Work Text:
"I love you.”
“I know, malysh. I know you do. That’s not what I said.”
“But you said- “
“I said you have feelings for him.”
“I- “
Shane wasn’t sure how they ended up in this situation. Wasn’t sure how many wrong turns he must have taken to end up here. Couldn’t possibly fathom that he would ever look at Ilya, his partner, and try to reassure him that he still loved him, while raw and unfiltered fear coursed through his body and made his blood run hot and cold at the same time.
His ears were ringing, and he was pretty sure his hands were shaking, too. Ilya’s words barely landed, even as his voice stayed soft, reassuring. Soothing.
How did they end up like that?
Truth to be told, Shane had a pretty good idea how they had ended up with Ilya pointing out that he had feelings for Luca that went beyond camaraderie or friendship. He had been so gentle, so careful with it, too, but the panic still had him in a chokehold now.
It wasn’t that Shane had planned on falling for Luca. Then again, did anyone ever plan this kind of thing?
It was just that Luca had so easily made him feel welcome, made him feel like he belonged. He was always so kind, always happy and willing to listen, to support. After every dinner invitation, he was the one who stayed and helped clean up, no matter how often they told him he didn’t have to.
Sometimes, Shane watched Luca – on the ice, or when he was focused on one of his drawings, or really just when he was talking to others – he saw parts of Ilya in him. Anything he did, he did wholeheartedly and with a razor-sharp focus, the same kind he had admired in Ilya from the start.
Other times, he watched Luca, and he noticed all the ways he wasn’t like Ilya. Softer around the edges. Not quiet, never that, but calmer somehow. More balanced, more at ease. No less confident, but less vocal about it. Being in his presence felt a lot like peace.
Not that it didn’t feel this way with Ilya.
And that was the problem.
Every time Shane thought about Luca – and he did that a lot lately – he inadvertently tried to compare him to Ilya. Like he needed to prove to himself that everything he liked about Luca, he found in Ilya, too.
Only, he did not.
Not in that lacking way. Not like he was missing anything. Like there was an empty space that needed to be filled.
But if there wasn’t, if he was happy with Ilya – and he was, he was, he was – then how did these feelings fit into his life? His heart?
If he loved Ilya, why did this feel like betrayal?
“Shane.”
Ilya’s voice was so incredibly soft, so endlessly tender, trying to get to him, through the haze of his panic, the noise of his fears.
“It’s okay. I am not upset,” Ilya reassured him now, and that helped, just a little.
“I feel the same.”
The words felt like he had accidentally touched a live wire. His head shot up, and he looked at Ilya with wild, wide eyes.
“What?”
“I said- “ Ilya slowly exhaled, “I feel it too, Shane.”
Of all the things Ilya could have possibly said, all the ways he could have reacted to figuring out Shane’s feelings for their teammate – Shane could not have reckoned this, not even in his wildest dreams.
“You…you what?” Shane didn’t mean to keep repeating the same question, but his brain was still trying to play catch-up, and this felt more and more like he had accidentally slipped into a different reality.
“Yes, Shane. I like him too. Like that. I wanted to be sure you feel it too, before bringing it up, to not scare you,” Ilya almost smirked now and shook his head to himself.
“Obviously did not work. You’re still having a panic attack about it. Sorry,” he looked at Shane now, who was staring back at him in that familiar way that said more than words ever could.
“I am not- “, but Shane stopped himself because Ilya wasn’t wrong. He rarely ever was.
“It’s okay,” Ilya soothed him, “It’s scary, yes?”
Shane gave him a slow nod, trying to take a deep, steadying breath.
“I do. Love you,” he almost whispered then, and Ilya reached over and gently caressed his cheek with his thumb.
“I know. I love you, too,” he murmured, before leaning in for a kiss that was meant to further soothe, “We can figure this out, okay?”
His question was met with a subtle nod, and Shane leaned into the touch of his hand, briefly closing his eyes, because with Ilya, this felt less like an impossibility. It still scared him more than anything else ever had, but he hoped that whatever came of this wouldn’t end up breaking them apart.
"I read about it."
"About what?" Ilya looked up from his phone screen, turning his attention to Shane.
"Polyamory"
"What?"
"Polyamory. You know. Loving more than one person and all that. You didn't know?"
"No. Not the word. Poly...amory"
"I figured if we do this. If we consider this...we should do this right,” Shane looked over at Ilya in bed, gauging his reaction.
“Of course,” Ilya replied, and Shane rolled his eyes, knowing Ilya still liked to lovingly tease him about his tendency to do research when feelings got too hard, too complicated.
“So, polyamory,” Ilya softened, gently encouraging him to share his thoughts with him. That’s how they worked – Ilya pretending to be annoyed, but ultimately grateful for Shane’s due diligence.
“Yeah, there are different relationship models. Assuming we both…like Luca. And he likes both of us back. That would be a triad. Closed if it’s just us, open if Luca also wants to see someone else,” Shane carefully explained, waiting for Ilya to process this new information.
“Triad,” Ilya repeated, testing the word on his tongue, sniffing once as he let this new knowledge settle.
“So, we would all be together, yes?”
