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It was another radiant evening at Soho, London. A drizzle of rain just passed, leaving the streets glistening as they reflected the strings of warm lights from above. Berwick Street was the liveliest among the area, however, with all the couples, both young and old, walking to and from the aptly adorned shops lining the street. Romantic music at a proper volume coming from the speakers, red hearts and cupid cutouts taped onto the windows, a fine man in a bluish black coat standing in front of the bookshop, a Chopin record in one hand, with a red bow tied around it.
Professor Anthony J. Cowley paced in front of the shop’s window, back and forth, back and forth, again and again, clutching the suitcase in his other hand tightly.
”I’m just… I’m just gonna say it,” Anthony muttered to himself, “I mean what could go right, wrong—I mean wrong, right?” He began talking much faster than he normally would, his Scottish accent growing thicker, “Five years— six this May! That’s long enou—ACK!”
The astrophysicist’s messy train of thought was interrupted by a young man tapping his shoulder. Anthony quickly looked behind him to find a tan-skinned, curly-haired boy, seemingly not older than 25 years old.
”Oh, sorry to startle you, Professor Crowley,” the man stretched out his hand but retracted it upon noticing that Anthony’s hands were full, “I took your lecture at King’s College four years ago and it was marvelous. My name’s Joshua Yousefi.”
”I’m glad you enjoyed the lecture, Mr. Yousefi,” Anthony smiled, “Do you have any follow-up questions, well, four years later?” The professor chuckled.
“Well, I do. In the first part of the lecture, you said that you firmly believe in the idea of free will, but when someone asked you what you thought about the concept of destiny, you discussed Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity, does that mean you actually have doubts about free will?” The question greatly interested Anthony, making him fully relax and face the student.
“Why do you think so?” Anthony asked.
“I know you made it clear that it’s just a theory but if all of time—as in past, present, and future— is connected, then our lives are pre-determined. Our fates have already been written and we can’t do anything about it. How does free will fit in the picture?”
“Well, interesting question, indeed…” Anthony thought of an answer for a moment, “Logically, everything is caused by something happening in the first place, that’s ‘consequence.’ But as humans, after we perform an action and we’re informed of the reaction, we provide ourselves with choices, whether several or few, and it is completely up to us to choose, that’s free will, and the future will not exist without the choice you make as a free person.”
“I see… Oh!” Joshua’s eyes locked on the gift Anthony was holding, “I didn’t know you were Mr. Fell’s partner.”
Anthony raised a brow and looked at the record, two questions forming in his mind, “How did he know they’re together?” and “How does he know Asa?” The professor chose to ask the latter.
“He was my teacher in secondary school. Taught Shakespeare. I played Horatio in his version of Hamlet,” The young man enthusiastically answered. Suddenly, his phone buzzed from his pocket, and upon checking the message on his screen, his smile widened even more, “Well, I have to go now, Professor Crowley. It was nice talking to you.”
Just as Joshua left, Asa walked out of the bookshop gleaming. His and Anthony’s eyes met and the latter quickly approached him, handing out his Valentine’s gift to his beau.
“Oh, Anthony!” Asa took the record from Anthony’s hand excitedly, gently pressing it against his chest, “You know me so well.” He whispered before giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“You bet I do.” The professor chuckled and offered his arm to Asa, who chose to hold his hand instead, intertwining their fingers.
Asa was tightlipped the whole walk to his flat, which was only two streets away from Berwick, but he couldn’t keep himself from squeaking out of elation, which Anthony immediately noticed.
“You have something bigger for me, don’t you?” The taller one laughed.
“Oh you’d know once we get there,” Asa answered, causing his lover to grin mischievously, assuming that it was one naughty surprise. The bookseller’s ears turned red almost immediately and he clicked his tongue, “It’s not that. We’re having dinner… That’s for dessert.”
“I’d be eating faster than the speed of light to get to that, angel—“
Asa placed his hand on Anthony’s chest when they finally got to the entrance, “Not so fast, Mr. Crowley.”
“Oh, I love it when you call me that!” Before Asa could even twist the doorknob, Anthony quickly pinned him against the corner and showered him with kisses all over his face, making Asa giggle. Unexpectedly, the door burst open, and Asa’s downstairs neighbor, Micah, caught them in their public display of affection, absolutely stupefied.
“Well… Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Fell… Mr. Crowley.” Micah greeted them, unable to hide the repulsion on her face before she walked away. The two remained frozen until Micah was already about four meters away. Asa dragged Anthony inside by the collar of his coat, still chortling.
When they finally entered Asa’s flat, Anthony was in awe of the preparation his boyfriend made for their Valentine’s Day date. The couch was extended, covered in cozy tartan blankets. On the coffee table was a box of movie CD’s, genres ranging from rom-coms to dramas to science fiction, and a basket of snacks and sweets. Candlesticks, plates, and cutlery were already set on the dinner table, waiting to be lit, and a bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape perched on the counter.
