Chapter Text
INT. THE HOLLANDER-ROZANOV HOME - MORNING, 06:12AM
SHANE HOLLANDER, 32, stands at an expansive marble countertop in the couple’s downtown Ottawa home. He’s wearing Centaurs-branded workout gear, a pair of dark-rimmed glasses, and has his dark hair pulled into a small bun.
HOLLANDER: He’ll be down in a minute. We’re running a little late today.
PRODUCER: Long night?
HOLLANDER: We were visiting friends in New York this weekend, and our flight got in at, like, midnight. Not good for the body clock.
At HOLLANDER’S feet, their rescue dog ANYA sniffs for scraps of the breakfast he’s meticulously preparing.
HOLLANDER (ABSENTLY): You don’t want this, baby, it’s just vegetables. The blender is gonna scare you, c’mon.
PRODUCER: Are you nervous for your first day back?
HOLLANDER glances up from the vegetables he’s chopping and scooping into a NutriBullet, smiling just beyond one of the cameras.
HOLLANDER: For the new season? No. For you guys being there? I mean, yeah.
PRODUCER: You’ve done things like this before, though. Ilya showed us the clips from your old At Home With The NHL segments.
HOLLANDER: Mm, I bet he did. Asshole. No, that was different, though. It was… I mean, I guess I wasn’t totally honest. I mean, obviously, I wasn’t. This feels more… Intrusive? No offence?
PRODUCER: None taken.
HOLLANDER: Good. I’m really sorry, this is gonna be loud—
HOLLANDER switches the blender on. The vegetables and supplement powders inside blend into a grey-green blur. It looks, frankly, disgusting.
ILYA ROZANOV, 32, finally strolls into the kitchen. He’s wearing a plain black workout set, a black toque already pulled down over his golden-brown curls. He looks visibly annoyed at the sound of the blender.
ROZANOV: You are having breakfast late today, no?
HOLLANDER: Fucking— Say good morning to the Hollywood set in our kitchen, asshole.
HOLLANDER lightly slaps ROZANOV’S hands away from various sliced fruits waiting on the chopping board, all of which had avoided the same fate as his vegetables. ROZANOV looks towards them with a grin.
ROZANOV: Good morning, nation of Canada and Hollywood transplants. I am sorry your first impression is Hollander’s boring fucking breakfast.
PRODUCER: We really need you guys to try and swear less.
HOLLANDER (LAUGHING): This guy? Good luck with that. Do you guys want anything to eat?
The last line is targeted towards the camera and, presumably, the crew behind them. Rozanov looks incredibly fond, and drops a kiss to HOLLANDER’S head.
HOLLANDER: Not in front of the cameras, jackass, Jesus.
ROZANOV: Is the whole point they are here. Keep up.
HOLLANDER (THOUGHTFUL, UNCOMFORTABLE): Oh. Yeah. I guess.
HOLLANDER pushes the sliced fruits onto a plate, retrieves a second smoothie from their large, chrome refrigerator, and places both on the kitchen island in front of ROZANOV.
ROZANOV: Spasibo, moy benzopila.
HOLLANDER: My… Chainsaw?
ROZANOV: Yes!
HOLLANDER: He’s trying to teach me Russian. I’m trying to teach him French, but, it’s less important—
ROZANOV: Is very important!
HOLLANDER: —It’s less important, obviously, because French isn’t my first language. We both speak English, which is my first language, so it’s only fair I try and learn Russian.
ROZANOV: He is good student. What? Why are you looking at me like this? I am being nice.
HOLLANDER: It just— It sounds, like, dirty when you say it.
ROZANOV (GRINNING): Is just my natural sexual charisma.
HOLLANDER: Jesus fucking Christ. I am so sorry. I wish I could say he isn’t usually like this.
CUT TO a short montage of HOLLANDER and ROZANOV throughout their NHL careers, almost exclusively shots of them standing side-by-side at press conferences, or facing off at center ice. A few shots of them hosting the NHL awards, or standing together at events, and later of them together at events hosted by the Irina Foundation.
TITLE CARD: ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND HOCKEY
EPISODE ONE:
TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - SHANE HOLLANDER
HOLLANDER sits framed from the chest up in front of a bland studio background. He looks nervous, and sips from a glass of water.
HOLLANDER: Uh, my name is Shane Hollander. I’m 32, I play center, number 24, for the Ottawa Centaurs. I was previously the captain of the Montreal Voyageurs, and played the same position.
He pauses, frowning slightly, before recovering.
HOLLANDER: Sorry. Um, I can do that again, if you want?
