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It should’ve been quite obvious how disastrous this day was going to be from the very morning. Starting from the broken alarm, on-foot breakfast and ending with a marathon session towards the school. That’s reason enough behind Tsukasa’s mysterious belatedness. He arrives one of the last (a member of the disciplinary committee, mind you) and immediately answers with a deep bow and promise to never ever skip his morning duties. He’s met with a bewildered gaze of the teacher before she dismisses him.
But that’s only the beginning, isn’t it?
Lessons pass by unnoticed, while his gaze wanders from the blackboard to his pen, held tightly between his fingers, and to the window. Sometimes it stops at the clock. Not indulgently, just for a couple of seconds as in a state of contemplating something completely unimportant. Or as if his owner is unsure what to do with himself. His thoughts are scattered, leaving him no chance to concentrate on anything.
…which is a lie. They’re not scattered, no, they’re tangled around one specific problem. And a person behind it.
“Tenma-kun!” the voice demands loudly, making Tsukasa jump on his seat.
His gaze finally meets his teacher’s. As it would appear, he has managed to sneak impossibly close with a set goal in his mind and a clearly disapproved look on his face. His index finger is tapping the arm impatiently, while the teacher makes a little sharp gesture from the student to an open book on his desk. Well, point taken.
“I-I’m sorry”, Tsukasa mumbles and slowly, painfully slowly rises to his feet.
Chair legs make a screeching sound, further emphasizing how unpleasant the situation is. For every poor living soul in this room.
The problem is, however, that Tsukasa has no idea where he should start reading. Though it could be dealt with at any other time (Tenma does take pride in his resourcefulness), damned be his bad luck—how else has he managed to get caught during an English lesson. A) it’s difficult enough sans any additional obstacles, and b) makes his position worse tenfold.
Thank the heavens, help arrives accordingly.
“The second from the bottom”, a discreet whisper behind his back saves some time and spares humiliation.
Tsukasa nods courtly and takes the book, finding the said line on the page. And… oh goodness. No, he wasn’t spared in the slightest.
“Tha… That’s all for… to… too… today”, he manages to squeeze out in the littlest voice possible, his bravado is nowhere to be found. He can’t even maintain a smile at this point, especially so when his gaze stops at the next two words. “Monsieur Antichrist”. What the hell even is that?
He feels drops of cold sweat on his forehead as panic settles in the chest. Tsukasa hasn’t got a clue what it could possibly mean. Well, to be fair, there’s a hunch that he’s seen those words before and even read them at one point but that’s where it stops. A hunch, nothing more.
The teacher waits a bit longer before sparing both of them the torture. Perhaps, Tsukasa’s resilient stubbornness and noticeable quietness have envoked a tingle of mercy. The look on the teacher’s face softens a bit when he motions Tsukasa to take a seat. The following mark is far from satisfactory, yet he accepts it silently, apathetically even, and goes back to drowning in the pool of his thoughts.
Lunch break should’ve been his savior. Why should have? Simple. Before he manages to catch on and flee swiftly, a hand grasps his blazer’s sleeve and tugs on it. Of course, Tsukasa is met with a radiant smile. Of course.
“Let’s have lunch together?” Rui suggests softly in a voice which Tsukasa can’t refuse. Even in his right mind.
He rummages through his schoolbag before fishing out a lunchbox and then dragging his feet after Rui. He appears to be in a good mood, brightly chirping about something that Tsukasa, to his own shame, doesn’t have the capacity to follow. He can’t even concentrate properly.
An idea suddenly flashes through his mind: maybe, he should’ve stayed home. Pretended to be sick or something, thought over this whole ordeal. Perhaps, he would have a chance at making up his mind tomorrow then.
The rooftop greets both of them with pleasant silence, free of halls’ buzz. The warm spring sun shines brightly, touching almost every corner of a secluded place, glimmering on the windows’ glass in a peculiar manner. If only Tsukasa wasn't in a such foul mood, he would make a dazzling comment on how amazingly refreshing this day is. Unfortunately, he comes up with nothing. His tongue stays glued to the palate. What a betrayal.
They arrive to their usual place, right in the corner where the sunshine barely reaches. There are no prying eyes, giving at least a little sense of comfort—and depriving of it the very next moment once the thought of just the two of them, alone, drills into Tsukasa's skull. His palms are sweaty now. Great. Just great.
Just as they sit down, Rui immediately pulls out his notebook from the inner pocket and grabs a pencil, neatly placed behind his ear. His hand is at work right this moment, making its vigorous way through the page. Well, it has something to do with whatever he’s been talking about all the way here. Probably.
