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The Hospital Wing was supposed to be quiet.
That was the whole point of it, really. It was meant to be the one place in Hogwarts where chaos limped in, got bandaged, got scolded, and was forced to behave itself beneath crisp white sheets and the sharp medicinal glare of Madam Pomfrey. It smelled of dittany, fresh linen, polishing charms, and the kind of authority that made even James Potter lower his voice.
Usually.
Tonight, the Gryffindors arrived in a messy, bruised, limping herd.
James came first, one hand clamped dramatically over his left eyebrow, which was not bleeding anymore but which he was acting like it absolutely might start again out of sympathy for the performance. Sirius had soot streaked across one cheek and a rip in his sleeve. Peter was holding his elbow close to his ribs and wincing every few steps. Remus walked with the stiff calm of someone who had already accepted that the evening had become stupid and was now simply waiting for everyone else to catch up.
Lily Evans followed with her mouth pressed into a thin, furious line. Mary Macdonald was behind her, still laughing under her breath every few seconds and then immediately looking guilty about it. Marlene McKinnon had a singed bit of hair near her temple and looked like she was debating whether it made her look cooler. Alice Fortescue was fussing over Frank Longbottom, who had somehow managed to get a tiny brass goblet stuck around two of his fingers. Frank kept insisting he was fine. Alice kept telling him he was absolutely not fine and that if he said it again she would make the goblet permanent.
Fabian and Gideon Prewett came last, both walking too casually for boys who had clearly been directly involved in whatever disaster had gone off in the corridor.
“It was not my fault,” Fabian said the moment they reached the Hospital Wing doors.
“It was absolutely partly your fault,” Gideon replied.
“It was mostly James’s fault.”
“Oi,” James snapped, offended. “Mostly?”
“Fine. Entirely.”
“Thank you.”
“That was not better,” Lily said.
James opened his mouth, shut it, then pointed weakly at the Hospital Wing doors. “Medical attention first. Trial later.”
“Execution later,” Marlene corrected.
Mary snorted.
Peter swallowed. “Do we think Pomfrey’s going to be angry?”
Remus looked at him.
Peter winced. “Right. Stupid question.”
Sirius shoved the door open with his shoulder, already wearing his best wounded-hero expression.
“Madam Pomfrey,” he called, stepping inside, “tragic news, we have been cruelly—”
He stopped dead.
Everyone behind him ran into each other.
James collided with Sirius’s back. Peter bumped into James. Remus caught Peter before he toppled. Lily nearly walked into Remus, Mary walked into Lily, Marlene walked into Mary, Alice tugged Frank out of the crush, and Fabian and Gideon peered around everyone with matching expressions of immediate delight.
Because the Hospital Wing was not quiet.
The Hospital Wing was in open war.
Regulus Black was sprinting across it.
Not elegantly. Not gracefully. Not in some dignified pureblood way that belonged in portraits and family tapestries.
He was bolting like a feral cat with opinions.
His robes were crooked, one shoe missing, black curls flying around his face, eyes bright with absolute mutiny. He vaulted onto a bed, ran across the mattress, leapt down the other side, and snatched up a bedside chair, dragging it between himself and Madam Pomfrey like a barricade.
Madam Pomfrey, apron askew and wand in hand, looked more furious than any professor had ever dared.
“Regulus Arcturus Black!”
Regulus hissed.
He actually hissed.
“Do not take that tone with me!”
“I’m not taking anything!” Regulus shouted, shoving the chair harder between them. “You are!”
“I am trying to help you!”
“You are trying to ruin me!”
“I am trying to correct your teeth!”
Regulus gasped like she had accused him of murder in front of the Wizengamot. “My teeth are fine!”
“They are not fine!”
“They are elegant!”
“They are misaligned!”
“They have character!”
“They have caused three cuts inside your mouth this week!”
Regulus grabbed a pillow off the nearest bed and held it in front of himself like a shield. “Lies and slander!”
Behind him, Barty Crouch Jr was sitting cross-legged on one of the beds with the expression of someone watching the best show of his life. Evan Rosier stood beside him, arms folded, trying and failing not to laugh. Pandora Rosier had both hands pressed against her mouth, eyes shining, while Dorcas Meadowes leaned against the wall looking like she had accepted long ago that this was exactly the sort of thing that happened when Regulus was left alive for too many consecutive hours.
The Gryffindors stared.
James slowly lowered his hand from his eyebrow.
Sirius blinked once.
Then again.
Then he said, “What the fuck.”
Regulus whipped around at the sound of his brother’s voice, immediately distracted.
That was his first mistake.
Madam Pomfrey lunged.
Regulus yelped and threw the pillow at her.
It hit the floor nowhere near her feet.
“Bad aim,” Barty called.
“Shut up!” Regulus shouted.
“Don’t worry, love,” Evan said dryly. “Your dignity survived right up until the hissing.”
Regulus pointed at him with wild betrayal. “You said you’d help!”
“I said I’d attend.”
“That is not the same!”
“It really isn’t,” Dorcas said.
Pomfrey swept the chair aside with her wand. It skidded neatly into place beside a bed. Regulus looked at the chair, looked at Pomfrey, then looked at the gap beneath the nearest cot.
“No,” Pomfrey said.
Regulus dropped.
“Yes!”
“Regulus!”
He scrambled under the bed like a spider in expensive robes.
Mary made a strangled sound.
Marlene whispered, “This is the best day of my life.”
Lily stood frozen, still holding one hand up as if she had been about to start scolding the boys but had temporarily lost all access to language.
Frank looked at Alice. Alice looked at Frank.
Frank said, very quietly, “Should we… leave?”
Alice whispered back, “Absolutely not.”
Pomfrey crouched beside the bed. “Out.”
Regulus’s voice came from underneath it, muffled and furious. “No.”
“Out, now.”
“No.”
“I have three other injured students standing in my doorway.”
“They can wait.”
James lifted a finger. “Actually, I’m bleeding from the eyebrow.”
“You are not,” Lily said without looking at him.
“I could be internally bleeding from the eyebrow.”
“That is not a thing.”
“It feels like a thing.”
Sirius took one slow step into the room, eyes locked on the bed Regulus had vanished beneath. “Reggie.”
Regulus’s voice sharpened instantly. “No.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were going to.”
