Chapter Text
Bernie thanked the taxi driver as he lifted her case out of the boot, and placed it on the pavement, as much as she hated to admit it, even lifting it over the small curb was probably more than she could manage right now, the trusty holdall that had served her well for many years had been packed inside the wheeled case she’d hastily bought in Kiev less than a week ago, her long-term mantra of ‘if I can’t carry it I won’t take it’ long forgotten. Even carrying her handbag took more effort than she felt like she possessed at the moment.
She took a deep breath as she looked up at the building in front of her, she could do this. It was just a short walk to the lift, and then an even shorter walk from the lift to the office on AAU, she could make it. She could do this.
“Bernie, ah Ms Wolfe?” she was waiting for the lift when she heard a familiar voice call her name and she turned to see Raf waiting in Pulses, “you want one?”
Bernie forced a smile, “I’d love one thanks” she said, slowly dragging her case over to him as she rummaged in her bag for her purse.
“Hey, no, it’s on me.” he told her, taking a moment to look at her, he’d never seen anyone look quite so pale as the woman before him, she’d tried, and failed, to hide the bags under her eyes, and the doctor in him knew she was trying to hide the fact that she was in pain. “Are you okay?” he finally asked her.
Bernie nodded, “I, I’m…” she closed her eyes as she searched for the right word before simply settling on “okay, I’m okay.”
“If you’re sure” Raf nodded, passing over Bernie’s coffee once it was ready and picking up the cardboard tray holding the other four drinks, “let me get that for you” he said, not waiting for Bernie to answer before taking hold of her suitcase with his free hand and easily carrying it towards the lift.
“Thank you” Bernie smiled gratefully, relieved that the only thing she had to concentrate on now was putting one foot in front of the other, “is Serena still here?” she asked, noticing that, without question, Raf was walking at her current, slow, pace.
He nodded, “she’s in theatre, she should be out any time now” Raf gestured to the coffee, “do you want me to let her know you’re here?”
“If you wouldn’t mind” she nodded, “at least that way you can tell me to leave if she doesn’t want to see me.”
“I don’t think you’ll have that problem, I think she’ll be glad to see you.”
“How is she?” Bernie asked quietly, not sure she wanted to know the answer to that.
Raf thought for a minute, his first thought was ‘better than you’ but instead he went for, “she’s coping, she struggled at first, I think she’s probably still struggling but she seems to be managing things better now.”
Bernie sighed, “I guess I’ve got some grovelling to do then?”
“I think the shiraz might be on you for a while” Raf nodded. He left Bernie in the office, placing her case by the door and Serena’s coffee on her desk, “good luck” he smiled as he stood in the doorway, “and you know where I am if you need me.”
Bernie thanked Raf again as he left the room, carefully lowering herself into her desk chair, shifting slowly, trying to find a position that was at least somewhat comfortable. Raf however made his way back to the nurse’s station, “mate, was that…?” Fletch didn’t need to finish the question before Raf nodded, “is she okay? She looked…” again, he didn’t finish, not really sure how to.
Raf shrugged, “she said so, but I’m not convinced, I didn’t want to push it in the middle of Pulses though.”
“Yeah, no, of course. Does Serena know she’s back?”
Raf shook his head, “she asked me to let her know.”
“Well now’s your chance mate, good luck.” Fletch nodded towards the doors to the ward where, almost right on cue, Serena had just come back from theatre.
“Ah, Mr Di Lucca” Serena smiled when she saw him approach her, “I hope I wasn’t forgotten on your little excursion” she gestured to the cardboard cup he held in his hand.
“Of course not, it’s on your desk but there’s something else you should know.”
“Go on…”
“Bernie’s back.”
“Bernie…” Serena’s breath caught in her chest, “is, is she…” she didn’t even know what she was asking him.
“She’s waiting for you in your office, I erm, I know you weren’t happy with her when she first left but erm, try and go easy on her, she looks…” he paused as he tried to think how to phrase what he wanted to say.
