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It took around a week for Qifrey, after the extraction of the silverwood, to recover enough to be back to his usual routines. Or at least just enough, so neither Olruggio nor the girls would scold him for not taking care of himself anymore. Because he definitely wasn't in perfect shape just yet, but sitting around wasn't something he was used to.
The moment he was graciously allowed to get out more, he decided to march straight to the kitchen and make something nice for all of them. For their efforts, it's the least he could do. So when they got back and he could serve them dinner and see their smiles, he felt his chest fill up with joy.
It made him stop, and catch himself, anxiety rising and slithering under his skin like the branches that once resided in his body. They weren't there anymore of course, but he was so accustomed to the feeling, it was hard to switch it off.
There was a part of him that wondered if, even after all of this, he would be able to be free. Will he finally be able to feel comfort and happiness to its fullest? It felt discouraging, to a certain degree, how his body tensed at the slightest positive feeling blooming in his chest. In some way it also angered him. He worked all his life for this, and when he finally got to the finish line, to the point where he was free form his curse at last — he couldn't enjoy it.
"Master Qifrey?"
Coco's voice broke him out of the rushing thoughts, that he's apparently been drowning himself in for a while. Just sitting there while they all talked and ate.
He blinked, face turning to her, "yes?" There was a tinge of shame that prickled under his skin, knowing he wasn't really listening to the conversation. His cheeks became rosy in seconds.
Her eyes shined in that concern, that was never as subtle as she was trying to make it to be. But he would have been lying if he said he didn't appreciate her honesty.
"I've asked about how you're feeling today." She scooted her chair closer to him.
Looking up he could see the others also had their attention fully on him. It made him feel anxious again. Only now he realised his vision was slightly blurry, despite the glasses sitting on his nose. "I'm—"
Tetia jumped from her seat, interrupting him. "If you're feeling under the weather we will clean up Master! You can rest!"
Next to her, Aggot and Richeh nodded in agreement. Olruggio glanced at him knowingly, but stayed quiet otherwise, his fingers drumming on the table absently.
"Girls, there's no need for all that," he tried reassuring them. "I've been feeling better for a while now, I promise." He was also going crazy being confined to the four walls of his room. But he wouldn't say that out loud.
None of them seemed entirely convinced. That's why, despite his best efforts, the girls decided to clean up and have their hand at making something for dessert. Both of the men let them, occasionally making sure they wouldn't burn down the kitchen.
"I know you're just restless, but they're right. You shouldn't push yourself too much." Olruggio reached to brush a few strands of Qifrey's hair out of his face, fingers ghosting over his cheek. "You have a tendency to do that after all."
He didn't answer, couldn't really. A shiver that ran through his whole body made him freeze. His body and mind were torn between the usual habits and the knowledge he didn't need them anymore. Not even starting with how Olruggio was looking at him; Qifrey felt entirely not prepared for his own feelings at the moment.
He exhaled, not realizing he was holding his breath in the first place. "I'm fine."
And then a plate of adorable looking muffins was placed on the table next to them by the girls. Each of them explaining their creations and reasons for choosing the specific flavour combos and Qifrey could feel the smile growing on his face.
In all honestly, the consequences of him being freed from his curse were less dire than he anticipated. At least in the more physical sense. There was the thought at the back of his head, where he feared he would lose his sight completely, but it didn't really happen. His vision got worse, but a new glyph on his glasses and he was basically good to go. Even though without them he was practically blind, it was manageable.
What wasn't manageable were his feelings constantly contradicting themselves.
The sliverwood left this emptiness in his body that made him crave closeness to others. Whenever the girls hugged him or Olruggio put a hand on his shoulder or back, he leaned into the touch. Sometimes the feeling was so intense he wanted to almost crawl into their skin, which terrified him.
And the fear was not only due to how foreign or how intense it was, but also because the anxiety he was so used to didn't want to disappear. Whenever he relaxed into the touch that others were offering him, his body fought against his brain. He tensed up, breath catching in his throat, alarm bells screaming for him to get away.
