Chapter Text
The apartment Shane had back then barely deserved the name. One bedroom, bad heating, a fridge that rattled loud enough to wake him up at night. Hockey gear piled permanently near the door because he practically lived between practice and whatever sleep he could grab in between. At barley nineteen Shane thought exhaustion was normal.
Then someone knocked on his door at four in the morning. At first he ignored it, half-asleep on the couch with a game replay muttering from the TV. The knocking came again, harder this time.
Then a baby started crying. Shane sat upright immediately. Confused, Shane stumbled to the door barefoot and opened it. He froze.
Claire stood in the hallway wearing yesterday’s makeup and a sweatshirt Shane vaguely recognized from months ago. Her hair looked tangled from sleep or stress or both. In her arms was a tiny bundle wrapped in a hospital blanket.
A baby crying. Shane stared at her.
Claire looked exhausted, furious and hollow. Neither of them spoke for a second. Then she shoved the bundle toward him.
"Here."
Shane instinctively caught the baby before she slipped. Everything inside him stopped. She was impossibly small, tiny red face, eyes squeezed shut, little fists shaking beside her cheeks while she screamed. Shane looked up immediately, panic already rising.
"What-"
"She’s yours."
The words hit like a slap.
"What?"
Claire laughed once.
"Congratulations. You ruined my life."
The baby cried harder in his arms and Shane automatically adjusted her against his chest even though he had absolutely no idea what he was doing.
"Claire, what are you talking about?"
"You got me pregnant." She snapped.
Shane stared at her in disbelief. The entire relationship had barely lasted long enough to be called one. A few awkward dates, one drunken night after Shane had spent months desperately trying to convince himself he was straight because everyone around him expected him to be. Then he’d met a guy at rookie camp and realized immediately, violently, that he was lying to himself. He and Claire hadn’t spoken in almost- nine months.
"You never told me."
"You think I wanted this?" She shot back.
The baby made a tiny choking hiccup between cries and Shane’s heart nearly stopped.
"Hey- hey-"
He bounced her awkwardly.
Wrong. Everything felt wrong. Too fragile. Too small. Claire looked at him like she hated him for breathing.
"I had to leave school."
Shane blinked.
"What?"
"I had plans!" She shouted suddenly, voice cracking.
"I had an actual life before this happened."
The baby startled violently at the noise. Shane instinctively tucked her closer.
"Don’t yell-"
"Oh, now you care?" Claire laughed bitterly.
"You got to keep playing hockey while I was throwing up every morning."
Shane’s confusion turned slowly into horror.
"You should’ve told me."
"And what? You would've fixed it?"
"I would've helped!"
"You would've left anyway."
The accusation landed crooked because the truth was Shane had been leaving. Constantly. Road trips, training camp, cames, interviews, flights. But not like that. Not knowingly. Not while she was pregnant with his child.
Shane looked down at the baby again. A few. days old maybe. Tiny hospital bracelet still around her wrist. No hat, no diaper bag, nothing except one thin blanket.
A cold feeling spread through him.
"Where’s her stuff?"
Claire crossed her arms.
"I don’t know."
Shane looked up sharply.
"What do you mean you don’t know?"
"I mean I can’t do this anymore."
The baby’s cries had weakened into exhausted little hiccups now. Shane carefully touched one finger against her tiny hand. She grabbed it immediately. He felt something inside himself split wide open.
Claire saw it happen too. Her face twisted instantly.
"No." She pointed at him angrily.
"Don’t do that."
"Do what?"
"Act like you’re the victim here."
"I’m not-"
"This is your fault."
Shane stared at her.
"I didn’t even know she existed."
"You got me pregnant!"
"You could’ve called me!"
"I didn’t want you there!"
The silence after that rang painfully through the hallway. The baby shifted weakly against Shane’s chest. Claire’s eyes filled suddenly with tears she looked furious about having.
"I can’t do this." She whispered.
"I don’t want this."
Shane’s stomach dropped.
"You don’t mean that."
"Yes I do."
"You’re upset-"
"I hate her."
The words hit harder than shouting would’ve. The baby made a tiny sound. Shane’s entire body tightened instinctively around her. Claire looked at that too, the protectiveness already there. Something ugly and resentful crossed her face.
"See?" She said quietly.
"You’re already better at it than me."
"Claire-"
"I don’t even have a name for her."
Shane looked down at the baby again. No name.
A few days alive and nobody had called her anything yet except probably 'baby girl' in a hospital room. His chest hurt so badly he could barely breathe. Claire scrubbed angrily at her eyes.
"I left the papers in the bag."
"What papers?"
"Birth certificate stuff. Insurance. Whatever."
"There is no bag."
She froze. For the first time all night she actually looked uncertain.
"Oh."
Shane stared at her.
"You forgot the bag?"
Claire looked down the hallway toward the stairs like she genuinely could not remember where she’d put it. Then she laughed suddenly.
Not funny, but the kind right before breaking apart.
"I knew I’d be bad at this."
Shane shifted the baby carefully in his arms.
She’d stopped crying now, just tiny exhausted breaths against his chest. He looked at Claire standing there shaking in the apartment hallway and realized two things at once.
First: she was serious.
Second: if he let her walk away angry, she really would.
"Claire."
She looked at him numbly.
"You need help."
"No." She whispered.
"I need an out."
