Work Text:
EXCLUSIVE Interview with Shane Hollander-Rozanov on the Hit the Puck Straight podcast.
Date of recording: August 22nd, 2021.
TRANSCRIPT:
The opening tune of Hit the Puck Straight starts playing, ending with a giggle from one of the hosts.
Jamie: Happy Sunday to our lovely listeners! We hope all of you are surviving the sweltering heat this summer. Ottawa is estimated to reach a thirty-two degree celcius record this year — eighty-nine degrees fahrenheit for our Americans out there — making us extremely happy that our studio has air conditioning.
Alex: James, you are rambling. Are you, per chance, nervous?
Jamie: Who? Me? Nervous? Whatever for?
The sound of Alex groaning into the microphone can be heard, followed by Jamie laughing quietly.
Alex: anyway — as always, my name is Alex, pronouns they/them and this is Jamie, pronouns she/her — and we’re your hosts for the Hit the Puck Straight Podcast!
A jingle starts playing, a crowd chanting “because we’re not!” before it goes quiet again.
Jamie: Thanks for that lovely introduction, Alex. And yes, I am nervous, but I think I would be crazy if I wasn’t. All of you have read the title of this episode already, but this whole thing came as a surprise to us less than a week and a half ago.
Alex: That's right! We were completely blindsided when our producer told us that a certain someone had requested to be on our podcast. Someone we never thought would even know about our existence, let alone want to guest.
Jamie: They’ve all read the title, Lex. A certain someone, really?
Alex: I’m building suspense!
Jamie: It’s not working.
A chuckle startles through the microphone, an unknown person with their equipment suddenly turned on.
Alex: We all know that while our lovely NHL teams are taking their deserved breaks, the press never shuts up. It’s been a whirlwind of trade announcements, of retirements and already the bets have been placed on who is winning the Stanley Cup in 2022 — we will talk about that, but not today.
Jamie: No, today we’re talking about something — someone — a lot more important, at least, we think so.
Alex: laughs oh my god he’s blushing
Jamie: do not flirt with him Alex!
Alex: I’m not!
Jamie: He’s married!
Alex: I’m aware! So am I!!
Jamie: Don’t pretend that Charlie wouldn’t —
Alex: Alright, shut up! We’re here to talk with Shane Hollander-Rozanov today.
A track of applause starts playing as Jamie gasps into the microphone.
Jamie: It’s unbelievable.
Alex: Mr. Hollander-Rozanov, please introduce yourself.
Shane: Please, call me Shane
Alex: Oh thank god. Your hyphenated names are a mouthful.
Shane: *chuckles* oh I know. We’ve had several complaints already. Apparently, it doesn’t fit on the NHL regulated jerseys.
Jamie: Now that’s homophobic.
Alex: Absolutely. I need a Centaurs Jersey with Hollander-Rozanov.
Jamie: Don’t we all?
Shane: I’ll see what I can do.
Alex: So, Shane. It’s lovely to have you hear. I can’t actually quite believe it yet, and you’re sitting across from me. In our studio.
Jamie: For those who don’t know, we started this podcast after Scott Hunter kissed his now husband Kip Grady. As a lesbian and a non-binary person, we never felt part of the NHL or that we belonged. Hunter coming out was a turning point. When a year later Ilya Rozanov transferred to the Ottawa Centaurs, we absolutely lost it. A legend like him coming to our hometown?
Alex: Since then, we’ve made this queer inclusive podcast for those that don’t feel like they’re represented in the NHL. Now, a few years later, we have four loud and proud professional queer hockey players. Three of which are on the Centaurs, which is insanity.
Jamie: twelve year old me is crying somewhere.
Shane: I think eighteen year old me might join you there.
Alex: That’s so fair. Were you eighteen when you realized you were gay?
Shane inhales sharply, blowing out a breath away from the microphone.
Shane: No. It took me a few years to catch up with the fact that I’m gay.
Jamie: In case you all have been living under a rock, let me fill you in. In May of this year, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were outed — without their consent — through a fanmail video recorded by Hayden Pike, Montreal Voyageur left wing. Even though it wasn’t intentional, it broke the hockey world and even that containment.
Alex: You guys must have been bombarded with press.
Shane: It was insane. Something we kept a secret for so long was suddenly out there, for everyone to see and have opinions on. But, part of me is happy? In a strange way? Like, it’s out there now. We don’t have to hide anymore.
Jamie: Oh Shane, you’re breaking my heart.
Alex: Same. I might need some tissues.