“Yeah. I mean, if that’s what we want,” Shane nodded, searching Ilya’s eyes for confirmation, and maybe reassurance, too.
“And if that is what Luca wants,” Ilya gave him a slow nod and noticed Shane tense up, if only a little.
“How…how do we even ask him about this? I mean, we are…us. I don’t want to scare him or think he has to say yes to anything,” Shane rambled a little now.
“Relax, it’s not a marriage proposal.”
“Not funny, Ilya. If we talk to him about this, he has to know he can say no without repercussions.”
“Of course. We meet somewhere, what is it, neutral, yes?”
Shane considered this for a moment before agreeing.
“Yeah, we probably should do that. And if he says he’s interested-“ Shane paused and looked at Ilya again, really looked at him.
“Ilya, this is important. If he is interested, we can ask him on a date, okay? No funny stuff,” he was aware that it wasn’t entirely fair to Ilya, but his anxiety sometimes made him spell out the obvious parts anyway.
“Funny stuff,” Ilya raised an eyebrow at him, knowing fully well what Shane meant.
“Ilya.”
“Fine. No sex.”
“Thank you.”
“A date, hmm? So, this is serious?”
“Shut up.”
Asking Luca to join them for lunch turned out to be even more nerve-wracking than anticipated. In the end, Shane had been so anxious that he had to let Ilya handle the situation, which did little to soothe Luca’s nerves in turn, no matter how much Ilya assured him it was a friendly invitation.
As they got ready for the meeting, Ilya had to keep Shane from wearing something too formal, though he briefly entertained the thought, remembering the night Shane had confessed to initially wearing a suit before their first hook-up.
“Again, not a marriage proposal, okay? Not even a plan to fuck,” Ilya tried to soothe his nerves, earning himself another eye roll, but Shane still melted into the gentle touch of Ilya’s fingers touching his cheek.
“You will behave, yes?”
“I will be on my best behaviour, malysh,” Ilya grinned and leaned in for a final kiss before it was time to go.
The meeting was, initially, a bit awkward, if only for the fact that Shane was visibly nervous and overcompensating, until Ilya cracked a few jokes and made them order food first, because he wasn’t going to have this conversation on an empty stomach.
They were almost done with their meals, though Shane was mostly picking at his now, when Ilya decided he might as well gently steer the conversation into the desired direction.
In hindsight, he should have known better. Should have waited until Luca had finished eating.
Because what started out with “We noticed you looking at us” and “I saw the way Shane was looking at you” was then followed by “We like you, Luca. Both of us. As more than friends. And we wanted to see if- “
Ilya did not get to finish that sentence because that’s when Luca started choking on a bite of his food, much to Shane’s horror. He quickly got up to pat Luca on the back, waiting for the coughing fit to pass, reminding him to drink something as soon as it felt safe to do so.
“Sorry about that. We didn’t mean to scare you. But there isn’t exactly a script for this kind of thing, you know,” Shane apologised, and Luca nodded, still recovering from the initial shock.
“We understand this might be a bit, or a lot, of a surprise. And if we are wrong about our suspicions that you might be interested too, there will be no hard feelings. This won’t affect our friendship or relationship as teammates,” Shane elaborated, and glanced at Ilya.
“We can walk out of here and still be just friends,” Ilya affirmed, and Luca looked back and forth between them, probably wondering if he was dreaming all of this for a hot second.
“One more thing, and then we will stop talking. We are serious about this. We are not looking for something temporary, or- “
“It’s not just about sex, is what he wants to say,” Ilya tried to help, and thank goodness Luca wasn’t eating or drinking anything this time around.
“Oh. Okay, okay, thanks for that,” he spluttered out, and Shane damn near groaned next to Ilya.
“It’s okay if you need time to think about this,” Shane added, but Luca responded anyway.
“I like you too,” he blurted out, a blush creeping up his cheeks, clearly feeling flustered at the admission.
“Both of you,” he elaborated, and Shane briefly worried that he might pass out in front of them.
“I just…are you sure? Is this? Are you…? Me?” Luca’s mind was short-circuiting now, and Shane knew how to handle that.
“Yes, we are sure. We talked about this for a long time, that’s how sure we are. We would like to see how this could work out. Seriously. And just so you know, this wouldn’t mean that you can’t see other people. You can. But you don’t have to,” Shane softly explained, wanting, needing, Luca to know they weren’t trying to hold him hostage.
“Okay,” Luca breathed out, “But you two,” he looked at them, and Ilya understood immediately.
“We are happy. More than happy. Nothing to fix. Just happened to fall for the same man at the same time,” Ilya smiled now, and Luca’s stomach twisted at those words, but not in an unpleasant way.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, we did not expect it, either,” Shane faintly smiled as well, because even he saw how incredulous this situation must look from the outside.
“But you wouldn’t be a third wheel, Luca. At all. We want this to be equal. If you’re interested in this, that is,” Shane quickly rushed out the last part, not wanting to place any expectations on Luca’s shoulders.
“I am,” Luca replied, maybe a little too quickly, blushing all over again, “It’s just…a lot.”
