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Ruben is thudding a thick, solid branch against the trunk of a tree, thin arms straining with the effort, little face scrunched up in concentration. Wham. Wham. Wham. With every strike, he imagines his dad, and then his mum, and then his dad again. He grits his teeth against the jarring in his shoulder as a particularly hard swing cracks against the tree trunk and a considerable portion of the branch goes spinning away into the underbrush. He drops it, breathing heavily, loose-limbed and red with exertion, and casts his gaze around for a new branch. He's just found one, long but thin — it'll probably break after two hits, maybe one if he can get enough force in — when a high voice calls his name.
"Ruben! Wuben!"
A second later and a small body rockets into him; Ruben catches a flash of sandy hair and bright eyes before Niall Kennedy's enthusiastic greeting takes them both off their feet.
Ruben laughs, breathlessly, sitting up in the dirt as Niall disentangles their legs and scrambles to his feet, face shining with joy. He catches a glimpse of Lori as she smiles at them from the back door before slipping inside.
"Heya Bambi," Ruben says, pushing himself upright and tousling the five year old's hair.
Niall immediately rushes to fix it. "'M not Bambi!" he moans with all the whine he can muster. "I'm Niall."
Ruben ruffles his hair again, just to be a shit. "Nuh-uh, you're Bambi. 'Cause your head's too big."
Niall doesn't argue, but bristles so hard that for a second the force of his indignation pushes him up on tiptoes. It barely brings him closer to Ruben's eye level. He's big for seven, everyone always says so. He likes it when people say that.
Ruben picks the skinny branch up again, and hefts it like a cricket bat. Niall watches, brown eyes wide with curiosity.
"What ya doing?" he asks, not a hint of apprehension in him.
Ruben swings it, hard, and grins in triumph as it shatters into three pieces, two of them bouncing in the too-long grass, followed by the third part as he lobs it away. "Practicing," he says, teeth still gritted in a savage smile.
For a second, Niall just blinks up at him with those innocent doe eyes. Then he shrugs, in the simple way of children everywhere, and scurries off into the shrubbery around the perimeter. Ruben gives his own shrug and, not seeing any good branches in his immediate vicinity, trails after him.
Niall is crouched right up against the corner of the back fence, hidden from any prying eyes. There's a gap in the fence there, a single loose plank that's juuust big enough for two boys to slip through, though one gets through more easily than the other these days. Niall looks up questioningly as Ruben's trainers crunch through the leaf litter.
"Can we?"
Ruben squats beside him, their knees knocking sharply. He leans forward and, with the same ill-fitting strength he had been using against the tree, yanks the loose fence plank towards him, opening a triangular space about a foot wide at its widest point.
"Go on, quick!" he hisses, glancing around. It's pointless, really. Lori doesn't visit often, but when she does she's there all day. Sometimes even later, if his dad is out drinking. And no one ever, ever checks on them.
Niall eases himself on to his stomach and slithers, half-sideways, through the gap. Once out, he spins on his bottom and uses both of his legs to keep the gap open. The spindly things are shaking by the time Ruben manages to shove himself through the space, but he manages.
Ruben drags himself to his feet first, and pulls Niall easily to his. They both brush the dirt off the seat of their pants, and take a moment to breathe in the narrow alleyway that runs behind these houses. One way leads to the closest pond, the other to the quarry. Ruben likes the quarry. Likes seeing the big trucks and the digging machines, all hydraulics and loud roars and brutal, unyielding power. But Niall prefers the pond, likes to crouch in the grass and watch the damselflies or search for tadpoles.
Niall looks up at him, eyes wide with barely concealed pleading.
Ruben makes a show of rolling his eyes. "Yeah, alright, we can go to the pond."
The smile that breaks across Niall's face is so bright that Ruben feels warm, somewhere deep in his chest. When Niall turns to sprint towards the pond, Ruben kicks out at his receding ankle, and laughs as he sprawls in the dirt.