The baby stretched one tiny hand against Shane’s hoodie. And just like that, before logic could catch up, before fear or hockey or reality or anything else-
He knew.
Nobody was taking her from him now, not even the mother who never wanted her. Claire saw it happen on his face, her own expression hardened immediately, like kindness offended her now. She stepped backward.
"Keep her."
Shane blinked.
"What?"
"You wanted to help so badly."
"Claire-"
"You deal with it."
Then she turned and walked away, just like that.
No goodbye, no looking back.
Shane stood frozen in the doorway holding a five-day-old baby that didn’t even have a name while her mother disappeared down the stairwell.
The apartment felt dead silent afterward except for the old refrigerator humming behind him.
Then the baby sneezed. Tiny.
Shane looked down at her in complete panic.
"Oh my god."
Her eyes blinked open slowly for the first time.
Dark, unfocused and sleepy. She stared vaguely somewhere near his chin. Shane swallowed hard.
"Hi."
The baby yawned. And Shane, exhausted and terrified and completely unprepared, fell in love with her so fast it almost felt like getting hit.
Shane lasted exactly four minutes after Claire disappeared before calling his mother. She answered half-asleep.
"Shane?"
"Mom."
The baby whimpered against his chest.
"Is that a baby?"
Shane looked down at the tiny girl wrapped in a hospital blanket.
"Yeah."
His voice cracked immediately after.
"I need you."
That was all it took. Twenty minutes later his parents were bursting into the apartment carrying grocery bags from a 24/7 supermarket and panic. Shane was sitting on the floor against the couch with the baby asleep on his chest, staring at her like moving wrong might break her. His mother stopped dead the second she saw them.
"Oh, honey."
Shane started crying instantly.
"I don’t know what to do." He admitted helplessly.
His mother sat beside him immediately while his father crouched nearby staring at the baby in complete shock.
"Jesus Christ, she’s tiny."
"Don’t swear." Shane said automatically.
His father blinked.
"Right. Sorry."
Carefully, Shane handed the baby over to his mother. The second his arms were empty he already wanted her back.
"I am not taking her away." His mother said softly.
Shane swallowed hard. Claire’s words still rang in his ears. Keep her. His father sat heavily on the couch.
"Start talking."
So Shane did. Claire showing up, the screaming., the fact she hadn’t even named the baby yet, the way she’d walked away without looking back. Then, before he could stop himself, the truth slipped out too.
"I only slept with her because I thought maybe I could fix it.."
His parents looked at him. Shane covered his face immediately.
"I didn’t mean-"
"Fix what?" His father asked carefully.
Shane laughed once, miserable.
"The gay thing."
Silence. Then his mother took his hand.
"Oh, Shane."
"I’m gay.." He whispered.
"I think I always was. I just thought if I tried hard enough maybe I wouldn’t be."
His father looked heartbroken for him.
"Kid." He said quietly.
"There is nothing wrong with you."
Shane’s face crumpled. His mother squeezed his hand tighter.
"We love you."
"And we’re keeping the baby." His father added immediately, like that part had already been decided.
Shane looked up sharply.
"We?"
His father gestured vaguely between them.
"You think we’re letting you do this alone?"
Shane looked down at the sleeping newborn in his mother's arms. His daughter. The realization hit all over again.
"I have practice tomorrow." He whispered weakly.
His father looked at the baby, then at Shane.
"No, you don’t."
The apartment went quiet except for the rattling fridge and the tiny sleepy breaths against Shane’s chest. Then the baby made a horrible noise. All three of them froze. His mother sighed.
"Well. First diaper."
His father immediately stood up.
"I’ll support you from across the room."
"Coward," Shane muttered.
"Correct."
-
The first week barely felt real. Everything became measured in tiny emergencies.
Formula every few hours, diapers, crying, panicked Googling at three in the morning because the baby sneezed twice in a row. Shane stopped sleeping properly almost immediately. He learned how to hold a bottle with one hand while filling out paperwork with the other. Learned how terrifying silence could be because sometimes she slept too quietly and he’d jolt awake convinced something was wrong.
His parents visited every chance they got. His mother took over the practical things first. Clothes, pediatric appointments, teaching Shane how to support the baby’s head without looking like he was diffusing a bomb.
His father assembled a crib in complete silence while occasionally staring at the baby like she was an unexploded grenade.
"You made this?" He asked Shane once, deeply suspicious.
"I participated." Shane corrected weakly.
The baby finally got a name three days later.
Elena.
Shane whispered it to her like something sacred.
"Hi, Elena."
She blinked at him sleepily from his chest.
And that was it. Gone. Whatever parts of his life had existed before her already felt far away.
But hockey still kept calling. Missed calls from coaches, texts from teammates, questions about why he’d vanished after practice.
You okay bro?
Coach is pissed.
Where are you?
At first Shane ignored everything, but then his agent showed up at the apartment. The man stopped dead when Shane opened the door holding Elena against his shoulder in spit-up stained sweatpants.
"...What the fuck?"
Elena immediately started crying.
"Language." Shane said automatically while bouncing her carefully.
His agent stared at the baby, then at Shane, then back at the baby.
"Is that yours?"
Shane looked exhausted.
"Unfortunately for my sleep schedule, yes."
The conversation after that felt like drowning slowly.
"You’re nineteen."