PRODUCER: No, no, that was good. Keep going.
HOLLANDER: Okay. Uh, yeah, I played the same position before I was traded. I’m now one of the alternate captains, but I have no ambition to take the C from Rozanov.
Hollander grins, sudden and bright.
HOLLANDER: And, uh, yeah. I’m married to Ilya Rozanov. Wait, sorry, are we using, like, legal names? Or just however people know us?
PRODUCER: Are they different?
Hollander flushes.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - ILYA ROZANOV
CUT TO ROZANOV, sitting in the same setup. He’s wearing a white silk shirt with the top buttons undone, showing his signature gold chain. His curls are well-styled, and he’s smiling.
ROZANOV: Everyone in the whole world knows me as Ilya Rozanov. I am captain of Ottawa Centaurs, I used to be captain of Boston Bears, yes, yes. Is very boring. I am sure Hollander tells you all of this, anyway, yes?
PRODUCER: He mentioned something about legal names but didn’t want to give us specifics until we’d spoken to you.
Rozanov brightens, his eyebrows shooting up.
ROZANOV: He did? I am surprised. Is good, though. Always my jersey will say Rozanov, because is easier this way. But on my passport— Canadian passport — I am Ilya Hollander.
PRODUCER: No double-barrel?
ROZANOV (STILL SMILING): No. You know, Shane might not let you use this footage. I am very surprised he brought it up. It was probably accident, yes? He gets very nervous for these kinds of interviews.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - SHANE HOLLANDER
CUT BACK to HOLLANDER.
PRODUCER: Ilya told us you tend to get nervous about interviews.
HOLLANDER: Yeah, he would say that. Just ‘cause I don’t, y’know, I’m kind of a private person.
CUT TO a short clip from an interview with HOLLANDER in 2017. It’s post-game, and HOLLANDER is flushed, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead.
INTERVIEWER: Anything to say about the rumours surrounding you and Rose Landry?
HOLLANDER: No.
INTERVIEWER: We heard she invited you to—
HOLLANDER: No comment. Can we keep the questions related to the game?
CUT TO another clip. This time on the carpet of an event.
HOLLANDER: No comment.
CUT TO another clip, Shane walking through a crowd of photographers.
HOLLANDER: Absolutely not, thank you.
A montage forms, all clips of HOLLANDER snapping some variation of No, no comment, absolutely not, no chance, or no thank you to the press.
CUT BACK to HOLLANDER at present, in the studio, smiling bashfully.
HOLLANDER: I mean, yeah, I’m a very private person. It’s not as easy for me to, I guess, open up. It’s easier for him, I think, he’s always been, like, good at press. I’m saying too many filler words, I think, your editors are gonna hate me.
PRODUCER: It’s okay, Shane. You can say whatever you want.
HOLLANDER: Sorry, aha. This is still kinda new to me. I think even when we’ve been married for ten years I’m gonna be… I think defensive is maybe the word?
PRODUCER: Defensive? Can you explain that for us a little?
HOLLANDER: Sure. I mean, we spent a long time… A really long time in secret. Like, anyone finding out was my fucking nightmare. And then when everything— When everything happened, and we got married, and stuff, I still kinda felt like… It’s ours, y’know? Our relationship, our marriage, and no-one else should get a say. ‘Cause I guess I kind of knew that, like, a lot of people wouldn’t have anything good to say about it.
PRODUCER: What did that feel like?
HOLLANDER: Uh, it was hard, I guess. I was scared. And angry. Like, really angry. I mean, I’m sure you guys know the only reason this whole thing is even allowed to happen is ‘cause Crowell retired last year, right? So… Yeah. I guess it still kind of feels like a trap.
PRODUCER: That must be difficult.
HOLLANDER shrugs. He suddenly looks very uncomfortable.
HOLLANDER: Yeah. Um, can we move on?
INT. THE HOLLANDER-ROZANOV HOME - MORNING, 06:45AM
HOLLANDER stands in the entryway, now wearing a black puffercoat and a blue toque.
HOLLANDER: Do you wanna carpool?
ROZANOV: Mm.
HOLLANDER: I need to go to Trader Joe’s after practice.
ROZANOV: Is okay, I am doing tape with Haasy, so you can pick me up after.
HOLLANDER: Tape? Already?
ROZANOV: Mm. He is still worried about edges last season, I think. I tell him is no problem, but…
HOLLANDER: No, he’s right. He’s improving, though. He’s doing everything he needs to be doing.
ROZANOV: Yes, now you tell him this, see him go bright red and die. Hero-worship.
HOLLANDER laughs, and they step out together.