“I was not.”
“You were going to laugh.”
Sirius opened his mouth.
Regulus snapped, “Don’t.”
Sirius shut his mouth, but his shoulders started shaking.
Under the bed, Regulus growled.
Remus, who had been very quiet, leaned toward James and murmured, “He’s genuinely growling.”
“I know,” James whispered back, awed. “I want to remember this forever.”
Pomfrey straightened. “Mr Rosier.”
Evan immediately stepped back. “No.”
“I did not ask yet.”
“I felt the shape of it coming.”
“Help me get him out.”
“No, thank you.”
Regulus shouted, “Traitor!”
Evan pointed under the bed. “I’m the traitor? You bit me earlier.”
“You deserved it!”
“You were trying to climb a cupboard.”
“It was strategic!”
Pandora drifted closer, soft and bright and utterly unhelpful. “Reg, darling, perhaps you could come out before she gets cross enough to levitate the bed.”
There was a pause.
Then, very quietly, Regulus said, “She can do that?”
Pomfrey’s eyebrows rose.
Dorcas sighed. “You’ve reminded her.”
The bed lifted two feet into the air.
Regulus lay underneath it on his stomach, frozen like a discovered creature in moonlight.
For one whole second, nobody moved.
Regulus looked up at the floating bed.
He looked at Madam Pomfrey.
He looked at the entire room watching him.
Then he rolled sideways and bolted again.
The Hospital Wing exploded.
Regulus shot between two beds, nearly slipped on the polished floor, caught himself on a bedpost, spun around it, and ducked behind a privacy screen.
Pomfrey followed with the grim determination of a woman who had survived generations of Quidditch players, cursed boils, bone regrowth, and teenage stupidity, and would not be defeated by one slippery Slytherin with dental problems.
“Come here!”
“No!”
“Immediately!”
“Never!”
“You need braces!”
“I need freedom!”
“You need to stop biting the inside of your own mouth!”
“I’ll simply stop having a mouth!”
“That is not an option!”
“Then invent one!”
Barty howled.
Frank’s mouth had fallen open.
Fabian leaned toward Gideon and said, “Ten Sickles says she catches him in under two minutes.”
Gideon glanced at Regulus, who was now using the privacy screen as a rotating shield, shoving it around in circles while Pomfrey tried to get around it. “Fifteen says he takes out at least one bed first.”
“You’re on.”
Alice hissed, “Do not bet on medical chaos.”
Fabian and Gideon both went silent.
A second later, Gideon whispered, “Twenty?”
Fabian nodded.
Lily stared at them in horror. “You two are unbelievable.”
Mary, barely breathing through laughter, said, “I hate that I want in.”
Regulus shoved the privacy screen too hard.
It wobbled.
Dorcas said, “Reg.”
The screen tilted.
Pandora said, “Oh, dear.”
The screen fell.
Regulus flung himself out from behind it, eyes wide, and crawled straight over the foot of the nearest bed. He scrambled across it, half on hands and knees, shoved himself off the far side, and landed in a crouch.
Pomfrey flicked her wand.
The blankets rose like pale snakes and tried to wrap around him.
Regulus shrieked.
Not a dignified shout. Not even a normal startled yell.
He shrieked like he had been personally betrayed by fabric.
He clawed himself free, tripped, recovered, grabbed a little metal tray off a trolley, and held it in front of him.
Pomfrey stared at him.
Regulus stared back.
“You cannot deflect dental correction with a tray.”
“Watch me.”
“Put it down.”
“No.”
Barty slid off the bed, cackling. “This is better than Christmas.”
Sirius, still by the door, looked as though his entire world had been knocked sideways and replaced with something much more entertaining. “Is this why you were missing at dinner?”
Regulus pointed the tray at him. “Silence, traitor two.”
“I haven’t done anything.”
“You’re witnessing.”
“I do that with eyes.”
“I don’t like your eyes right now.”
James made a sound like a kettle dying.
Regulus snapped the tray toward him. “You too, Potter.”
James lifted both hands. “I’m an injured man.”
“You’re a nuisance in glasses.”
Marlene choked. “He got you there.”
James turned to her, betrayed. “McKinnon.”
“What? He did.”
Pomfrey moved while Regulus was busy insulting James.
She came around the side, quick as a striking wand.
Regulus saw her too late.
He spun, tried to duck, slipped on his own missing-shoe imbalance, grabbed at a bed curtain, missed it entirely, and went skidding sideways across the floor.
Pomfrey caught him by the back of his robes.
Regulus froze.
The room held its breath.
Pomfrey said, “Got you.”
Regulus twisted.
“No!”
“Enough.”
“No, no, no—”
He flailed like a trapped kneazle, elbowing air, robes twisting around him, one socked foot sliding uselessly over the floor as Pomfrey held him firmly by the back of the collar. He tried to drop dead weight. Pomfrey did not let go. He tried to spin out of his robes. Pomfrey gripped tighter. He tried to fold himself in half.
“Regulus,” Evan said, half laughing, half exhausted, “that has never worked once.”
“It might!”
“It won’t.”
“Stop helping her!”
“I’m not. I’m narrating your failure.”
Regulus hissed at him.
Pomfrey dragged him toward the nearest bed. “On the bed.”
“No.”
“On. The. Bed.”
“No!”
He grabbed the bedpost with both hands.
Pomfrey pulled.
Regulus clung harder.
The bed creaked.
Barty wheezed. “He’s going to rip the bed apart.”
“He is not,” Pomfrey snapped.
Regulus’s hair fell into his eyes. “I might!”
“You will not!”
“I’m stronger than I look!”
“You weigh less than my supply cabinet!”
Dorcas nodded. “That’s true.”
Regulus gasped at her. “Betrayal three!”
Pandora came closer with a sympathetic little smile. “Reg, it really will be over quicker if you stop fighting.”
“I don’t want metal in my mouth!”
“It’s only temporary.”
“It’s medieval!”
“It’s orthodontic.”
“It’s evil!”
“It’s necessary,” Pomfrey said.
Then Regulus, with the sheer audacity of a boy who had already lost and refused to accept the plot, opened his mouth and snapped his teeth at the air near Pomfrey’s sleeve.
Pomfrey went perfectly still.
Everyone else did too.