Shane laughs again.
Shane: We used a lot of those in the first few weeks. While we got lots of support from people within the league and out of it, we also got a lot of pushback and, quite frankly, homophobic comments. It got to the point where I forced Ilya to delete Instagram throughout our honeymoon.
Jamie: I knew something was up! He didn’t post for a month and suddenly there’s a large photo dump of you guys on your trip.
Shane: Yeah, that was on purpose. To really just — shut ourselves out from the world.
Alex: As you both deserve. How was it?
Shane: Amazing. I nearly cried when I held Ilya’s hand while simply walking outside.
Jamie: Oh for — Can we get some tissues in this studio please?
Alex: Thousands of dollars worth of equipment and no tissues. What has the world come to?
Shane: I didn’t mean to make you cry!
Alex: She cries at everything, you’re good. But — how are things now? You must be excited, to start with the Centaurs?
Shane: Oh yeah, I’m definitely excited. We start our training camp in September, and I think I’m driving Ilya completely crazy.
Jamie: We haven’t seen you two together and fully out often, but even I can see that Ilya could never get sick of you.
Shane: He said the same thing.
Jamie: Oh my god, see!
Alex: How do you think it’ll feel, finally playing with your husband on the same team?
Shane takes a deep breath, a moment of quiet before he decides to answer.
Shane: Even though the last few months have been a whirlwind and, at times, horrible, I’m so fucking happy to finally be with him. I get to wake up with him every morning, we walk our dog together, we go out on dates and have boardgame nights with my parents. Last week, we bought a new couch for our living room and Ilya nearly cried at the realization that it was ours now. We’ll never have to be apart again, steal quiet moments in unfamiliar hotel rooms. It’s a heady feeling, if I’m being honest.
Jamie: I can only imagine. Jesus Christ.
Alex: You guys are going to be menaces on the ice.
Shane: We plan to get Ottawa the cup they deserve.
Jamie: Now that’s what we want to hear!
Alex: Hell yeah! With the roster we have now, I can see it happening. Last season we had a good run, too. Play-offs for the first time in forever.
Shane: The team did amazingly.
Jamie: The last game you played for the Voyageurs was against the Centaurs. After you both were outed. What was that like?
Shane: *sighs* Quite frankly, it sucked. The whole league saw me trip and then accused me of doing it on purpose for Ilya.
Alex: God, when that story broke I nearly threw my iPad against the wall.
Jamie: Same. Do you know who leaked that?
Shane: I have no idea. The accusations started in the locker room, but the doors were wide open, so anyone could have heard it. I’m not here to trash talk the Voyageurs, though. I enjoyed my time there.
Alex: You won them three cups and suddenly you’re tripping on purpose? Sounds shifty to me.
Jamie: Absolutely ridiculous, truly. But, their loss!
Alex: Exactly. Ottawa got the first husbands of hockey.
Shane: I like that title.
Jamie: Because of the husbands thing, or—
Shane: Anything that allows me to call Ilya my husband is a good thing to me.
Alex: Shut up, you guys are so fucking cute.
Shane: Thanks. Ilya says I’ve become more sappy now that we’re out.
Jamie: You guys deserve to be the sappiest you want to.
Shane: We have rules about the season, though. I’ve relegated Ilya to only two kisses on the ice per game.
Alex: Damn, you’re strict!
Shane: Yeah, well. We don’t want to be accused of rubbing it in everyone’s faces.
Alex and Jamie laugh loudly, their breaths hitching with it.
Jamie: Shane! I’ve never seen you like this in interviews.
Shane: I’m trying to be more authentic. This is a good start, a welcoming place.
Alex: That’s all we want. An inclusive space for hockey fans and players.
Shane: And you guys are doing amazing work already.
Jamie: Stop, you’re going to make me blush.
Alex: Now, Shane, I hate to bring this up, but there’s a reason why you decided to suddenly come on a podcast. You’ve been denying press any comments ever since Montreal fell out of the play-offs, and your social media has been quiet apart from your honeymoon photo dump. Why now? Why at all?
Shane clears his throat.
Shane: You don’t have to apologize for that. You’re right. I haven’t been talking to the press or posting on social media. It was terrifying to be outed like that. People were against it, people were supporting us, it was all over the place. We talked about it quite a lot, and we figured staying quiet was the best thing to do. Let it blow over — but that hasn’t happened, and people are writing think pieces and sharing their unwanted opinions. And for a while, we could ignore it. But then —
Jamie: Oh, I can see where this is going.