Tsukasa settles on leaving his friend to his world of imagination—not that he will pry an answer out him anyways— and lowers his gaze and takes off the lid from his lunchbox, inner turmoil capturing him once more. The chopsticks move around lazily, playing with a piece of meat with no intention of grabbing it properly. He should say something. Think of a way to start the conversation. Or at least hint at his discomfort. Why is he being so difficult?
…on the other hand, is this a proper line of behavior for the lead actor? The answer is ‘no’! As if… as if doing it on stage is something completely out of line. There are things much, much worse than that. He just needs to pull himself together and do it. He’s just being stupid for the sake of it at this point, so…
“Tenma-san!” someone exclaims menacingly right in his ear.
So loudly that Tsukasa yelps and almost drops his lunchbox. There’s a slight tremor in his hands when his eyes meet Rui’s gaze in a stern, dissatisfied fashion. An annoyed sigh escapes his lips.
“Stop scaring me like this!” he growls and sets his food aside. “‘Tenma-san’? Are you for real? What's next? You're going to bow when you see me?”
“A-ah, but you simply weren't listening to me, Tsukasa-kun,” Rui sobs dramatically as he presses his palm to the chest. Yet his gaze, conscious, analyzing and just a tad worried, doesn’t leave Tsukasa’s face even for a second. “What other means did I have to resort to?”
“I was listening!” Tsukasa retaliates, narrowing his eyes. “I’ve got an amazing eyesight, sense of hearing and memory, mind you!”
“Mhm, and you’re very attentive as well, are you not?”
“But of course! I just don’t understand what it has to do wi…” Words die down on his tongue when he follows Rui’s gaze and finally notices that most of meat is missing. As do his chopsticks. “When… How?!”
“Just a bit of dexterity on my part”. There’s an undeniable smile on his friend’s face when he puts the chopsticks down. The very next second, though, Rui is all seriousness again that makes Tsukasa fidget uncomfortably. “You haven’t been yourself all day.”
“Didn’t sleep well”, Tsukasa blurts out before he can catch himself. Rui’s attention is about to drill a hole into him. For some reason, it also makes Tenma feel guilty to the point where he feels the need to defend himself. “I was up late, preparing for… for the test.”
“We passed it last week.”
“I’m talking about another test, okay?” Tsukasa mumbles halfheartedly, his confidence slipping away bit by bit. Faster than he would’ve liked it. He’s soon to run out of excuses. His gaze darts from one place to another, betraying his inner nervousness. He needs to have an honest heart-to-heart with Rui… but he simply can’t bring himself to start the conversation. “Like we don’t have other tests.”
“Tsukasa-kun”, Rui calls out after a brief, thoughtful silence. His voice carries almost a magnetic influence as Tenma rises his head against his will. His gaze meets Rui’s once more, making his heart flutter. “Does your state have anything to do with the upcoming performance?”
And… bull’s eye. A lump forms in his throat, making it harder to breath, while an unmistakable blush crawls its way from the back of his neck to his cheeks. Rui’s ability to see through him is a blessing and a curse at once. Tsukasa is yet to decide whether he likes it or not.
But a slight flutter of his eyelashes, lips barely parted in astonishment and the state of absolute bewilderment say more than any words ever could.
“Is the kissing bit the reason behind your absentmindedness today?”
It’s almost impossible to look at Rui now. Embarrassment stings both his eyes and the tip of his nose. It’s a miracle that Tsukasa manages to nod stiffly without breaking eye-contact. The awareness settles in. There, the talk he’s been fussing over all this time is upon them.
But Rui doesn’t seem to be fazed by it in the slightest. He drums his fingers on the thigh, prolonging the silence, before offering a solution in a caring, compassionate tone: “We can change it to a simple hug if you’re uncomfortable with it.”
It does come across as an honest attempt in reaching out a helping hand. Like it could've been any other way when it comes to Rui.
“But that would… change your initiate idea, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t see the problem”, he simply shrugs it off. “Tsukasa-kun, it’s just a tiny detail, not something ground-breaking plot-wise. Moreover, we still have several weeks of rehearsals to go. We could…”
“But you wanted to try something new!” Yet Tsukasa is anything but compliant. He interrupts Rui in such a haste that the latter stumbles into silence. Realization settles in once more, and Tenma covers his mouth with the hand, his voice barely above a whisper this time. “I wouldn’t deprive you of such opportunity. I will do as told if you need me to. Your scripts—your words are precious to me. Plus, the kiss isn’t real so there shouldn’t be any problems, right?”