"I know."
"You’re in the middle of development camp."
"I know."
"You cannot disappear for a week."
Elena made a tiny unhappy noise against Shane’s chest and he instinctively rubbed her back before she could fully wake up. His agent watched that happen. Something in his face changed slightly.
"Shane." He said more carefully.
"You worked your entire life for this."
Shane looked down at Elena. Tiny pink sleeper, tiny fingers curled against his hoodie and completely dependent on him for literally everything.
"I know."
"You have a real shot here."
"I know."
"Then what are you doing?"
Shane’s throat tightened. Because the truth was ugly.
Hockey meant road trips, flights, training camps, long seasons, living out of hotels and being gone more than home. And Elena had already been left once. He couldn’t do it again, even for something he loved.
Shane looked around the apartment, bottles drying beside the sink, formula on the counter, a half-built pack of diapers near the couch, the tiny crib squeezed awkwardly beside his bed because it didn’t fit anywhere else.
His life already didn’t fit his future anymore, or maybe his future didn’t fit his life.
"I can’t leave her." He said quietly.
His agent rubbed both hands over his face.
"Jesus Christ."
"I know."
"You’re seriously considering throwing away hockey?"
The words hurt. Worse than Shane expected.
Because it wasn’t just hockey.
It was every early morning practice, every injury, every fight, every sacrifice his parents made driving him to tournaments and every dream he’d had since he was old enough to stand on skates.
NHL.
Professional hockey.
Everything.
Elena stirred against him. Without thinking, Shane kissed the top of her head.
And there it was again. That awful, overwhelming certainty. He loved her more.
His agent saw it happen on his face too.
"Oh." He said quietly.
Shane swallowed hard.
"I don’t think I get to be selfish anymore."
For a long moment neither of them spoke.
Then Elena sneezed directly onto Shane’s neck.
His agent blinked. Shane just sighed tiredly.
"Yeah. That feels personal."
The agent laughed once despite himself, then looked around the tiny apartment again.
"You really keeping her?"
Shane looked down at his daughter. Elena made a sleepy little sound and tightened her fist in his hoodie.
"Yeah." Shane whispered.
No hesitation this time.
"Yeah. I am."
-
The official announcement came two weeks later.
Personal reasons
.
Shane skimmed the statement on his phone at three in the morning while Elena slept against his chest. No mention of the baby, no mention of the panic attacks he’d had trying to imagine leaving her for road trips, no mention of the way he’d sat on the kitchen floor the night before signing the paperwork because giving up hockey felt like grieving someone that was still alive. Just personal reasons.
His phone exploded afterward.
Teammates texting things like 'brutal man' and 'damn good luck' and 'heard you’re done???'. A few called. Most didn’t try more than once.
By the third day the messages slowed.
By the fifth they mostly stopped.
Shane told himself that was fine.
Then Hayden Pike showed up at his apartment, not alone either.
Jackie stood beside him in the hallway looking deeply concerned. Shane blinked at them sleepily. Elena was tucked against his shoulder in a faded blue sleeper while spit-up stained the front of his shirt. Hayden stared.
"...Why are you holding a baby?"
Jackie smacked his arm immediately.
"Oh my god, Hayden."
"What?" He hissed.
"There’s a surprise infant."
Shane actually laughed a little for the first time in days.
"Yeah. There is."
Hayden looked completely lost.
"I thought maybe you were dying."
"That’s your opening line?" Jackie whispered harshly.
"I panicked."
Elena made a tiny sleepy noise and pressed her face deeper into Shane’s neck. Jackie’s entire expression changed instantly.
"Oh."
She stepped forward carefully.
"Can I see?"
Shane hesitated automatically, then slowly shifted Elena enough for them to see her tiny face. Hayden’s eyes widened.
"She’s really little."
"That’s generally how babies start." Jackie informed him.
"I know that. I just never seen one this close before."
Jackie ignored him completely, looking at Shane instead.
"Is she yours?"
Shane nodded once. Something in Jackie’s face softened painfully.
"Oh, honey."
That nearly broke him on the spot because apparently everyone saying honey to him lately made him want to cry immediately. Hayden finally looked away from the baby long enough to really see Shane. The exhaustion, the dark circles, the fact Shane looked about one inconvenience away from collapsing directly onto the carpet.
"Dude." Hayden said quietly.
"Are you okay?"
Shane looked down at Elena.
"No." He answered honestly.
Nobody spoke for a second. Then Jackie walked into the apartment like she’d already decided she belonged there.
"Okay. Great. We’re helping."
Shane blinked.
"What?"
"You clearly haven’t slept since the Obama administration."
"It’s been like two weeks."
"Exactly."
Hayden shut the apartment door behind them slowly.
"You quit hockey for her?"
The question landed heavily. Shane adjusted Elena carefully against his shoulder.
"Yeah."
Hayden stared at him for a long moment. Then he nodded once.
"Okay."
No judgment, no disbelief. Just okay. Shane looked weirdly close to tears again. Hayden wandered farther into the apartment, looking at the crib squeezed beside Shane’s bed and the formula stacked on the counter.
"Damn." He said softly.
Shane knew what he meant. This is real, not some temporary disaster, not some funny story.
A whole human being lived here now. Elena suddenly sneezed. Hayden jumped so hard Shane almost smiled. Jackie pointed immediately.