Sirius said, very softly, “Oh, he’s dead.”
Pomfrey’s voice dropped. “Did you just try to bite me?”
Regulus, still gripping the bedpost, eyes huge and offended, said, “No.”
Barty fell backward onto the bed laughing.
“You absolutely did,” Alice said.
“I saw teeth,” Frank added.
Regulus glared at him. “I don’t even know you.”
Frank blinked. “Fair.”
Pomfrey released the back of Regulus’s robes with one hand, raised her wand with the other, and said, “Enough.”
Regulus’s eyes narrowed.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No—”
The spell hit before he could throw himself anywhere else.
His whole body went loose.
One moment he was clinging to the bedpost with all the stubborn fury in his bones. The next, his fingers softened, his knees buckled, and he folded forward with a tiny, offended sound.
Evan moved first, catching him under the arms before he could hit the floor.
Barty’s laughter cut off. Pandora’s hands flew to her chest. Dorcas straightened from the wall. Sirius took a sharp step forward before stopping himself, jaw clenched.
Pomfrey was already moving.
“On the bed,” she said briskly.
Evan lifted Regulus properly and laid him down. Regulus was completely limp, dark lashes resting against his cheeks, mouth slightly open, all fight vanished like someone had blown out a candle.
The room, after so much noise, felt abruptly too still.
Then Pomfrey snapped, “Do not all stare at me like that. He is perfectly fine. He forced my hand by attempting to bite a medical professional.”
“He does that,” Barty said faintly.
“He needs to stop,” Pomfrey replied.
James leaned toward Sirius. “Has he always been like that?”
Sirius stared at Regulus, then at the broken path of disaster across the Hospital Wing, then back again. “Apparently.”
Remus coughed into his hand.
Lily finally seemed to remember her own reason for being there. “Madam Pomfrey, there was a prank—”
“I gathered,” Pomfrey said, already opening a polished case beside Regulus’s bed.
Mary stood on her toes to see. “Are those…?”
“Braces,” Pomfrey said.
Regulus, asleep and unaware, did not protest.
Which was probably the only reason anything got done.
Pomfrey worked quickly.
The whole room watched despite themselves. Even the Gryffindors, who had come in injured and expecting to be scolded, now stood clustered like spectators at the strangest match Hogwarts had ever hosted. Pomfrey cleaned, charmed, fixed, adjusted. Small silver brackets settled neatly across Regulus’s teeth. Wires followed. Bands, tiny and precise, were placed with the sort of terrifying calm that suggested Pomfrey could have done this during a dragon attack.
Barty crept closer, squinting. “Oh, he’s going to hate that.”
Pandora whispered, “They look sweet.”
Dorcas said, “He’s going to be unbearable.”
Evan rubbed both hands over his face. “He was already unbearable.”
Sirius stood silent at the end of the bed, arms folded tight.
James looked between him and Regulus, then wisely said nothing for once.
Frank’s goblet fingers clinked softly when he shifted.
Alice looked down at them. “You still have a goblet stuck on your hand.”
Frank looked down too, as if surprised to find it remained. “Right.”
Pomfrey, without looking away from Regulus’s mouth, flicked her wand in Frank’s direction. The goblet popped free, spun once, and landed neatly on a bedside table.
Frank stared at his fingers. “Thank you.”
“Sit down before you fall down,” Pomfrey said.
Frank sat.
Marlene touched the singed bit of her hair. “While you’re doing miracle work—”
“Wait your turn.”
“Yes, Madam Pomfrey.”
The final band snapped into place.
Pomfrey leaned back, inspected her work, then nodded sharply.
“There.”
Everyone leaned closer.
Regulus Black, feared by some, disliked by others, adored by his little circle of disasters, lay unconscious in the Hospital Wing with silver braces neatly fitted across his teeth.
For a moment, nobody spoke.
Then Mary whispered, “Oh no.”
Lily looked at her. “What?”
Mary pressed both hands over her mouth. “They’re cute.”
Marlene’s eyes widened. “They are.”
“They are not,” Sirius said immediately.
James, leaning sideways to see, tilted his head. “No, they are.”
“They are not.”
“They really are.”
“Potter.”
“What? It’s not my fault your brother looks like he’s about to ask for a bedtime story and then commit arson.”
Barty pointed at James. “That’s actually extremely accurate.”
Evan groaned. “Don’t encourage him.”
Pandora was smiling softly. “He does look darling.”
Dorcas muttered, “He’s going to weaponise this by accident.”
Pomfrey put the case away and checked Regulus’s pulse with brisk efficiency. “He may be confused when he wakes. The anaesthesia was necessary, and he fought hard enough before it that he will likely be unsteady. Do not crowd him.”
Everyone immediately backed up by half a step.
Except Barty, who moved closer.
Pomfrey pointed at him.
Barty moved back again.
“Especially you.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You were thinking it.”
“I’m always thinking something.”
“That is what concerns me.”
Regulus stirred.
The whole room froze again.
His nose wrinkled first.
Then his fingers twitched against the blanket. His eyebrows drew together. He made a soft, sleepy sound and turned his head, curls spilling over his forehead.
Pandora clasped her hands.
Evan looked pained already.
Barty’s grin returned in slow, wicked increments.
Regulus opened his eyes.
They were glassy.
Unfocused.
Completely lost.
He blinked at the ceiling.
Then at Pomfrey.
Then at the line of faces watching him.
His mouth opened.
He ran his tongue experimentally over his teeth.
His entire face changed.
He gasped.
The braces flashed silver.
“What,” he said, thickly, “the fuck ith in my mouth?”
Silence.
Then Fabian made a noise so abrupt he had to turn away.
Regulus blinked slowly, trying to sit up. “Why do I thound like that?”
Gideon’s hand flew to his mouth.
Mary’s shoulders shook.
Lily whispered, “Oh my God.”
Regulus looked at her, deeply confused. “Are you God?”
Lily’s eyes went huge.
James lost it first.
He bent double, one hand on Remus’s shoulder, laughing so hard he made no sound at all.
Sirius slapped a hand over his own mouth and turned away, shoulders shaking violently.
Regulus looked wounded. “Why ith everyone melting?”
Barty made a strangled wheeze. “Melting?”
“You’re all doing—” Regulus waved one floppy hand at the room. “The thaky thing.”
