Archive of Our Own

.The past evening as well as the entire past night had felt like one big, confusing fever dream, and now, that the sun had risen over Crossroads and with that also over the sad little apartment in which Medkit lived, the situation didn’t feel any different. 

The evening had been going normal, eventless and depressing as usual, Medkit had been occupying himself with eating a plain dinner, in his thoughts he had already planned to go to the window he had opened and smoke a cigarette, or maybe two after the dinner, somewhat enjoying the warm breeze of the summer evening as the sun had started to set and as clouds started to form on the darkening sky which had yet still been lighted up by the last rays of the burning sun. 

The day had been unbearably hot which had made the few Phights almost an impossible task, especially people like Hyperlaser or Katana who either weren’t used to hot temperatures or who wore heavy gears or heavy attire, had dealt with temperature-related struggles like nearly passing out often. 

Due to this, the Phights had become one-sided, unbalanced and very much a horrible struggle, causing Dom and Valk to end the Phights earlier than usual.

Medkit had not exactly been pissed about that but  while he had been kind of pissed about not getting the BUX he could have made, in case more Phights would have taken place, he had also been glad to finally get home, the temperatures also not being enjoyable for him either, even if he had handled them better than most other people and at the moment he had been happy, seeing dark clouds on the summer evening sky, which were promising night rain. As much as he had planned to let the day end slowly and quietly with a cigarette and with reading one of the books he had bought, before sleeping, he hadn’t been able to fully relax, his mind constantly wandering back to the Phights of that day and to one certain person, and he cursed had himself out internally for that. 

Constantly, the image of Subspace had flashed back into his mind. Out of all the Phighters who had been struggling with the heatwave, he had struggled more than anyone due to him living in Blackrock but mostly due to his severe disabilities and his damaged rotting body, which was almost unable to deal with the heat, let alone with this much of physical action during the middle of an awfully hot day in the middle of summer.

He hadn’t been able to stop wondering why the scientist even came to the Phights in the first place. Not like he needed the BUX badly. He was rich so it was probably more of an ego thing. And that had been concerning the other even more.

During the morning hours, in the first Phights, he had been ranking high more than often, stacking multiple kills and tons of assists, loudly flexing these in the lobby but the longer they had been phighting, the hotter it had been getting, the more quiet the other had gotten and the lower he had ranked, eventually not getting above the very last place, stacking more deaths than usual, stacking them more than anything. His stats had even made Medkit grimace, knowing how awfully difficult it must be to take these stats with an ego as big as his  and with his fear of failing in front of everyone but it had seemed like the worse he got, the more aggressive he fought despite it becoming clear how his body kept failing him.

HIs breathing had become loud and raspy, so even with his gas mask it became very much audible, in the lobby he had often just leaned against the closest wall, and in the corner of his eye, Medkit often noticed the other stumbling or nearly falling, tripping over his own feet or over nothing more and more.

He didn’t admit it, not even to his own self but Medkit had  found himself shooting more and more bullets towards Subspace whenever they were in the same team, not so sneakily spending most heals on the scientist, something in him not wanting to see the other passing out mid phight, even if he would never admit something like that. 

He had noticed his teams weird looks but he hadn’t said anything, instead focusing on the Phight and on keeping his eye on Subspace, which happened more unconsciously than anything, him only noticing it when he had found himself looking where Subspace was on the battlefield for what felt like the thousandth time of that single Phight while Banhammer had been yelling something about needing heals. 

It had been Banhammer's aggressive request, which had made Medkit realize how much he had been neglecting his team, for just Subspace, the one he should be not giving any attention at all. The one he never cared about, the one’s remaining health he always ignored, no matter how often Subspace screeched, calling out that he needed heals while being jumped by yet another Melee class Phighter. 

After hours, Medkit had found himself scoffing a harsh “Go Home.” towards Subspace as the other had, more crouched down than stood, next to him, loudly trying to keep breathing evenly, his eye half closed and him obviously more out of it than anything. 

To all the others in the lobby it had sounded like nothing more than a hash mere insult which wasn’t anything new coming from these two, the bickering of these two usually annoying the entire lobby each and every weekday but both, Medkit and Subspace had been fully aware that it was an honest statement. 

Go Home. 