"You’re holding her next."
"No."
"Hayden."
"I’ll drop her."
"You play hockey."
"Exactly. We hit people professionally."
Shane laughed tiredly into Elena’s hair. Jackie looked over at him then, really looked.
"You love her already."
The words caught him off guard. He looked down at Elena’s tiny sleeping face. At the way her fist stayed wrapped stubbornly in his shirt even asleep.
"Yeah." He admitted quietly.
Jackie’s eyes filled instantly.
"Oh no, I’m gonna cry."
"Please don’t." Shane begged weakly.
"If one more person cries in this apartment, I’m flipping."
Hayden snorted, then, more seriously, he looked at Shane.
"You know we’re still here, right?"
Shane looked up.
"For what?"
Hayden looked confused by the question.
"For you."
Jackie nodded immediately from the kitchen.
"You’re not doing this alone, Shane."
Something inside him cracked a little at that. Because hockey was already disappearing behind him. The future he’d planned was gone. Most of the people he knew from that life were already moving on without him. But Hayden and Jackie stood in his awful apartment beside the rattling fridge and the mountain of diapers like none of that mattered. Elena made a tiny grunting noise in her sleep. Hayden looked alarmed.
"Why does she sound like that?"
Jackie sighed deeply.
"Congratulations. You’re an idiot."
-
Rose came home three days after Hayden and Jackie invaded the apartment. Shane had told her everything over the phone already. Or at least, he had tried.
The first call had been mostly silence, then Shane saying 'I have a baby now' and Rose saying, very calmly "I’m going to need you to repeat that in a way that makes sense'.
The second call had involved crying.
The third had involved Rose threatening to murder Claire in several creative ways.
By the time she finally stood in his doorway with a suitcase behind her and sunglasses pushed up into her hair, Shane was too tired to do anything except blink at her. Rose stared at him, then at the baby asleep against his chest, then back at him.
"Oh my god." She whispered.
Shane gave a tiny, exhausted smile.
"Yeah."
Rose stepped inside slowly, like the apartment had become holy ground without warning.
"That’s her?"
"This is Elena."
Rose’s face changed immediately.
"Elena." She repeated softly.
The baby stirred at the sound, making a tiny irritated noise. Rose pressed a hand over her mouth.
"She’s so small."
"Everyone keeps saying that."
"Because she is, Shane."
He looked down at Elena.
"She’s dramatic, though."
"She’s related to you."
Rose reached out carefully, then stopped.
"Can I?"
Shane nodded and shifted Elena into her arms with the overprotective terror of someone handing over a bomb.
"Support her head."
"I know."
"Not too tight."
"I know."
"She hates sudden movement."
"Shane."
"Right. Sorry."
Rose took Elena against her chest, and the second the baby settled there, Rose’s eyes filled.
"Oh, no."
"What?"
"I love her."
Shane’s face crumpled a little
.
"Yeah. That happens fast."
Rose laughed wetly and looked down at Elena.
"Hi, tiny disaster."
Elena yawned and Rose gasped like she had just witnessed a miracle. Shane sat on the couch because his knees had started to feel unreliable.
Rose glanced around the apartment then and her expression sharpened.
"You can’t keep living like this."
"I’m doing great."
"You look like a Victorian orphan."
"That feels targeted."
"It is."
Rose sat beside him carefully, still holding Elena. For a few minutes, neither of them said anything. Shane watched Elena sleep in Rose’s arms and felt that strange ache again, the one that came from seeing someone choose to stay. Rose looked over at him.
"I heard about hockey."
Shane’s throat tightened.
"Yeah."
"I’m sorry."
He nodded once.
"I couldn’t leave her."
"I know."
"I thought I’d feel more..." He stopped, searching for the word.
"Angry, maybe."
"Do you?"
"Sometimes."
Rose didn’t flinch.
"That makes sense."
Shane looked at her then, grateful enough it hurt.
"I love her more than I’m angry."
Rose smiled sadly.
"That sounds like you."
Elena made a small snuffling noise, and Rose automatically rocked her a little. Then her face changed again, like an idea had landed fully formed.
"I have a job for you."
Shane blinked.
"What?"
"My career is turning into a scheduling nightmare."
"Rose."
"I’m serious."
"You just got back from your first real film shoot."
"Successful film shoot." She corrected.
"Very important distinction."
Despite himself, Shane smiled.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you. Now listen. I have auditions, interviews, fittings, brand emails, cooperation requests, contracts I don’t understand, and a manager who keeps double-booking me like sleep is optional."
"Rose-"
"You are freakishly organized when you’re not actively being destroyed by a newborn."
"I don’t know anything about film."
"You know calendars. You know people. You know how to be polite to idiots when necessary."
"Questionable."
"And." Rose added, looking pointedly at Elena.
"You need work you can do from home."
Shane went still and Rose softened immediately.
"I’m not offering charity."
"It sounds like charity."
"It’s not. I need someone I trust. You need money and flexibility. Elena needs you not collapsing from stress. Everyone wins."
Shane swallowed hard.
"I don’t want to be your pity project."
Rose looked offended.
"Please. I pity my agent. I respect you."
That made him laugh, weak and surprised. Rose smiled, then glanced down at Elena.
"Besides, she can be my assistant too."
"She’s not even a month old."