“The what?” Frank asked.
Regulus squinted at him. “Thaky.”
“Shaky?” Alice offered.
Regulus gasped and pointed at her. “Yeth.”
The lisp hit the room like a second prank explosion.
Evan sat down hard on the nearest bed, face buried in his hands. “I can’t do this.”
Regulus looked at him, delighted. “You have handth.”
Evan looked up slowly. “Yes.”
Regulus smiled with enormous wonder, braces shining. “I have teeth.”
Barty fell onto the bed again, howling.
Pomfrey raised her voice over the laughter. “The lisp is because of the braces. It will remain until they are removed.”
Regulus stared at her.
His lower lip trembled.
“For how long?” he asked.
Not too bad. Almost normal.
Then he tried again. “Thay it.”
Pomfrey sighed. “Until the braces come off.”
Regulus stared.
Then he giggled.
It was small at first. Breathless. Confused.
Then it spilled out of him, soft and bright and completely unlike the feral creature who had tried to fight furniture ten minutes before.
He lifted a hand and poked at his own cheek.
“Metal mouth,” he whispered, then giggled harder.
Pandora melted visibly. “Oh, Reg.”
Regulus turned his head toward her and cooed, “Pan.”
“Yes, darling?”
“You’re blurry.”
“I’m not, actually.”
“You are.”
“That might be you.”
Regulus considered this with enormous seriousness.
Then he nodded. “I’m blurry.”
Dorcas snorted.
Regulus’s eyes snapped to her. He bared his teeth.
The braces flashed.
Dorcas froze.
Regulus growled.
A tiny, ridiculous, playful little growl.
Then he started laughing again.
Marlene pressed both hands over her face. “I can’t breathe.”
Mary leaned against Lily. “He’s like a puppy.”
Regulus heard that.
His head turned very slowly.
“A what?”
Mary’s laughter vanished. “Nothing.”
Regulus narrowed his eyes.
Then he snapped his teeth at the air.
Click.
The sound was tiny.
The whole room died.
Regulus looked delighted.
He did it again.
Click.
Pomfrey said, “Do not do that.”
Regulus immediately did it twice more.
Click. Click.
“Regulus.”
He giggled and tried to sit up properly.
His body had other opinions.
The moment he pushed himself upright, he swayed violently to the left. Evan reached out, but Regulus was already tipping to the right. Barty grabbed his shoulder. Regulus twisted away, laughing, nearly slid off the bed, and Pomfrey caught the back of his robes before he could tumble.
“Lie down.”
“No.”
“You are unsteady.”
“I am danthing.”
“You are sitting.”
“I am danthing in my heart.”
James wheezed. “In his heart.”
Sirius muttered, “Stop laughing.”
“You stop laughing.”
“I’m not.”
“You are literally crying.”
Sirius wiped one eye with his sleeve. “Smoke damage.”
“There’s no smoke.”
“There was earlier.”
Regulus stared at Sirius for a long, slow moment.
Then he smiled hugely. “You look like my brother.”
Sirius’s laughter vanished.
James’s did too, though his grin stayed wobbly.
Sirius stepped closer without meaning to. “I am your brother, you little idiot.”
Regulus blinked.
Then his expression went bright and empty again. “No, you’re too tall.”
Barty made a violent choking sound.
Evan whispered, “Oh, that’s brutal.”
Sirius looked personally wounded. “Too tall?”
Regulus nodded solemnly. “My brother ith—” He held up two fingers very close together. “Little.”
James made a sound like he had been stabbed.
Sirius pointed at Regulus. “You are the little one.”
Regulus gasped. “Rude.”
“You’re tiny.”
Regulus growled at him.
Sirius stared.
Regulus snapped his teeth once, then giggled, then immediately forgot what he had been doing and tried to stand.
Pomfrey blocked him with one hand. “No.”
Regulus ducked under her arm.
“Regulus!”
He slid off the bed like liquid and landed on his feet.
For one magnificent second, he looked triumphant.
Then his knees wobbled.
His arms pinwheeled.
He took one step, then another, then spun in a slow, dizzy circle as if the floor had politely betrayed him.
“Whoa,” he said. “The room ith moving.”
“The room is not moving,” Remus said.
Regulus turned toward him. “Are you thure?”
“Fairly.”
Regulus stared at him with great suspicion. “You look like a book.”
Remus blinked. “Thank you?”
Regulus smiled. “I like bookth.”
James leaned into Remus. “You’ve pulled.”
Remus shoved him lightly.
Pomfrey reached for Regulus again, but he twirled away with a giggle, arms out, one shoe gone, sock sliding on the floor.
“No bed,” Regulus announced.
“You need to sit down,” Pomfrey said.
“No thitting.”
“You can barely stand.”
“I am elegant.”
He spun again.
Immediately stumbled.
Caught himself on the footboard.
Giggled.
Then hissed at the footboard.
Lily looked at Alice. “Is he hissing at furniture?”
Alice nodded slowly. “Yes.”
Frank, utterly sincere, said, “Maybe it started it.”
Alice looked at him.
Frank shrugged. “We don’t know.”
Regulus released the footboard and began wandering in a crooked line past the beds. He passed Peter and stopped abruptly.
Peter stiffened.
Regulus leaned in.
Peter leaned back.
Regulus squinted at him. “You’re round.”
Peter made a helpless little sound.
Marlene barked a laugh.
Lily said, “Regulus.”
Regulus turned to her again. “God?”
“No.”
“Oh.” He looked disappointed. “Thorry.”
Then he moved on, took three more steps, and nearly walked directly into Gideon.
Gideon caught him automatically by both shoulders.
Regulus looked up at him.
For a second, he was silent.
Gideon, who had faced duels, detentions, explosions, and several of his own worse ideas, looked mildly terrified.
Regulus blinked.
Then he smiled.
“Hullo.”
Gideon swallowed a laugh. “Hello.”
Regulus lifted one hand and patted Gideon’s chest as if checking he was real. “You’re warm.”
“Er. Yes.”
Regulus nodded, deeply pleased. “Good.”
Then his legs gave out.
He folded forward without warning and flopped face-first onto the nearest bed.
Unfortunately, he did this with his mouth open.
There was a tiny snagging sound.
Regulus went still.
Everyone stared.
