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“Yes?” Said God. She looked at them expectantly, hardly even moving from the conspiratorial lean with her dark-clothed counter part. Her full attention on them now.
It was more than a little intimidating to have the creator of the whole universe, The Almighty herself turning all of her infinite attention onto two, not even that high ranking really, creations. She could make or break or twist all of what was left of reality and even what wasn't without even a blink. A stray thought and your insides could be outsides or you might just not exist at all.
They stood shoulder to shoulder, Two pillars holding one another up. Everything else was gone. Whickber Street, London, the UK, all of Europe, the whole entire universe a blank dark slate. A clean chalkboard ready to be written upon again.
“Made your decision?” The smile Satan wore was almost patronising but, for the first time in existence, Crowley felt no fear, not really. He looked at Aziraphale, trusting him just as he had decades ago at a rushed magic show with a gun in his hand for the first time.
“We want you to create another universe,” Aziraphale said steadily. For the first time he, too, didn’t feel fear. Not fear of God or retribution or what it might mean to make this choice.
'“One without angels. Or demons. No God. No Satan. A universe without a Heaven and without a Hell.” Even though God leaned back, her stare intense, neither wavered.
“No great plan, nothing ineffable. It just starts with a Big Bang and ends… billions of years later, with the Heat Death of the Universe.”
“Or, you know, however it stops. Heat Death isn’t a dealbreaker…”
“You’re asking God to create a Godless universe?” Satan smiled as she spoke, as if it were all some great joke. “Neither of you could ever exist in such a universe, you understand?”
Satan’s smile fell. “Wait. You’re not going to indulge them in this nonsense, are you?”
But God smiled at him. “Yes. I think I am.” Her head whipped back to the two of them. “You two fully comprehend the cost?”
“We know what we’re asking for,” Crowley said. They reached for each other, hands clasping tight, maybe even for the last time.
“Very well,” God replied, standing. “I’ll make it. I’ll make the Universe your way. I’ll even let an Earth happen. Eventually, there’ll be humans and life, in all of its mundane glory. Something that both of you will neither know or experience, though.” Her eyebrows raised, expectant.
“That doesn’t matter,” Aziraphale said. “The humans deserve a chance to live their lives free of Heaven, free of Hell, free of their lives being meddled with like puppet strings meant to dance for someone else’s amusement.” Crowley had been right, and as much as it hurt to let it all go, it was the right thing to do.
“Right, then,” God said. “Say your goodbyes.”
Aziraphale turned to Crowley, finding his own counterpart, his eternal companion, the one who had always been by his side, already looking at him. They’d already said their goodbyes in that little garden pocket space with a softer, kinder. press of lips. He lifted his hand, holding ringer and middle to his lips and then pressed them to Crowley’s, feeling the gentler pressure returned.
And then God began to slowly clap. “Well done, both of you.”
Both pairs of heads whipped towards her, Aziraphale’s brow falling. God was smiling, hands coming together slowly, while Satan lounged in his chair, eyes rolling. “I- I’m sorry?”
“Oh, don’t be,” God said. “Out of all my angels and all my demons, it was always the two of you, wasn’t it?”
Crowley’s eyes flicked between The Almighty and The Adversary. They each wore conspiratorial smiles. “What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean!?”
God clicked her tongue. “You, the two of you, are the only ones in all of my Heavenly and Hellish creation that understood The Point.”
“The Point of what,” Crowley snarled, his hand never leaving Aziraphale’s and, in fact, gripping it tighter.
“Of creation, of course!” God returned to her seat, one leg crossing over her knee and her wrists crossed on that leg. “Tell me, either one of you, I’m not picky, what my instructions were for you in regard to the humans.”
Crowley continued to scowl while Aziraphale’s mind whirled. “You’re… You’re instructions?”
“Just so.”
“I- Well- You said, to love them as we do so loved you.”
“Aaand?” She prompted.
Crowley looked between Satan, God, and the angel that had always been by his side, picking up the thread Aziraphale hadn’t finished. “You said to love them, to guard them, and to guide them.”
God nodded with each instruction. “I’m almost surprised you were paying attention,” she said, lips curling. “Yes. Love them. Guard them. Guide them. It was all that I asked and you are the only two to have ever done so.”