Rui purses lips into a thin line. Silence drags on and on, developing into something awkward. Something that makes Tsukasa think that he’s uttered a complete absurdity.
“…so the kiss is not at fault.”
Ah, wait, it wasn’t just Tsukasa’s imagination. He did make a fool of himself. Belatedly he comes to realize how telling his stubbornness is. He’s spilled the beans without noticing—and that’s something that Rui wouldn’t let go of. Tenma knows this gaze of his better than anyone, probably: there’s a suspicion forming inside his friend’s head. A suspicion that will soon bloom into certainty.
Tsukasa can’t allow it to happen. Not in a million years.
Because Rui was right in his guess: the kiss wasn’t at fault for his strange behavior. Tsukasa has spent evening on evening’s worth of reading books and articles, watching educational videos and plays on the topic. He must be flawless at doing anything so it’s a given, honestly. He wasn’t worried about it. Not even one bit.
…until one day. The day when his mind decided to screw with him a bit, and instead of Nene’s face, playing a princess, it conjured Rui. Not in a role of an advisory, a prince or even a villain at the very least. No, just Rui with slightly disheveled hair, his cardigan sliding from the shoulder and a deeply enamoured smile. What happened next… well, Tsukasa tries not to think about it at all. That was the day when all pretence smoothly went out the window.
His brain decided to kick his butt in a cruel and vicious way, because those innocent thoughts (innocent, as if he wasn’t thinking about his best friend) made their way into Tenma’s subconsciousness and, therefore, into his dreams. Fleeting touch and words full of promise echoed in his mind long after. Things that should’ve made him feel gross or icky, evoked envy towards Tsukasa’s alter-ego. He would spent hours, repeating those scenes in his head, only to find himself grinning and blushing.
This whole situation isn’t to Tsukasa’s liking even one bit. Because it’s slowly nearing something that Tenma himself isn’t ready to admit out loud.
“We shouldn’t have started this conversation”, Tsukasa mewls in a pitiful attempt to weasel his way out. “It’s okay, I can do it. I will do it, so...”
He trails off and tries to get back on his feet as quickly as possible. Before his own tongue becomes his worst enemy, before it says more than it’s allowed to. He could’ve gone along with Rui’s suggestion and change that scene. He could’ve continued living without a care in the world. But no. He had to be obstinate here and then.
Though his escape comes to a sudden and unfortunate end. The other’s hand grabs him by the wrist and basically pins him to the place. Tsukasa feels Rui’s gaze burning his back. It’s more than reason enough to not turn around. Fear takes root deep inside his chest. What will he see if he turns around? What emotion will linger in the molten gold eyes?
“Are you… embarrassed by the lack of experience?”
Ah, damn it. Tsukasa decides that he’s ready to take on the title of coward than to continue this foolish pretense. He won’t be lucky enough to receive a third chance to get away from the topic.
“Yes… Yes, that’s precisely it”, he admits hastily.
“In that case…” Rui continues on in a hushed whisper. His tone is so out of character, so deeply uncertain that curiosity takes the better of Tsukasa and insists on him turning around. Now he’s bearing witness to something that will forever be engraved in his mind, he swears. Rose-tinted cheeks and slightly reddish tips of the ears. Parted lips. Cold, clammy hand still grasping his wrist. If it weren’t for Tsukasa’s frustration, he would guess that Rui’s as undone as he is. If not more. “Let’s say I can think of a way to help you out.”
“I don’t…”
‘Want it’? Please, stop lying. Be honest with yourself for once. He wants it so much that his gaze keeps flickering towards the other’s lips.
‘Need help’? Like it isn’t obvious. He’s begging for it at this point.
Silence drops over like a blanket once more. A damp, heavy blanket which serves to push both of them further to their edge. Tsukasa now comes to an awareness that something big and irreversible is about to happen.
The next thought is provocative. Scandalous. Does he want it to be reversible, though?..
“Tsukasa-kun?”
That shy look on his face. Hot, sweetened breath, carrying the taste of his favourite drink, one that tickles Tsukasa’s nose.
Gods above… Was Rui always this dashingly beautiful? Has hair always been hugging his face so elegantly, his eyes glistening softly, has his gaze been undoubtedly smitten? Tsukasa swallows with an undeniable excitement in his eyes.
…it has always been this way, don’t play dumb now. Even before Tsukasa has started finding opportunities or excuses to justify his thoughts. Now it all has vanished into thin air.
“I’m counting on you”, so he utters the most basic phrase imaginable. His lips barely manage to voice it, the words are but a whisper. Yet it’s more than enough conformation for Rui.
