, and a few friends that accept me the way I am. For now, it’s enough.” Castiel turned a bit so he was facing Dean more. “I went by your old house the same day I got back to Kansas, but you’d moved out and they didn’t know where you were.”
“Oh, yeah. When Sam left for college my parents sold the house and got a condo in Florida. I already had my own place by then. Sam’s back now, has a place a few blocks from mine.” Dean regretted losing touch but he was glad Castiel had made the effort to reconnect.
“So what about you, Dean? Your biography, on your book and online only say so much about you. You live in Lawrence, you drive a ’67 Chevy Impala, and you are a cancer survivor. I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”
Dean smiled. “I went to KSU, got a degree in writing and another in English, bought a house, took up gardening, dated a little here and there, was even almost engaged 2 years back. Until I caught him cheating. Didn’t really try again after that.”
“Him?” Castiel asked. Dean chewed nervously on his lower lip as he nodded. ‘God, please don’t let him be homophobic…’
“Yeah.”
“Oh. So…you’re not straight?” The blue in Castiel’s eyes was incredibly intense in that moment.
“No. I sort of don’t put a label on it. Never felt the need to.”
A sudden smile erupted on the other man’s face.
“Oh, that is very good to hear.”
A tiny furrow formed between Dean’s eyes. “It is?”
“Yes, because I was hoping you would let me take you out to dinner.” Castiel replied.
Dean blinked. That caught him completely off guard. The object of all of his teenage fantasies…wanted to take him out to dinner?
“To catch up?” He asked. Castiel chuckled and the way his eyes sparkled with amusement made Dean’s heart suddenly start thudding hard in his chest.
“Well, I was hoping I could take you out on a date. And of course we can catch up on it.”
“Yes! Yes I want to you out with you!” Dean blurted once he got his brain to cooperate with his mouth again. “I have to admit, I am a little surprised. I always thought you were straight.”
Castiel shook his head. “Nah. Figured that out around the time I was 17 and I realized I didn’t like Hannah, I liked you. Of course back then I thought I was this big perv because you were just 15, and I thought you were straight. God am I glad you’re not.” He laughed.
People had come to clean off the table and move it, so after slipping the rest of his things into his bag, Dean stood up. It took leaning heavily on his cane but Castiel got up as well.
“Did you drive here?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded.
“Yeah. I’m parked in the lot next to a stunning, black, ’67 Impala.” He winked and smiled when Dean burst out laughing.
“Cool. Well, did you want to do dinner tonight? I’m free if you are. I just have to talk to my agent real fast. She’s around here somewhere.”
“Yes, I would very much like that.” Castiel brought a hand up to gently cup Dean’s cheek, making the man’s breath suddenly catch in his throat. “You are so beautiful, Dean. My family used to tease me about my crush on you, but I didn’t care. You were the nicest person I knew, and one of the only people that never made fun of me. I hid my crush out of fear that you would be disgusted. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know you will let me take you out on a date.”
Dean’s hand came up to cover the one that was gently stroking along his cheekbone and hold it there.
“Cas, man, I fell for you when I was like, 13 or something. I thought you were gorgeous. It never mattered to me that you only had one leg and it doesn’t matter now that you don’t have any. You’re still gorgeous, inside and out. I feel like I just won the lottery.”
“I will wait for you outside, alright?” Castiel couldn’t stop smiling, and neither could Dean, really.
“I’ll be out in just a few minutes.” Dean promised. Castiel dropped his hand and started walking towards the door.
“You’re not getting rid of me so easily this time, Dean!” He called over his shoulder.
Dean laughed. It was unpleasant circumstances that had brought them into one another’s lives all those years ago, and he’d been upset to lose him the first time. There was no way he was letting Castiel go again.