INT. OTTAWA CENTAURS PRACTICE RINK - MORNING, 10:07
COACH WIEBE, 44, stands at the boards with an iPad in hand. He’s wearing a black Centaurs-branded jacket and matching hat.
WIEBE: Boys, I need to see some connections here, c’mon!
ROZANOV (FROM THE ICE): You heard Coach, Young, take the pass!
PRODUCER: Is this typical of a first practice back?
WIEBE: More or less, yeah. It’s hard to put a definition on first practice, with camp and all, but this is the first time we’ve got the full roster in the rink. They’re feeling each other out.
PRODUCER: What’s the verdict, so far?
WIEBE (GRINNING): Ah, you’re not catching me there. Nice try, though.
The camera focuses on the rink, hovering over certain players: ZANE BOODRAM, 28, ALTERNATE CAPTAIN skates by.
BOOD: Coach! You coming this weekend?
WIEBE: Sorry, kid. We’re visiting my parents this weekend. You boys have fun, though. Try not to fuck up your meal plans this early in the season, Karina will have my head.
BOOD turns to the camera crew, smiling wide.
BOOD: Hey, you guys are welcome to join, too. You can finally eat some good fucking food. Who the fuck knows what Hollzy’s been feeding you!
WIEBE: Get back out there, Bood.
BOOD winks once at the cameras and skates back out to where the rest of his teammates are huddling around the crease and their goalie, WYATT HAYES, 32.
The team break off into different scrimmages and practice drills, chirping and laughing; they’re in good shape, and good spirits.
INT. CENTAURS PRACTICE RINK - TUNNELS
CUT TO HOLLANDER, now without his jersey or pads, sweating and flushed in the tunnel between the rink and the locker room.
HOLLANDER: First real practice back, y’know, it’s hard to tell. The chemistry is there, though, and I’m feeling good. Team looks good. It’s always good to have Rozanov as captain, he brings a lot to the room.
PRODUCER: Do you have a lot of media training?
HOLLANDER: Ha, can you tell? Sorry, was that really, like… I don’t know, press scrum-my?
PRODUCER: A little. Do you and Ilya call each other by your surnames often?
HOLLANDER: Oh, yeah, all the time. I dunno. It probably sounds weird, like— I know my friend Hayden doesn’t call his wife Pike. But that's just… How we knew each other for so long, y’know? We didn’t start— I mean, yeah. It’s just how we are.
HOLLANDER shakes his head slightly, smiling to himself.
PRODUCER: It feels like there’s a story there.
HOLLANDER: Ah, maybe. I gotta go change. Later, guys.
HOLLANDER ducks away, bashful, and walks off to the locker room. It’s reminiscent of many of his post-game interviews.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - ZANE BOODRAM
BOOD sits in the talking head studio, looking relaxed and comfortable. His tattoos are on full show, and he’s wearing a light green sports tank. His dark curls are hidden by a backwards baseball cap.
BOOD: Sure. Zane Boodram, left winger, Ottawa Cens. Since Draft day, baby!
PRODUCER: Have you ever played for another team?
BOOD: Not in the NHL. Cens drafted me in 2014 and I’ve been here ever since. Rozy says I live in the walls, which isn’t far from the truth. I love this fuckin’ team.
PRODUCER: What was it like having Ilya join the team, and then eventually Shane?
BOOD: I dunno, man, what was it like when Steve Jobs invented the internet? Pretty incredible.
*Producer’s note: Steve Jobs did not invent the internet. Bood did not appreciate our attempts to convince him otherwise.
PRODUCER: Talk me through the feeling in the room when Ilya’s trade was announced.
BOOD (EXHALING): Oof. Well.
A series of clips play, most of sportscasters announcing the shock trade.
MULTIPLE ANNOUNCERS:
— Boston losing their star forward to Ottawa, a move no-one here saw coming —
— Wonder what on earth is going on behind the scenes to justify —
— A move like this is so unexpected, but Ottawa is the cat that got the cream—
— A star player like Rozanov, one of the biggest in the League barring Shane Hollander —
BOOD (GRINNING): We thought it was a prank. No, it was great. I mean, the team was so fucking excited. Rozy’s a generational player, y’know, and an even better captain. You can be a good player and a shitty captain, or a shitty player and a good captain. Rozy’s lightning in a bottle, ‘cause he’s a sick player and a sick captain.
A clip plays of shaky, hand-held footage, showing the Centaur’s locker room. BOOD is standing in front of assorted team members, most of which are no longer with the team.
