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Grace had been officially moved onto the Hail Mary for approximately 13 Earth hours, and he already seemed withdrawn from Rocky’s company. Rocky couldn't say he didn’t expect the rather reserved alien to struggle with the transition, but all Rocky wants to do is keep talking to the only other sentient being in his reach.
If he wanted this roommates thing to work out long-term, though, Rocky knew he needed to give Grace some space, at least for the time being.
So with the little Eridian scuttling about somewhere on the ship, Rocky took his computer and headed to the Don’t Go Crazy Room. He still couldn’t remember if it was his own idea or Stratt’s, but someone had uploaded a few videos of Adrian onto Rocky’s computer, and with the AV cord tugged out of the panel Rocky pried up off the floor, he could broadcast them onto the big screen.
Their face was a little pixelated, blown up so large, but the audio was good quality, even better in surround sound. Rocky clicked play, then pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chen between them, balled up small and safe for the emotional ride ahead.
“Okay, so. This bleach has been on my hair for like an hour and I think I feel my scalp tingling? Really hoping I didn’t fry my hair as bad as I did last time but I got distracted—” Adrian cut themselves off with a laugh. They’re standing in a bathroom Rocky remembered from the days before they moved in together. Adrian was so young, still in grad school. Rocky wanted videos of their hair dyeing process. (Rocky wanted to listen to them talk about anything, but the dye job was a good excuse to ask.)
“Oh my god, it’s actually good?” Adrian laughed, peeling off the tinfoil. “I cracked the code?”
Rocky let out a weepy laugh along with them.
“I’m gonna wash this out now. Then we’re back to blue… or, uh, electric turquoise!" Adiran held up the bottle of hair dye, shaking it in front of the camera. The video cut off soon after, playing right to the next.
There are several recordings of Adrian practicing a research presentation, where Rocky could hear his own voice behind the camera asking them questions and doling out encouragement. Even though each iteration of the presentation was near identical, Rocky watched the videos all the way through. No reason to shorten what little footage of them he had.
The next clip was short. Just Adrian walking across a stage in full academic regalia, being awarded their PhD. Then followed several incredibly domestic videos from after they moved in together. Sneaky shots of Adrian dancing to their favorite music; several clips of the new kitten becoming attached to Adrian’s shoulder, the cat growing comically larger in each video; an embarrassing one of Rocky trying to take a mirror selfie while Adrain brushed their teeth until they told him through a foam of toothpaste that he was filming.
If Rocky managed to stay dry-eyed through all of that, the engagement video was always what killed him.
Adrian proposed. They probably didn’t even want it on video, but they asked a friend to tag along incognito and film because they knew Rocky would want to be able to watch it back.
Rocky had literally melted to the floor when they brought out the ring. Rocky, in the present moment, sniffled and rubbed at his eyes, watching himself hug his partner’s legs so tight, they couldn’t manage to bend down and just laughed and rubbed the top of his head, telling him yes, this was really happening.
The video lingered on the two of them hugging and swaying back and forth, whatever Adrain was saying no longer audible to the camera. Rocky remembered it well enough, though, and he mumbled the sweet words as he toyed with the ring on his finger. The engagement ring without the matching wedding band.
There were a few more clips of the friend coming out of hiding and congratulating them, and then that was it. That was all Rocky had of Adrian.
It still didn’t make sense to him, why he agreed to this mission when his fiance was back on Earth, the wedding still in the works, and not enough fuel to get back to them. The memories of the later days of the Hail Mary Project were still blurry, though, and Rocky had a sinking feeling that something had changed in ways he couldn’t quite fathom.
He still had the ring, though. He had to believe when he got back—because Grace, his sweet, Saving Grace, was going to give him the fuel to get back out of the kindness of his many Eridian hearts—that Adrain would still be there, waiting for him. A few decades older, thanks to time dilation, but they’d rock the grays and the smile lines. Rocky would love them all the harder for all the years he’d been gone.
