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I'm hurrying through the city with my mad skills- dodging pedestrians, avoiding tourist traps and all their bullshit traffic and keeping my shoes clean of any dodgy sidewalk mess, at least until I get to where I'm going. The cold drizzle from overhead doesn't bother me any, but I'm not trying to let these pizza boxes get wet. I've got some real hungry mutant pals and a hardworking gal to feed.
After just another few minutes of trying to run between the rain drops, I spot the familiar storefront. Balancing the boxes with one arm lets me throw the door wide open. A bell jingles overhead.
"Don't nobody come help me with this or nothin'! I'm only carryin' like a dozen pies all by my lonesome!" I holler to let them know the chow's arrived.
"Just put them on the coffee table, Casey! We'll be out in a sec!" April's voice drifts from the backroom.
Well, the lady does know best so I set the boxes down.
"Hey, Case, ya' remember ta' grab me that new buffalo chicken pizza?" Raph asks. The way he sniffs the air reminds me of being drug-dogged back in high school.
"Can't ya' smell it, dude? Even got tha' extra blue cheese ya' asked for and ya' know that sh-stuff stinks."
I look around for Master Splinter. It's not like I'm really his kid, but I don't feel like getting put on dish duty for cussing a blue streak.
"Casey, what the shell? You're dripping on the floor! Did you swim the Hudson to get here?" Leo scolds with a face like he's been sucking on a lemon. Somehow he still manages to look like a prize.
Bending over the pizza boxes, I throw a winning smile over my shoulder and whip my jacket off where it's been shielding dinner like a magician pulling the classic tablecloth trick.
"Ta-da!" I announce with an exaggerated bow.
Leonardo just shakes his head at me, pretending he's not impressed with my showmanship. Whatever, one of these days I'll figure out what it takes to charm that guy.
"I'm getting you a towel and some dry clothes," he says before heading toward the backroom.
Raphael only shrugs at me in response to the exchange.
"Hey, at least tha' pizzas are dry?" I call out, but Leo doesn't answer.
"Ya' sorta are remindin' me of tha' last time ya' dove off the docks away from some goons," Raph observes as his green eyes search me up and down. Would a wink be coming on too strong?
I must take too long to decide because the moment passes.
Eventually Leo reappears with a clean-ish pair of sweat pants which is fine, cozy even. Although we do end up having a small disagreement about the shirt he's managed to dig up.
"It's clean and it fits you, just put it on, Jones!"
"There's no way I'm fuckin' cross-dressin' ta' dinner, Leonardo! I know that's April's shirt, ya' know that's April's shirt and so will everybody else! Ain't happenin', dude!"
"Cross-dressing? It's just a t-shirt! Just put it on, you're soaked to the bone!"
Sometimes it's strangely easy to forget that my best friends are a couple of mutant turtles - that they can't really understand what it's like to be a regular dude from the kind of neighborhood where certain kinds of stuff guarantees you a beat-down in a dark alley.
"Nuh-uh, ya' just don't get it, Lee. Casey Jones ain't a hater, but that. Ain't. Happenin." Folding my arms over my bare chest, I glare down at him so he knows I'm serious.
****
So anyway, April manages to scrounge up some baggy top she got for donating blood. With a roll of her eyes, she tells me that she's never worn it. Part of me wonders what that'd be like- not just being able to shove brand new clothes on a shelf and forget about them, but being able to donate blood. A few years ago selling plasma had sounded like a good way to make some grocery money, but I'd quickly found out that if the red tape won't let you do one, then it'll probably also stop you from doing the other.
It's whatever, though.
There's warm food waiting tonight and plenty of it doesn't have that weird mold cheese on it.
"So, what's on the agenda for the evening?" Leo seems to ask everybody at the table once we've all grabbed a plate.
"Raph and I are gonna watch some hockey fight compilations! Ya' want in on it?" I ask eagerly. Lee's absolutely no slouch when it comes to fighting, but maybe enjoying a little bloodsport would help him unwind. At least until I can convince him to try something a little more hand's-on.