His voice came muffled from the blankets.
“Mmph.”
Pomfrey closed her eyes. “Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
Regulus lifted his head slightly.
The blanket lifted with him.
His braces were stuck in the fabric.
His eyes went huge.
He tugged.
The blanket tugged back.
Regulus’s face crumpled instantly.
“M’thtuck.”
Barty made a noise so high it barely qualified as human.
Regulus pulled again, harder.
The blanket came with him.
His lower lip wobbled.
“I’m thtuck,” he whined.
Pandora rushed closer. “Don’t pull, darling.”
“I’m thtuck,” he said again, voice trembling.
Evan stepped forward, but Regulus made a distressed little noise and tried to turn his face away, which only tangled the fabric more.
Pomfrey moved in, but Gideon was already there, crouching beside the bed.
“Hang on,” Gideon said gently. “Don’t move.”
Regulus froze immediately.
His eyes flicked to Gideon, wet and glassy. “Help?”
“Yeah. I’ve got it.”
Sirius stopped where he was.
Evan stopped too.
Barty went weirdly quiet, though his grin was still twitching at the corners.
Gideon leaned in carefully, fingers working at the bit of blanket caught on the brackets. “Stay still.”
Regulus sniffed.
“I am thtaying thtill.”
“You’re shaking your head.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are.”
Regulus stilled harder, which somehow made his entire body tense like a plank.
Gideon’s mouth twitched. “That’s better.”
The fabric came loose.
Regulus lifted his head, free at last, cheeks flushed, eyes damp, braces bright, hair a disaster.
For one second, he looked utterly betrayed by the entire concept of bedding.
Then he lunged forward and wrapped both arms around Gideon’s middle.
Gideon went rigid.
“Oh,” he said.
Regulus clung.
Like a barnacle.
Like a rescued animal.
Like Gideon Prewett was the only stable object in a world of moving floors, blurry people, and villainous blankets.
“Thank you,” Regulus mumbled into his jumper.
Gideon looked across the room, eyes wide.
Fabian stared back at him, face split in a grin. “Well. You live there now.”
“I do not.”
Regulus tightened his arms. “Mine.”
Gideon looked down.
Regulus looked up with huge shining eyes and silver teeth.
Gideon shut his mouth.
Fabian nodded sagely. “You do.”
James leaned toward Sirius again, whispering, “Your brother’s adopted Gideon.”
Sirius’s jaw worked. “He has not.”
Regulus heard him and turned his head without letting go of Gideon. “I have.”
Sirius stared. “You don’t even know who he is.”
Regulus looked at Gideon.
Gideon said, “Gideon.”
Regulus smiled. “Giddy.”
Fabian bent double. “Giddy.”
Gideon’s face went red. “No.”
Regulus nodded, pleased. “Giddy helped.”
Mary whispered, “That’s it. That’s his name forever.”
“Absolutely not,” Gideon said.
Regulus growled at her.
Mary immediately hid behind Lily, laughing.
Pomfrey pinched the bridge of her nose. “Mr Prewett, please get him back onto the bed.”
Gideon glanced down at Regulus, who was still attached to him. “Right. Regulus, you need to sit.”
“No.”
“You need to.”
“No thitting.”
“You nearly got eaten by a blanket.”
Regulus considered that.
Then he pointed accusingly at the bed. “It bit me.”
“It did not,” Dorcas said.
“It did.”
“You bit it first,” Barty added.
Regulus gasped. “I did not!”
“You went face-first with your mouth open.”
“Acthident.”
“Sure.”
Regulus snapped his teeth at Barty.
Click.
Barty clutched his chest. “Terrifying.”
Regulus laughed, still clinging to Gideon, then abruptly tipped sideways.
Gideon caught him again.
“Bed,” Gideon said firmly.
Regulus narrowed his eyes. “Are you tricking me?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” Regulus smiled dreamily. “Okay.”
Gideon blinked.
Fabian whispered, “Use this power wisely.”
With careful awkwardness, Gideon guided him back onto the bed. Regulus sat for half a second, then immediately tried to slide off the other side. Gideon caught him by the back of the robes.
“No.”
Regulus whined. “But I want to thpin.”
“You cannot spin.”
“I can.”
“You will fall over.”
“I will fall elegantly.”
“You will fall face-first again.”
Regulus paused.
Then, with sudden seriousness, he touched his braces. “No more blanket.”
“No more blanket,” Gideon agreed.
Regulus nodded, then grabbed Gideon’s sleeve with both hands and refused to release him.
Gideon looked down.
Regulus stared back.
“You’re thtaying,” Regulus informed him.
Gideon looked at Pomfrey.
Pomfrey looked deeply tired. “For now, it may keep him still.”
“It will not,” Evan said.
Regulus immediately flung himself sideways across the bed, still holding Gideon’s sleeve, dragging Gideon halfway down with him.
Gideon caught himself with one hand on the mattress. “Regulus—”
Regulus giggled and rolled onto his back, then onto his stomach, then onto his side, tangling himself in his own robes and Gideon’s sleeve.
“See?” Evan said.
Pomfrey sighed through her nose. “I am choosing not to hear you.”
Regulus tugged Gideon harder. “Down.”
“No.”
“Down.”
“I’m not lying on the bed.”
Regulus pouted.
The braces made it devastating.
Gideon visibly weakened.
Fabian looked delighted. “Oh, he’s losing.”
“I am not losing.”
Regulus tugged again with both hands, face scrunched with effort. “Giddy.”
Gideon closed his eyes.
Fabian clapped once. “Lost.”
Gideon lowered himself awkwardly to sit on the edge of the bed.
Regulus immediately decided this was insufficient and flopped across his lap sideways, half on the bed and half on Gideon, arms still locked around him.
Sirius made a strangled sound.
“Absolutely not.”
Regulus lifted his head. “Jealouth?”
Sirius froze.
The entire room went silent for half a beat.
Then James exploded.
“Jealous,” he repeated, voice cracking with laughter.
Sirius pointed at him. “Shut up.”
Regulus blinked at James. “Why ith your eyebrow broken?”
James touched his eyebrow again, remembering. “Prank injury.”
Regulus nodded solemnly. “Bad eyebrow.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Regulus pointed at Marlene. “Your hair ith burnt.”
Marlene touched it again. “Does it look bad?”
