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Archive Warning:
Category:
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Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 3 of Log Of Pesterlogs , Part 2 of Tech Support
Stats:
Published:
2016-11-09
Completed:
2025-01-02
Words:
67,600
Chapters:
24/24
Comments:
352
Kudos:
445
Bookmarks:
53
Hits:
10,312

Captor Tech Support

Summary:

Captor Tech Support - Rated 4.8 stars.

Customer Reviews:
"A Really Helpful And Very Friendly Service 5 Stars"
"9ne 9f them sent me a virus... 6ut I learnt h9w t9 zip a file s9 I rate them 4 stars."

Alternate Title: The Captors open a Tech Support Business.

Notes:

[EDIT 18/04/18: I HAVE REFORMATTED AND REWROTE CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT!!! Feel free to read it again for new, bonus content! And better readability!!! I hope you enjoy the New And Improved Tech Support That We Provide Here at newbarrk Studios!!!

 

A/N: Because everyone is literally TA, I have edited Trollian's show up so during pesterlog you know who is who. This has been sorted out in relative terms of age:
Beta Ancestor = [HANDLE]1
Alpha Ancestor = [HANDLE]2
Alpha troll = [HANDLE]3
Beta troll = [HANDLE]4
In practice, this will show as;
TA1 = Psiioniic; TA2 = Beforus Sollux (Piilot); TA3 = Mituna; and TA4 = Sollux. (Example)

The human's handles have a similar format:

Beta Humans: [handle1]
Alpha humans: [handle2]

Exceptions are GT and EB, who really only have one instance of this, and therefore will be labled as '[handle]1'.

This is related to 'Ancestors: Meet Your Dancestors', in that this occurs soon afterwards.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - The Beginning

Notes:

I hope this cheers people up.

Chapter Text

grievanceAbettor [GA1] requested help!
Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: HELL0, WELC0ME TW0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT. H0W MAY II DIIRECT Y0UR REQUE5T.
GA1: Psiio+niic, I Have No+ Idea What I Have Do+ne.
TA1: 0H DEAR G0D.
TA1: 0K R05A, LET’5 5TART WIITH BA5IIC5. WHAT’5 HAPPENED.
GA1: My Screen Is Co+mpletely Black.
TA1: ...
TA1: HAVE Y0U TRIIED 5WIITCHIING IIT 0N.
GA1: Ho+w Do+ I Do+ That?
TA1: ...
TA1: WE ARE REDIIRECTIING Y0UR CALL.
GA1: What?
TA1: PLEA5E H0LD.
GA1: Psiio+niic!
GA1: 0+h, He’s Go+ne...

terminatedAncipital [TA1] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA1: 0H MY G0D. 50ME0NE, PLEA5E 5AVE ME FR0M THII5 H0RR0R.
TA2: wh4t’2 h4ppened??
TA4: ii2 iit 2eriiou2?
TA1: II HAVE A FEELIING THAT R05A D0E5N’T KN0W H0W T0 SWIITCH HER C0MPUTER 0N.
TA4:
TA4: nope.
TA4: ii’m 2orry but thii2 ii2 a problem you’re gonna have two deal wiith on your own.
TA4: ii’m out.
TA1: A55H0LE.
TA3: 1’M 8U5Y
TA3: FCUK 0FF
TA1: Y0U ARE N0T. Y0U’RE PLAYIING MARII0 KART.
TA1: II’M LIITERALLY WATCHIING Y0U PLAY IIT RIIGHT N0W.
TA3: ...
TA3: 1’M 53771NG 4 N3W R3C0RD.
TA3: 50 FUCK 0FFTH!!
TA1: ...
TA1: II’LL ALL0W IIT. BARELY.
TA1: WHAT’5 Y0UR REA50N T0 5LACK 0FF, 5X?
TA2: >>8|
TA1: >>BI
TA4: ii’m makiing a viiru2. 2urprii2iingly, iit’2 not for KK.
TA3: WH0’5 17 F04 7H3N?
TA4: iit’2 for your KK, MT.
TA3: FU5K YE7H!
TA3: 4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!
TA3: 1 C4N7 W84T1 70 533 H15 F43C WH3N H3 G735 17.
TA1: ...
TA1: Y0U KN0W WHAT, II’LL ALL0W THAT T00.
TA2: ugh, fiine. ii’ll de4l wiith iit.
TA2: but you’re 4ll fuckiing 422hole2.
TA1: G0D BLE55 Y0U, 5C.