“We understand that,” Shane nodded, “You can have all the time you want and need to think about it. This has to be your decision and yours alone, but we are happy to answer any questions you might have, no matter when. No matter how long it takes. Until you feel like you have all the information you need to make a decision.”
For the first time since the choking incident, Luca began to relax again, much to Shane’s relief.
“I appreciate that.”
“And if we do this, we would like to take you on dates first. Real dates. No pressure. You set the pace, we follow your lead,” Shane’s voice was gentle and calm, helping ease Luca’s nerves. It made Luca feel safe, even though his brain was still playing catch-up.
“Sounds good,” Luca quietly replied, clearly processing everything now.
“We are going to give you some space to think about everything now. Text us anytime. And no matter what, this will not get between us,” Shane reassured him once more, before turning to Ilya to tell him to go pay their bill so they could get going.
They parted ways with brief but warm hugs, and Ilya smiled as they watched Luca walk towards his car.
“This went well, yes?”
“Except for the sex part, yes.”
“Ah, you can thank me for that.”
“Shut up.”
A week passed.
Then two.
Ilya and Shane kept their promise to keep things normal between them, both during practice and after. They did not ask Luca about whether or not he had made a decision yet, or if he still had questions; they simply gave him the space to figure things out in his own time.
It was towards the end of week three when Shane received a text from Luca.
“He wants to go on a date with us,” Shane looked over at Ilya, who was sprawled out on the couch next to him.
“Awesome,” a slow smile spread across Ilya’s face.
“Wait, fuck. What are we going to do?”
Ilya couldn’t help a soft laugh at that.
“Malysh, you had what? Four weeks? And Mr Plan does not have a plan?”
“Actually, no,” Shane breathed out, shaking his head to himself.
“How about…we go out? Nice, fancy restaurant. And then one of the boring things you enjoy doing together,” Ilya looked amused, but there was no bite to it.
“You like those boring things,” Shane pointed out, and then admitted, “But I like the idea. Something with no pressure. There’s a new exhibition at the art gallery downtown.”
“He likes art. Let’s do that,” Ilya gestured towards Shane’s phone, so he would text Luca back and invite him on a date.
The reply came almost immediately, making Shane smile at his phone, then at Ilya.
“He said yes.”
“This is going to be fun.”
Their first date was nice. Really fucking nice, actually.
Shane had still been nervous, and Ilya had smiled, loving that he got to witness something he hadn’t gotten to witness when they had first hooked up or gone on their first date. Now it was them getting ready for a first date together, and it honestly felt like a gift, especially because they were both looking forward to it.
Dinner went well, with Ilya and Shane asking Luca about his childhood in Switzerland and his recent drawings and interests outside of those. Luca, in turn, slowly warmed up to them and dared to ask them some questions about their first dates and what else they enjoyed doing around Ottawa.
As it turned out, Luca also ended up loving the art exhibition they had picked, happily sharing his thoughts and some fun facts about various artists and painting styles, finding himself a captive audience in both Ilya and Shane. Ilya already loved it whenever Shane shared something with him, and he found it just as endearing with Luca. Shane could heavily relate to knowing everything about something and was happy to learn something new along the way.
By the end of their date, Luca was relaxed and smiling, the lingering anxiety from the beginning of their date having melted away as the evening had gone on.
They were standing outside of the gallery again, the air chilly but not quite cold yet, the sun already having set some time ago.
For a brief moment, they looked at each other, wordlessly.
Unexpectedly, it was Shane who spoke up first.
“I…I would really like to kiss you. If that’s…if that’s okay for- “ he didn’t even get to finish his sentence.
“Yes. Yeah, it is,” Luca nodded, blushing faintly in a way that made him look softer, in a way that made Shane’s heart flutter all over again.
Ilya held his breath as he watched Shane close the distance between him and Luca, pausing briefly to look into his eyes, really look into them, before gently pressing his lips against Luca’s for the first time.
Both of their eyes closed, just for a moment, Luca’s lips pliant against Shane’s as he let the sensation wash over him.
There was a small noise, Ilya wasn’t sure who it had come from, but he felt something twist inside of his chest as he witnessed their kiss. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t even deep, but it was still tender. Gentle. So endlessly loving.
Luca still looked flustered when Shane pulled away again, and then his eyes landed on Ilya. Not expectantly, just wondering.
Ilya traded places with Shane, not demanding, just offering.
“Okay?” He asked, and Luca nodded, just once.
Only then did Ilya lean in as well, kissing the very same lips Shane had kissed only moments ago. Next to him, Shane had an equal revelation to the one Ilya had when he had watched them kiss.
The kiss was different, but no less careful, and Luca sighed against Ilya’s lips, eyes closing once more. Ilya added a second, smaller kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling away with a smile that radiated joy.
“Okay?” He asked again, still smiling.
“Perfect. Thank you,” Luca smiled right back at them.
“No, thank you,” Shane softly retorted, because no words could possibly convey the gratitude he felt in this very moment.
It might just have been one date.
It might just have been two kisses.
They still felt it - the change, the universe shifting and expanding around them, making space for their love, making space for something they wouldn’t have known how to ask for, but something they would need to thank the lucky stars for, after all.