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“You’re just gonna keep lying to yourself?“
“Look, I’m sorry I’m not a fairy like you, alright?”
…,
Steve Harrington is a lot of those things, but sorry isn’t one of them.
He’s not in the wrong. All he did was tell the truth, so why should he apologize? If anyone should be sorry, it’s Eddie Munson for even insisting that Steve’s anything but as straight as they come.
• • • • • • •
Sitting on the cold floor of the WSQR radio station, Robin scoffs dramatically, twirling locks of Steve’s hair around in her fingers as his head rests in her lap.
“Why can’t you just go and say sorry to him? You know I love you, but if Eddie of all people is giving you the cold shoulder, then you’re probably the problem.”
Steve grunts uncomfortably, grimacing at the mere idea of that stupid 5 letter word. “No, Rob. Y’don’t understand this time, trust me. I’m the furthest thing from ‘the problem’ .” He throws air quotes over the word, mimicking Robin in a high-pitched voice.
“Okay, then why don’t you tell me what this argument was about? Maybe I can help you out..”
Steve crosses his arms and looks away, scoffing dramatically, “Like you could even call it an argument.”
As Robin notices the last song finally coming to an end, she gently pushes Steve up and hops to her feet. “You’re not 17 anymore babe, you not acknowledging your friend ruins the whole group, we can’t even go out anymore and it’s SUMMER.” She makes a big theatrical hand motion over her head before unmuting her microphone. “..And that’s all folks! I hope to hear you tuning in with me tomorrow morning, Rockin’ Robin out.”
With a labored sigh, Steve pulls himself up, already pushing the door open for Robin.
The ride home was silent. Well, silent on Steve’s end at least. Robin, like always, is rambling about anything and everything. Steve pieces together that she was saying something about her plans for the night, but he really couldn’t bother to pay attention to it.
Finally, the car comes to a halt in front of the Buckley residence, and Robin swiftly grabs all of her belongings and steps out of the car.
Before shutting the door, she leans inside, reaching out to pinch at Steve’s cheek. “Promise me you’ll try and talk to him?”
Steve responds with a tight smile. “Love you, Rob.”
Robin rolls her eyes, pushing her index finger against his face. “Love you too, dingus.”
• • • • • • •
Steve doesn’t bother to look at the cover of the record he’s putting in his player.
When the lights go down on the city And the sun shines on the bay,
Steve lets the music drown his thoughts out. All of his vinyls are out of date and hardly his style, gifts from his father from each vacation he wasn’t invited to. He falls into his bed, immediately ruining the neatly dressed sheets.
For some odd reason, he can’t get Robins voice out of his head. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he should apologize.., But he didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not a queer, as far as he’s aware. Sure, he and Eddie mess around, but it’s not like any of it means anything. Eddie said so himself.
“Just so you know, I’m not, like…” Steve sputtered, “I’m not.. I’m just a little lonely, yeah? I think we both are..”
“Don’t sweat it, big boy. I’ve done this with… ‘straight’ guys before, I understand. Our little secret, kay?” Eddie coos, tugging steve by the collar into his bedroom, methodically pulling the door shut behind them.
In all honesty, he did miss Eddie. A lot. He missed his friend, and he missed messing around with him.
Eddie’s really the only adult he’s visited all summer (not counting Robin), whether it was just to smoke and talk or for a quick fuck. Eddie means something to him.
God, maybe he is in the wrong.
Steve runs a hand through his thick locks, groaning uncomfortably. He grabs a side of his sheets and rolls over, engulfing himself in the blankets.
It’s fine. if he just ignores it, he’ll stop thinking about it.
… Man, is that so much easier said than done.
Eddie’s stupid face won’t out of his head, that dumb, shit-eating grin, those stupid perfect curls..
Fuck.
He has to go see him.
• • • • • • •
Reluctantly, Steve drags himself to his car, starting the engine and heading off to the same trailer park he’s been to more times than his own house this summer.
The drive there felt too short, yet agonizingly long at the same time. Long enough for Steve to regret this and argue with himself atleast ten times, but too short to figure out what to say to Eddie when he gets there.
But, lo and behold, here he is stood outside of the Munson’s trailer with nothing to lose. He took a quick look around the outside. No truck in the yard, just Eddie’s van. Wayne’s still out for work, thank God.
He steps up to the door, staring it as if it’s just told him a secret.
Come on, Steve, just rip off the bandaid already.
He took a deep breath, his Adams apple bobbing nervously as his fist raises and he finally knocks.
As soon as the knock rings out, Steve hears the muffled crashing and clattering of objects and cursing as Eddie presumably scrambles to put some pants on. Steve can’t help but feel a smile tugging at the corners of his lips at the sounds.
After 5 minutes, give or take, of waiting, the door opens just a crack, a lock chain keeping it a slight three or so inches open. Eddie peers out at Steve, his tired expression immediately darkening Steve offers a weak smile, his voice coming out soft and nervous. “Eddie.” “What do you want?” Eddie snaps, his voice full of venom, his eyes narrow.
“You here to shame me some more? You bring Tommy and Carol with you too?” He sneers.