~~~~
The pond is serene, and almost deserted. Across the way a woman is teaching her toddler to ride a tricycle, without much success. She doesn't even glance at the two boys as they come crashing through the trees and stop just barely before the water's edge.
Ruben crows in triumph. "I win!"
Niall, hands on his knees and heaving, takes a moment to reply. "You cheated!" he whines, when there's enough breath in his lungs to whine.
Ruben snatches him into a headlock and grinds his knuckles into the boy's scalp, just hard enough to make the younger boy yelp and writhe. He releases him with a shove, more playful than cruel, and Niall shakes his head like a dog, hair a tousled mess, and drops it.
Instead, he turns to the pond, dropping easily into a flat-footed squat. For a second, Ruben is tempted to put his foot on the boy's back and send him toppling into the water, but decides against it. Lori would definitely notice if her son came back drenched and covered in mud.
He leaves Niall there to watch the darting tadpoles with fascination, and wanders closer to the bike-training mother. He doesn't recognise her, which means she's probably from the nicer end of town. After a moment he dismisses her from his mind, and begins searching for anything interesting on the ground. The quarry is better for this, full of rocks and quartz dust and miscellaneous mining debris, but there's always something to be found if you're looking for it.
"Whatcha doing?" Niall speaks from behind him, and Ruben glances back at him.
"Lookin' for stuff," he says simply, and Niall's head tilts.
"Wha' stuff?"
Ruben scuffs his shoe against a speck of colour in the dirt, and uncovers a discarded wooden figurine. It's small and certainly had a shape once. It might have been a dog, but the dirt and time have worn away the features until its mostly just a misshapen handful of wood. Ruben holds it out in his palm, letting Niall inspect it with a puzzled curiosity. Then he turns those big eyes back on Ruben, still uncomprehending.
Ruben lets the figure drop to the ground, and uses his weight to push it back in the dirt. "Just stuff. Lost things."
Niall considers this. "Can I look, too?"
Ruben swings his body to look sidelong at Niall, "Can't stop you, can I?"
Niall takes this as the permission it is, and Ruben watches him march to a nearby patch of grass and kneel to sweep his hand in the dirt, before turning back to his own search.
Ten minutes later and he's found 2p, a handful of beer caps, and a nearly-empty lighter, which now sits cold against his skin where he's tucked it into his waistband. He's excavating a decently sized stone with his foot, thinking he might try and see how far he can throw it into the pond, when he hears footsteps barrelling towards him.
He looks up, alarmed, and relaxes when he sees it's just Niall, with filthy hands and a stunned, wide-eyed look.
"Come, come!" he pants, slamming to a trembling standstill like a trod-on rake right before colliding with Ruben. Ruben sways backwards, dodging dirt-covered fingers. He likes this shirt.
"What?" he snaps, putting a step between them.
Unfazed, Niall seems to vibrate on the spot, beaming. "Got somefing! Somefing good."
Ruben looks at his empty hands, tries to make out if there's anything in his pockets and doesn't see anything. "Where?"
Ignoring the older boy's irritated noise, Niall grabs Ruben's forearm with both hands and pulls, barely moving Ruben an inch before he relents and allows himself to be led, hurriedly, closer to the treeline away from the pond. Niall squats in front of a twisted, gnarled patch of shrubbery and, turning his head to protect his face from the branches, reaches into the brush.
Ruben watches cautiously, hanging back on his heels as he watches Niall's arm disappear into the mottled darkness. But Niall's aim was true, and after just a few seconds he withdraws his fist, tightly clasped around something that glints, once, before he turns his little body to obscure it from view.
The younger boy stands slowly, taking just long enough that Ruben considers forcing him to turn around — but then he does turn, smiling so brightly that Ruben can't help but let him have his theatrics.
Niall extends his hands, cupped around whatever he found like it's an insect he's trying not to squash.
"Better not be another bug," Ruben says warningly, suddenly cautious for a different reason.