Shane: You guessed it. Barstool Sports released an article and I got so — so angry.
Alex: For those of you who don’t know, Barstool Sports published an article about three weeks ago calling for a termination of Ilya and Shane’s contracts. According to the author, who remains anonymous, their marriage is an unfair advantage and should disqualify them from playing in the NHL.
Jamie: They also had a lot of negative things to say about Ilya—
Shane: They said that I could do better, that Ilya is a brute and doesn’t deserve me because he made me hide and that he should go back to Russia.
A silence falls in the studio. For a minute, no one says anything.
Shane: And that would be a death sentence.
Alex: So that’s why you’re here.
Shane hums.
Shane: That’s why I’m here. Because Ilya is the kindest, most wonderful human being I have ever met. I’m the one who pinches myself every morning, who can’t believe that this is real. Ilya wanted to go public years ago — I was the one who wanted to hide, to keep our little bubble safe.
Jamie: Judging from how the league has reacted, you weren’t wrong to want that.
Shane: But not forever. It was killing us to be apart, and Ilya struggled a lot.
Alex: Did you?
Shane: All the time, but I never talked about it. I didn’t want to — we barely had time to be together. I didn’t want our little time to be spent talking about negative things.
Jamie: Understandable.
Shane: But it wasn’t fair. Every game, I listened to my teammates brag about their hook-ups or complain about their marriages, and I had to bite my tongue. Act like I wasn’t interested in anyone and focused on hockey. When, in reality, all I wanted to do was talk about Ilya.
Alex: What’s your favorite thing about him?
Shane chuckles again, blowing out some air.
Shane: That’s a difficult question. He has this unconditional way of loving someone. He makes jigsaws with my dad, and is the only person able to beat my mother at Yahtzee. He has an alarm a few minutes before mine so that he wakes up and can cuddle me before we both have to get up. He has this picture of his mother that stands in our hallway, next to a candle he always lights whenever we’re home. Sometimes, he goes quiet and I’m the only one who can make him talk. He’s the kindest, most sensitive man I’ve ever met.
Jamie: I am literally crying.
Alex: Give me those damn tissues — I can’t imagine Rozanov like this. He’s so—
Shane: Wild? Reckless? An asshole on the ice?
Jamie: Exactly
Shane: A defense mechanism. Most hockey players aren’t the same on ice as they are in real life. Also, he was raised by an abusive father and for the first few years, Ilya didn’t know how to express his emotions at all.
Alex: That’s my next question. Just how long has this been going on? People are saying it was the All-stars game — Ilya kissing you on the cheek was simply too cute — but others are saying it’s been going on for way longer.
Shane: We met before our Rookie season. That commercial we did together? Right after? That was the first time we hooked up.
Jamie: Hold the fuck on! Before your rookie season?
Shane: You sound like my parents. With more cussing.
Alex: Excuse me?!! You guys have been hiding that long?
Shane: I mean, no. It was just hook-ups for years. Feelings came into the mix much later, and even then we didn’t think we could have this — a relationship, be in love. Get married. But then—
Jamie: Scott Hunter happened.
Shane: Scott Hunter happened. And I got hit.
Alex: Oh my god, I remember that! Boston against Montreal! Ilya kept close to you even when the refs told him to get away.
Shane: Yeah. He wasn’t subtle.
Jamie: I don’t think I’d handle such a thing well either, if my partner was splayed out like that.
Alex: I think I would have lost it had it been Charlie.
Shane: I called out to him while on our way to the hospital, actually.
Jamie: And Ilya couldn’t do anything! Oh my god.
Alex: So you’ve been dating since 2017. Did it ever make it difficult, playing against each other?
Shane: No, we loved those games. We’re competitive in everything.
Jamie: You must have been scared to get found out, right?
Shane: Absolutely. It was terrifying. I felt like I couldn’t even look at him a certain way or everyone would know.
Alex: Now you can ogle him all you want.
Jamie: Hell, I ogle him and I’m a lesbian.
Shane: Did you just admit to ogling my husband? In front of me? Rude.
Jamie: I sincerely apologize.
Alex: So, considering the timeline, Ilya moved to Ottawa for you.
Shane: Yes. To be closer together.
Jamie: That’s a big thing, considering he was in Boston. You know, a team that made the play-offs and won Cups.
Alex: Whose idea was it?
Shane: Mine, actually. And, looking back, it was incredibly selfish.
Jamie: Ilya did it, though.
