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As channel 4 chimed out the soft tunes of "The Velvet Underground", Asa stared out the car window at the rapidly passing English countryside, lost in thoughts of apprehension. Whilst the musk leather smell inside the Bentley was grounding, he couldn't help but replay the all-consuming question in his head. A question so fragile it could rupture the happiest period of his life, which was all thanks to a certain red-headed professor sitting next to him, currently humming along to the soft melody of 'Pale Blue Eyes'.
"Er, you alright, angel? You seem a bit- well, just a bit dazed", Anthony muttered, glancing over at Asa through the reflection of the rearview mirror.
As if snapping back into reality, Asa jumped up out of his slouched stupor, slightly bonking his head on his car-seat headrest whilst chirping out:"Nothing to worry about, dear! Just- thinking about which entrée to go for. Did you know, I heard they do a rather good-", Asa rambled on, yet the active response was enough to put Anthony at ease as he refocused his gaze towards the road, slipping back into a rhythmic finger tap on the drivers wheel.
Asa's ramblings subdued as his focus shifted back to the small, yet weighty glimmering object in his coat pocket, his words getting caught in his throat and dropping down to the heavy feeling in his gut.
4 years they'd been together, 3 of which they'd lived together; how could this not be the right decision? And yet, Asa's mind still went back to the dreaded isolation he feared the most.
His life wasn't exactly bad prior to meeting Anthony, but by no means was he a social creature. His loving mother had passed around his mid thirties, having had him at a rather old age, and many of his acquaintances were- well they were just that. Acquaintances. Asa socialised with books, not people, and he was absolutely content just doing that.
Well, was.
Anthony had a warmth that Asa hadn't known since his childhood. His grumbly voice was composed of the same comforting sounds of fireplace on a dark and stormy night. His slightly calloused and wrinkled hands were firm, yet still had a certain softness which was particularly delightful when felt on the surface of ones own lips. He couldn't lose him. He just couldn't.
Why give him Anthony? Why give him Anthony if he could just, get taken away-
Cursedly, as if manipulated by some external interruptive force, the monotone chit chat of the radio hosts suddenly blurred, cutting off Asa's line of thought as the huffing and grinding of the Bentley slowly if not certainly skidded into a halt.
"Fuck. Fuck-fuckity fuck!", Anthony muttered, forcefully swinging the car door open whilst uttering a string of curses at the Bentley as if it had a mind of its own.
"Oh dear. That's a bit of a faff", Asa chimed in, nervously sweating now that his partner was seemingly raging in the middle of the M25 motorway due to an age old personal vendetta against his car on the night of their anniversary.
"You think?? Eurgh, for fucks sake. This happens every time we go to London. Why even buy an old car if it's going to have a meltdown every time it drives for longer than 40 minutes??", Anthony blustered, rampantly messing about with something Asa very much didn't understand under the Bentley's hood.
Slamming the ticking car's front hood shut and climbing back inside, Anthony shoves his foot down a few times before a final budge did the trick, and shortly afterwards, they were back on their way.
If Asa's nerves hadn't been jolting throughout his entire body then, they certainly were now.
Shit.
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The London restaurant was bustling with excitement. Anthony was in a seemingly better mood, already checking the wine menu on his phone as they waited to be seated. Asa stood almost vacantly next to him, staring at the wall whilst fingering a button on his cream coloured shirt collar as his mind was racing, measuring the severity of all the possible negative outcomes that might come from this evening. Glancing up from his phone, Anthony stared at his lover, swiftly taking his twiddly hand and instead holding it firmly in his own, using his thumb to massage his nerves almost completely away.
After being seated at a rather classy table and glancing over a menu with items priced at half their annual salaries, Asa opted to order them a bottle of Le Châteauneuf-du-Pape as a special anniversary treat.
"Treating me, angel? You know, this face is worth a lot more than a good bottle of wine...", Anthony teased, smirking as he stared at his partners wide eyes and flustered demeanour.
Grounding himself from his fluster, Asa chuckled. "Oh, Professor Crowley. You really do make me nervous", he commented, leaving his previous anxieties at bay and indulging himself in his partners obviously competitive flirting.
"Professor? That's a new one. Is there something you haven't been telling me in the bedroom, dear?"
Yeah, okay, so Anthony did obviously win eventually. But the fidgeting bookshop worker was exactly where he wanted to be.
After finishing a wonderful meal, they ended up with another bottle of Le Châteauneuf-du-Pape (this time as Anthony's treat) and a very extensive conversation about the pronunciation of 'Bouillabaisse' or 'fish brain stew' as Anthony had liked to call it.
Anthony chuckled whilst glancing at his watch, eyes opening wide: "Gosh, love, it's getting quite late and I'd quite like to be in bed by, well, by the looks of it, 1 in the morning. Shall we get the check, dear?"
And with that comment alone, Asa's face dropped, as the sudden heavy feeling in his gut had returned, only this time, it felt like the feeling genuinely could have dragged him down and through the floorboard, if he were only so lucky.
The proposal. He had forgotten to propose.
Shit. He had just been having too good a time. I mean- the wine, the food, his gorgeous boyfriend- it was all so distracting! Anthony could always make him forget about his own worries. He just hadn't realised that this was one of those worries.
Asa's expression of absolute terror must've been obvious, as Anthony's demeanour had switched from one of sublimity to utter concern: "You alright, angel? Was something wrong with your roast lamb? God, these snobbish restaurants always get away with these things. You know I'm not against going up to the chef and telling him to shove his pots and pans right up his-"
"Anthony! For heavens sake, no. I'm fine. Splendid! Im splendid. The lamb was lovely, dear. I just-", Asa spluttered his words, trying to think of a believable excuse.