“The menu for today is ravioli and spezzatino, and of course, the Chateauneuf-du-Pape I reserved for this exact occasion," Asa cheerfully listed the food he had prepared early in the morning before he went to the bookshop, “Ah, but of course, I have to reheat them. Would you do the honors of choosing the movie for tonight?”
“Let’s see…” Anthony walked towards the coffee table as Asa preheated his oven, “There’s ‘How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days,’ ‘27 Dresses—‘ I liked that! Uhh, ‘10 Things I Hate About You—‘ What’s with all the numbers?” He giggled, “Oh! ‘Notting Hill,’ how fitting!”
Asa recalled the plot of the movie and smiled. He had bought that CD before he was even convinced by Derek to get into bookselling, and now, his life is going on like the aftermath of a cheesy rom-com from 1999. A bookseller from Soho and his partner, a famous astrophysicist who’s constantly in demand. The difference is, they weren’t really worlds apart. After all, they’re both in London, both have a background in teaching, and nothing has come in their way so far.
The two chatted about their day over the lovely dinner Asa prepared. When one talks eagerly, the other listens intently, and in-between were compliments towards each other, then when their bellies were full, they washed the dishes and cuddled on the pull-out couch, wrapping themselves in a single blanket. “Notting Hill” played, and they remained silent for the whole film, except for the occasional reactions and kisses out of the blue, of course. As the credits rolled, Anthony could no longer help himself from going atop his beloved Asa, leaving kisses all over his face.
“Have you been waiting two hours just to do this?” Asa managed to ask through his laughter.
“You promised me dessert.” Anthony whined before resuming kissing Asa on the lips, each short peck becoming sloppier and sloppier.
“Did I?” Asa teased and began untucking Anthony’s shirt while the other unbuttoned his. All of a sudden, someone’s phone started buzzing and ringing.
“Ah, can’t these people ever take time off?” Anthony almost declined the call, but Asa stopped him, signalling him to take the call, to which the astrophysicist obliged. Anthony excused himself and walked away from the living room while Asa ejected the disk from the player. However, the bookseller did not expect for the call to take longer than 5 minutes. In fact, it almost lasted 30.
Asa had already fallen asleep by the time the call was done, so much for dessert, but Anthony didn’t mind. He smiled and gently woke his partner up with a soft whisper that almost sounded like an angel’s call for Asa.
“Angel, I have to talk to you about something. The UK Space Agency called,” Anthony managed to wake Asa’ mind with the second sentence, causing him to quickly sit up, “NASA had been trying to reach me personally, but it seems that their message won’t go through, so they sent it through the Space Agency…”
“Well? What’s it about?” Asa asked, voice laced with awe and anticipation.
“There is another space probe in the making and NASA is trying to make it more powerful than the Voyagers, which are already disintegrating in interstellar space,” Anthony replied, trying hard to make it seem lesser than a huge deal, “And they want me to be a part of the research team. Y’know, assisting them with the design and calculations.”
Upon hearing this, Asa pulled Anthony in a tight embrace, then he cupped his cheeks to give him his tenderest kiss, “I’m so happy for you, my dear. Will you be working here or…?”
Anthony’s smile faltered, “In America. California, if I remember correctly.”
“Oh. Is that so?” Asa’s excitement was quickly replaced with something he, too, did not expect— fear. He asked, “For how long?”
“Two years,” The astrophysicist couldn’t look directly into his lover’s eyes, “I was hoping you’d come with me.”
The bookseller stood from the couch, turning his back from Anthony as he tried to keep even a single tear from falling, “Oh, but the bookshop… D-Derek’s not getting any younger. Most of the time, I’m the only one running it now.”
Silence.
The silence grew and lingered far longer than they wanted, but neither of them really knew what to say at the moment. As much as Asa wanted to take Anthony’s offer,temporarily living with him in America, he just had other plans for the next two years. Something like settling in a cottage in South Downs and being properly married. For the last six years, he had always thought he finally belonged in someone’s world, despite being his polar opposite. Well, because opposites attract, right? However, Anthony’s his Anna, and he might as well change his name to William Thacker.
Asa took his eyes off the box he had set on the corner of the TV stand, “It’s getting late, dear. Go get some rest. Big things are happening.” He faced Anthony, cheeks as dry as bone, his smile as wide as it was when he was actually glad.
Anthony nodded in understanding before kissing Asa’s cheek, “Sorry I couldn’t stay longer. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Anthony shut the door on his way out but stood in front of Asa’s flat absentmindedly, then he shut his eyes tightly in frustration. Well. It seems that there are a lot of things he should sort first before he can give his boyfriend the ring in his briefcase.
In the following days, the two barely spoke. There were still the regular morning greetings and reminders to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But no longer did Anthony walk Asa home.
“Sorry, love, can’t walk you home for now. Extremely busy. I love you.”
It became the new usual text from Anthony, and Asa did not want to admit it, but it was killing him internally.
He paced around the bookshop for the nth time in three days, and this time, Derek finally said something, “For the love of all that is good, will you stop that, Asa?”