Niall shakes his head fervently. "I wouldn't," he says, with grave sincerity. He'd learned his lesson, the one time he'd tried to frighten Ruben with a grasshopper.
Still, Ruben doesn't try to lean in closer. After a moment, one that Niall must deem sufficiently dramatic, he unfurls his grubby fingers.
In his palm, glimmering under a thin film of dirt, is a ring.
"It's a ring!" Niall chirps happily, beaming with pride.
Ruben looks at it, feeling surprise and something else swirl in his chest. It is a ring, wide and heavy-looking. His fingers itch to touch it, but he hesitates. This isn't like finding a coin. People look for rings. Rings mean something. Rings are worth something.
It's a simple gold band, no visible diamonds, but it's huge, way bigger than any of his mum's rings. He doubts it'd fit his dad, not even his thumb. Wordlessly, he holds his hand out for it.
Niall gives it over easily, not a hint of possessiveness in him. First, Ruben rubs it against his shorts, buffing off the dirt until it gleams. No nicks, no warping, it's not even scratched. Niall might not understand its worth, but Ruben does. Ruben knows all about what things are worth, in the way that all poor kids do. Anything worth having is worth selling, that's what his dad always says. Pity he hadn't found it.
Ring fully cleaned, Ruben holds it up to the light, framing Niall in the golden circle. He moves it right up to his eye so he can peer at Niall through it, twisting his face into an exaggerated squint, and the younger boy laughs, a peal of joy that rings around the clearing. Ruben lowers the ring and looks at it in his palm, aware that his heart is pattering a strange rhythm in his chest. Excitement, he decides. It's a good find. If there's jealousy there, he doesn't acknowledge it.
He holds his hand out suddenly and Niall staggers back, expecting a blow to the tummy. When Ruben's fist doesn't make contact, he blinks down at it. Ruben shakes his arm, and the fist attached to it. "Take it," he says sharply.
Niall frowns and does as he's told, unsure why Ruben is upset. The ring drops heavily into his palm, even bigger in his small hand than it was in Ruben's. He stares down at it, his fingers clenching and unclenching around it. After a moment, he holds it back out towards Ruben.
Ruben stares down at it, uncomprehending. After a second, Niall mimics the arm-shake manoeuvre he had just done, and the ring jostles around on his upturned hand.
"You can have it," Niall says, with a shy smile. He's looking somewhere below Ruben's collar, and two high points of pink tinge his cheeks. "Wan' you to have it."
Ruben blinks. "Huh?"
Niall takes a small step forward, and with the hand not holding the ring he reaches forward to take Ruben's hand, twisting his unresisting wrist to face Ruben's palm to the sky. Then, with a strange gentleness, he tips the ring into it. It lands awkwardly and nearly rolls away, and Ruben protectively clamps his fingers around it. Niall pulls away, his cheeks bright with his blush now.
"Why?" Ruben asks, his fingers so tight around the gold band he can feel it digging into him.
Niall shrugs with his whole torso, swaying a little. "Just want you to have it," he says again, directing it at the dirt under his own toes.
There's something in the silence that follows that Ruben doesn't understand, and he hates not understanding things, so he shoves the ring deep into his pocket and turns away with an annoyed noise. They hadn't been there long, but the ring is heavy in his pocket and he suddenly feels like the woman with the toddler is watching them, like she can tell. So he stalks — in as much as a seven year old can stalk — back towards home, and after a few seconds he hears Niall's shuffling footsteps fall in behind him.
~~~
They're nearly back to Ruben's house when Niall is there, bouncing gently at his elbow. Ruben glances sidelong at him.
"What?" he snaps, all his thoughts on the heavy weight of the ring in his pocket.
Niall's cheeks are red again, and his eyes are bright.
"Does…" he begins, and then ducks his head, that same shy smile playing on his face. "Does this mean we're… are you my…" he seems to flounder for the right word. "my hubband, now?"
Ruben doesn't realise he's stopped walking until Niall knocks into him. "What?" he says, a strange ringing in his ears.