BOOD: I wanted you all to hear it from me. I’m stepping down as captain next season. I’m not trading or retiring or anything like that, but—
UNKNOWN PLAYER: What? Then why?
BOOD: I’m getting to it, Casey. Deal just went through, I spoke to coach this morning. Rozanov is leaving Boston and coming to us, so I’m giving up the C. Obviously.
Silence in the room, and then it erupts.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - ZANE BOODRAM
BOOD: So yeah. Pretty fuckin’ happy.
PRODUCER: You didn’t mind giving up the captaincy?
BOOD (THOUGHTFULLY): I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy. I’ve been with this team since 2014, y’know? But for Ilya Rozanov, it’s a no-brainer. For a shittier player I would’ve put up a fight, but you can’t deny what he brings to a team. He’s a player’s player, y’know?
PRODUCER: That’s not the view most people have of him.
BOOD: Oh, sure. He’s a fucking nightmare on the ice. Playing against him was hell. Playing with him is a fuckin’ dream. Don’t air any of this, though, if the fucker’s head gets any bigger he’ll need a new helmet.
INT. OTTAWA CENTAURS PRACTICE RINK - GYM - AFTERNOON
WYATT HAYES cycles on a stationary bike alone. He’s wearing baggy shorts and a Superman t-shirt, wired earphones in his ears blasting tinny music into the empty room. CUT to him using the weights, and then stretching.
HAZY: The boys call me Hazy. ‘Cause it’s my name, I guess, with an added Y. Uh-oh, y’all, it’s gettin’ kinda Hazy!
He laughs to himself, and moves into a different stretch.
HAZY: I’m not gonna shit on my past teams, but I don’t think they saw trading me here as, like, a good thing for me. I did, though. I love these guys.
Another stretch. HAZY grins at something behind the camera.
HAZY: Goalies have to be pretty flexible. I think I’ve strained every muscle in my body trying to block shots from some of the teams in this league. I guess that’s what I get for being a starting goalie.
PRODUCER: Do you think there’s a reason your performance changed so drastically between here and Toronto?
HAZY (THOUGHTFUL): Like I said, I’m not gonna talk shit. I had some good friends in Toronto, y’know? I still talk to Pricey all the time. But every team is different, and has a different culture. The culture here is better for me. And they actually let me play, which is pretty cool. Who knew you could block more shots if you were actually in front of the net?
PRODUCER: There’s a pretty widespread stereotype that goalies are weird. Do you agree?
HAZY: Nah, that’s a myth. Guys are scared of goalies ‘cause we’re so perceptive. Gotta have good eyes to build a brick wall between you and the net, right? We’re, like, the secret keepers of the team. Not by choice, most of the time.
PRODUCER: Do Ottawa have a lot of secrets?
HAZY (WINKS): A goalie never tells.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - TROY BARRETT
TROY BARRET sits awkwardly, wearing a heathered gray sweater and a black toque.
PRODUCER: Do you need anything? Water?
BARRETT: No, I’m good. Uh, thank you, though.
He smiles awkwardly, and pauses, before ripping his hat off and tousling his hair.
BARRETT: Sorry. My fiance does social media stuff and always makes me take my hat off. I don’t know if this is different, or if he just likes my hair, but.
PRODUCER: You seem nervous.
BARRETT: Okay?
PRODUCER: Is there something in particular that you’re worried about?
BARRETT: Not really. I think we’re gonna talk about some uncomfortable stuff, and I suck on camera, but I’m… Y’know. I’m an open book. I’m trying to be an open book.
PRODUCER: Your trade to Ottawa caused quite a stir.
BARRETT: Yup.
PRODUCER: Okay, let me rephrase that: You were traded after a pretty public dispute with Dallas Kent. How did that feel?
BARRETT: Like shit. I don’t regret it, and I never will, but I think my first week here was probably the worst week of my life. If it wasn’t for this team, and what they’ve given me— Yeah. It was… Rough.
PRODUCER: What was it like to leave Toronto and join your former teammate Wyatt Hayes?
BARRETT: Difficult. I said a lot of stuff I wasn’t proud of in Toronto. I was a dick to Hazy. He was nice enough to give me a second chance. A lot to learn from a guy like that.
PRODUCER: You mentioned that the team helped you through a hard time. Can you elaborate?
BARRETT (EXHALING): Man, where do I even start? I was going through a break-up, in secret, ‘cause I was still closeted. Family stuff, and everything with Kent, y’know. It felt like my life was exploding, like I was stuck in a hole and couldn’t get out.
