Work Text:
1. The Doctor has to stay alone.
2. He should have made this choice so, so long ago.
3. Everyone who's ever travelled with the Doctor would have been better off without him.
4. The kindest thing he can do is leave quickly, run fast without a hand to hold.
5. The Doctor wishes he were kind.
6. He always strives for it and he never does enough.
7. Cruelty oozes out of the cracks in him like tar and sometimes it feels like all he ever does is try to mop up the spills, spreading them around as often as he cleans them.
8. There was a time when the Doctor thought it possible to seal up those cracks instead, to heal, to contain within himself something better, something that wouldn't stain even if it leaked out.
9. That hope is gone now.
10. The Doctor will never allow anyone to become his companion again.
11. The desire to break this rule is constant, a broken beyond repair piece of him unrelentingly crying and begging for someone to latch on to, to lean on.
12. He keeps that part of himself locked up tight and pretends that the rest of him is better, pretends that he can go on like this.
13. The Doctor keeps travelling, keeps trying to help whenever and however he can.
14. He keeps meeting people, some of whom stand out to him, and those fleeting connections he would normally treasure are now the worst part.
15. Because the Doctor has always been terrible at goodbyes, not much better at French exits, and now he also has the gravitational pull of the black hole residing at the centre of his very being to fight against everytime he walks away.
16. He wishes he could keep someone, or else be kept.
17. He wishes he could stay.
18. The Doctor is so tired of running.
19. He is tired of everything, these days, fraying at all edges.
20. The Doctor wishes he could stop.