Regulus studied her with the focus of a tiny drunk judge.
Then he said, “Cool.”
Marlene straightened. “I knew it.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Do not encourage her.”
Regulus pointed at Lily. “God ith angry.”
“I’m not God.”
“You’re angry though.”
Lily opened her mouth, then shut it. “That part is true.”
Regulus nodded like this proved everything.
Mary stepped out from behind Lily, still giggling. “Regulus, how many fingers am I holding up?”
She held up three.
Regulus squinted.
“Purple.”
Mary collapsed against Lily again.
Pomfrey snapped, “Miss Macdonald.”
“Sorry.”
Regulus tried to sit up, forgot he was lying across Gideon, slipped, and ended up with his face pressed into Gideon’s side. He growled into the fabric, then giggled at the vibration of it.
Gideon stared at the ceiling like he was praying for dignity to return from war.
Frank watched with the baffled tenderness of someone trying very hard not to laugh at a person who was clearly not in control of their limbs. “He really shouldn’t stand again.”
Alice nodded. “He really shouldn’t.”
Regulus lifted one finger. “I heard that.”
Frank lifted both hands. “I’m on your side.”
Regulus narrowed his eyes. “Which thide?”
Frank looked uncertain. “The… not falling side?”
Regulus considered this, then nodded approvingly. “Good thide.”
Peter, still clutching his elbow, shifted closer to Remus. “Is Pomfrey still going to treat us?”
Pomfrey rounded on him. “Yes, Mr Pettigrew, I am still capable of treating you all while preventing Mr Black from attaching himself permanently to Mr Prewett.”
Regulus gasped and clung tighter. “Permanent.”
Gideon said, “No.”
“Yeth.”
“No.”
Regulus looked up at him, eyes huge. “But you thaved me.”
“From a blanket.”
“From death.”
“It was a blanket.”
“It had teeth.”
“You have teeth.”
Regulus bared them proudly.
The braces shone.
Gideon pressed his lips together so hard his mouth disappeared.
Barty pointed at him. “You’re going to laugh.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
“I’m being respectful.”
Regulus snapped his teeth at Barty again.
Click.
Barty grinned. “Tiny shark.”
Regulus lit up. “Thark.”
“No,” Evan said immediately. “Do not teach him that.”
Regulus rolled clumsily onto his back, still half across Gideon, and lifted both hands like claws. “I’m a thark.”
Dorcas rubbed at her temples. “This is going to last forever.”
Pomfrey marched over to James first, apparently deciding that Regulus was, for the moment, contained by Gideon Prewett and the gravitational pull of his own dizziness.
She examined James’s eyebrow with one sharp glance. “This is barely a scratch.”
James looked offended. “Barely?”
“A scratch.”
“It felt heroic.”
“It is not heroic.”
Regulus, from the bed, murmured, “Bad eyebrow.”
James pointed at him. “Thank you, metal-mouth.”
Regulus gasped.
His eyes widened.
Then he giggled so hard he curled sideways, dragging Gideon down another inch.
“Metal-mouth,” he repeated, delighted. “Metal-mouth.”
Sirius muttered, “Don’t call yourself that.”
Regulus ignored him entirely and poked his braces. “Metal-mouth thark.”
Remus quietly said, “That’s going to be the name of something awful by morning.”
“Probably a band,” Mary said.
“Or a curse,” Marlene added.
“Or both,” Fabian said.
Gideon shifted, trying to reclaim his sleeve.
Regulus tightened his grip without even looking. “No.”
“I need my arm.”
“No.”
“It’s attached to me.”
“Mine.”
“You cannot claim my arm.”
Regulus looked at him, offended by the limits of the universe. “Why?”
Gideon had no answer ready.
Fabian spread his hands. “Excellent question.”
Alice laughed then, soft and helpless, and Frank looked at her with surprise before laughing too.
Pomfrey fixed Peter’s elbow with a spell, scolded him for flinching, healed Mary’s bruise, clipped the burnt edge of Marlene’s hair with a charm that made it look deliberately styled, and checked Frank’s freed fingers. Through all of it, Regulus refused to behave like any known category of patient.
He tried to roll off the bed three times.
Gideon caught him twice.
The third time, Regulus caught himself, looked shocked, then applauded his own survival.
He hissed at Pomfrey when she came too close with a cup of water.
He then accepted the water from Pandora, took one sip, discovered drinking with braces felt strange, and spent a full minute making tiny confused noises while pressing his tongue against the metal.
“That feelth wrong.”
“It will for a while,” Pomfrey said.
Regulus looked betrayed. “You did thith.”
“Yes.”
“Villain.”
“I have been called worse by louder boys.”
Regulus pointed at Barty. “Him?”
Pomfrey glanced at Barty. “Frequently.”
Barty bowed from his bed.
Regulus laughed so hard he hiccupped.
Then he tried to bite the air again, accidentally startled himself with the click of his own teeth, and buried his face against Gideon’s jumper.
Gideon looked down at him.
“You did that.”
Regulus’s voice came muffled. “No.”
“You did.”
“The teeth did.”
“They’re your teeth.”
“Not anymore. Metal.”
Gideon gave up and let his head tip back.
Sirius, standing near the foot of the bed, looked between Regulus and Gideon with a complicated expression that he tried very hard to cover with annoyance.
“Oi,” Sirius said. “Reg.”
Regulus peered out from Gideon’s side. “What?”
“You know who I am yet?”
Regulus squinted at him.
The room leaned in.
Regulus looked Sirius up and down.
Then he said, very confidently, “Tall boy.”
James made a wheezing sound.
Sirius looked like he had been hexed in the soul. “Tall boy?”
Regulus nodded.
“Tall boy?”
“Yeth.”
“I’m your brother.”
Regulus looked unconvinced.
Sirius pointed at his own face. “Sirius.”
Regulus blinked.
For one second, recognition almost sparked.
Then he smiled. “That’th a dog name.”
Remus turned away completely.
James slid down the side of a bed, laughing silently.
Marlene was gone, face hidden in Mary’s shoulder.
Barty was making a noise like a dying crow.
Sirius covered his face with both hands. “I hate all of you.”
Regulus began laughing too, though it was clear he had no idea why everyone else was laughing. He just liked the sound of it. He laughed until he curled over Gideon’s lap again, boneless and shaking, silver teeth catching the lamplight every time he smiled.
