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Anders stared down at the remains of the First Enchanter, fighting the urge to weep. How had everything gone SO wrong? Was Meredith right? Was the Gallows just giant pot full of blood mages waiting to boil over? He glanced over at the handful of surviving mages, wondering which would turn on them next.
"No," he whispered, then, "no," louder this time. He could not afford to think like that, to just assume....
He gave himself a small shake and glanced back at the mages. So few.... They were all gathered around Hawke, staring at her as if they were drowning and she held rope in her hands. Their belief that she would get them out of this was stamped plainly across their faces.
When they looked at Anders, all he could see in their eyes was terror.
"Go ahead," he muttered as he felt Fenris step up behind him. "I know you want to say it."
"Say what?" Fenris placed a hand on Anders' shoulder and turned him around so that they were face to face.
"That you told me so. That you told all of us. That even someone like Orsino was not immune to the demons."
"It does not seem that I need to say it," Fenris answered. If Anders didn't know any better, he would have thought the elf sounded amused. Anders narrowed his eyes and Fenris shrugged. "Orsino held out longer than most would have, but clearly it exhausted him. It is not your fault that he gave in to the temptation, Anders."
"You'll be the only one to say so."
Anders looked down at his feet. How could he have thought kicking this hornet's nest was the right decision? It had all seemed so clear when he had been planning it out. He would destroy the Chantry and the mages would seize the opportunity to revolt, destroying Meredith and making their escape. Word would spread through Thedas of what had happened and mages everywhere would see what they could accomplish without the Chantry's interference. The Templars would be cast down, their reign of torment and terror would end, and the mages would finally be free. Justice would have been served.
But nothing had gone like he'd planned. Meredith had turned on the Circle mages instead of him. She hadn't even looked at him after the explosion. Instead of providing a rallying point for mages everywhere, he had simply provided a convenient excuse for Meredith and the rest of her order to slaughter mages wholesale. This did not feel right, this did not feel just. There was no part of him crowing in vindication and pride that he had acted in the interest of justice. Instead he felt sick and appalled. Every last bit of him. For once, there was no dissent within himself. It had been so long since that happened that Anders wasn't even sure how to deal with it.
"The spell that Orsino performed was a magister's spell," Fenris said quietly. He placed a finger beneath Anders' chin, bringing his face up once more. "Such a thing requires research and preparation. Much like your handiwork earlier today, this was something Orsino had been planning to do. You do not hold the blame for his weakness. You bear enough responsibility for what has happened today, do not add more to yourself than is necessary."
"I...of course. I hadn't thought of it like that."
It was a small comfort. But that was better than none, he supposed. He still could not believe Fenris had spared him, but he was grateful. He had thought he was ready to die for his cause, but he had been wrong. There was still so much to be done, and he had botched things badly here. If he had any hope of making things right, he needed someone to share his plans with. I will keep nothing more from him. He will tell me when I go too far. He drew a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable internal argument. But to his surprise, none came. Perhaps even the part of him that had once been Justice knew that they needed help.
That was a better thought than the alternative, at least. That part of himself had been quiet ever since Fenris had stopped Hawke. Anders found it disconcerting, but now was not the time to think on it. As if reading that last thought from his mind, Fenris spoke up again.
"Now, tell me if you are hurt anywhere. We should move on, and I suspect we will have to fight our way out of the Gallows. Meredith is still out there, I have no doubt."
Anders assured Fenris that he was fine and, after making sure that the elf was also uninjured, they joined Hawke and the rest of their companions. Everyone was ready to be quit of this nightmare. It was time to plan their next move.
~~
Fenris' prediction had been spot on. The fight through the Gallows had been bloody, culminating in Meredith...well, Anders still really didn't know how to describe what had happened with Meredith. He stared at her remains dumbly as the survivors milled about the courtyard. How much of her paranoia had been the idol, he wondered, and how much of that was just her? They would likely never know.
Only in Kirkwall could something like today's events have happened all at once, he mused. Something was seriously wrong with this place.
Did we ever even have a chance to do something good here?
His gaze wandered around the courtyard. Cullen and a few of his remaining Templars were seeing to the few, so very few, surviving mages. He noted with some surprise that they were treating their charges gently, kindly even. Perhaps this place wasn't an entirely lost cause, after all. Maybe, at the very least, what he had done had set in motion a cleansing of Kirkwall's demons. So to speak.
There are wounded. I should really be helping with the healing.
He turned for the group of mages, intending to do just that, but was surprised when he found his movement hindered. Hands were tugging at him, pulling him in the opposite direction. Fenris and Isabela, both as covered in blood as he and wearing matching expressions of concern, were trying to steer him away from the courtyard. He blinked and stared at Isabela. She looked terrified. That gave him pause and when he stopped the other two stumbled to a halt as well. The pair exchanged a frustrated look and then turned back to Anders.
"We cannot stay here," Fenris urged him.
"We have to get to my ship before we lose the tide and it's stranded for the night," Isabela added.
"People are hurt," Anders said, his eyebrows drawn down as he tried to puzzle out their hurry. "We should stay and help."
"Oh, now he worries about people being hurt," Isabela muttered with a roll of her eyes. She glanced at something behind Anders and nodded. Then she turned and started dragging him out of the Gallows once more.
"Cullen and Aveline can handle things here," Fenris said. He placed a hand on Anders' back, pushing him in the direction Isabela was pulling. "We need--you need to get out of here before they start to recover from their shock and realize how this all got started."
Ah. Well, there is that.