“Who Rocky talking to?” the translation program suddenly buzzed through the surround sound speakers, that slightly-computerized Ryan Gosling voice Rocky now associated more with his alien friend than his one-time celebrity crush.
“Oh, uh, no. No one,” Rocky said, wiping the rest of the tears from his eyes.
“Rocky leaking,” Grace said. He rolled his ball onto the main platform, stopping a few inches from where Rocky sat with his legs still curled up into his chest.
“I was just watching some videos.”
“Mm. Pesky visual media.”
“Yeah, that.” Rocky snorted.
“Hear Rocky voice in video,” Grace said.
“Good catch. I took most of the videos, or, uh, recorded them.” Rocky unplugged the computer from the AV cable so Grace’s voice wouldn't be so loud anymore. “It’s a bunch of videos of my partner, back on Earth. I watch them when I miss them.”
“Need word,” Grace said.
“Oh! Partner?” Rocky lit up. He hadn’t had much opportunity to discuss relationship structures with Grace yet. He assumed the Eridians had similar concepts, but he was very curious how it worked for them, since they didn’t have genders and the roles and expectations associated with them.
“It’s someone you build a life with. In the most traditional sense, it’s the person you reproduce and raise children with, but not every human couple does that. Lots of couples just like being with each other.”
“Human couples not 🎶🎵♪?” Grace asked.
“What’s that word?”
Grace froze up, then squatted down and poked at the ground.
“Is like reproduce. But action not always result in child.”
“Ah. Yeah, I think humans call that sex. Or, uh, let’s go with intercourse.” Rocky typed it into the translation program. “More scientific, right bud?”
Grace hummed affirmatively.
“Oh, but to answer your question, I guess I meant more that having children is very much not a requirement of human partnership, but yeah, usually you would have intercourse with your partner,” Rocky said. “But it’s also a little more than that. Couples generally live with each other and make decisions about their lives together, and, well, obviously they like each other a lot. That’s why they decide to commit to a partnership. Do Eridians have a concept like that?”
“Yes. Is called ♪🎶.” Grace spoke in short bursts. Rocky would call it curt.
“Uhh, is that word a noun? A verb?”
Usually getting linguistic clarification out of Grace wasn’t so difficult, but he dragged his feet on this one. Rocky let out a deep sigh when they finally got all the words into the translator.
“So… what does partnership look like for Eridians? Is it reproduction focused, do you cohabitate?” he asked, hoping the conversation would go smoothly now that they knew what the other was saying.
“Yes. Sound similar to human partnership. Very important to most Eridian, to have partners.”
“Whoa! Partners, plural?” Rocky’s brows shot up.
“Yes. Why surprise, question?”
“It’s just—that’s not very common in human culture. Having more than one partner is usually frowned upon,” Rocky said. “Adrian—my partner—and I were interested in doing that, but we never really put it into practice. Big science makes people big busy, I guess.”
“Wish Rocky many happy partner when return to Earth,” Grace said, but under the even tones of the computerized voice, Rocky heard a dour grumble in Grace’s real voice.
Rocky frowned.
“What about you? Do you have partners?” he asked.
“No,” Grace answered quickly. Very quickly.
“Did something happen, or—”
“No. Grace never have partner. Never will have partner. “
“O-oh.” Rocky unfolded his legs to turn more towards Grace. The little alien was just standing there, still as stone, and Rocky had a feeling he wasn’t really looking at him.
“Is that a choice?” he asked.
Rocky startled.
“What matter to Rocky, question?”
“Just curious. You sound kind of upset. I’m confused.”
“Rocky always confused,” Grace said. “Is okay, Rocky have small human brain. Cannot help it.”
“Yeah, yeah, me and my puny human brain.” Rocky rolled his eyes. He really didn’t see how it could be smaller than Grace’s, but whatever. “Well, you should explain it to me, then, since I’m too stupid to understand immediately."