Niall seems oblivious to the spots of darkness that suddenly creep into Ruben's vision. "Well," he says slowly, like he's puzzling it out. "My mummy and daddy have w...rings. Mummy is daddy's w-wife and daddy is her hubband." He looks at Ruben with a sweet, open expression. His cheeks are still very red. "I gave you a w-ring. But I'm a boy, and you're a boy also, so that makes us both... hubbands."
Ruben is on him before he can even register the thought. Niall's back hits the ground and Ruben hits him a second later, small but strong fists coming down on Niall's belly like tiny anvils. Niall makes a strangled noise of shock and pain, and Ruben clambers atop his skinny waist and delivers two more tiny anvil hits, connecting painfully with Niall's cheekbone and eyebrow. The younger boy is bucking wildly, the fear kicking in along with the adrenaline, but Ruben is big for seven, and Niall is small for five. Neither boy budges an inch.
Ruben is grasping at Niall's neckline now, stretching the fabric as he yanks Niall up and leans down to meet him, foreheads cracking together and sending white light dancing across Ruben's vision. Niall slumps back, mouth open and eyes half-lidded, dazed.
Ruben leans his whole weight on Niall's chest as he brings their faces close together again. The shrill, high-pitched ringing in his ears is almost deafening, but he still hears himself snarl.
"Boys don't marry boys," he grits out, watching a bead of blood well up on Niall's eyebrow and then drip thickly into his hairline. "I'm no fag."
He knows the word all too well, but it's clear Niall doesn't. Or maybe he's just too dazed from the three blows to the head he's just taken. Ruben forces Niall further into the dirt, knuckles pressing into his neck, ready to bite out more cruel words. Then Ruben realises Niall is crying, as he watches a tear join the trail of blood into Niall's hair. With a strange, rushing pop, the ringing in his ears stops, and awareness rushes back in.
Ruben staggers to his feet, feeling unsteady. Niall doesn't move for a moment, and then does a painful, slow roll away from Ruben before also standing. He doesn't look around, keeps his face carefully turned away, but Ruben still sees the wetness on his cheeks, and the shake in his shoulders. Something horrible and dark twists itself around Ruben's spine, something that churns and squirms and makes him want to be sick.
"M'sorry," he hears Niall murmur. The younger boy turns fractionally to face him. "'S'just joking."
Ruben sees the welt already forming across Niall's cheek, and when Niall touches his eyebrow, his fingers come away wet with blood. He scrubs his fingers against his shirt, already filthy with dust and dirt, and then makes a noise halfway between a sniffle and a clearing throat.
"'M'gonna go home now," he says thickly, and without waiting for a response he starts trotting up the alleyway towards Ruben's house. By the time Ruben's legs kick back into gear, Niall has squeezed himself through the fence gap and disappeared inside. Ruben shoves himself through the fence with much grunting, but stays crouched silently in the shrubbery, staring at the dirt between his feet. He hears the raised voices inside, hears a door slam. Hears what must be Lori's car starting, and then leaving. And all the while that dark and horrible feeling in his chest worms between his bones and makes a home there. Husband. Niall's blush. Boys don't marry boys. Niall's bright, beaming smile. I'm no fag. A warm feeling, in his chest. Fleeting, and gone now. I gave you a ring.
The ring.
He fishes it out of his pocket, wanting nothing more than to fling it away from himself into the overgrown grass and let the dirt reclaim it. To forget it. His stomach churns as he thinks of Niall's laugh, seen through the golden band. It would be so easy to just throw it over the fence. I'm no fag.
He closes his fist so tightly around it that he hopes it cuts him.
~EIGHT YEARS LATER~
The ring is heavy on its chain around Ruben's neck as he tears down posters and waits for Niall Kennedy to come home. Eight years is a long time. But not that long.
When he hears the door creak open behind him, he already knows what he's going to say.
"Remember me, Bambi?"
And when Niall's eyes flicker immediately to the ring around his neck, Ruben knows the answer is yes.