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It was an early spring morning when the little brown-haired boy sneaked out of the flat where he lived and started walking on the street. He didn't go far away, his destination was the rundown walls a few houses away. He threw the basket he was holding to the other side and climbed up at it, disappearing behind it. Only the kids on the street knew that there was a secret garden hidden behind the rocks - and it was full of sweet and big strawberries at this time of the year. The brown-haired boy, Ruskin's eyes sparkled up when he saw them. He came here for the strawberries which was his best friend, Charles' favourite food. He always made sure to surprise him with a basket of strawberries every day - Ruskin's joy came from seeing the bright smile on his friend's face. This was what he lived for, his entire world.
He loved Charles more than anything, after all.
Ruskin bowed down in the grass and started collecting the strawberries, making sure to get the most perfect ones - that was what his friend deserved. Just like him, Charles was unloved - this was what made the strong bond form between the two of them when Ruskin got taken in from the street by Charles' family due to his skills when it came to pickpocketing people. Ruskin wanted to give everything to Charles he didn't get, he worshipped him like he was not only his friend but also his god. Ruskin was already sure that the feelings he had for Charles were more than what people felt towards their friends. Charles was the key to his happiness and his greatest wish was that they would stay together, living side by side until the day they die. He was determined to follow Charles wherever his path would lead. He knew that Charles was destined for greatness and he wanted to live in his shadow, quietly supporting him, protecting him from every threat.
The basket started to get full. After a few more strawberries, Ruskin was about to stand up - then his gaze fell to something. It was a bigger strawberry he didn't notice before, and when he grabbed it, he needed to realize that it was actually not one, but two berries grown together. Ruskin's eyes widened from the surprise. He knew exactly what he was holding in his hand.
The strawberry that old woman once talked about to him on the street.
"If you find two strawberries that grow together and share it with someone, you will fall in love with each other and this will tie you together for eternity."
Ruskin could still hear the words echoing in his mind. Back then, he didn't care about it too much, he was a lonely orphan who didn't have anyone else, but now, he had a person he dreamed about falling in love with him. Charles. He knew that Charles liked him, but he still doubted that his friend felt so strongly towards him as Ruskin did. Oh, if Charles would fall in love with him, too, if he could be sure that he will truly not leave him behind...! Ruskin felt that the yearning to make his wish come true became unbearable. And... he finally had something in his hand to achieve this. He could make Charles fall in love with him.
But... would that be right?
The doubts started to fill Ruskin's soul. No, it was not right to get Charles' love through trickery like this, he should work hard, even harder to be worthy of it. But what if Charles is unable to love him that way? What if his feelings will never get returned? Ruskin's stomach knotted up for the thought. What if... what if Charles leaves him behind one day?
The pain that flooded him put tears into his eyes. They started running down his cheeks. Ruskin knew that he cannot live without Charles, he didn't even want to. He looked at the strawberry. Yes, it is not right to give it to Charles without telling him the truth, but it wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen to them either. After all, he loves Charles with all his heart. He could make him happy, he wanted to make him happy for the rest of their lives. What was so bad about this? He can take care of Charles better than anyone else! They belonged together! Making Charles love him back was not evil!
Ruskin's will to stay away from using the strawberry weakened as he walked home with the basket. He didn't want to lose Charles - never! With a heavy heart, he decided to share the strawberry with his friend in the end.
"Ruskin. You brought me strawberries again?" Charles welcomed him with a wide smile on his face which otherwise would have made Ruskin's heart beat faster and cheer his mood up immediately, but now, it just made him feel even more guilt on what he was about to do.
"Yes. I will never forget to bring you strawberries every day, Charles." He answered and put down the basket in front of his friend.
"Thank you." Charles said gently and he wanted to take a strawberry away from the basket when Ruskin's hand stopped him. Charles looked surprised when Ruskin placed the twin strawberry onto his palm and he didn't let Charles' wrist go yet.