"Then she’ll start with light administrative duties."
"She can’t hold her own head up."
"Neither can half the men in this industry."
Shane laughed harder that time, and it nearly turned into crying. Rose shifted closer until their shoulders touched.
"Let me help you build something new." She said quietly.
"Not because the old thing didn’t matter. Because she matters more."
Shane looked down at Elena in her arms. His daughter slept peacefully, unaware that his entire life was rearranging itself around her tiny breathing body.
"What would I even do?" He asked.
Rose smiled.
"Emails. Calendars. Calls. Keeping me from accidentally agreeing to promote protein powder shaped like emotional damage."
"That sounds fake."
"It was very real."
Shane wiped a hand over his face.
"I can do calendars."
"I know."
"And emails."
"I know."
"And tell people no."
Rose grinned.
"That’s the dream, baby."
Elena sneezed in her sleep and Rose gasped again.
"She agrees."
Shane looked between them, exhausted and scared and suddenly, impossibly, a little less trapped.
"Okay." He said softly.
Rose’s smile gentled.
"Okay?"
"Okay. I’ll try."
Rose leaned over and kissed his temple.
"Good. Welcome to show business."
Shane looked down at his spit-up stained shirt.
"I’m dressed perfectly."
"Honestly?" Rose said, looking him over.
"For this industry, yes."
-
By the time Elena was two and a half, Shane’s life looked completely different from the one he thought he’d have at nineteen.
The apartment looked bigger somehow. Still messy, still loud, but warm. Toys had invaded every corner. Tiny socks appeared in impossible places. There were crayon marks on one wall Shane kept meaning to clean and never did because Elena looked so proud of them. And Elena herself had somehow become a tiny unstoppable person.
Not with full sentences yet. Mostly single words and dramatic gestures.
"Dada."
"Juice."
"No."
"Puppy!"
"Again."
Her favorite word was currently "mine," usually shouted while clutching Pucky or Shane’s leg with terrifying determination. Which was why Shane already knew this entire idea was going to end badly.
"No." He repeated for maybe the sixth time that week while standing in the kitchen.
Across from him, Jackie looked deeply unimpressed.
"You haven’t even listened yet."
"I know exactly what this is."
Hayden sat at the counter eating Elena’s dinosaur crackers like he paid rent there.
"It’s literally just a parade."
"It is not 'just a parade.'" Shane argued.
Rose walked in halfway through the conversation wearing sunglasses indoors for absolutely no reason.
"Oh my god, are we still fighting about Pride?"
"Yes." Shane said immediately.
"We're losing patience." Jackie informed him.
Elena sat on the kitchen floor beside Pucky, looking between everyone with enormous curiosity.
"Pide?" She repeated carefully.
"Pride." Rose corrected gently.
"Pwide."
"Perfect."
Shane pointed at Elena like she proved his point.
"See? She’s a baby."
"She’s a toddler." Jackie corrected.
"That’s worse."
Rose dropped dramatically into a chair.
"Shane. You are twenty-one years old. Gay. Miserable. And own six beige hoodies."
"They’re comfortable."
"They’re homophobic."
Hayden nearly choked laughing. Shane looked betrayed.
"That’s not even possible."
"It absolutely is." Rose informed him.
Elena toddled over holding one of her toy dinosaurs upside down.
"Dada."
Shane immediately scooped her up automatically, argument forgotten for at least three seconds.
"What?"
She pressed the dinosaur directly against his cheek.
"Dino."
"Thank you. Very helpful."
Jackie watched them both with narrowed eyes.
"You know what your problem is?"
"I have several."
"You act like being gay is something you survived instead of something you’re allowed to enjoy."
The room went quieter after that. Shane looked down at Elena instead. She was busy chewing thoughtfully on the dinosaur tail.
"It’s not that simple." He muttered.
Rose softened a little.
"We know."
"No, you don’t." Shane admitted quietly.
And there it was. The real thing underneath all of it. Not fear exactly, shame maybe, habit, years of forcing himself smaller in locker rooms and interviews and hockey culture where everything sharp got sanded down fast, years of pretending attraction to girls felt natural instead of rehearsed. Even now, after coming out to the people he trusted, after Elena, after rebuilding his whole life- some part of him still felt like he was doing something wrong by existing openly.
Hayden looked unusually serious for once.
"Dude."
Shane glanced up.
"You quit your dream career for your kid before you could legally drink in the States." Hayden said plainly.
"You survived a surprise newborn, sleep deprivation and Rose’s management schedule."
"Which is the hardest one." Rose added.
"And now you act like going to Pride is somehow too scary?"
Shane sighed.
"It’s not scary."
Jackie raised an eyebrow.
"It’s a little scary." He admitted.
Rose stood immediately, victorious.
"Great. Growth."
"We’re going Saturday." Jackie decided.
Shane groaned. Elena gasped suddenly like she'd understood everything.
"Pwide!"
Saturday morning looked like a glitter bomb exploded in Shane’s living room. Rose had arrived carrying tote bags full of things Shane deeply distrusted.
"No." He said immediately when she pulled out a crop top.
"You’d look phenomenal."
"I would look awful."
"You’d look hot."
"I don’t want that."
Hayden snorted from the couch while Elena ran circles around the coffee table wearing a rainbow dress Rose bought her specifically for the occasion.
"Pucky!" Elena yelled.
