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Lukas had called Philip after school, telling him his father would be out of town for the day, and asked him to come over. Philip was reluctant at first, remembering all their previous encounters, the last time he’d been over at Lukas house, that time on the roof and at Millers Pond. He wanted to say no, but before he knew what had happened he’d said yes to Lukas.
He didn’t want to have to explain himself to Helen and Gabe, so he snuck out and took his bike. It wasn’t too far to drive over to where Lukas lived, and he was there not long after.
The door stood open when he got there, and heb heard the soft sound of music coming from the second floor. Philip went up the stairs and found Lukas in his room, laying on his bed. He had his eyes closed and didn’t notice Philip at first, like a repeat from last time. Philip tried sneaking up on him, but when he got to the bed Lukas eyes opened, his arm shooting out to pull Philip down on the bed on top of him. Lukas flipped them around and kissed Philip.
Philip leaned up into it, daring to part his lips, seeing how Lukas would react to it. Lukas pushed back into it, moving his hands down Philip’s side while his knees pushed apart Philip’s legs. In response, Philip grabbed Lukas shirt, trying to pull him closer. They were so close, but there was still too much distance between them, too much clothes.
Lukas hands moved in under Philip’s shirt, pulling it up. Philip arched into the touch, tugging at Lukas shirt too. He wanted it gone. Lukas sat up for a moment, pulling his hrt off and then helped Philip with his. Then he dived right back down, nibbling at Philip’s lips when they connected.
Neither noticed someone was there until they heard a gasp in the doorway. Lukas snapped back from Philip, staring down at him with wide, panicked eyes. Philip was too caught of guard to know what to do, how to react to this situation. Lukas had been sure his dad wouldn’t be home until tomorrow, so why was—
“Lukas, why are you…” That was quite unmistakably not Bo’s voice, but Rse. “Why are you doing this?”
Lukas just kept staring down at Philip, his eyes almost frozen in their shock.
“Who is it?” Rose continued. “Emma? Is it? Or someone else?”
Footsteps moved further into the room, until Philip could see her legs. Lukas seemed to realise at that moment that there was no way he could hide Philip, and reluctantly sat up.
Brief shock flashed over Rose’s face when her eyes landed on Philip. Her eyes flickered between Lukas and Philip, taking in their ruffled clothes and Lukas spit-shiny lips. There was no way she could mistake this for anything than what it was. With his hand furthest from Rose, hopefully hidden from her, Philip reached for Lukas hand, trying to show his reassurance through a squeeze.
“I told you he was obsessed with you,” Rose said, her voice weak and squeaky, as if she tried to show more confidence than she really did feel.
Lukas sat back further on Philip’s thighs, dragging a hand through his hair. Philip knew it didn’t help the situation, but he couldn’t help but admire the way Lukas looked, stretched out above him.
“Yeah, I…” Lukas said, laughing nervously. His gaze flickered briefly to Philip, and as if first now realising that he was still sitting on Philip’s lap, he moved away from Philip and stood up. Philip sat up against the headboard and reached for his shirt.
“Is this why you couldn’t get it up?” Rose asked, with some strength having returned to her voice.
Lukas squirmed where he stood, making some vague move with his shoulder, almost like a shrug.
“Is it?” Rose insisted.
Lukas only shrugged again, but this time with something that looked like it could be a nod.
“Did you ever even like me?” Some of the previous strength had bled out of her voice, and she couldn't look at any of them, only staring down at the floor.
Philip felt bad that he had caused this, that he was the reason she felt this. It wasn’t fare that this would happen to her, not when she so obviously liked Lukas. But at the same time he couldn’t help but feel smug that pout of the two of them , he was the one that Lukas liked, even if he wouldn’t admit it, even if he tried to hide. He could understand that want to stay closeted in a place like this, the fear of coming out.
“I do!” Lukas hurried to say, looking up from the floor to Rose. “I just…”
“Doesn’t anymore, never like that, not now that he’s here, which one? Because you wouldn’t do that ,” she waved her hand towards the bed with a frown, “if you still liked me. If you ever even did like me like that. Do you even like girls? Have you ever?”
Philip turned to Lukass, waiting for the answer. He was honestly curious. He knew Lukas liked him, sure, but was it a boy exclusive thing?
Lukas squirmed even more, his shoulders doing the same unsure movement. “I don’t know, I—” His voice sounded so conflicted, so panicked Philip only wanted to reach for him, pull him into a hug and never let go.
“How can’t you know?” Rose asked, an eyebrow raised and her arms crossed.
It didn’t seem to help Lukas panic in the slightest. “I don’t know! I don’t want to be this way! I don’t want to like guys, but I do, and I like Philip, and I just can’t…”
“I just don’t understand how you can’t know.”
“It’s not that simple,” Philip said, now turning to look at Rose. “Sexuality isn’t black and white, and it’s not easy to understand, and you can’t always just put it in a category, or lock it up in a box.”
“You can’t tell anyone,” Lukas said, now sounding desperate. “Rose, please, you can’t tell anyone.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You just cheat—”
“That’s not nice,” Philip interrupted her. “I get you’re probably mad at us right now, but you can’t just tell people something like that. I thought you liked him? Do you really want to hurt him?”
Rose squinted at him, looking like she was trying to decide what to do. “Fine, I won’t tell. For now.”
Philip didn’t like the way she added “for now”, but Lukas breathed out a sigh of relief, so he figured it was fine for the moment.
“But I’m definitely breaking up with you.”
Lukas winced, but said, “Yeah, that’s … I figured you would.”
After that, Rose only stayed for a moment before she left. Philip stayed for a while longer, trying to assure Lukas things would be alright in the end. When he had to leave in the evening Lukas wasn’t as panicked, but he still checked in with a text before he went to bed that night. He needed Lukas to stay calm about it, so he could stay safe. He didn’t want a repeat of the first time they were up on the school roof.