Grace rumbled to himself.
“Grace small for Eridian. Not attractive,” he said. “Is okay. Grace prefer alone.”
“Oh. So appearance matters that much?” Rocky said.
“Even Rocky think Grace 🎶🎵🎵.”
“Hey, hey, I didn’t say that!” Rocky didn’t need to ask for a translation. He knew well enough what was meant by that. “I think you’re beautiful, Grace. I don’t know if you can see them, but you have these red stripes on your arms, they’re really pretty! You’re a very pretty color, too.”
Grace straightened his legs and leaned away from Rocky.
“Grace know about stripes! Have different texture!” he chirped.
“Sorry, sorry.” Rocky said. “But I mean it! I think you’re gorgeous, bud. Screw Eridian beauty standards.”
“Rocky stupid, stupid, stupid,” Grace grumbled.
Rocky laughed.
“But, um… If you really don’t care about having a partner, that’s cool, though. Not everyone needs to have one. Humans struggle with that concept, too, but it’s true! You can totally be happy as a party of one.”
“Human phrase?” Grace asked.
“Yeah. Means… alone. But not in a lonely way.”
Grace assumed a thinking posture, his legs bent a little.
“Rocky know much about human culture. And opposite-culture.”
“I think the word you want is counter-culture,” Rocky said. “And yeah, I do. I’m—well. I don’t like labels for myself, but basically the way I live, the people I love, the way I like to do relationships… it’s all against what’s considered traditional and normal for humans, in most cultures. And I think those rules are bullshit and everyone would be a lot happier if we got rid of them.”
“Word for this?” Grace asked, then corrected himself. “Apology. Rocky not need label.”
“It’s okay. There is a word for it I think I like. It’s called being queer.”
Grace hummed.
“Grace aslo… this.”
“Oh?”
Rocky moved closer to Grace. Grace rubbed his front claws together, but didn’t roll the ball further away.
“Permission to speak honestly, question?”
“Yeah, of course, bud!”
“Grace do want partner. But all potential partner want intercourse with Grace, and Grace think intercourse disgust, disgust, disgust.”
Rocky took in a slow breath. Some pieces were falling into place.
“Grace want all wrong. Partner cannot be partner without intercourse. Is definition. So Grace alone. Always alone. Will be. Is meant to be.” Grace drooped to the bottom of his xenonite ball.
Rocky’s heart crumbled in his chest.
There was definitely some guilt and trauma about his crew dying mixed in there, but Rocky was certain he knew what most of this was about, now.
“Grace. We have a word for that, on Earth,” he said. “And it is queer. It is counter-culture, and some people think it’s weird and wrong, yeah, but they’re wrong. It’s normal. One percent of the human population is like that.”
“What word? What word?” Grace leaned towards him. Rocky smiled. Funny, how important a simple little label would be to an alien, when Rocky had always found them limiting.
“It’s called asexual. And it means someone who isn’t interested in other people, sexually, but they might still want the other aspects of a relationship. The closeness and affection and building a future together.”
“Amaze, amaze, amaze! Grace is like these humans! Say word again?”
“Asexual?”
“Yes. Good etymology. Grace understand.”
Rocky laughed.
“Here, let’s put it in the translator. You come up with a word for it in your language.”
“Yes, yes, yes! Grace will be first… ♪🎵🎶🎵Eridian!”
“Well, first to use the label, anyways,” Rocky said. “I bet you’re not the only one, bud.”
“Perhaps. Is okay if Grace only one. Grace used to alone.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to stay used to it.” Rocky put his hand on one of the panes of xenonite. Grace turned towards the appendage and remained still for a moment, then reached out one of his own and tapped it over Rocky’s palm, just for a moment.
“Up five?” he asked.
Rocky sighed. He meant it more like holding hands, but that would be hard to explain, so he just smiled at Grace.
“Yeah. Up five.”