Dude's always walking around looking like he carries the weight of the world on his shell.
"I wish you would chew your food before you talk," Donnie chimes in out of nowhere.
But nobody asked him, so I take a big bite of pizza and pull an open-mouthed face at my pal. Beside him, Michelangelo laughs like he'll split a rib at the disgust on Dee's face.
Master Splinter shakes his head silently.
"What's the point of just watching the fights if they don't impact the final score?" Leo questions in a tone that indicates he's serious. I have so much to teach this guy.
"Because they're bad-ass, man!" Raph exclaims and it's nice to know at least one of them gets it.
Plus, is Leo serious right now? What's the point of watching a couple of well-built dudes smacking each other around, all aggressive and shit like they're drowning in testosterone? Who's he trying to fool?
Now I wouldn't say my buddy is obvious, but if he'd been a human in my old school, he would've had a target painted on his back. Kids have a way of clocking us odd ducks long before we realize we don't belong with the rest of the flock.
Donnie must've forgotten to turn off the police scanner he's built out of this and that because the thing is suddenly crackling.
Raph's on his feet before I've even registered just what's coming through the speakers.
"Ten-thirty ten-nineteen at 160 Grant Avenue, officers respond," dispatch mutters sounding bored.
"Aw, hell, Carol Anne, isn't that that hippie commune? ?" A gruff voice answers.
"Sure is. Can I report officers responding?"
"Yeah, yeah. We'll go make sure nobody steals a feminazi collage," The donut-guzzler responds, clearly in no hurry to get anywhere.
"Grab ya' shit, Case and we'll go check it out," Raph comments jerking his head toward the exit.
"Are we sure that's a-" Leo starts to ask, but is interrupted by April shakily grabbing his arm.
"My friend Afeni has a studio there- she told me she was going to be working late tonight," She says. Her hazel eyes have gone wide.
Leonardo nods seriously at her words.
"Alright, guys, we're going to go make sure no one's hurt. Let's move."
****
"Annie, you BITCH! I know you're hiding out here! Get your ass home before I get mad!"
From where we're we've snuck in the third floor, we've got a bird's eye view of the "attempted burglary" the cops are busy ignoring. Somebody's psycho-ex is throwing a tantrum in the hippie-ass art commune. Knocking over paintings and kicking through doors. Whoever Annie is, she's not here and I hope she's hopped a bus out of town.
This loser reeks like my father on payday, but luckily there doesn't seem to be anyone else here to suffer through his stink. April's pal must've already cut out for the night. The empty building doesn't have anyone else to defend it against this washed-up footballer and his more than two-hundred pounds of penis envy.
"Annie, I'm gonna- I'm gonna put my foot through your ass if you show your ugly fuckin ' face, you ugly fuckin' bitch!" Psycho-ex wails and then sucker-punches a wall like the badass he is.
"I can't imagine why someone would leave such a great guy," Donnie comments sarcastically, but it's clear the loser's really starting to piss him off.
"I'm gonna kick his fuckin' ass! Let's see what this asshole does against somebody who can hit back!" Raph growls.
"Fuck yeah," I answer and give my weapon a warmup spin. My buddy's got a real mind for plans. It's probably part of what's making me crush on him so damn hard.
"No- the police are already on the way. We're just keeping an eye out for civilians," Leo orders.
I roll my eyes so he knows that's some bullshit.
"Ya' know they ain't in a hurry and he's fuckin' destroyin' tha' place in his little hissy fit! I say we give him a taste of his own medicine!"
Not feeling like sticking around to find out how long those two can debate NYPD response times, I go ahead and jump down to the ground floor. Despite my best efforts, I must not stick the landing the way I want because psycho-asshole immediately whips around to stare me down.
Whatever. All I need is half a second and my Louisville Slugger will guarantee Annie at least a month's head-start away from this particular mistake.