Pomfrey finished with Remus and turned back toward the bed.
“Regulus, lie properly.”
Regulus immediately flopped onto his stomach sideways across Gideon’s legs.
Pomfrey stared.
Gideon lifted both hands helplessly.
“He moved before I could stop him.”
Regulus kicked one socked foot lazily in the air. “I’m proper.”
“You are diagonal.”
“Fanthy proper.”
“You are upside down.”
“Better.”
“You are impossible.”
Regulus smiled into the mattress. “Thank you.”
“That was not praise.”
“It thounded like praith.”
Evan groaned into his hands again. “The lisp is going to kill me.”
Pandora sat beside him, smiling like the whole room had turned soft at the edges. “It’s sweet.”
“It is dangerous.”
Dorcas nodded. “Agreed.”
Regulus lifted his head sharply. “I’m dangerouth.”
Nobody answered fast enough.
His pout returned.
“I am.”
Mary, voice trembling with suppressed laughter, said, “Very dangerous.”
Regulus smiled. “Thank you.”
Then he pushed himself up onto his knees.
Gideon grabbed the back of his robes. “No.”
Regulus tried to crawl forward.
Gideon held on.
Regulus crawled in place, going nowhere, like an overexcited puppy on polished floor.
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“I have buthineth.”
“What business?”
Regulus paused.
His face emptied.
Then he said, “Thpinning.”
“No spinning.”
Regulus looked personally wronged. “But I’m good at it.”
“You fell over.”
“I fell with thtyle.”
“You fell into a bed and got stuck.”
Regulus’s eyes filled with sudden remembered betrayal. He looked at the bed beneath him. Slowly, he lowered his face toward the blanket.
Pomfrey snapped, “Do not bite the bedding.”
Regulus froze.
Then lifted his head and smiled innocently.
“I wathn’t.”
“You were considering it.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Regulus huffed, then flopped backward dramatically.
Unfortunately, he still had hold of Gideon.
Gideon was dragged down beside him with a startled, “Merlin—”
They landed in a heap on the bed, Regulus sprawled half on top of him, one arm across his chest, one knee tangled in the blanket, hair everywhere. Gideon stared upward, stunned.
Regulus sighed happily and patted his shoulder.
“There.”
Gideon turned his head slowly. “There what?”
“Bed.”
“Yes. I noticed.”
Regulus pressed his cheek against Gideon’s shoulder and giggled. “You’re trapped.”
Fabian leaned over the foot of the bed, delighted beyond reason. “Gideon, blink twice if you need rescue.”
Gideon blinked twice.
Regulus growled at Fabian.
Fabian stepped back, hands up. “Never mind. He’s guarding you.”
Regulus smiled, pleased, then snapped his teeth once.
Click.
Pomfrey looked to the ceiling as if begging every founder of Hogwarts for patience.
Lily, now healed and less furious than before despite herself, crossed her arms. “This is the strangest thing I have ever seen.”
James wiped tears from under his glasses. “And we once watched Peter get stuck in a suit of armour for forty minutes.”
Peter flushed. “It locked.”
“You climbed in.”
“It looked open.”
“It was armour.”
Regulus lifted his head from Gideon’s shoulder. “Round boy got thtuck?”
Peter sighed. “Yes.”
Regulus’s face softened with great, drugged solidarity.
“I got thtuck too.”
Peter blinked.
Regulus nodded solemnly. “Blanket.”
Peter, after a moment, nodded back. “Rough.”
Regulus reached one wobbly hand toward him. Peter awkwardly reached back and patted his fingers.
Barty whispered, “This is diplomacy.”
Evan whispered, “This is a medical emergency.”
Dorcas whispered, “This is Regulus.”
Regulus rolled onto his side, nearly elbowed Gideon in the jaw, missed by an inch, then began trying to sit up again.
Gideon caught him around the middle this time without thinking.
Regulus immediately melted against him.
“Warm,” he mumbled.
“Yes, we covered that.”
“You’re warm again.”
“I stayed warm.”
“Good job.”
Gideon stared at nothing. “Thank you.”
Sirius made another strangled noise, but this time it was less outrage and more helpless disbelief.
Regulus looked over at him, eyes glassy and bright.
“Tall dog boy.”
Sirius pointed at himself. “No.”
Regulus nodded. “Yeth.”
“No.”
“Yeth.”
“Regulus.”
“Tall dog boy.”
James slid off the bed entirely and sat on the floor, laughing into his knees.
Remus leaned against the wall, shoulders shaking.
Even Lily had turned away, one hand pressed over her smile.
Pomfrey snapped her fingers. “Enough. All of you. He is under heavy anaesthetic.”
Regulus lifted one hand. “I’m heavy.”
“You are not heavy,” Gideon said.
Regulus gasped. “You lifted me?”
“No.”
“You did?”
“No.”
“You’re thtrong.”
Gideon opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Fabian grinned. “Careful. He’ll never leave.”
Regulus hugged Gideon tighter. “Never.”
Gideon looked at Pomfrey again.
Pomfrey looked at Regulus, then at Gideon, then at the state of the room, then at the Gryffindors, then at Regulus’s friends, then back to Regulus.
“Fine,” she said. “If he refuses to sleep, he can at least stay on that bed.”
Regulus immediately shouted, “No thleep!”
Nobody had said it loudly.
He had simply sensed the threat in the air like a woodland creature.
Pomfrey pointed at him. “You need rest.”
“No.”
“You are exhausted.”
“No.”
“You cannot walk.”
“I can crawl.”
“No crawling.”
Regulus looked at Gideon. “Can I crawl?”
Gideon said, “No.”
Regulus betrayedly whispered, “Giddy.”
“I’m saving you from the blanket again.”
Regulus thought about this.
Then he nodded, grave and trusting. “Okay.”
Gideon looked briefly proud.
Then Regulus shoved both hands against the mattress, tried to launch himself forward anyway, failed entirely, and collapsed chest-first across Gideon with a happy little laugh.
Gideon wheezed.
Fabian clutched the bedframe. “Oh, he’s loyal but not obedient.”
Dorcas nodded. “That’s Regulus.”
Barty leaned back on his hands, eyes bright. “This is the best he’s ever been.”
