Work Text:
Good evening,
My name is Henry Marjoribanks. I was born and raised in Oxford England in the fine year of 1500, I studied in Anthropology. Later in my early young adulthood I moved to Australia- then back to Europe in France. Then when I was fine and middle-aged I moved to Japan, I have now lived there for 15 years.
I have a story that I am sure many of you would find yourself laughing at.
So, for a tad bit of context, when I first moved here I settled in a building which belonged to an organisation called “the port mafia”, they were infamous in the city I lived in at the time for- well, killing people. But like I always have said, a man who doesn’t kill flys is fine and dandy!
For the first 5 years everything was quiet in the ‘office’ I called home, no one worked in there so I never had tv (The watching of the human Vision) You kids and your tv, your brains are all rotted.
Like I said it was only 5 years, so it didn’t last long until this young ginger haired boy moved in, he was a new worker in the mafia or something. I recall that he had such bad language! Swearing left and right. Practically in every sentence. He was a fiery boy. We didn’t get off on the right foot due to all that.
Surprisingly he was quite easy to get along with however, he was quiet for the most part while in my house, kept to himself getting his work done. I grew to like him. He would have done amazing at Oxford! I soon learnt his name was Chuuya Nakahara, fitting for a gentleman like him.
However soon this other young lad started visiting, I learnt his name was Osamu Dazai, and he…. He was a real piece of work. Constantly trying to rile up Nakahara, he was so egotistical and, he just was so poor mannered. Used to eat on the couch! Talk while his mouth was full!
I always despised when he entered my abode. However there was little I could do.
Hw wa over all the time.
I then started to notice something between the 2, something you typically only noticed between the male and female species…it was love, they even kissed! Which confirmed my suspicions, personally I found it very un-favourable, I constantly had to turn away at the sight. However that’s where it got bothersome- they weren’t even together! They were just dodging around the topic of liking each other. Like yes I don’t support it, but at least do it right!
That’s when Dazai attempted flirting with Chuuya (and denying his love), the flirting was very much dark and if you didn’t look into it you would probably just assume he was threatening the boy.
‘The drama really hit the fan’ as the kids like to say when they were 18, Dazai walked into my house and announced to Nakahara that he would be leaving the mafia. I still remember the fight that resulted from the declaration! There was a lot of screaming and throwing. My couch ended up being broken from it! It was a hard day for both me and Nakahara.
The next 4 years were pretty calm, we were back to the days of just me and Nakahara, I had missed it so it was quite a joy to see Dazai gone and dead.
But then when young Nakahara was 22 I learnt that Dazai was alive and well! Off and betraying Nakahara by working for the opposing organisation. They actually reunited in a dungeon! That is practically luxury. I Still remember that day, Nakahara just started ranting to me about how annoying Dazai was for just suddenly appearing after 4 years, we were both relieved to see he was alive though.
Like here I was thinking he would just leave Nakahara alone in this world.
My point still remains that it is strange for 2 of the male spices to be together, but I am still really routing for the 2 young lads, they deserve happiness.
That’s when a new fly moved in becoming my roommate, his name was Gerald Clutterbuck. I learnt to get along with him very quickly, he was stern but we shared a lot of views on life. I told him about everything that had been going on for the past years, and we shared similar sentiments. We both were truly enthralled in the reality TV show that was my Home.
A few months after Gerald had moved in was when it happened, Nakahara suddenly came storming into my house, I was quite concerned for him, he seemed distressed, Gerald however reassured me that everything was probably ok (it was hard to tell with Nakahara). But then a minute later was when Dazai walked in! He was older now! He looked a lot more matured (still looked like a piece of work if you asked me however) Nakahara was yelling at him for ruining a mission or something, it took me back to the days of when they were angsty teenagers. Oh how they grow up.
Anyways. That’s when it happened! They straight up kissed! Like making out! We had to block our poor eyes.
- Well as the kids would say it isn’t exactly ‘straight’ up kissing since they aren’t ‘straight’, I never really got that joke because no one is straight, we aren’t sticks!
Both me and Gerald’s mouths were agape, and this was the good part. They confessed! No more dilly-dallying from the either of them!
We would later deem them “Soukoku.”
And that kids is how I met your Father Gerald.