Chapter Text
A tired sigh left Dan's mouth as soon a he could lay down.
"I really came back here..." He thought to himself, he had been too used to living in Seoul by now, the countryside felt so... unfamiliar.
At least now he got to be with his grandma again. Though the said lady wasn't much pleased to hear that Dan moved back here. He had to convince and ease her heart that he was much better now and that she didn't need to find a way to contact Mr. Joo to get him back to the city. It was true. He really was doing so much better. All thanks to him...
His eyes diverted to the piece of cake that Jaekyung handed to him before leaving. The very cake he hoped they could eat together, now sitting on the little desk. It looked much bigger there than it looked on penthouse's kitchen counter.
He had already grown too used to living in that house. In fact, he still didn't unpack most of his things because there weren't actually enough space to put all the clothing Jaekyung handed to him. Maybe he could gave some of them away to the people around here who needed it...
Dan didn't really want to think about that right now. Because of all the things that happened, he didn't have enough time to brace himself to moving away. He really, really wanted to talk to Jaekyung, like he originally planned the day before the match.
He wanted to ask him why he didn't show his face to him once during his stay at the hospital.
He wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault he got stabbed. That he already did more than enough by taking him to the hospital. That he was sorry he kept putting him in situations that made him feel guilty. That he didn't have to go out of his was this much just because of the guiIt.
He wanted to ask him if it was really him who kept visiting him and bringing flowers every night.
But again, he was alone with his thoughts.
—————
The hospital director and the old man he lived with didn't hesitate while taking him back in. Since there weren't enough space for Dan anymore, he moved to the hostel instead. It was still like they were living together since the houses were next to each other. And like that, he settled back into his normal life.
Almost like he never left to go to Seoul.
But every now and then, when he walked in the hospital corridors, when he fed the puppies which grew up into dogs until he came back here, when he helped the elders out with their chores, when he came back to the hostel every night, when his grandma gave him some of her yogurts, when he walked past the ocean...
He found himself thinking about Mr. Joo.
It was like he planted his roots at every single parts of his life. Even though now that he moved out of the penthouse and Jaekyung's life completely, he couldn't shook off the feeling that he actually didn't at all.
Even while he was with Okja, it didn't stop feeling like this was just a visit, like he was far away from home.
His mind kept drifting back to Mr. Joo.
He wondered what he was doing now. After he reclaiming his title, he probably was focusing on his career and giving all of his time and energy to train more. Dan was happy for him, truly. Still, he felt the sourness stirring inside of him at the thought of not being there for him during all this.
It was probably just his ego, who took pleasure that he played a role in each one of his wins.
As much as he thought about Jaekyung, he always got back to living his life in countryside. That part of his life was over. There were no point in thinking further about it.
—————
Time passed fluidly.
The weather got hotter before Dan knew it. With the arrival of spring, it was like the life started all over within the nature. He woke up everyday to the cute little birds chirping noises. There were a new flower blossoming every day on the road, making the whole town look and smell wonderful.
The flowers made him think about Jaekyung.
He would've guessed with the more time passed, he and everything about his life in Seoul would fade away. But with each passing day, he found himself overwhelmed by the unnecessary thoughts.
He knew it was him. Who else could it be? If it were one of the Team Black, they would've said a word. He already was guessing that it was him, but after recognizing the touch from his dreams... He was sure.
He understood what Jaekyung was feeling. He thought it was his fault that Junmin got him stabbed. That it weren't for him, something like that would've never happen to Dan. That's why he didn't show up while he was in hospital. That's why he looked so disheveled when he went to penthouse the last time.
Because of the guilt.
Just like when they faced with the old hospital director. He had felt guilty back then because he learnt that Dan wasn't experienced before him.
Dan knew that this was the sole explanation of all the nice things Jaekyung was doing.
But it started to feel like it wasn't an enough of an explanation.
He looked like he didn't sleep for days. He was a whole mess. Would he really feel that bad to not take care of himself just because he was feeling guilty?
Dan didn't know. He was out of answer. He didn't even know why he had been thinking so hard on this.
Why did he kept thinking of a man whose life didn't involved him any longer?
Why couldn't he sleep at night unless he imagined Jaekyung sleeping besides him?
Why was he longing to wrap his arms around his comically huge chest, while feeling his long fingers soothing his back?
Why did he missed listening to his slow breathing while asleep?
Dan knew he had to stop it. The last time he was overthinking about everything, it didn't exactly end well. But he just couldn't stop. He even got back to smoking every now and then.
He knew that his grandma's days were counted. He could tell that she was getting closer to the end just by looking at her. He now only wished that she'd be in peace.