Evan stared. “He’s going to remember none of this.”
Pandora smiled. “We will remember for him.”
Regulus lifted his head.
“What am I remembering?”
“Nothing,” Evan said quickly.
Regulus gasped. “Thecretth.”
“No secrets.”
“Thecretth,” Regulus repeated, delighted by the sound, tongue catching on the braces. “Thecretth, thecretth, thecretth.”
Mary folded in half. “Stop, that’s too cute.”
Regulus turned toward her suspiciously. “You’re laughing at me.”
“No.”
“You are.”
“No, I’m laughing near you.”
Regulus stared.
Then he smiled. “Okay.”
He flopped sideways again, one arm flying out, nearly smacking Gideon’s face. Gideon caught his wrist gently and set it down.
Regulus watched him do it like it was the most fascinating magic ever performed.
“You have handth,” he said again.
Gideon nodded, solemn now. “Still.”
“Good.”
“Still good?”
“Yeth.”
Regulus patted his hand, missed, patted the blanket, remembered the blanket had betrayed him, gasped, and yanked his hand back.
“Enemy.”
“The blanket?”
“Yeth.”
Gideon picked up the corner of the blanket and moved it away from Regulus’s face.
“There.”
Regulus stared at him with open adoration born entirely from anaesthesia and fabric-related trauma.
“Hero.”
Gideon looked like he might actually dissolve.
Fabian whispered, “He’s never recovering from this.”
“Shut up,” Gideon whispered back.
Sirius, still near the bed, crossed his arms tighter. “Regulus.”
Regulus peered at him.
“Sirius,” Sirius said slowly, pointing at himself.
Regulus squinted hard.
“Thiriuth,” he repeated.
The lisp softened it.
Sirius went very still.
Regulus seemed to test the name in his mouth, tongue pressing awkwardly against metal. “Thiriuth.”
Sirius’s expression changed before he could stop it.
James, still on the floor, looked up.
Regulus smiled.
Then pointed at Sirius and announced, “Tall dog boy Thiriuth.”
The room broke again.
Sirius threw both hands up. “That is not better!”
Regulus cackled, thrilled by the reaction, and buried his face into Gideon’s shoulder, shoulders shaking.
Pomfrey finally clapped her hands once, sharp enough to cut through the room.
“That is quite enough. Those of you who are treated may either sit quietly or leave. Those of you who are not treated will present yourselves properly and stop encouraging my patient to behave like an untethered pixie.”
Regulus lifted his head. “I’m a thark.”
Pomfrey did not look at him. “A pixie.”
“Thark.”
“Pixie.”
“Thark.”
Pomfrey turned slowly.
Regulus stared back, brave for exactly one second.
Then he hid behind Gideon’s shoulder and growled.
Gideon, now apparently appointed shield, just sat there and accepted his fate.
Barty clapped silently.
Evan muttered, “This school is a prison.”
Dorcas said, “And yet you’re entertained.”
“I’m furious that I am entertained.”
Pandora leaned over and smoothed one of Regulus’s curls away from his forehead. He blinked up at her, then smiled sleepily.
“No thleep,” he whispered.
Pandora smiled wider. “Of course not.”
“No thleep ever.”
“Never ever.”
Pomfrey gave Pandora a look.
Pandora looked serenely innocent.
Regulus, reassured, shoved himself upright one more time. Gideon caught him. Regulus used the grip to haul himself into a strange sideways sprawl, half sitting, half lying, fully attached to Gideon.
Then, with sudden blazing determination, he began to wriggle.
“No,” Gideon said instantly.
Regulus wriggled harder.
“No spinning.”
Regulus paused.
Then, very quietly, with the air of a criminal mastermind, he whispered, “Flop?”
Gideon considered.
Pomfrey watched.
Everyone watched.
Gideon sighed. “One flop.”
Regulus’s whole face lit up.
He tipped sideways dramatically and flopped onto the mattress.
Then he rolled back into Gideon.
Then he flopped again.
Then again.
“Regulus,” Gideon said, trying not to laugh.
“You thaid one.”
“That was three.”
“I can’t count.”
“You absolutely can.”
Regulus giggled and flopped again, landing with his cheek squashed against Gideon’s sleeve, braces peeking through his smile.
Pomfrey looked like she might resign from healing altogether and take up lighthouse keeping.
Frank, softly, said, “He does look happy.”
Alice smiled despite herself. “He looks ridiculous.”
“Both.”
Lily shook her head, but there was laughter in her eyes now. Mary had given up pretending she wasn’t charmed. Marlene was still admiring her fixed hair in a metal tray while sneaking glances at the bed. Peter had relaxed enough to smile. Remus watched the whole thing with quiet amusement, and James still looked like he was one wrong word from another collapse.
Fabian stood beside Gideon’s bed like a proud announcer at a very strange sporting event.
Gideon, trapped beneath one clingy, anaesthetised, newly braced Regulus Black, looked across the room and said, “Nobody is ever allowed to speak of this.”
Barty grinned.
James grinned.
Mary grinned.
Marlene grinned.
Fabian grinned worst of all.
Regulus lifted his head, silver brackets shining, eyes bright and utterly empty of sense.
“Thpeak of what?”
Gideon looked down at him.
Regulus smiled.
Then snapped his teeth once.
Click.
Gideon sighed.
“Nothing, metal-mouth.”
Regulus gasped, delighted all over again, and collapsed into giggles against him, clinging tighter, refusing to sit still, refusing to sleep, refusing anything except flopping, growling, hissing, laughing, and holding onto the boy who had saved him from the murderous blanket.
Across the Hospital Wing, Sirius looked at James and muttered, “Not one word.”
James, eyes streaming, whispered, “Tall dog boy.”
Sirius tackled him into the nearest bed.
Pomfrey shouted.
Regulus popped upright, thrilled by the noise, braces flashing.
“Fight?”
“No!” half the room yelled.
Regulus pouted.
Then he flopped backward across Gideon again, giggling like the entire world had turned soft and silver and wonderfully strange.
“No thleep,” he mumbled stubbornly.
Gideon patted his shoulder, resigned.
“No sleep,” he agreed.
Regulus smiled, all metal and mischief.
Then he growled at the blanket one more time, just to make sure it knew who had won.