As I'm leaning my weight into my back foot, preparing to take a swing that'd make DiMaggio jealous, I hear it - a distinctly metallic click. Fuck if I know why, but my blood instantly turns to ice and my feet freeze to the ground like a Freshman trying to ask a Senior to the Prom.
It's not the first time I've had a gun barrel pointed directly at my head, but honestly I can't say I appreciate the way the way this jerkoff's hand is shaking.
"Is that a gun in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?" I ask loudly, just in case the guys can't see the piece from however they're angled.
"Who the fuck are you?! Are you the dick who's been fucking my girl?"
Man, this loser just cannot catch a clue, so I decide to throw him one.
"She ain't ya' girl, anymore, dipshit."
From somewhere above me, I hear a metallic clatter.
"Who's there?! Annie, you fucking tease, get ya' ass out here!" He hollers, looking around wildly and the gun follows in his hand just like in a bad cop show.
That's my opening.
My bat cracks into the side of his skull, just as one of Raph's sai knocks the pistol from his clammy grip.
Almost instantly, Leo's on top of my would-be murderer. I know my friend can kick some serious ass, but damn! He's really fucking this guy up.
Should somebody stop him?
"Oh, fuck, fuck- let me go you- you fucking freak!" The asshole heaves out, despite needing to pause between words to cough up blood.
Actually, fuck that dude.
"Leo! Leo, stop! He's done! He's down, Leo!" Donatello shouts grabbing onto Leo's shoulders.
"Let 'em go! We oughta kill tha' fucker! He nearly put a bullet in Casey's fuckin' skull!" Raphael growls and shoves Donnie.
"Whoah, dudes! Chill! It's not the first time somebody's pointed a gun at me or nothin," I interject, hoping to stop my pals from turning on each other. Nothing that happened here tonight is worth them turning on each other over.
My words have the intended effect of stopping the in-fighting, plus the unintended effect of causing Raph and Leo to turn and look at me like I've grown a second head.
"What? Do I got somethin' on my face?" I ask before trying to wipe my mouth with my jacket sleeve, only to remember I'm wearing my hockey mask.
"Let's just get home before the cops finally show, hermanos," Mikey says, ignoring my question.
"Sounds good to me," I answer before kicking that loser once more for good luck.
****
Leo and Raph are still acting strangely hours later.
I've tried to explain to them a few times that I gotta get home and take care of my dad, but they don't seem to hear me. Or rather, they're tuning me out. Either way we end up on the couch with some MMA fight as background noise. I must've been more tired than I realized because I doze off pretty quickly smoshed onto the couch between their shells.
"…wake him up!"
"Isn't that the point?"
"He's …needs more time!"
"…footing…long enough!"
For once I don't dream, just float peacefully listening to my pals bicker. Sometimes they remind me of my Gramps and Gran the way they're always fighting like cats and dogs, only to end up on the exact same page at the end of it all.
School was never really my bag, but for a couple of reptiles these two are surprisingly warm and it's easy to relax knowing they're sitting watch.
It's unclear what wakes me up a few hours later. All the lights have gone off in the shop and somebody's snoring like a freight train passing through.
There's a pressure around my legs like they've been tied together which makes it hard to move. I try to kick whatever I'm tangled up in off, only to be grabbed tighter.
"Go ta' sleep, Case," a familiar voice rumbles in response to my movement.
My attempts to push myself arms are futile too. Somehow my arms are pinned to my body and try as I might they don't seem to be going anywhere.
"Shhhh, Casey, shhhh…" A voice whispers in my ear, warm breath tickling the on-switch in my brain.
I tell myself not to panic. This isn't a big deal. It's just the two guys who I've been crushing on for months- who happen to be brothers and some of my only friends- have decided that it's naptime and I'm a teddy bear.
Fuck.