Point taken, Anders matched his strides to Isabela's. She shot him a grateful smile and he nodded in return. Behind him, Fenris sighed in relief. Anders held out his hand, and Fenris immediately slipped his own into it. Hawke and Varric fell in beside them as they left the courtyard. They encountered some resistance as they made their way to Isabela's boat, but it was less than he would have expected. Anders didn't know if that was due to Isabela and Varric leading them through what they called "the back way" or because the fighting in the city was simply dying down. He didn't care, really, he was just thankful for the respite.
He pulled up short when they reached the ship, uttering a sharp oath of surprise. Waiting at the dock were Bodhan, Sandal, and Orana. Not only that, but he could see another party making their way towards the ship from the other side of the dock. Merrill waved when she saw them, a frightened Varania following closely on her heels.
"How...?"
"Merrill left to get Varania as soon as the fighting ended." Hawke waved back to Merrill and then chivvied everyone towards the gangplank before continuing. "She won't be safe here, especially with all of us leaving. It seemed easier for her to come with us."
"Thank you," Fenris said softly. Hawke nodded.
"But what about the rest of them?" Anders gestured at Hawke's assortment of servants as he stepped onto the boat.
"Remember when we ran into Sandal in the Gallows?" Hawke grinned at Anders' bewildered nod. "While you were healing Isabela, I sent him back home with a letter to Bodhan. By then I figured that, however this ended up going down, the estate probably wasn't going to be safe very much longer. Besides," her face darkened, "I didn't want any of them coming into trouble because of their association with me."
"I'm surprised Bodhan agreed to leave without his wares," Anders said faintly.
"Oh, they were mostly already aboard," Isabela said with a grin. "He had already hired me to take the pair of them to Orlais." She turned to her crew and started bellowing out orders to make way.
"Orlais?!?"
"Relax, Blondie. No one expects you to actually go to Orlais. But it makes sense for Isabela to keep to the original travel plans. Besides, no one will be looking for you in that direction. It will take some of the heat off and give you time to figure out where you do want to go."
Varric punched Anders lightly on the arm and then trailed after Hawke, who was seeing to getting everyone settled in for the journey. As the ship pulled away from the docks, Anders wandered over to the stern of the ship. He leaned on the rail and watched as Kirkwall diminished. Smoke drifted lazily over the city, but otherwise it looked the same as it always did.
The City of Chains, he mused. Here's hoping those chains might finally be broken for good.
He stood there for a long time, watching the water and thinking over everything that had happened. After a while, someone stepped up beside him and leaned against the rail as well. He didn't have to look to know it was Fenris. He just took a step closer, leaning into the elf's slender frame. Fenris slid an arm around his waist.
"Isabela intends to make for Orlais to drop off the dwarves and anyone else who wishes to leave. Then she will take us wherever we want to go." He paused, glancing down at his hands. Anders saw him bite his lip before speaking again. "Will you seek out other mages to organize them against the circle?"
Anders sighed. The thought had occurred to him. After all, that had been his goal in blowing up the Chantry in the first place, hadn't it? But his original plans had exploded right along with it. Now he wasn't sure what to do next. Should he seek out the other mages or stay away? Would they welcome him or condemn him for bringing the wrath of the Chantry down upon them all? He glanced at Fenris as he mulled over his answer.
"I am not sure that would be wise. This will spur them on, I think, but they won't thank me for it. Perhaps it is best to let them decide where to take this next."
"Very well. Where will we go, then?"
"You really mean to come with me? After everything that's happened?"
Fenris blinked in surprise. Then his eyes narrowed and he turned to get a better look at Anders.
"Do you wish to part ways?"
"Of course not! Maker, I never want to leave your side again!" He blushed when Fenris chuckled at that but he continued on. This had to be said. "I guess I just didn't think you would want to come with me. I still don't know why--" Anders turned to face Fenris as well, staring at him hard. "Why didn't you kill me?" It came out in a whisper.
For a long moment, he thought Fenris wouldn't answer. But then he leaned forward and kissed Anders lightly, their lips barely touching. He reached up and ran his hands through the loose locks of Anders' hair and held Anders' face so that their gazes were locked.
"Killing you would have served no purpose, love. I was too late to stop you, and your death would not undo the damage. Even without that, I saw in your eyes that you and Justice knew the moment you had done this thing that it was wrong. If you continue to seek Justice for mages, you will not try anything like that again." He dropped his hand, taking one of Anders' and linking their fingers together. "Besides, I was not ready to let you go. I still am not. I suppose you are not the only one who is weak." He offered Anders a shaky smile.
"There are worse weaknesses than love," Anders whispered.
"Perhaps."
They turned back to the rail and stared out over the water again. Their hands remained linked as they stood in peaceful silence. When Fenris spoke again, it was to say the last thing that Anders would have expected.
"Will the Wardens take you back?"
Anders glanced at him in surprise, taking a moment to consider the question. He hadn't even considered returning to Amaranthine. But...
"I don't know. I don't know if they even can at this point."
"Do you want to find out?"
Anders glanced at Fenris and a small bubble of hope welled up in his chest. It was a long shot, but maybe...well. It was the only chance he had now, wasn't it? He nodded shortly and Fenris smiled at him, a sweet smile, full of love and understanding. He squeezed Anders' hand and then stepped away from the rail, pulling Anders with him.
"Come. We should tell Isabela we have decided where we wish to go next."
"And then a bath?" Anders asked, finally noticing what a mess he and Fenris both were. He didn't know what kind of bath they might expect to find on board a ship, but there had to be something.
"And then a bath," Fenris agreed with a laugh.