Pucky, unfortunately, was also wearing rainbow accessories now. Jackie crouched beside Elena adjusting the tiny dress.
"You are the cutest person alive."
Elena nodded seriously like this was established fact.
"Coot."
Shane lost the fight eventually. Mostly because Elena took one look at the tiny rainbow shirt Rose brought for him and decided:
"Dada match."
That was unfair manipulation and everyone knew it. So now Shane stood near the doorway in jeans and a soft rainbow-striped shirt while Elena sat on his hip dressed in matching colors. Rose stared at them both with visible emotion.
"Oh, that’s disgusting. You’re adorable."
Shane rolled his eyes, already embarrassed.
"We can still not go."
"No." Jackie said immediately.
Elena grabbed Shane’s face with both hands.
"Pwide!"
The second they reached downtown, Elena lost her mind. Music echoed through the streets. Flags everywhere, glitter, dancing, people laughing loudly without apologizing for it. Elena sat frozen on Shane’s shoulders staring around in complete awe.
"Wooooow."
Shane couldn’t help smiling at her reaction.
Every few seconds she pointed dramatically at something new.
"Dog!"
A golden retriever in rainbow wings walked past.
"Music!"
Someone nearby blasted pop music from giant speakers.
"Balloo!"
"Balloons." Shane corrected automatically.
"Balloooons."
Close enough.
People smiled at them constantly. Especially Elena. One woman handed her a tiny rainbow flag and Elena looked at it like she’d been entrusted with government secrets.
"Mine." She whispered.
Shane laughed softly.
"Yeah, baby. Yours."
And weirdly... slowly... something in him started unclenching. Nobody here looked at him strangely holding his daughter. Nobody cared that he was gay. Nobody acted like he had to apologize for existing.
A group of drag queens passed them laughing loudly and blowing kisses at Elena. Elena gasped so hard she nearly dropped her flag.
"Princess!"
One of the queens stopped immediately.
"Did this tiny angel just call us princesses?"
"Yeah." Shane admitted, smiling helplessly.
The queen pressed both hands dramatically to her chest.
"I would die for her instantly."
Elena hid briefly against Shane’s hair, shy for exactly three seconds before peeking back out.
"Pwetty."
That absolutely destroyed all of them. Rose looked emotional again.
"Oh no."
Jackie was already taking photos aggressively. Hayden leaned closer to Shane while the others got distracted.
"You okay?"
Shane looked around slowly. At Elena laughing on his shoulders, at Rose dancing badly in the middle of the street, at Jackie yelling at Hayden for losing the sunscreen, at people existing loudly and happily and unapologetically.
And for the first time in years, maybe ever, he realized he wasn’t waiting for something bad to happen because of who he was.
"Yeah." he said quietly.
Then Elena smacked both hands onto the top of his head.
"Dada dance!"
Hayden burst out laughing immediately.
"Oh my god, you have to."
"I absolutely do not."
"Dance!" Elena demanded again.
Rose pointed aggressively.
"Your child has spoken."
Shane looked horrified. The music got louder and Elena bounced excitedly on his shoulders.
"Dance! Dance!"
People nearby started noticing, smiling, watching expectantly. Shane groaned like a man moments from execution. Then, because Elena was giggling so hard she could barely breathe, he finally gave in and started dancing badly in the middle of the street while his daughter shrieked with happiness above him. Jackie nearly collapsed laughing, Rose screamed supportively, Hayden recorded the entire thing for blackmail purposes immediately. And Elena?
Elena wrapped tiny hands in Shane’s hair, laughing so hard she snorted, rainbow flag waving wildly above both of them while Shane laughed too despite himself.
For one bright, loud, ridiculous moment- he felt free.
-
By the time Elena was three and a half, Shane had a house.Not a big one, not fancy. But it had stairs that creaked, a small backyard, a kitchen with enough room for Elena to spin in circles, and a front porch where she liked to sit with Pucky and announce things to the neighborhood.
"Sky is blue."
"Ant is walking."
"Dada, leaf dead."
Shane loved the house so much it scared him sometimes. Elena had her own room now, painted soft yellow because she had changed her mind three times at the paint store and Shane had panicked. Her stuffed animals lived in strict political chaos across her bed. Pucky still held senior leadership. Rose called the place 'aggressively domestic'. Jackie cried when she saw the backyard. Hayden immediately checked whether the fridge made weird noises.
"It’s quiet." Shane told him proudly.
Hayden nodded, deeply moved.
"Growth."
And then there was Marcus.
Marcus was Shane’s first real boyfriend. Not a confused almost-date. Not some secret, half-terrified thing at rookie camp. A boyfriend. Public enough that Rose knew. Public enough that Jackie made faces about him. Public enough that Hayden had said 'He wears loafers to casual brunch. I don’t trust him.'
Shane ignored all of them. At first.
Marcus was handsome in a clean, careful way. He had good hair, nice shirts, a calm voice. He worked in marketing and said things like 'brand alignment' without sounding embarrassed. He took Shane to dinner. He held his hand in public. He kissed him outside restaurants like it was nothing.
And Shane, who had spent so long thinking wanting that was something he needed to hide, let himself be swept up in it. At least for a little while.
The problem was Elena. Not because Marcus screamed at her or anything obvious like that. That almost would’ve been easier. It was smaller, colder.