And it was frustrating! He was angry at himself for so desperately wanting to just get better, and simply not being able to, even if he tried and tried and tried! It just didn't feel like he was making any progress whatsoever.
How is it that now that he was free form this damned curse, he was worse than before? How was that fair?
He just wanted to stop thinking for a moment.
Qifrey exhaled shakily.
He leaned his elbows against the kitchen table, hiding his face in his hands.
The day went fine, all of his girls were doing great, amazing even, their studies going so smoothly he was sure they would be able to take the next test pretty soon. It was such a wild thought, seeing how far they've come already.
Especially Coco.
With her abundance of enthusiasm and love for magic, she was growing to be an incredible witch. And she inspired the other girls as well. Tetia who grew assured of her dreams, Richeh who grew to understand that she could use normal spells without losing her identity and Agott… Agott who learned that she could rely on others and not be seen as weak.
He was so proud of them.
All these years in the atelier, with Olruggio and the girls, felt like he made a little family for himself.
A real family.
Tears welled up in his eye. He'd never let himself admit to it before, even if the thought was there, buried deep at the back of his mind. He cared about all of them so much it almost hurt and he is finally allowed to let himself do that, but he doesn't know how and—
"Qifrey?"
He sat up so fast he almost made his chair topple back, "H—uh—yes?"
Olruggio stood by the opposite side of the table, eyebrows raised so high he almost couldn't see them under his fringe. "What are you still doing 'ere?"
"I…" Qifrey looked around. The sun was long gone below the horizon, maybe by an hour or two already. The air around was chill and he shivered. "I was just…thinking. Didn't realise it was so late already."
Despite his smile, the other witch seemed unconvinced, stepping closer to him and reaching his hand to swipe his thumb under Qifrey's eye. "More like overthinkin'," he murmured. His body leaned over the table and he playfully rustled his sliver hair. "What's happenin' in that pretty head of yours, hm?"
Qifrey pouted, the skin that Olruggio touched tingled. He wanted him to do that again and more. But was it fair to even ask after all that he's done to him?
They obviously talked about it already, it was one of the first things Qifrey wanted to say after everything. Otherwise he would have gone mad.
And instead of being angry at him, Olruggio — that sweet, amazing man, was more upset with the fact that Qifrey had to deal with all of this alone, rather than lamenting losing his own damn memories.
He remembered crying and telling him how stupid he was for forgiving him so quickly. Because who in their right mind would? Even if it was Olruggio's idea in the first place, he continued doing it for twenty-goddamn-years! It was ridiculous.
"Hey," he poked at Qifrey's face. "Don't go where I can't follow. What's wrong?"
What wasn't wrong?
Qirfey hugged himself, averting his gaze. "I don't know."
He knew, but at the same time, how would he ever explain any of what he's feeling? It was a mess. He was a mess.
A tired mess.
"What do you need Qifrey?"
Need.
He probably needed sleep if he had to be honest. It was late, he was tired and he wished he could curl up in a comfortable, warm bed. But in his current state he wouldn't be able to rest. Not with his wild thoughts and guilt rising to his throat like bile. Not with the need to scratch at his skin until he didn't feel numb anymore.
What he needed now was just— just to be close to someone. Someone who was standing next to him and asking exactly the right questions to make him spiral. Someone who was basically offering him whatever he wanted if he just asked.
"I—maybe—" he huffed, annoyed with his inability to articulate a simple want. It shouldn't be that hard and yet…
"Hey, it's just me," Olruggio smiled. "No need to stress over anythin'."
Of course it was just him.
It was always just him.
Them, together.
Ever since they were kids.
"A hug."
"What?"
"I just want a hug, Olly."
Olruggio stared at him for a while, blinking. Confused. "That all?"
Qifrey nodded.
"Come 'ere then, you idiot." His arms opened, inviting the taller witch in.
And who was he to refuse after that?
