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Zanka can't stop staring.
In fact, that's all he has been doing since they are seated here: staring.
This day has been weird enough as it is, but apparently, it just gets weirder.
"It's burger," the man before him explains. "I don't think I can find any shop that sells this in Kamuatari, I figured I should take you here so you can experience new thing."
It's burger, the man says. Zanka has never seen a meal so heartily delicious like that.
A glistening buns, with veggies in between, and a very juicy-looking what he expects to be meat in the middle? It smells divine, and everything that smells divine means that it's not healthy, just like how he's been taught.
"Don't just look at it, kid," the man chuckles, pushing the plate closer to him. Zanka widens his eyes, the delicious smell of the burger hits his nose even harder. Especially because he hasn't had any meals since last night.
Last night, he has decided to run away from his home, trying to find this stranger—the same man who gives him the kindest grin and treats him like he has known him for ages, instead of a mere hour ago.
The same man who talks through one of the darkest moment of his life, whose voice pierced through his insecurities, whose faith apparently resurrects Zanka's faith in himself.
"The name's Enjin," the man has introduced himself, once the recognition of who is Zanka dawn on him. "Have you ever heard of the Cleaners?"
Of course, he has. His family has been using Cleaners as the example of misguided good guys.
Do not ever trust them, do not ever believe them. No Hell Guards get along with the Cleaners.
And Zanka, apparently went out of his way to seek one.
Enjin who apparently remembers him, but kind enough to not mention any embarrassing moment of Zanka throwing himself to the well to sulk.
Enjin who's instantly drawn to the staff behind his back, Zanka could have sworn his eyes soften at the sight of it.
His comment cements that claim.
"Nice stick," he says, without meaning to offend him. Zanka can distinguish it, when people look at Aibou like Aibou is ridiculous object to carry, and when people look at Aibou, like they know Aibou is his treasured possession.
For the first time, Zanka can say that the stare and the words feel different.
This guy, Enjin has been named the first one to belong to the second category.
"It's a staff," Zanka remembers correcting him. "Lovely Assistaff, my Aibou."
Enjin doesn't laugh at him, Enjin doesn't mock him.
Instead, he grins, somehow genuinely pleased and looks ridiculously proud.
"Well, then, hello, Aibou," he says. "You're clearly taking care of it—"
"Her," Zanka cuts him off, almost immediately feels embarrassed of his own action.
Enjin chuckles, amusement shakes his figure with mirth. "Of course, couldn't agree more. How lovely she is."
Zanka can say that he has a very elaborate plan, when he can finally find and see this man again. But everything evaporates, because Zanka genuinely doesn't know where to start.
How does Zanka tell Enjin, that his words had been fundamentally changed him?
How does Zanka tell Enjin, that his faith had helped Zanka restore his own faith in himself?
How does Zanka tell Enjin, that his presence had been an anchor that grounded him, freeing him in a way, instead of putting him a confinement?
"Can I join you?" The words blurt themselves.
Enjin doesn't look surprised by his bluntness, if anything something seemingly dawns on him, as his face softens.
Zanka can feel his face burned with shame.
"Why don't we go to somewhere nice, kid? I think you could use some meals."
That's what Enjin says, and that's how Zanka finds himself sitting in this table, in front of this some sort restaurant, having them serve a plate of very hearty burger.
Zanka can't stop staring.
In fact, that's all he has been doing since they are seated here: staring.
This day has been weird enough as it is, but apparently, it just gets weirder.
"It's burger," the man before him explains. "I don't think I find any shop that sells this in Kamuatari, so I figure I should take you here so you can experience new thing."
It's burger, the man says. Zanka has never seen a meal so heartily delicious like that.
Zanka doesn't see any cutlery that comes with the plate, so he assumes this dish is meant to be eaten with bare hands. It seems that Enjin won't start any conversation unless he fills his stomach first.
Zanka reaches out and picks up the burger.
He has never tried a burger before. The buns in his grasp feels warm and soft and some of the juice from inside starts to drip. He holds it carefully, not sure how to take the first bite without making a mess.
This feels strange to him, like he is doing something he has not been taught to do.
Enjin watches him but says nothing at first. Zanka never likes being watched, but he lets it slide, because this man is... well, the man Zanka had been looking for.
Zanka lifts the burger to his mouth and tries to bite down. The size makes it hard, and he has to adjust his grip. Some sauce gets on his thumb. He feels clumsy, but he keeps trying.
Something strikes when he's halfway munching the dish.
In a way, this is similar as to why he wants to join the Cleaners.
He wants to prove himself by stepping into something new, even if it feels unfamiliar and he does not know exactly how to do it right. Just like holding this burger with his hands, eating it with no cutlery; instead of making use of his education during his academy days, joining the Cleaners means he will have to learn again, trying something he has never been taught to, something he has never thought to do.
The revelation feels comforting in a way.
Zanka tries to not overthink about the technicality and starts contemplating about the taste of the burger.
It isn't bad. It's not his favorite either, but it's something that he can still enjoy. It's delicious, especially when his stomach had been filled by nothing but leftover manju and waters.
