Work Text:
jameswilsonlover69 is live!
House turned on his webcam just as he finished scuttling around the condo for supplies like the little freak he is.
He finally sat down haphazardly in front of the camera, eyes wide, “hey chat, today we’re straight up housing a trend again. By the way, the term ‘straight up housing’ is being added to the urban dictionary, it means ‘to ignore directions and do whatever the fuck you want’—anyway, today I’m doing the classic Coke and Mentos challenge but,” he held up a finger to the camera, left eyebrow raised so far it nearly disappeared into his hairline—a truly impressive feat; “I’ll be using Diet Coke for this as well as hydrocodone!”
medeancine: I thought you quit Vicodin?
“I’m not gonna take it, obviously. This is purely for the laughs,” House cackled, eating five of the twenty packs of Mentos all at once. From seemingly nowhere, he summoned a bucket of Diet Coke.
E.Foreman: Where in the hell did you even get that much Diet Coke?!
LoyalHusband365: the store, obviously.
had13y: u tell him taub
“See, at least Thirteen and Taub know what’s up,” House frowned, “come on, Foreman, get your head out of your ass.”
chachachase: he’ll have to get his head out of your momma’s ass first
had13y: oooooo chase got ur ass
“If I had mods, I’d ban Chase,” he deadpanned, emptying multiple packages of Mentos into a bowl.
number69: what store even let you buy like 20 packages of mentos?
“Walgreens, when I picked up my prescription,” he rolled his eyes, moving onto emptying the bottle of Vicodin. It compelled him…with its orange hue…like an orange cylinder of niceness. But alas, he dumped them into the Mentos bowl. It slipped from his lap, falling ever so dramatically into…the BUCKET??? NOOOOOO…
medeancine: Oh my god.
The ensuing explosion coated the very little furniture they had at this point in time, as well as the floor and some (thankfully waterproof) boxes.
House was doused in solution, it fizzed on his skin and soaked his clothes.
medeancine: Wilson’s going to murder you.
“Yeah, yeah,” he waved his hands, flinging the concoction even more everywhere. Unbeknownst to these fucking losers, Hilson became canon the night they bought this very condo.
There was a series of clicks at the door indicating a key entering a lock and oh fuck, Wilson wasn’t supposed to get off of work early today, oh no.
“House, I have had,” he sighed, loosening his tie and hanging up his keys without looking up, “the craziest—“ Wilson paused, running a hand through his hair as he turned to see the very huge mess, “—day.”
The both paused, chat was going crazy, Wilson hadn’t even noticed he was still live.
chachachase: ooooooooooooooo he’s gonna be soooo mad
E.Foreman: Of course he is, dumbass. I’d be pissed too.
had13y: fourth divorce incoming
chachachase: mate I hope wilson beats the shit out of him it’d be hilarious
medeancine: If Wilson beats you up and you can’t come into work, it will not be paid vacation.
“House,” Wilson dragged a hand down his face, “what the fuck is this?” He screeched, “oh my god, four patients died today! Man, I do not need this right now—“ he breaks into a sob, tugging at his hair.
“No, brotato, you don’t understand,” House grabbed his shoulders, eyes wider than the fucking moon, “I’m raking in the cold hard cash so we can furnish our condo, you moron. You absolute fucking idiot. Next I have to do the Diet Coke, Mentos, and Vicodin slime tutorial, the elephant toothpaste—Chase and I are doing a coming out stream and I’m gonna make her do the Ice Bucket Challenge AND the Cinnamon Challenge!!!” He giggled, cackled, then sputtered a cough.
medeancine: For the love of god, please turn off the stream.
medeancine: Hey, isn’t that the condo I wanted?
House threw his phone—being used to monitor chat—at the wall, receiving a puzzled look from his boyf.
“I’m a doctor, I’ll buy a new one,” he scoffed.
Wilson’s shoulders fall even more, his eyes were vacant. This is it. He’s going to be killed by Diet Coke-Mentos-Vicodin fumes.
“Hey, I’ll clean this up, okay?” House hums, hands placed on Wilson’s biceps, “you can go to bed.”
And then they KISSED…on House’s stream!!! Given his username, nobody in chat really should’ve been shocked.
chachachase: yo mate what the hell
had13y: fucking finally
number69: yeaaaah I think we all saw this coming
LoyalHusband365: Yeah, Chase, if you missed the fact that they’ve been madly in love the whole time I’ve known them, you might be slightly an idiot.
E.Foreman: Given Chase once angiogrammed the wrong leg, I don’t think we should expect her to be all that smart.
chachachase: that’s fucked
“Maybe those 5 adderall were a mistake…” House shrugged, ending stream.