BARRETT (CONT.): I got wasted in the hotel one night when we were playing Vancouver, my hometown, and Roz cleaned me up, talked me down. Said he wouldn’t tell coach unless it happened again, which it never did, ‘cause you don’t piss Ilya Rozanov off, right? I think he was one of the first people I ever came out to. It meant a lot, and it just… I could tell it’d be different here than it was in Toronto.
PRODUCER: In what way?
BARRETT: It’s a culture thing, I think. The sport is so restrictive, it’s got so much toxic masculinity. I cried in front of Roz after knowing him a full week and he didn’t bat an eye. Hayes gave me a second chance. Coach took a chance on me when my game wasn’t the best. And, obviously, I met my fiance here.
BARRETT (CONT.): He’s an openly gay man, and I couldn’t believe that the team were so cool with him hanging in the locker room and coming to team events— he was our social media manager, at the time. It speaks to the culture that Roz and Wiebe and Bood were building. It’s special. You don’t get this kind of acceptance in many other rooms.
INT. SHANE HOLLANDER’S CAR - AFTERNOON
HOLLANDER is behind the wheel of his Jeep, now changed and showered after practice. He is shot from the passenger seat, face partially obscured by his RayBan sunglasses.
ROZANOV’S voice crackles through the car’s bluetooth speakers.
ROZANOV (O.S): He is very nervous, I think. Defending the title is making him stressed.
HOLLANDER: It’s a little early to be stressed, it’s barely even pre-season.
ROZANOV (O.S): Oh, you are judging baby Haasy for being stressed? You? This is very rich, Hollander.
HOLLANDER (SHAKING HIS HEAD): I’m not judging anyone, asshole. Haas has the skills, we wouldn’t have the Cup without him. He just needs the confidence, but it’s hard. I get that.
ROZANOV (O.S): Mm. I will think about this, maybe talk to coach on ideas to boost confidence.
HOLLANDER (TEASING): What, Captain Rozanov can’t think of anything himself?
ROZANOV (O.S): I know how to boost your confid—
HOLLANDER: The camera crew are in the car with me. Shut the fuck up.
ROZANOV laughs, tinny through the car’s speakers as HOLLANDER flushes bright red.
ROZANOV (O.S): Sorry, sorry. Did you buy Cheeto?
HOLLANDER: They don’t sell Cheetos at Trader Joe’s.
ROZANOV (O.S): Okay. So you want to divorce me?
HOLLANDER (LAUGHING): I’m almost at the rink now. See you in a minute, baby.
ROZANOV (O.S): Love you.
HOLLANDER: Love you. Bye.
INT. STUDIO - TALKING HEAD - ILYA ROZANOV
PRODUCER: Okay, Ilya. We’re gonna ask everyone this. If you had to describe the team in one word, what would it be?
ROZANOV: Hm. This is a good question. Let me think.
CUT TO - TALKING HEAD - SHANE HOLLANDER
HOLLANDER: Dedicated.
CUT TO - TALKING HEAD - ZANE BOODRAM
BOOD: Champions, baby!
CUT TO - TALKING HEAD - WYATT HAYES
HAZY: Superheroes. Love you, boys!
CUT TO - TALKING HEAD - TROY BARRETT
BARRETT: Life-savers.
CUT TO - TALKING HEAD - ILYA ROZANOV
ROZANOV (GRINNING): Family.
EXT. OTTAWA CENTAURS PRACTICE RINK - AFTERNOON
ROZANOV emerges from the rink, gear bag slung over his shoulder. He is shot from the INTERIOR of the car; the car’s warning bell CHIMES when HOLLANDER gets out from the driver’s side, jogging over to him and taking his bag. ROZANOV kisses his cheek.
CUT TO:
INT. SHANE HOLLANDER’S JEEP - AFTERNOON
HOLLANDER and ROZANOV now sit in the driver’s and passenger’s seats respectively, shot from behind.
PRODUCER: How did it feel being back?
ROZANOV turns to face the crew in the back seat, grinning.
ROZANOV: Good. I feel good about this year. I think we can—
HOLLANDER: Don’t jinx it.
ROZANOV: What? I thought you were not so superstitious anymore?
HOLLANDER: Don’t. I’m serious.
ROZANOV: We win the cup last season. Team is strong, we have time before pre-season games to get everyone on the same sea level.
HOLLANDER: Wavelength, babe.
ROZANOV: Mm, yes. This.
HOLLANDER puts his hand face-up on the console between them, and ROZANOV links their fingers together.
HOLLANDER: We have a long season ahead. Defending a title is hard work.
He glances to the camera in the back seat, grinning.
HOLLANDER: Hope you guys are ready.