Marcus tolerated Elena the way people tolerated long airport delays. Something inconvenient you endured because you liked the destination enough. He smiled at her, bought her a stuffed rabbit once, said 'cute kid' the way people commented on someone else’s dog.
But Shane noticed things.
Marcus stepping back when Elena reached for his hand, Marcus checking his phone while she talked, Marcus sighing quietly when she interrupted conversations because she wanted to show Shane a drawing, Marcus looking annoyed when her juice spilled or when she cried because her sock felt wrong.
And sometimes Marcus said things that sounded normal until you looked too closely at them.
"Does she always need this much attention?"
"She’s kind of clingy, huh?"
"Three-year-olds should probably sleep in their own beds consistently."
Like Elena was a badly trained pet instead of a little girl.
The first time Shane really froze was during movie night. Elena sat curled against Shane’s side under a blanket while Marcus scrolled through Netflix looking bored already. Elena pointed excitedly at the screen.
"Princess movie!"
Marcus sighed immediately.
"We watched cartoons last time."
Elena’s smile faded and Shane looked over.
"She likes this one."
Marcus gave a tight shrug.
"Yeah, I know. Because she's three."
Something about the way he said it made Shane’s stomach tighten. Elena leaned closer into Shane automatically.
"I need Dada." She said quietly.
Marcus laughed under his breath.
"Yeah. I noticed."
Shane looked at him sharply.
"What’s that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing." Marcus said too fast.
Then, with another glance at Elena.
"It’s just intense sometimes."
Shane didn’t answer. But later that night, when Elena woke crying from a nightmare and immediately crawled into his lap trembling, Marcus looked openly irritated beside him in bed.
"Again?" He muttered tiredly.
Shane stared at him in disbelief.
"She had a nightmare."
"Okay, but this happens constantly."
"She’s three."
Marcus rolled over dramatically with a sigh that felt pointed enough to cut skin. Shane stayed awake the rest of the night with Elena asleep against his chest.
Saturday afternoon, Marcus came over while Elena was in the backyard wearing fairy wings over her dinosaur pajamas. Shane opened the sliding door and called out to her.
"Elena, come say hi."
Elena turned immediately, face lighting up.
"Dada!"
She ran full speed across the grass and crashed into his legs. Shane caught her automatically, laughing.
"Careful."
"I fast."
"You are fast."
She noticed Marcus then. Her smile got smaller.
"Hi, Mar."
Marcus smiled tightly.
"Hey, Elena."
She held up a rock.
"Look. Rock."
"Okay."
Elena blinked.
"It special."
Marcus glanced at Shane like he genuinely didn’t know how to respond.
"That’s great."
Elena waited another second anyway, hopeful and patient in the way little kids were when they still believed adults cared about every tiny thing they offered.
"It has spots. Like cow."
Marcus gave a distracted hum. Shane saw her face fall. Tiny, but there. Of course he saw it.
"Can I see?" Shane asked immediately.
Elena brightened and shoved the rock into his palm.
"Cow rock." She informed him proudly.
"Cow rock." Shane agreed.
Marcus chuckled quietly and Shane looked at him.
"What?"
"Nothing. It’s just..." Marcus shrugged.
"You really do the whole thing every time."
"The whole thing?"
"You know. Pretending every random rock is fascinating. Every tantrum is a national emergency. Every little thing has to become a conversation."
Shane went still, Elena had wandered back toward the flower bed, but not far enough. Never far enough.
"She’s three." Shane said flatly.
"I know."
"Then why are you talking about her like she’s annoying you on purpose?"
Marcus sighed like Shane was exhausting him.
"Jesus, relax. I’m just saying she doesn’t need to be the center of attention every second."
Shane stared at him.
"She’s a child."
"Exactly." Marcus snapped before lowering his voice again.
"And honestly? She’s spoiled."
That one hit differently.
Shane looked through the glass doors toward Elena crouched beside the flowers, fairy wings crooked, talking softly to an ant like it was an important meeting.
Spoiled. Because Shane listened to her, ecause he comforted her, because he loved her loudly. Something inside him cooled.
Rose hated Marcus. She tried not to say it. For about thirteen seconds.
"He has dead eyes." She announced while sitting on Shane’s kitchen counter.
"Get off the counter."
"No."
Jackie stood beside the fridge with crossed arms.
"He talks to Elena like she’s a coworker he forgot the name of."
Hayden nodded immediately.
"Bad vibes."
"You think everyone has bad vibes." Shane muttered.
"Correct. And I’m often right."
Elena sat under the table with Pucky and a bowl of dry cereal listening to everything.
"Bad bibes." She repeated.
Shane closed his eyes.
"Fantastic."
Rose leaned forward.
"Baby, I’m serious. He acts like your daughter is some obstacle between him and your attention."
"He’s trying." Shane said quietly.
Jackie’s face softened instantly in that awful way people did when they already knew you were lying to yourself.
"Shane..."
Hayden looked at him carefully.
"Does he ever actually ask about her?"
Shane opened his mouth, then stopped. Because suddenly he realized Marcus knew Shane’s coffee order, his favorite movies, what shampoo he used- and almost nothing about Elena besides the fact she existed loudly.
From under the table, Elena crawled into Shane’s lap with cereal dust all over her shirt.
"Dada sad?"