TA2: hello! your reque2t h42 been rediirected two me, wh4t ii2 the problem?
GA1: Hello+. My Co+mputer Is Co+mpletely Blank.
GA1: I Canno+t Seem To+ Get It 0+n.
TA2: h4ve you tried swiitchiing iit on?
GA1: Ho+w Do+ I Do+ That?
TA2: pre22 the ciircle wiith the liine through iit.
GA1: 0+h!
GA1: I Think So+mething Is Happening.
GA1: Why Is There An Apple 0+n My Screen?
TA2: how the fuck diid you get 4 m4c??
GA1: Who+ Is Mac?
GA1: Makara, Yo+u Mean?
TA2: no no no, m4c ii2 the type of computer you’re u2iing.
TA2: m4k4r4 h42 nothiing two do wiith thii2.
GA1: There Is A Screen Asking Fo+r A Passwo+rd.
GA1: Do+ I Type In My Passwo+rd No+w?
TA2: ye2.
GA1: It’s Wo+rking!
GA1: Thank Yo+u!
GA1: I Wo+nder What I Did?
TA2: wh4t diid you do before iit h4ppened?
GA1: No+thing, I Believe.
TA2: ...
TA2: your computer went iintwo 2leep mode, Mii22 Doloro24.
TA2: th4t’2 4ll.
TA2: there’2 nothiing two worry 4bout.
GA1: O+h, Thank Go+o+dness.
GA1: I’ll Make Yo+u A Cake Fo+r Helping Me, Mister Capto+r.
TA2: oh god you don’t h4ve two.
GA1: Just Make Sure That Mister Psiioniic “I Refuse To+ Help Yo+u” Capto+r Do+esn’t Get Any.
GA1: 5;-)
GA1: 5:-)*
GA1: I Fo+rgo+t To+ Press The Shift Key, 0+h Dear.
TA2: holy 2hiit thank2 2o much!!

TA2: II GOT FREE FUCKIING C4KE FROM RO24.
TA1: WHAT, N0.
TA2: 4ND 2HE TOLD ME YOU C4N’T H4VE 4NY!!!
TA1: N000000000000
TA1: <IIN5ERT 5H0UTP0LE5>
TA4: 2hiit, REALLY?
TA2: “GA1: I’ll Make Yo+u A Cake Fo+r Helping Me, Mister Capto+r. TA2: oh god you don’t h4ve two. GA1: Just Make Sure That Mister Psiioniic “I Refuse To+ Help Yo+u” Capto+r Do+esn’t Get Any.”
TA2: >>8D
TA4: but diid 2he 2ay anythiing about me?
TA2: nope.
TA2: but ii helped her, 2o ii will get 4ll the c4ke.
TA2: 4ll of iit.
TA4: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
TA3: WH3R37H5 C4K3?????
TA2: THERE II2 ONLY C4KE FOR ME.
TA3: N0!!! YH475 N70 F14R!!1 5H4R3 Y0U PR1CK.
TA2: DIID YOU HELP RO24? MII2TER “1M 2 8U2Y 83371NG MY H1GH5C0R3”??
TA3: N0.
TA3: 8U7 1 D1D 8347 MY H1GH 5C0R3 7H0UGH!!!
TA2: ... huh.
TA2: that’2 4ctu4lly 4m4ziing, well done.
TA3: 8D
TA2: ii’ll buy 4 2eper4te c4ke for your viictory.
TA3: Y4Y!!!
TA4: can ii have 2ome of iit?
TA3: ...
TA3: 0K4Y. 0NLY C4U53 1 W4NN4 533 7H3 L00K 0N V4N745’5 F4C3 WH3N Y0U 53ND 7H47 7H1NG 70 H1M.
TA4: niice.
TA1: CAN II?
TA3: HMMMMMMMMM...
TA3: 0NLY C4U53 Y0U L37 M3 5L4CK 0FF 70 F1N15H 7H3 L4P.
TA1: NIICE.
TA2: ...
TA2: c4n ii?
TA3: 0NLY 1F Y0U L37 M3 347 M155 R024’5 C4K3.
TA2: ii’m the one fuckiing buyiing thii2 c4ke for you!
TA3: W3LL 1M N07 8UDG1NG. R05A5 C4K3, 0R N0 C4K3 F0R Y0U. F1ANL 0FFR.
TA2: ...
TA2: you driive 4 h4rd b4rg4iin, miitun4 c4ptor.
TA2:
TA2: ugh fiine.
TA2: everyone except p2ii c4n h4ve 2ome of mii22 ro24’2 c4ke.
TA3: Y3333333344444HHHHHH 800000001111111111!!!!
TA4: aww ye2.
TA1: D:<<
TA1: FUCK Y0U GUY5.