Shane: He did. He chose me over hockey from that moment onward. And I should have done the same, but I allowed my fear to lead me.
Alex: Not an unfounded fear, though.
Jamie: So you’d choose Ilya over hockey?
Shane: Without a fucking doubt. I would be sad for a while, because hockey has been my life for so long, but I cannot imagine a life without Ilya. I think I would just — stop functioning. He’s my soulmate, my other half.
Alex: And they say romance is dead.
Jamie: Instead I am. Dead in a ditch, single for the rest of my life.
Shane: I’m sure that’s not true.
Alex: Let’s not talk about Jamie’s love life.
Jamie: Look at you two, married to people who love you and are devoted to you. Fuck off.
Shane: It’s pretty great, so I’m not bothered.
Alex: Married life is amazing.
Jamie: Oh fuck me. I need a wife. Shane, do you know any lesbians?
Shane laughs again, right into the microphone.
Shane: I know a few from our summer camps.
Jamie: I will pick your brain about this after we’re done.
Alex: So, we now have a timeline and we’ve seen sappy Shane. I can’t believe we have four out and proud players in the league. We get to see a married couple play together. This season is sure to be interesting.
***
Ilya clicked on the link Shane sent him without thinking. He would be an easy target for phishing text messages, as long as they come from his husband. He didn’t even bother checking, only looking back at his phone once it started playing a tune he vaguely recognized.
Now, he’s sitting in their driveway. Has been for about twenty minutes, the podcast no longer playing. His eyes are burning fiercely, heart melted in his chest. Ilya didn’t think he could love Shane more — could hold more space for him in his heart, his entire body, but here’s the proof. He has a lot more space for Shane.
He didn’t tell Ilya about this. Ilya purses his lips, scrolling through his phone calendar. His eyes widen as the 22nd comes into view: that was the day Shane said he had a photoshoot with Rolex. Ilya even talked to Yuna about it.
As it turns out, both Hollanders lied. Locking his phone, Ilya vows to beat both of their asses during their next game night. He gets out of the car, the air pleasantly warm for the end of August. Coming from Russia, Ilya is used to the cold. Canadian winters are something else, though. He loves the summers, loves seeing Shane in shorts and tank tops that he steals from Ilya’s closet. The cottage in the summer time feels like ages away, and yet, Ilya doesn’t have to hold his breath for an entire year to feel that way again.
He walks up to the front door and opens it. Immediately, the soft tunes of his own playlist greet his ears. Shane still hasn’t brushed up on his music knowledge, but he listens to anything Ilya recommends. Ilya gets to feel this every day now — every morning he gets to wake up to Shane’s freckles, his brown eyes and beautiful self.
Ilya hangs up his coat and puts his shoes next to Shane’s on the shoe rack before walking into the house, holding his phone in his hand. Shane is standing with his back toward him, head moving along to the music as he uses a cloth to clean the countertop.
“Мой дорогой,” Ilya says, quiet enough not to startle Shane. He takes a few steps to stand behind Shane, placing a kiss on Shane’s shoulder.
The other man turns around with a smile, immediately wrapping his arms around Ilya’s neck and kissing him. It’s sweet, soft and quick. They don’t rush things anymore — they have all the time in the world now.
Sometimes, Ilya can’t quite believe it.
“You are too sweet.”
Shane’s smile turns knowing. “You listened to it.”
“Мой ежик,” Ilya says, kissing Shane’s nose. “Of course I did.”
“Wait — hedgehog? Really?”
Ilya shrugs. “You’re cute yet prickly.”
“I’m prickly?”
“Sometimes.”
“Asshole.”
Ilya can’t help but smile, pressing their foreheads together. “You are my soulmate, too. My other half.”
“Good.” Shane whispers in response.
“Without you, I would stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Like you said. Stop functioning.”
The words are heavier coming from Ilya, he knows this. Galinda says he shouldn’t place the responsibility of his happiness on Shane’s shoulders, and he really doesn’t. They’ve talked about it a bunch of times. But Shane preens underneath the words, quickly placing a kiss to Ilya’s lips before pulling back again.
They don’t go far. Shane leads them to the couch, pushing Ilya into the cushions and making him splay out his legs on the longer part of the couch. Shane is quick to nestle himself in between Ilya’s legs, leaning against his chest. “Я тебя люблю.”
Shane speaking Russian is something Ilya will probably never get used to. He swallows down his tears, and digs his nose into the crook of Shane’s neck. “Я тоже тебя люблю.”