Raphael decides the middle of my not panicking is a great time to readjust his hold on my legs. His strong arms pull me closer, wrapping me up so tight. Leo's leaning his head atop mine and it's just too much… My heart beats faster as I struggle to recall the last time I was held like this.
It was probably in the backseat of a car.
I might have gotten paid at the end of it.
Okay, I just need to get off this couch without popping a boner in these goddamn sweatpants. There'd be no hiding that, even if Raphael wasn't practically faceplanted in my crotch.
Not for the first time I wonder if I should wear a jockstrap when we go out to kick ass.
"Psst, Leo, dude! Wake up!" I hiss.
"Nooooo, just go to sleep Casey, we just got you here," The older turtle mumbles.
"Man, what the hell are ya' talkin' about? Let me up, dude, I gotta go!" My head shakes as I answer.
With a grunt, Leo releases my arms and straightens up.
"Raph! Raphael, wake up! Casey's trying to leave!"
Instead of the expected result of the big dummy letting go, Raphael's grip seems to turn to steel.
"Well, tell him ta' shut up an' go ta' sleep!"
"I can hear ya', ya' big loser! I've got shit ta' do at home, get up!" I growl.
"No."
"No? What tha' fuck do ya' mean 'No'? I can damn well leave-"
"I mean, 'No!' Casey, we had ta' watch some asshole hold a gun ta' ya' stupid head tonight, so for fuckin' once, ya' gonna stay right where ya' ass belongs- here with us!" Raphael explodes tossing my legs to the side and getting right up in my face.
I'm about to run my mouth, when he fixes me with a look I've never seen on him before. His mouth set grimly and his voice shakes.
I'd forgotten what it was like to have someone who worries about me.
"Raph, buddy, c'mon, ya' gotta know that's not tha' first time somebody's pulled a piece on me! It's really not a big deal!" I try to reason.
"It is to us," Leo whispers.
Like always, the fight roars up within me. On one side of the ring there's hope and on the other, there's reality.
"Yeah, well, that ain't my problem. Keep fighting long enough and ya'll figure it out. Now-"
"Why does it have to be a problem?" Leo asks gently placing his head back atop mine.
"Wha-? I mean, it's not a problem. It's just…"
"So ya' don't have any problem with us giving a shit about ya'? " Raph cuts me off and I have no idea how I'm meant to answer.
"Maybe even caring about you…?" Leo chimes in.
Suddenly my hands are sweaty and if Raph wasn't holding onto my legs again like they're the only thing keeping him on the damn planet, I'd be halfway out the door.
"Ugh, I- I mean, I care about ya' guys too. We're bros, but I've had about all I can handle with the mushy shit," I manage to push out.
"Bros? We wanna fucking date ya', ya' knucklehead," Raph answers loosening his grip just enough to cast his dark eyes toward mine.
This can't be real.
I'm dreaming.
There's no universe in which…
"Dude, that's not fuckin' funny!" I growl back.
"It wasn't meant ta' be! We give a shit about you! We want ya'!"
"Is that really so hard to believe?" Leo asks and it feels like my heart is cracking in my chest.
"But- but you're brothers?"
"Got a problem with that, Jones?" Raph demands.
"No," I answer because honestly I don't. It's actually kinda hot.
"Then what? Ain't ya' into us?"
"Dudes, ya' can't actually want me," I object. It's so obvious, anyone should be able to see it.
"What? Ya think it's some other crazy-ass vigilante we've been goin' crazy crushing on?" Raph counters.
I shrug.
"Maybe you should just say 'Yes' and trust us to have your back," Leo says wrapping his arms around me and leaning me backwards. My head pressing against his chest allows me to hear his heartbeat.
I close my eyes and let the steady rythm wash over me for a minute. Until it starts to feel natural- like a part of me. I could love listening to their heartbeats if they would let me.
Held.
Cared for.
Treated like someone worth worrying about.
I let my lips fall open.
"Yes," I whisper.
The rest will just have to fall into place.
My buddies have always got my back.
End.