“She looks what Raf?” Serena prompted.
“She looks ill” he said finally, “she told me she was okay but I don’t believe her Serena, she doesn’t look well at all.”
Serena felt a lump rise in her throat that she desperately tried to swallow it down, the thought of Bernie hurting was more than she could handle, no matter how angry she was with the blonde. “Right, I erm, I’ll go and see her” Serena nodded, heading straight for the office.
Bernie looked up as she heard the office door click open, she’d intended to get up, to walk over to Serena but now she didn’t think she had the energy to move from her chair, “Serena.”
“You’re back.”
“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “did Raf…”
Serena nodded, “he did, but I didn’t quite believe him, not after Hanssen told me you’d chosen to stay in Kiev.”
Bernie bowed her head, her fringe falling over her eyes, “I erm, I didn’t choose to stay out there. I, I had to.”
Serena laughed bitterly, “and pray, tell me, what was so important to you that you chose to put an entire continent between the two of us?” she regretted it instantly as, even through her hair, Serena saw the hurt in Bernie’s eyes, she’d told Raf she’d go easy on the blonde, he’d been right, she did look ill, like she should be in a bed on the ward, not on the office but now she was here, she was struggling to stop her anger bubbling out.
Bernie closed her eyes, “I found a lump” she said, so quietly Serena almost didn’t hear her, “I didn’t want to come back here with what ifs and maybes. Stage 1a invasive breast cancer” she said matter of factly, as if she was talking about a patient, not herself, “I had a lumpectomy three days ago, they removed a 1.5cm tumour, they were confident that they got everything and it hasn’t spread to my lymph nodes. They’ve already faxed my notes over and I’ve got an appointment with oncology here at the end of the week to discuss a course of radiotherapy to be certain everything’s gone.”
Serena sat heavily in one of the visitor chairs by her desk, “I...you… I’m sorry.” Serena didn’t know what else to say, she could just hear that one word repeating itself over and over in her head, cancer. Bernie had cancer. Arthur had cancer. Arthur had died. What if Bernie…
“I was going to call you” Bernie said honestly, breaking Serena from her thoughts, “but I didn’t know how to tell you, I didn’t want to say it over the phone.”
“I, I don’t…”
Bernie forced herself to her feet and made her way over to sit beside Serena, gently taking hold of her hand, “I’m going to be okay” she promised, “I won’t... this isn’t like Arthur” she said softly, “It was found early, I had a full body scan, the only tumor they found was in my breast and that’s already gone. I’m going to beat this. If I can survive being blown up by the taliban than I can survive this too.”
“I’m sorry” Serena wiped at her eyes, “I should be the one comforting you.”
“I don’t mind” Bernie said as she squeezed Serena’s hand, “I’ve had time to get my head around the idea, I’ve seen the scans, I can ask oncology to let you see them too, I’m going to be okay.”
“You had surgery three days ago?”
Bernie nodded, “I had a choice, I ether came home now or I stayed in Kiev for another 5 weeks whilst I had radiotherapy, I came straight here from the airport.”
“You should be in bed” Serena told her, “you should be resting” she glanced at the clock, “my shift’s finished. Let me take you home?”
“I, I can get a taxi” Bernie told her, “I don’t mind”.
“That seems like a waste when I’m going home anyway. It’s bangers and mash for tea, is that okay with you?”
“Oh”
“Is everything okay?” Serena frowned.
“I assumed you meant you’d take me back to my flat” Bernie said softly.
“Oh, well I can if you want but I erm, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want to stay with me.”
“Won’t Jason mind?”
Serena shook her head, “I’ll have to tell him you’re not well, about the… and that you’ll be staying with us until you’re back on your feet, if that’s okay with you?”
Bernie nodded, “I’ll stay out of the way, let him go about his day without interrupting him.”
“We’ll work something out.” Serena promised, “now come on, let’s go, before that blasted red phone rings again.”