A thin veil of anxiety parts from his face, paving way for something different, something more demanding and determined. He moves a little closer to Tsukasa so their thighs are now tightly pressed together. The distance between them is non-existent at this point, as both of their breaths hitch.
“What an awfully lousy director would I be, if I left my most precious actor without any guidance?”
Cold fingers find their place on a heat-swallowed cheek. Slowly. Too slowly. Unbearably so.
Tsukasa looks away for a split second, dashed, before finally leaning forward and pressing their lips together. So naturally as if they’ve always belonged with each other. His body moves on its own accord, chests pressing, as Tenma’s hand find its place on Rui’s lap. Yet the only thing on his mind is how soft and mind-blowing their kiss is. He thinks of wind-chapped, sweet lips, of a surprised, stifled gasp and the hand, caressing his hair. This gesture alone is so full of kindness and care—so much so that Tsukasa moves away a bit, breaking the kiss and blinking vigorously, on the verge of tearing up. This deep, smitten affection is impossible to deny any longer. Not that Tsukasa is going to.
Both take their time, gawking at each other silently. Both are red, disheveled, with their chests raising and falling heavily.
“That was…” Rui finally breaks the silence.
“Wow…” Tsukasa follows, his fingers pressed lightly to his lips. The art of eloquence, one that he is the proudest of, in nowhere to be seen in such a crucial moment, fleeing along his levelheadedness.
He can still feel Rui’s warmth, his taste on the lips. It drives him crazy.
Rui laughs awkwardly, so out of place as if he’s barely keeping himself together.
“Hopefully, that’s more than enough to provide you with much needed experience.”
‘No’ is what Tsukasa wants to say. That’s the truth as crude as it may be. However there’s something else coming to the light along with that risque thought. A realization. He has kissed Rui. They’ve shared a kiss.
So the euphoria turns into a strange anticipation and fear before the unknown. Oh boy, they’re in for a ride.
Tsukasa licks the lips and forces himself to speak once more: “We… we probably shouldn't have…”
His own voice sounds alien.
“Eh?”
Colours leave Rui’s face in a haste. His affectionate gaze turns into dread in a span of one second, his body reacting accordingly. Rui flinches and furthers the distance between them. As if he comes to understand that what a grave mistake has been made, and it scares him to death.
“I'm sorry, I just…” he starts, clearly heartbroken. His gaze dashes sideways while Rui is trying to pull himself together. “It was too much, wasn't it? You're right, of course you're right, we shouldn't have…”
“No! N-no, I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I liked it a lot, actually! A whole lot!” Tsukasa blurts out, trying to make the situation better. Which seems to only worsen it. “If I could, I would kiss you again!”
Everything comes to a stop. They both stare at each other, clearly perturbed before Rui finally gives in.
“Tsukasa-kun, please.” he lifts his hand, the other one covering half of his face. He’s blushing even more now, his face painted deep red to the roots of his hair. “Please, stop talking.”
“But I’m not lying! I just…” He cuts himself off. Thinks a bit. A shaky sigh escapes his lips. Well, he’s buried himself deep enough, what’s a few more inches, right? “I just wanted to know… Did you kiss me out of your director’s duty?”
It sounded dumb in his head. It sounds even dumber out loud. But the question “What are we now?” hangs dangerously low and close to the tops of their heads, making it impossible to ignore.
“Did you agree simply because you lack experience?”
Tsukasa scoffs, “You can’t answer a question with a question! That’s impolite!”
“I apologize, I didn’t…” Rui trails off. His hand finally breaks apart from his face, revealing a taut smile. His cardigan slips off his shoulder which makes this whole scene almost identical to the one Tsukasa has seen in his dream. “No, my decision didn’t stem out of duty.”
“Then why did you…?”
“Because…” Kamishiro sighs quietly and leans forward, gazing intently into Tsukasa’s eyes. So vehemently as if he has no intention of running away. “Because I’ve wanted to do so for a long, long time.”
The heart flutters in his chest. Tsukasa swallows a lump, barely able to find his scattered thoughts, and parts his lips.
“And if I ask you to do it again?” he asks sheepishly.
“I will gladly oblige.”
Their fingers intertwine shyly, lovingly. Tsukasa still can’t bring himself to believe that his day, the one that would petrify him days on end, would end up like this. But there’s something warm blooming inside him now. Something that belongs to both of them.
Who could’ve guessed that a duo of weirdos would blossom into an intimate, fragile love, shared under the spring sun?
…well, this shouldn’t come off as a surprise to anyone other than these two. But that’s a completely different story.