His chest hurt immediately.
"No, baby."
She pressed a tiny hand against his cheek.
"No sad."
Rose looked away. Jackie’s eyes filled instantly. Hayden stared at the ceiling like emotions personally offended him. Shane hugged Elena tighter.
"No sad." He promised softly.
But he was. Because Marcus was his first boyfriend, because being loved openly still felt miraculous sometimes, because some terrified lonely part of Shane still thought asking someone to love both him and Elena might be asking too much.
The breaking point came two weeks later.
It was supposed to be dinner. Marcus brought wine, Shane made pasta, Elena insisted on helping and got flour on her nose, her shirt, the floor, and somehow the dog-shaped oven mitt.
"I cook." Elena announced proudly when Marcus arrived.
Marcus looked at the kitchen disaster.
"I can tell."
Shane smiled tightly.
"She stirred the sauce."
"I stirred." Elena repeated proudly.
"Very impressive." Marcus said absently while checking his phone.
Dinner went fine for maybe ten minutes, then Elena knocked over her cup. Just water spilling across the table, nothing serious. Shane automatically stood for a towel and Elena’s face crumpled immediately.
"Sorry, Dada."
"It’s okay, baby."
Marcus exhaled sharply, loud and annoyed.
"For fuck’s sake."
The room froze. Elena stopped moving entirely, her little shoulders jumped up toward her ears. Shane turned slowly.
"Don’t."
Marcus blinked.
"What?"
"Do not speak to her like that."
"Oh my god, Shane, it was a reaction."
"She spilled water."
"Yeah, because she’s always climbing all over the place and grabbing things-"
Elena slid off her chair immediately and hurried to Shane, burying her face against his leg.
"Dada sorry."
Shane crouched instantly and picked her up.
"Hey. No. You’re okay."
"Accident." Elena whispered shakily.
"Yeah. Just an accident."
Marcus looked at them with open frustration now, not even hiding it anymore.
"This is exactly what I mean."
Shane looked up slowly.
"What does that mean?"
Marcus spread his hands.
"There’s no room for anything else with you. Everything revolves around her."
"She’s my daughter."
"I know that." Marcus snapped.
"But she’s constantly there. Constantly interrupting, constantly needing attention, constantly attached to you-"
Elena clung tighter immediately, Shane felt it.
Marcus saw it too and actually sighed.
"See?"
Something ugly flashed across Shane’s face.
"She’s three."
"And?"
"And she’s supposed to need me."
Marcus laughed once, sharp and humorless.
"No, Shane. She’s supposed to learn boundaries eventually."
Then Elena whispered the sentence that killed the entire relationship.
"Mar no like me?"
Marcus visibly froze and Shane felt something inside himself go cold and absolutely still. Elena looked up at him with huge watery eyes.
"I bad?"
Marcus rubbed a hand over his face.
"I never said that."
"You didn’t have to." Shane said quietly.
Marcus looked at him.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. Seriously."
"You’re acting insane over one comment."
"One comment?" Shane repeated softly.
"You act annoyed every time she speaks. You roll your eyes when she cries. You complain when she wants my attention. She’s three years old and she already knows you don’t like her."
Marcus scoffed.
"Maybe because you treat her like the center of the universe."
Shane held Elena tighter.
"She is the center of mine."
Marcus stared at him for a long moment, then he said the worst possible thing.
"That’s probably your problem."
Shane’s expression changed instantly. Not angry anymore, done. Completely done.
He kissed Elena’s hair once, then looked at Marcus calmly.
"You need to leave."
Marcus laughed in disbelief.
"You’re breaking up with me over this?"
"I’m breaking up with you because my daughter flinches when you get irritated."
Marcus grabbed his jacket roughly.
"You’re never gonna date anyone successfully if you keep acting like a single dad first and a person second."
Shane opened the front door.
"I am a single dad first."
Marcus stared at him, maybe expecting hesitation or regret. There wasn’t any.
"This is why this won’t work." He muttered.
Shane nodded once.
"I know."
Then Marcus left. The front door slammed hard enough to rattle the hallway pictures.
Elena immediately burst into tears. Quiet, confused little sobs against Shane’s neck.
"Dada..."
Shane sat down right there on the kitchen floor holding her close.
"I bad?" She whispered again.
His eyes burned instantly.
"No. Never."
"I spill."
"Everybody spills."
"Mar mad."
"Marcus was wrong." Shane said firmly.
Elena pulled back just enough to look at him.
"Elena okay?"
Shane nearly broke apart.
"Baby, Elena is perfect."
She sniffled hard.
"Pucky perfect too?"
Shane laughed through the ache in his chest.
"Pucky has some problems, but yes."
That got the tiniest watery giggle. Shane kissed her forehead and held her tighter while water dripped slowly from the forgotten table onto the kitchen floor.
"Dada stay?" Elena whispered.
Always afraid people would leave now, even after all this time. Shane swallowed hard.
"Always."
"Always?"
"Always, baby."
She tucked herself against his chest.
And sitting there on the kitchen floor of the little house he built around her, Shane realized something awful and freeing all at once. Being loved publicly had felt wonderful.Being kissed openly had mattered. Having a boyfriend for the first time had mattered. But anyone who made Elena feel small would eventually become someone Shane stopped loving. Because Elena was never the obstacle. She was the whole reason.