Finally composing himself, he straightened his posture and plastered a warm smile over his scattered expression, "Tired. I'm just tired, my dear. You're right, it's a long drive back to the cottage. We should ask for the check and get going".
His response had obviously done the trick, as Anthony returned his warm smile, gesturing to the nearest waiter to bring them the check, allowing them to finally head off home. Asa's panic had finally fully settled in. He had forgotten to propose on the one night where he might've even mustered up the slightest bit of courage to finally do so.
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During their drive back to the cottage, Asa was in a complete state. Unlike their previous journey, he could no longer stare out at the scenery of London phasing into the greenery of the countryside. Instead, his eyes darted around the 1940s interior of the Bentley, trying to come up with a backup plan, or at least an excuse as to how he could actually forget something so genuinely important. He was an absolute utter idiot. Not only had he forgotten to propose, no no, he had also let Anthony pay for the entire meal, as well as drive them home whilst they were both equally as exhausted. He felt like a complete pillow princess, and not in a sexy way.
As the Bentley finally pulled into their driveway, the glimmer of Asa's watch in the moonlight told him that it was just a few minutes after midnight. Not too bad. If he could maybe just gather a few candles, maybe make a bouquet out of some of the roses from their garden?? He was sure they had some slightly fancy red wine in the back-
"Coming inside, angel? I don't mind standing outside all night, but it's getting a bit chilly", Anthony suggested, holding the door open for Asa with a gentle expression on his face. One could not imagine a site more welcoming, more homely, than this, or at least in Asa's eyes.
Inside the comfort of their nicely heated cottage, Asa took of his shoes and slipped into his warm, cozy slippers in defeat. Taking off his suit jacket and bow tie, he slipped a deep brown wooly jumper over his shirt and headed to the kitchen to pop the kettle on. If he couldn't make his partner a husband today, he could at least make a good old cup of tea.
A pair of familiar arms slithered their way from behind, resting on either side of Asa's soft hips. Anthony rested his stubbled chin on Asa's shoulder, his glasses slightly tilted and his breath warm and tingly against his lovers ear.
"Oh, dear. You're a bit cold. Have you just been outside?", Asa wondered, quickly turning off the hob as the kettle began to boil. He didn't need to hear another one of Anthony's rants about the inflation of gas prices. He had already driven him mad after the closest Tesco's had suddenly priced Freddo's at 35p instead of 30p. He didn't even like chocolate.
"Just got the fire started outside. Wandered if you wanted to read a bit whilst I have my telescope time, angel?", he muttered whilst placing gentle kisses up Asa's shoulder and neck.
"You really do know me. You go ahead dear and I'll bring us some tea".
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Asa shuffled along, a cup of tea in each hand as he made his way from the kitchen to their back door. Whilst he was disappointed in himself for mucking up his chances of proposing, he was utterly grateful to have his warm, loving partner by his side. Married or not, Asa couldn't be any happier than he was with Anthony. He knew it didn't make sense, but a part of him truly believed that they had known each other so much longer than those 4 years, that somehow, even prior to meeting Anthony, he was still apart of Asa's life. Sometimes Asa would read historical books dating back over thousands of years, but instead of learning anything, he'd feel nostalgic, like he and Anthony had been to all these places before. It seemed silly, but it also shaped him as a person. Him and Anthony, it just felt right. Always had.
Stepping into their garden, the cool air hit Asa immediately, but was quickly subdued by the warmth of the crackling fireplace, with its vibrant flames lighting up a sight far more beautiful than the greenery surrounding their South Downs cottage.
Anthony, down on one knee and surrounded by warmly lit candles, contrasting with the cool tone of the moonlight which reflected off of a tiny, golden object in his hand.
“Silly Angel. Thought you could beat me to it?”
Tears slipped from Asa's eyes as he couldn't hold himself together. He felt loved, he felt seen, and more than anything, he felt so utterly complete.
The site of Anthony's now faltering confidence prompted Asa to quickly cut into the all-consuming silence,"You- you bastard! Yes, throughout a million different life times, yes!"
Quickly placing both cups of tea down, Anthony slid the ring onto Asa's finger, but before he could forget, Asa quickly fumbled into his own pocket to grab the ring he had intended to propose with, slipping it onto Anthony's finger and holding his hand firmly up to his lips, pressing gentle kisses agains the softly wrinkled skin.
"I love you, angel. I really do", Anthony whispered softly, before pulling Asa into a firm but tender kiss, with one hand sliding to his now fiancé's waist and the other sliding through his hair, ruffling it lightly. He'd always like him looking a bit of a mess.
Asa gently broke from the kiss, placing his fingers on his lips as he felt the warm imprint of his lovers affection,"I love you too, my dear Crowley".
Anthony smirked,"So it's settled then? You're taking my last name?"
Asa chuckled warmly, sliding his hand up Anthony's shoulder,"Hmm, not quite sure about that yet. Just think your last name suits you well, that's all. Feels like you."
"Well if that's the case, Mr A. Z. Fell, I'll make sure to keep it", Anthony beamed, sliding his hand fully around Asa's waist and using his other to pick up his cup of tea, "Now, telescope time?"
"Yes, dear. That would be lovely", Asa responded, letting Anthony guide him to their cosy duo chairs next to each other, draping a blanket Anthony had crocheted a few months ago over their knees as they listened to the sweet melody of a nightingale.
Staring into his deep brown eyes, Asa saw his entire past, present and future and he knew then and there that there was no place he'd rather be than wrapped up beside Anthony, gazing at the world they held so close to their hearts in front of them.
Anthony wrapped a lanky warm around his shoulder, pressing him into a warm side embrace and holding up his mug,"To the world, angel".
Asa smiled warmly,
"To the world."