“Eds, come on-“
“Don’t call me that.”
Steve opens and closes his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He looks down, shaking his head.
Eddie sighs. “Get out of here, man, I don’t wanna deal with you today.” He begins to close the door, but Steve presses his hand to it, not allowing him to be closed out.
“No, Eddie, I came here to talk to you so that’s what I’m gonna do.”
Eddie pauses, and looks at Steve. Really looks at him. He notices his tired eyes and worried expression that looks as if it’s been painted on. he notices his hair askew and unkept, though it’s usually perfectly styled. Eddie is frozen, a mix of shock and surprise. He sighs, closing his eyes.
“Give me a second.”
Eddie closes the door, and Steve can hear him fumbling with the lock.
He opens the door slowly, blocking Steve’s path inside with his arm. “You better make this quick, Harrington, you hear? I promise you I’m not in the mood for your bullshit.” Eddie backs away, finding his way to the sunken in, stained couch, his body slouched carelessly. He leans back into the couch, digging into his pockets and fishing out a sad looking cigarette. He grabs a lighter painted with a busty woman in a bikini from the coffee table. He brings the cigarette to his lips in a mesmerizing fashion, closing his eyes to take a long, low drag and exhaling with two quick coughs. “I don’t have all day, Steve.”
Steve shakes his head, closing his eyes for a moment, flustered. “Yeah, right, sorry.” He takes a breath.
“I don’t really know how to say this. I’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but, I guess, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what exactly?” Eddie shoots back, Looking down at his lighter, thumbing at the woman’s face.
Steve scoffs. “You know what, Eddie, come on.”
“I want to hear you say it.” Eddie locks eyes with Steve, his deep brown eyes boring into Steve’s with a horrific intensity.
Steve looks at Eddie, his nostrils flaring in frustration. “Okay, I’m… sorry for saying that stuff about you.”
Eddie’s eyes darken. He presses his cigarette into the waist of his jeans, the ash falling into his lap. “What stuff, Steve?”
“Why are you acting like this?”
Eddie pushes himself out of his seat, standing up and waltzing over to his bedroom, kneeling down to search through a cabinet. “Do you know what it feels like, Steve?” Eddie shouts through the open door, the sounds of objects moving and metal cans being thrown across the room intensifying.
“To be called a queer, a fag..” He peeks out from his room, staring directly at Steve. “A fairy?” Steve just stays still, mouth slightly agape. He takes a slight step towards Eddie, but he doesn’t dare follow him into his room.
“Eddie..” Steve chokes out, to no response.
Eddie eventually walks out, pressing a small pill to his tongue and swallowing.“Anything else you wanna say?”
Steve steps towards him, reaching a hand out to reassuringly grab his shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.” Eddie presses himself to the wall, a grimace on his face. “Wouldn’t want my queer to rub off on you.”
“God, could you quit being dramatic for one second?” Steve snaps.
“Oh, now I’m dramatic?”
“Eddie, please, can you just let me talk?”
His voice is strained, exhausted. He’s tired of arguing, tired of everything.
Eddie pauses. He’s about to snap back, but something in Steve’s tone makes him stop himself.
“I’m sorry, okay? I just… You know how I was raised. You know who I hung out with.”
Eddie nods sarcastically, crossing his arms. “Yeah. I also know you have a lesbian best friend that would be heartbroken if she knew what you said to me.”
“I know, Eddie, fuck. You think I don’t realize that? I messed up, I’m fucking…”
“I’m so sorry.” Steve’s voice breaks slightly, he looks as far away from Eddie as he can. “I’m… God, I don’t know what I am anymore. I’m just not ready to.. admit with myself that I’m a.. that I’m..” He exhales a shaky sigh, shrugging. “But I’m so sorry, man. You’re not.. that. I’m an asshole for lashing out on you.”
He looks back up at Eddie, taking another half-step closer to him. “I.. - hah.. - I need you, Eddie. Honestly, you’re like the most important person in my life right now. I can’t lose you.”
“…and, I can’t lie, I miss my fuck buddy.”
Steve admits wearily, rubbing the back of his neck.
For a while, It’s silent.
Eddie just stares, not quite sure what to say or do.
His lips tremble as if he’s about to say something but instead he scoffs, pulling Steve by the back of his head and shoving his lips against his. The kiss is harsh, desperate, hungry. Like they’ve never needed something quite so bad before.
Steve doesn’t hesitate a second, his hands immediately dropping to Eddie’s waist, breathing him in like it’s natural. They’re a tangle of hair and sweat, both desperately grabbing to hold onto anything as it deepens, Eddie practically scraping the roof of Steve’s mouth with his tongue.
They pull apart, a string of saliva following. The pair are out of breath and disheveled.
Eddie tucks a piece of hair behind Steve’s ear, his hand lingering on his temple for just a moment too long. They watch each other, still held in a warm embrace.
He shakes his head, exhaling a weary partial laugh. “Fine, you’re forgiven, whatever, but we have a lot we need to talk about.”
A soft, warm smile breaks onto Steve’s lips. Though he’s hesitant, he responds in a slow, understanding nod, pulling them closer together.