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It was a relatively normal day at the agency.
Kunikida was yelling at Dazai, Yosano was laughing with Ranpo, Kyouka and Kenji were doing homework together. Atsushi was fairly relaxed. Tanizaki was sitting next to him, leaning on his shoulder.
Things were going fine.
That was, until, Dazai received a call.
Atsushi looked over as Dazai put a finger over Kunikida’s mouth to tell him to be quiet. This seems to aggravate Kunikida, but he complies. Dazai puts the phone to his ear.
“Put it on speaker.” Ranpo cuts in.
Dazai raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
Ranpo gives him a look. Dazai smiles back and puts the phone on speaker.
“Bonjour, petite limace!” Dazai says into the phone, a smile on his face. Atsushi doesn’t really know what language he’s talking in, but he doesn’t voice that aloud. He’s worried the agency members might think he was stupid. It’s an irrational fear, but still.
“What fucking- Is that French? You know I don’t know French.” The voice that comes from the phone is unfamiliar, Atsushi’s not sure he’s ever heard it before. However, the other members of the agency have varying reactions.
Kyouka doesn’t look that surprised. Kenji looks excited. Yosano has a wide grin on her face. Ranpo, in turn, has a secretive one. Tanizaki just looks confused.
“Is that- Is that the Gravity manipulator?!” Kunikida asks, bewildered. Dazai pays him no mind.
Atsushi startles. He’s never met the gravity manipulator, but he’s heard stories. Scary ones, questionable ones from Dazai and nice ones from Kyouka. He’s not really sure what to believe.
“I should have known the slug’s tiny brain couldn’t compute refined languages !” Dazai says in a sing song tone. Atsushi’s certain he hears something break from the other end of the line.
“Oh, if you’re so refined, why is there rotting fucking food in your fridge?” Chuuya bites out.
“Why does he know what’s in your fridge?!” Kunikida whisper-yells. Ranpo snorts.
“I told you to stop rummaging through my agency dorm like a little raccoon.” Dazai tries for a stern voice, but it’s clear he finds this situation extremely funny.
“Who’re you calling a raccoon, you slimy, bandage wearing-“
“Now, now Chuuya, no need to get defensive! You really need to go to anger management.” Dazai cuts in.
There’s silence for a moment. Atsushi thinks he can hear Chuuya taking a deep breath to calm himself. He’s familiar with the action, Kunikida frequently performs it.
“Mackerel, why isn’t there food in the fridge?” Chuuya asks, voice even, “I know you know how to cook.”
“He does?” Yosano asks, looking delightfully surprised.
“He makes good Chazuke.” Atsushi cuts in. Dazai was a good cook, but Atsushi has never seen him cook sort from that one time. He’s never asked about it, though. The one time he did, Dazai just brushed him off.
“I don’t live at the agency dorms half the time anyways.” Dazai reasons. It’s true, they can never tell where Dazai goes the other days. He shows up to work earlier than usual though, so Kunikida lets it slide.
“What about the other half? Are you-“ Dazai takes the phone of speaker, looking actually annoyed for the first time in the conversation. Dazai is actually a very patient person, so it’s kind of scary to see him angry or bothered.
“Is that enough for you, Ranpo?” Dazai asks, plastering a smile across his face. Ranpo nods, unsmiling. “Yeah, sure.”
Dazai, for whatever reason, puts the phone back on speaker. “Done now, hatrack?”
“You weren’t even listening, were you?” Chuuya seethes. Dazai grins. “Take a guess.”
Chuuya sighs. “Whatever. I’ll-“
“I’m sorry, but why is there a Port Mafia executive in your dorm room?” Kunikida interrupts.
“Was that Glasses?” Chuuya inquires. “Wait, do you have me on speaker?”
Dazai says nothing, looking amused.
“You -“ Chuuya starts.
“Excuse me, but why are you in his agency dorm?” Kunikida repeats.
“I’m getting my coat?” Chuuya says, sounding confused.
“Why was Mr.Fancy hat’s coat in your room, Dazai?” Kenji asks.
Kunikida looks at Dazai with thinly veiled horror. Yosano looks at him with renewed interest. Ranpo smiles again. “Yes, what are his clothes doing in your room, Dazai?”
Dazai gives them a sly smile. “What do you think?”
“What?” Chuuya says, still sounding confused.
“Dazai-“ Atsushi thinks if this was one of those old fashioned American cartoons Dazai likes to watch with Kenji and Kyouka, there would be steam coming out of Kunikida’s ears like he was a kettle, “Did you- Did you-“ He can’t seem to form a sentence. Atsushi’s ears redden at the implication.
“I left it there last time I came over because I took it off. You know the air conditioner doesn’t work half the time.” Chuuya informs them. Dazai frowns, probably sad that his joke has been spoiled. Yosano and Ranpo give each other a look.
“Why were you over?” Kunikida sounds exasperated at this point.
“We were playing video games?” Chuuya answers, but it sounds like a question.
Everyone turns to look at Dazai in disbelief, but he just gives them a childish grin. Atsushi can’t believe Dazai plays video games in his dorm with a Port Mafia executive.
“Anyways, come home today. And don’t walk through that shady alleyway like you want to get hit.” Chuuya says to Dazai.
Atsushi barely has time to register the word ‘home’ before Dazai replies.
“I do want to get hit!” Dazai says cheerily.
“Well come home directly and I’ll finish the job.” Chuuya sounds like he’s gritting his teeth.
“Wow, kinky.” Dazai smiles wanly.
“Ew. Be safe,” Chuuya says, sounding almost fond. “I love you, bye.”
“Bye.” Dazai replies, seemingly put in the spot. Chuuya ends the call.
Kunikida looks like he’s about to pass out. Yosano steps forward and steadies him by grabbing hold of his arm.
“So?” She asks, and Dazai doesn’t reply. His expression reminds Atsushi of the Cheshire Cat in the Alice in wonderland movie he’d watched with Lucy.
“Have you ever said it back?” Ranpo questions, and Dazai, maturely, sticks his tongue out at him.
“Dazai-“ Kunikida starts, sounding dazed, but Dazai interrupts him.
“Look at the time!” He says, gesturing at his wrist without a watch on it, “I best be going!” He beams at them and runs out the agency door into the evening.
“DAZAIIIIIII!” Kunikida tries to run after him, but Yosano stops him with a happy look and a gleam in her eyes.
“Let him be, Doppo.”
*
When Chuuya comes home, Dazai has made dinner. This doesn’t happen often, so Chuuya appreciates when it does. Dazai is a good cook, because of course he is. He’s Dazai.
“You’re home early.” Chuuya says simply, hanging his coat next to Dazai’s tan one and glancing into the kitchen.
“I had to escape my co-worker’s clutches darlingly! Aren’t I such a brave man?” Dazai leans against the kitchen counter dramatically.
“You’re a shifty weasel.” Chuuya replies simply, “And you’re more of a housewife than a brave man.”
“I refuse! I won’t be Chuuya’s house wife!” Dazai refutes, but he’s smiling.
“Househusband?” Chuuya offers. Dazai throws a fork at him, which he catches.
“Sloppy.” Chuuya says, holding his arms out. Dazai falls into them without any of his usual grace.
“I-“ He stops mid sentence.
“What?” Chuuya looks up at him.
“I love you. You know that, right?” Dazai asks, voice small.
“Of course I do, Idiot.” Chuuya leans up and kisses him, then says, “I love you too, always.”