But he didn't know what he would do without her.
Even though she didn't play much of an active role in his life right now, knowing that she was alive in the hospital always comforted Dan.
Okja's nearing death made him think about Jaekyung.
He remember his words when they sat near ocean.
"Don't be afraid of ending up alone."
"I'm not, like, your family or anything, but..."
"...No matter where you go..."
"Or what you do..."
"...I'll always be in your corner."
He felt his heart throb and his tears threatening to come out just like in that moment.
Was he just saying those?
Because Dan needed comfort in that moment?
He was just so happy to hear him say that in that moment, he didn't even actually think if he meant that or not.
He possibly couldn't, right?
Once his grandma was gone, he was gonna be all alone, just like he initially feared.
Going to hospital to work all alone.
Watching Mr. Joo's next victories on TV all alone.
Sitting next to his grandma's grave all alone.
Getting older in a sorry little house all alone...
...
He asked the hospital to took the next day off. He wasn't feeling so well.
The old man frowned down at him when he saw Dan walk past the house with a bag. He didn't need to see what was in them.
"Drinking again? You're not doing so well these days, Dan. Maybe coming back here wasn't the best idea."
Dan didn't want to look him in the eye.
"I don't have a reason to stay at Seoul anymore."
He just wanted to get in, shut his mind off and sleep without thinking today. He wanted to stop imagining.
"What about that Jaegaeng fellow?"
Dan inevitably paused.
"Does he know you're here? He seemed so persistent to take you back last year. He'd probably want you to go back to-"
Dan felt a dark wave of uneasiness around his throat that choke him.
"We... settled everything down since then. There's no connection left between us. There's nothing for me to go back to there."
With that, he walked away and got into his house, ending the conversation. The old man shook his head and petted Boksoon's head, who pouted while looking after Dan.
"This boy... This place is no good for him."
—————
Dan woke up with the feeling of someone shaking him from his shoulders. When did he fall asleep anyway? He frowned, didn't want to wake up. He could feel the headache starting to grow. Who was evn it trying to wake him up? Was it Mr. Joo? Was he running late to the gym? In that case, he had to wake up as soon-
Oh...
Yeah, right.
It had been months. He needed to forget the gym. He needed to forget-
His vision and hearing started to get clearer as he woke up slowly. That's when he recognized the one who's been trying to woke him up was the old man from nextdoor. He must've had the keys of the house.
"Dan... Dan, wake up! Someone came here asking for you. They said they'd been calling you from the hospital but you didn't pick up."
Dan rubbed his eyes and sat straight. Where was even his phone. "But it's my off day today. Why would they..."
The old man look at him with a concerned gaze. "It's not that, Dan. It's your grandma..."
Kim Dan's eyes widened.
He never got up from bed this fast.
—————
He didn't even know he could run this fast.
Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay. Please don't leave me-
"Doc Dan?"
The older nurse looked at him with worry in her eyes. When did he even arrive the hospital? "You must be here for your grandma..."
He was even terrified to ask the inevitable question. They both silently headed in.
"Her vitals suddenly dropped to the critical level this morning. She's doing better for now, but I reckon there isn't much time left for her."
Dan kept his head down as the hospital director explained Okja's condition. Here he was, in the exact situation he knew was unavoidable and been preparing himself for. He didn't felt prepared at all. And he almost slept during it and let his grandma go on her own just because he couldn't keep his mouth away from the alcohol...
"We called you in case if you wanted to say goodbye to her, but you didn't pick up..."
"...So, we reached the second person we could think of for her."
Dan raised his head with surprise. "The second person they could... What..?"
And as if it was on purpose, the door swung open. Dan cautiously turned around on his seat.
Badum
Badum
Badum...
And their eyes met.
Dan couldn't believe what he was seeing. There was Jaekyung, before his eyes after all this time. His eyebags, bigger and more purple than ever. His hair long enough to reach his shoulders. He never would've imagined he'd see his hair like that. He looked like the dictionary definition of a mess.
"H-hey..." Dan felt his voice shaking.
Jaekyung looked away like he suddenly felt embarrassed. "...Hi."
"Oh, you arrived! Thank you for coming here so fast, Mr. Joo. We managed to contact Doc Dan, as you see. But I imagine you still would like to be there for Okja in these moments."
"Yeah... That's why I'm here." Jaekyung slowly walked up and sat on the chair next to him. Dan peaked a glance at him, it still felt unreal that he was here, right next to him while Jaekyung's eyes remained glued to the ground.
Dan felt his heartbeat fastening after a long, long time.