“I don’t think that’s quite fair,” Aziraphale said softly. “Plenty of angels never even had the chance to-”
He fell silent when God held up a hand. “They all had their parts to play, Aziraphale. Any one angel, or demon, could have separated from the herd, or hive in this case, and made that choice. And you two did. Aziraphale, you gave away the sword I entrusted to you, for the simple reason that you were concerned for Eve’s safety and comfort. Crowley, you saved Job’s children when it would have been far more convenient for you to allow them to parish. The two of you have lived among my masterpiece since time began, learning about it, learning from it, and doing the duty to which I gifted you. You worked your hardest to prevent Armageddon, you endeavoured to make a fate that was initially destruction into something good and loving. And all the while, you loved each other, but even that could not dampen your love for humanity. I can find no better candidates to be the Guardians of Earth.”
“Guardians…” Aziraphale repeated softly, eyes wide.
Crowley scoffed. “So that’s it, then? You pull us along like carrots on a string, clap us on the back like school children who learned their A B C’s, and then expect us to be your pawns!? Heaven and Hell mucking about with humanity, oh- But it’s alright because your special-”
“Crowley!” Aziraphale gasped, tugging their still clasped hands back when Crowley made a move to move forward.
“No,” God said simply. “I will still grant you your Universe as requested. No more Heaven. No more Hell. No more sides. I can’t quite erase myself and my Adversary but, you have my word as Almighty and Creator that we won’t interfere with you. There are, of course, other beings like myself and yourselves out there, beyond this Universe, that I have no control over, but that is why my creation needs protectors. The Earth will be yours and I can be confident it will be left in no better hands.”
There wasn’t much more time to argue or reject Her offer. Both Aziraphale and Crowley felt the, admittedly crumbling, foundation shift beneath their feet. The world around them dissolved, twisted, and then it was gone, like someone had just switched off the light bulb.
It took some getting used to, the whole ‘Protectors and Guardians of Earth’ thing. Six thousand years of looking over shoulders and coded messages and never having been truly at peace effects even ethereal and occult psyche’s. The world was restored to it’s former wholeness. Continent's and oceans and even air fryers blipped back into existence as if they’d never gone in the first place. None of the humans seemed to remember what had happened, and if they did they chalked it up to a bad dream and went about their gloriously mundane lives.
It was a little harder for a former angel and a former demon. There was no more lift to Heaven or Hell, they’d both checked numerous times and in all the usual, and unusual, places. Their miracles seemed to work just fine and no more rude notes or voices on the radio told them to stop. Jesus was, of course, nowhere to be found but The Book of Life did appear one sunny morning on the stoop of a Soho bookshop with a little note.
Aziraphale-
Should you and your partner ever tire or grow weary of your duty, you know what to do.
It wasn’t signed, but the both of then knew who to thank for it. After that, it was a simple affair. So much had happened in London, in Soho. Every street corner and dirty alley held memories, ghosts. While they didn’t see another angel or demon, it still felt too close for comfort.
Far, far too close.
“You know, you didn’t have to bring all of them.”
Aziraphale raised an eyebrow over his shoulder, large cardboard box in his hands as he climbed a narrow staircase. “I know. This is the third time in the last hour you’ve said as such.”
“This is the third time-” Crowley mocked under his breath, just a few steps behind Aziraphale and arms just as laden. “I still don’t know why you don’t miracle it-”
“Yes, you do. Now stop your bellyaching before I bring even more.”
He was going to bring more anyway. There was a classic Bentley parked out front, windows entirely blocked by boxes and books and boxes of books. It was parked in front of a little stone cottage with a thatched roof that certainly wasn’t nearly as big on the outside as it was on the inside.
Aziraphale expected there to be an upstairs room with tall windows that faced the rising sun with built in bookshelves and two cosy wing-backed chairs that had at one time lived in a Soho bookshop. There was a sprawling garden beyond their stone fence, just below tall east-facing windows, wild and tangled and just sort of mess to keep a retired demon occupied.
And there was an angel that didn’t have a Heaven to bow to anymore and a demon who no longer reported to Hell sharing a kiss in a home they made for themselves.