"Look what I found in the garden." Ruskin noted and he needed to swallow to clear his throat and be able to continue. "It is the most beautiful strawberry I ever found and it is yours... but would you share it with me?" He asked and the blood was drumming in his ears. Not because he was excited by the answer, he didn't doubt that Charles would have shared the strawberry with him even without mentioning it - but because of the shame. Yet, he couldn't turn back. The possibility of getting separated from Charles was too terrifying to leave himself any other choice.
Charles tilted his head and winked at him.
"Of course that I share it with you." He replied and curiously looked at Ruskin. "Ruskin, are you alright? You are trembling." He brought it up. Ruskin tried to gather his composure again to not make his friend worry, but his voice was shaky when he answered.
"Yes, I am alright. Let's eat the strawberry then." He suggested. He cut it in half and gave one of the strawberries to Charles. He watched as his friend swallowed the fruit at the same time as him and at that moment, he knew that their fates were decided. He got what he wanted, he didn't need to be afraid of losing Charles... but the strawberry, which used to be sweet, left a bitter taste in his mouth.
*****
That night, Ruskin couldn't fall asleep. He just stared at his side where Charles was lying - his friend came to the kitchen to sleep with him after his siblings kicked him out of the bed. Charles was sleeping peacefully, but Ruskin's mind kept whirling from the thoughts. His guilty conscience caused a heavy pain in his chest, he was almost suffocating from it. He successfully tied his friend to himself, but it was still a lie, manipulation, trickery. In Ruskin's eyes, no action was wrong if he did it for Charles' sake - but now he wronged his own friend. The one he loved more than anything in the world... and he forced his own will onto him.
Charles now cannot choose his path anymore, he will be with Ruskin forever. Even if he was devoted to his friend, didn't he fail him at the same time with his action? The lie, the secret which was now between them hurt him - when Ruskin never kept anything away from Charles. He watched his friend's face who was so close to him and yet, so far away. Spending the eternity together with that weight on his heart, poisoning Charles' happiness with the blame he feels. In the dark, Ruskin finally realized that his wish and fear made him do something horrible. He started crying, he tried to stay silent to not wake up Charles, but despite that he turned away, he soon still felt an arm wrapping around his shoulder.
"Ruskin... what is wrong?" Charles asked him gently and Ruskin sensed as his hand started to pamper him to comfort him. "Tell me why are you crying."
Ruskin sniffed. He was afraid of what Charles would think when he heard the truth. Will he be angry at him? Will he never trust Ruskin afterwards? Oh, he would have deserved it. But when he started to speak, he still felt that the weight slowly began to roll down his heart.
"The strawberry that I gave to you... it was not an ordinary strawberry. If two strawberries grow together and you share it with someone, you will fall in love and you will never leave each other. The reason why I gave that strawberry to you was that... I was afraid that you would leave me one day... and I wanted you to love me." He gulped and he couldn't continue. His tears started flowing again, he buried his face into the blanket and just cried painfully.
"Ruskin. Ruskin!" He heard that Charles kept calling his name, but he didn't turn towards his friend. "Ruskin!" Charles now raised his voice and Ruskin felt as he hugged him even stronger to himself... then a pair of lips pressed to his neck. This finally made Ruskin's tears stop from the shock while Charles kept kissing him. The kiss was warm and soft and didn't seem to contain any anger. Can it be that Charles actually didn't mind what Ruskin did? But before he could fall to the spiral of his thoughts, his friend started to talk.
"I would never leave you, Ruskin. I need you on my side to do great things one day. When we grow up, we will rule together... I already promised this to you and you shouldn't forget it." Charles said in a determined voice and Ruskin sensed his hot breath as he sighed. "And about the other part... you don't need a strawberry to make me love you." He whispered and buried his head into Ruskin's hair.
Ruskin blinked for the words. First, he couldn't believe what he heard - then the happiness flooded his body and it was so strong that he felt like he would go insane from it. Charles would never leave him - he promised. And he loved him, really loved... even without the strawberry. They were already tied together when he gave Charles that fruit.
"I love you, too, Charles. I will never stop loving you." Ruskin confessed devotedly. Charles didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. He already told what Ruskin always wished to hear.
Ruskin didn't speak more, he just sank into his enormous joy and the warmth of his friend, his love who didn't let him go - and he knew that it will always be like that until their last breath.