Asa quickly halted but he gave Derek a look the elder could only describe as “painful.”
Derek rolled his eyes and grunted as he put his book down, “What’s the matter with you?”
“Am I pushing Anthony away?” The younger asked, nervously fiddling his fingers, “Should I come with him?”
“Do you want to?”
“No, I don’t want to go—“
“Why not, Asa? You want to be with him but you also don’t want him to stay for you, so why won’t you go?”
“Because!” Asa grew even more frustrated, “It’s not my world, it’s his. In all honesty, I want to be… A little selfish— but the stars! The universe! They’re his entire life, and I can’t take that away. As a matter of fact, I can wait, and I will wait. Maybe there will be a time when I’m ready to leave this all behind. Soho. The bookshop. The life I’ve always known. But what if when I get there, it’s no longer me he’s choosing?”
Derek understood but he did not utter a word, hoping to hear more coming from Asa’s mouth.
“I just want to be sure that he’ll come back to me.” After letting it all out, Asa’s mind cleared, and he had no idea what possessed him to do what he did next. He went to the back of the shop and took his coat off the rack and dialed Anthony’s number on his cellphone.
“Professor Anthony J. Crowley, unavailable at the moment, sorry. Leave a message at the beep.” His voicemail recording played.
“Bandstand! Six-thirty!” Asa shouted into his microphone, panting in between his words.
Meanwhile, in the academic staff room for the Astrophysics Department, Anthony sat on his desk, looking at his shoes as his colleague asked him, “Are you sure about your decision?”
Anthony looked up, face serious and stoic, and replied, “Yes. Absolutely.”
Asa ran, and ran, and rested, then ran again all the way to the gloomy, awfully dull bandstand at St. James’s Park. In just 11 minutes, he was there, already leaning against one of the posts out of exhaustion.
Heels clicked against the bandstand’s floor, making Asa turn to his left, where Anthony stood just a few meters away. His hands were in his coat’s pockets, his hair still neat, and his expression stern. Asa feared he had wasted Anthony’s time, for he didn’t really know what to say.
But they were there now. Might as well say something.
“You have waited for me outside of the bookshop for 15 minutes everyday, ever since we’ve started seeing each other. Apart from that, you also have to wait for our days to end just so we can see each other,” Asa gave Anthony a small smile, “We never really took a holiday together in the last five years. Yet we still wait, that’s just what we do.”
“Right.” Anthony nodded.
“I’m sorry I can’t go. As much as I would love to be with you everywhere. I hope you understand. So I’d wait for your messages, for your calls, for you to come back and make me whole again. Just promise me you’ll come back to me.” Asa’s lips quivered as he spoke the last sentence. This time, he can’t hold back the tears rolling down his wrinkled cheeks. But still, he smiled. For Anthony.
“I’m not doing that, Asa.” The astrophysicist replied, still with the same unreadable expression.
“Why… Why not?”
“Because I’m a firm believer of free will.” Anthony smiled.
“Oh— Oh.” Asa realized. Right, Anthony is his person. He’d make the decisions himself.
“I have two options. One final choice to make. Choose NASA or choose to stay. And while I am a firm believer of free will, I’m also a determinist. People say they negate each other, but for me, they go hand-in-hand, and if past, present, and future are already written, then that means there’s probably a future without you, especially if I choose Option A.
And here’s the thing: I can’t have that, no. The universe and everything we know of it will always exist as long as humans exist. Knowledge outside of the Oort cloud will not be obtained for possibly hundreds of years, I mean, it took 35 years for Voyager 1 to cross heliopause and even with the tech we have today, we would still not be anywhere near Proxima Centauri in just 50 years.
And by the time this new probe’s already reached the Voyagers’ feats, there will already be new minds far better than mine… But I don’t think there will be anything better than you. Even if you put me in any universe outside of this one, I will always look for you.”
Asa’s smile grew as more tears started to flow, “And is that a fact, professor?”
“To me, it is… Asa,” Anthony freed himself from his tense posture and walked towards his beloved bookseller, cupping his cheeks and wiping his tears away with his thumbs, “I’ve come to a decision. The universe has existed for billions of years and will continue to exist for billions more, but we don’t have an eternity to be together, angel. Every year with you is already a thousand for me, and choosing two years without you is comparable to choosing to suffocate myself.” He laughed to lighten up the atmosphere.
“I hope this isn’t against your will.” Asa caressed Anthony’s hands.
“I have free will, and I always use it, and fun fact,” The professor moved one hand down to reach into his pocket, “I will exhibit another example of it,” Anthony opened the box containing a thick gold ring with Asa’s constellation sign represented by diamonds, “I think it’s the perfect time to give this to you.”
Asa covered his mouth for a moment, then laughed, “Funny. I have something for you as well,” He took the ring box from his pocket and opened it, revealing a similar gold band with Anthony’s sign instead, “Let’s get married?”
“Absolutely.”
The two shared a passionate kiss in the bandstand as nightingales perched on nearby branches, singing what would be a reminder of their love for many, many more years.