He stood from the chair, his body sluggish. With trembling hands he reached to slither them around his shoulders, while feeling the other man's hands on his back. He was so warm. Qifrey's head fell to hide in Olruggio's neck. His body practically melted against him.
"You know you don't really have to ask for a hug," he said softly. "I'm always 'ere."
Qifrey whined, "you can't just…say that."
"I'm bein' honest," Olruggio chuckled.
They weren't sure how long they just stood there, but it must have been a while, because Qifrey was starting to fall asleep. The warmth of Olruggio's body and the soothing movement of his hands on his back was lulling him to sleep.
"I'm thinkin' we should go to bed, don't you?"
He didn't want to move yet. Or ever, really. His arms tightened around Olruggio, the comfortable feeling he was finally getting accustomed to was yet again replaced with anxiety. He hated it. He wanted to feel safe and rest and be warm in the hands of the only person who he trusts with his life the most and to just. Stop. Thinking.
"Qifrey," he whispered, hand moving up to his hair and gently brushing through it. "What is it?"
It felt embarrassing in some way, to even think about admitting how he didn't want to be alone tonight. Not after feeling the addictive warmth of the other man's body and the comfort it could provide. And it felt stupid, because it wasn't the first time they hugged, far from it actually. But it was the first time Qifrey could indulge himself.
"I— I don't—"
"Do you want to sleep together, tonight?"
Qifrey moved away in shock, enough to look at Olruggio, whose face was slowly growing redder by the second.
"What?"
"I—I mean in the same bed! Beside each other! Literal sleeping, sharing a bed!" He stumbled through the explanation, before hiding his face in Qifrey's chest with a groan, "damn it… you know what I mean."
It took another short moment for the taller witch to react, and then he was laughing softly at his friend's misery. "And here I thought you were propositioning me Olly."
"Don't, please," he begged.
"You never know—"
"Qifrey…"
"—maybe I would have agreed."
"You are evil."
Hearing that he yet again he exploded into a fit of giggles. It felt nice.
Olruggio moved to look up at him, "I was genuinely asking though." His tone became more serious, but never lost its softness. "You seemed like you didn' want to let go so…y'know. We can share a bed like we did back when we were younger."
"Olly…are you sure?" his gaze fell away, from the beautiful blue eyes that observed him carefully. But he hoped it was all real and not just a dream. He hoped Olruggio would say he wasn't just joking.
A warm, calloused hand moved to cup his face, getting his attention back to the man in front of him. There was only a soft smile waiting.
"'course I am."
They walked to Olriggio's room hand in hand, reluctant to let each other go.
Qifrey could feel the warmth and roughness of the hand holding his own, leading him. Even if he knew his own hands weren't th softest anymore, Olruggiou's felt much more coarse, worn down over the years by his work and his signature fire spells.
His room was as warm as the man himself, it made it much cosier than it probably should have. In some weird way, the mess all around it added to it's charm. It was nicer than Qifrey's own, that even now was a bit on the empty side. It felt lived in.
"Here."
A nightshirt was pushed in his direction, startling him. He didn't realise he was just standing there, lost in though, for a few minutes now.
"Thought you'd want to be comfortable, without goin' to get your stuff." Olruggio explained simply.
Reaching for it, their fingers brushed together. It was ridiculous that he was hung up on it, considering they just stopped holding hands, and were going to quite literally sleep next to each other. But Qifrey's brain was a mess at the moment and didn't want to overthink any more than he was already doing it.
They changed in a comfortable silence, both of them stealing glances when they thought the other wasn't aware. Olruggio's nightshirt was soft against his body, even if he stull refused to rid himself of his turtleneck. Despite the weeks of being free from his curse, it still felt like a safety blanket he wasn't ready to get rid of just yet.
Qifrey slowly folded his clothes on a neat pile, a certain nervousness slithered itself into his chest. Years of deliberately locking his feelings and desires for closeness were crashing into him at that exact moment. He fiddled with his fingers, wondering if telling the other he actually wanted to go to his room would be okay. But the thought was making him sick. He didn't want to run away anymore.