He eats in silence, as silently as he can, and after a moment, Enjin eventually speaks.
"So, kid," he starts. "Why do you want to join the Cleaners?"
The question gets Zanka pauses with the burger still in his hands. He wipes his fingers on the side of the plate.
The question hangs in the air while he thinks about how to answer.
He decides to take another small bite, still struggling a little with the way the burger shifts in his grip.
The action strengthens the motivation.
Zanka wants to prove himself.
And proving himself means pushing through these awkward moments, whether it is eating a new food or becoming part of something his family warned him against. He wants to show that he can do it. He wants to show that he can be more than everyone has thought of him. He can surpass his sister and his brother, even if the path he takes is slightly different.
Enjin leans forward a little, propping his chin as if he wants to analyze Zanka.
"You don't have to answer right away if it's hard to say," he says. "But I am curious. Most kids your age don't come looking for Cleaners on purpose."
"I'm not a kid," Zanka cuts him off, a little bit snappy.
Enjin lifts his eyebrow.
"I have a name."
That somehow gets the man to burst into laughter. Zanka can feel his face heat up at the reaction. Enjin however is quick to amend his action.
"'course you do," he grins. "And what is it?"
"Zanka," it's strange to introduce himself, using an identity that he so badly wants to leave behind. But it's an inseparable part of himself, and as much as he tries to resent it, it's what he is. "Zanka Nijiku."
If the man recognizes his name, he doesn't show it. He merely nods, as he comments, "Nice name. I think it suits you."
Even Zanka doesn't know what's that supposed to mean.
Zanka adjusts the burger in his hands, trying not to let the bun fall apart. More sauce drips onto his fingers.
"I want to prove myself," Zanka says quietly. He looks down at the burger. "I want to make myself worthy of the expectations that had been put upon my shoulders. But I want to do it my way."
Enjin seems taken aback by the answer, however Zanka can tell that it takes him less than even a minute to easily morph into looking both impressed and intrigued.
Zanka's face heats up again.
The man nods slowly and does not interrupt. His eyes stay on Zanka as the boy continues to eat.
Zanka takes another bite. The burger shifts in his hands again.
"This is new to me," he adds, after a careful chew. "Eating like this. Everything here is new."
He wipes his chin with the back of his hand. The struggle to eat the burger continues, but he does not put it down.
"Yeah, it shows," Enjin says. There is no mockery in his tone. "First time with a burger, huh? You’re doing fine. Just don’t squeeze too hard or it’ll all fall apart."
Zanka looks at the burger in his hands.
Juice runs down his fingers once more. He tries to adjust his grip again, using both hands to hold the buns together. A piece of vegetable slips out and drops onto the plate.
"It is difficult," Zanka huffs. "I am not used to eating with my hands. At home we always use cutlery."
Enjin chuckles softly.
"Most people eat burgers with their hands. That’s the normal way. Takes some practice."
Zanka isn't so stupid to tell that they're both talking about burger and definitely something else.
Enjin leans back in his chair, rummaging through his coat as if he looks for something. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and gives Zanka a look that says, you mind? which gets him to shake his head. He isn't really fans of cigarettes, but he thinks he can make exception for Enjin.
"So you want to prove yourself by joining the Cleaners. That’s a big step. Especially coming from where you’re from. Your family won’t like it."
So, Enjin does know about his family. Who wouldn't?
Zanka swallows, the hand that holds his burger slide down to the plate.
"They will not," he confirms. "But this is the path I choose to take. I want to do it my way."
"Your way," Enjin echoes the words. "That’s interesting. Most people just follow the path set for them. What makes you think being a Cleaner is your way?"
Zanka tries to steel himself when he looks into Enjin's eyes as he speaks.
"Because your words reached me," he says quietly. "When I was at my lowest. You did not know me, but you spoke like you believed in me. I want to become someone who can surpass, even the genius with my own hardship. To show people that it's not impossible thing to do."
I want to show it to you, remains unspoken.
Enjin stays silent for a second, then smiles a little.
But somehow that little smile feels more rewarding than anything he has ever gotten in the Academy.
"You have potential, I can see it, Zanka. That much is clear." Enjin takes a drag of his cigarettes, before flicking the ashes. "Alright. We can talk more about what joining means after you finish that. No rush."
Zanka can't stop staring.
In fact, that's all he has been doing since they are seated here: staring.
This day has been weird enough as it is, but apparently, it just gets weirder.
"Really?"
Enjin laughs.
"I think, you're gonna be a very valuable addition to the Cleaners," as if he has an afterthought he adds, quite seriously while Zanka can still note the gentleness in his voice. "As yourself, as who you want yourself to be; not as who you're dictated to be."
Enjin uses his chin to point at his plate.
"Now, the very cardinal rule of being a Cleaner, never starts with empty stomach," Enjin gives him a playful wink, Zanka quickly averts his eyes, hoping the flustered look he currently sports being regarded as the effect of the absence of the breeze.
"So, tell me, what's your verdict on your first burger, Zanka?"
Zanka has never tried a burger his whole life, but damn, if this is the best burger he may ever have.