Olruggio gently grabbed his hands, stopping them from trembling he didn't even noticed himself. He guided them both to his hammock bed, settling between the various pillows and blankets. Everything was warm, comfortable and smelled like the fire witch and Qifrey felt himself almost melting into the bed.
He didn't even register how close he was to falling asleep until he felt his glasses being gently plucked from his nose. His hand instinctively stop up to grab his wrist, stopping him.
"Sorry—"
"N—no, no it's—I—"
"You just looked like you were fallin' asleep so I—"
"It's—I know—"
"—I didn' want them to get damaged and—well…"
Qifrey took a shaky breath. He felt like crying all of the sudden. Or running away. Disappearing. Anything really, to get out of this situation. Because Olruggio was so sweet and Qifrey was so broken and by the stars this man did not deserve to deal with his bullshit.
And yet… here they were.
"Qifrey."
"I'm sorry."
"Hey…"
"I'm sorry," his throat tightened.
"Qifrey—"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry—I—I didn't mean—"
Olruggio gathered him in his arms, shushing him softly. "I know," he said.
"You're too nice to me…"
"You deserve it."
He laughed bitterly, "I really don't."
"You do," Olruggio brushed his hand through Qifrey's hair, the fingernails scratching his scalp. He could feel the other relaxing again under his touch. "You deserve so much and I wish you'd see it finally."
"After all I've done to you?"
The fire witch huffed, "you told me it was my idea in the first place."
"Still…"
"Qifrey, despite everything you did that I wasn't aware of, I do believe I know you enough to see how much of an amazing person you are. Stars, we've know each other for decades!" He moved away, just enough to look him in the eye, his hand moving to cup Qifrey's cheek. "You're kind, caring and an amazing teacher and caretaker for the girls. You've done so much for them over the years, sacrificing your time and health to make sure they are the best versions of themselves. They love you and I…" his voice flattered for a moment, cheeks reddening, but the honest and open expression never leaving his face. "I do too."
Qifrey could feel his eye stinging and vision growing blurry, "Olly, you…" his hand moved to rest on Olruggio's chest and he could feel the hammering of his heart under his fingertips.
Olruggio pressed their foreheads together, eyes finally closing. From embarrassment maybe, or the proximity, either way it didn't stop him from continuing. "Damn it Qifrey, I've cared about you for so long already I don't think anything would make me leave at this point. Even if you begged, you're not getting rid of me, you got it?"
At this point he couldn't keep the tears from flowing anymore. There was so many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't really form any coherent sentence other than a simple, "why?"
Their eyes met again, "I guess…love makes you do stupid things, ay?"
"Very stupid," Qifrey said, voice breaking and becoming a soft sob at the end.
Olruggio brushed the tears away with his hand, whispering soothing words that the water witch couldn't really understand as he cried. He never expected he could have any of this. All his life was just survival, not being sure he would live up to the next day, let alone until he was older. He had to constantly keep himself in check and uncomfortable, otherwise he would literally die. He didn't even let himself dream about the potential of having any of this and yet…
He could now.
And it was equally amazing and terrifying.
"I'm scared," he managed in between the harsh breaths.
"I know."
"I'm so happy, but I'm so—so scared, Olly"
A shadow of a kiss was planted on Qifrey's forehead," I know."
"Every time I relax or feel happy I still—I still feel—like it isn't real. Like I—Every time I wake up I— I'm scared it's just a dream," his fingers were clutched onto Olruggio's shirt, his chest hurt from the anxiety and because he was crying so hard for the first time is so, so long.
"It's going to be okay," he whispered, one hand on his back making soothing motions, the other settled on the nape of Qifrey's neck. He felt him shiver every time he scratched the short hairs with his blunt nails. "You're safe now and I will keep reminding you of this every day if I need to."
Qifrey didn't know what to think anymore. He was tired and stressed and honestly still unconvinced of what ever was happening, but despite all of this Olruggio felt safe and comfortable and slowly, his breath finally evened out.
And maybe, just maybe it was okay for now.