It had not been an insult. It had been a request, said like an insult, Medkit trying not to let anyone show the worry which had anchored itself in his chest, tightening it, no matter how hard he had tried not to care at all about how the other was doing. Trying not to care about the painfully visible big issue he was seeing. 

The other had replied with a mere grunt, glaring up at Medkit, staring right into the other’s eye before using all of his remaining energy to drag himself up into a standing straight up position before Dom’s loud voice announced the new teams for the next Phight through his large Megaphone.  

For the rest of the day, he had tried not to look at Subspace, his colors looking awfully washed out and pale to him, no matter how often he, accidentally, would heal him. 

They hadn’t spoken to each other for the rest of the day, Subspace more limping than anything to the shiny black car in which Hyperlaser drove him and Biograft to the Phight every day, at the end of the Phights, without saying anything to Medkit. No insult, no playful yet mean sounding “See you Meddy!”, nothing.

Hyperlaser who had seemed to notice the situation as well was closely behind the other, following him to the car, just like Biocraft, shortly stopping in front of Medkit as the three of them passed by him, looking down at him, seemingly wanting to say something before sighing quietly and following the scientist who had been uncharacteristically silent.

Since then, Medkit had been unable to fully calm down. His mind being a mess behind the fake calmness he tried to manifest in his thoughts. 

It had been frustrating him. Thinking so much about someone who shouldn’t mean more than the next best stranger in Crossroads to him. Worrying about him. It was embarrassing. 

Who was he to worry about him. 

His thoughts had been interrupted by a knock on his apartment door, after he had finished his third cigarette of this one eveni, the sun had nearly entirely set and outside everything had been in a weird blue-greyish light as the clouds started to hide the sky.

He had opened the door slowly and only a bit, his revolver tight in his hand, his finger already resting on the trigger of the weapon as he glared at the person who was standing in front of him. 

He had felt his heart stop the moment he recognized the person in front of him.

Wanting to slam the door close, Hyperlaser had quickly put his foot between the door and the frame, preventing Medkit from closing the door, before quietly and calmly voicing why he was there, the words still lingering around in Medkit’s mind by now. 

“Listen. Nobody knows that we’re here so don’t even think about being loud now. Nobody is supposed to find us here. Outside is my car. Inside is Subspace, and to be honest, I don’t know how much time he has left or what is going on .I found him in his lab more passed out than anything and when I tried to do first aid, the only thing he said was to drive him to you, saying the address is in his wallet and since then he isn’t replying anymore. I would not have driven him here but it was an order so I can’t do anything against it.”

Medkit had stood there, forgetting to breathe for a moment, entirely unable to comprehend what had just been told to him, blinking at Hyperlaser, opening his mouth and closing it right after without being able to reply, his mind being unable to form any clear sentences and the few words he had felt like he needed to raspily call out staying stuck in his throat or died in his mouth, never leaving his mouth as he hadcursed at himself for not reacting and for his mouth failing him right now.

“Come.”

The only words the sniper had calmly said, his voice stern before he had turned around, pulling his foot out of the door frame before he had walked down the stairs with a composed posture, yet visibl hurrying downstairs and making his way to the exit of the building. Medkit had continued to stand behind the door like frozen, his revolver shaking in his hand, thinking about just closing the door and ignoring what happened, Hyperlaser obviously leaving him a choice, or trusting him to come. 

Despite the fact that his thoughts had screamed not to go, to just close the door, his body had moved on its own, leaving the apartment and following the other outside. 

Outside the air had felt both warm and humid yet the wind had felt cold, creating a weird atmosphere.

Behind the apartment, hidden between trees and trashsacks, stood the shining heavy black car of Hyperlaser, hidden from the gaze of others.

Only then, when Hyperlaser had walked behind the building through a small dark alleyway, Medkit had started to fear that he had walked straight into a trap, but somehow there had been something in Hyperlaser’s voice and mannerism which had kept Medkit from believing in a trap, which had kept him from turning around and running back, locking his apartment shut, hiding in it.

Upon seeing the car, he had felt relieved. At least that part had been true.

In his mind he had questioned  himself how stupid he was, following the person who worked for a country which wanted him gone and yet he still followed to the car, in his hand still the revolver. 

Internally he laughed bitterly at himself. 

His old rusty revolver was nothing against Hyperlaser’s own gear which he could summon at any time in this very moment. 

Nothing like that happened. 

Hyperlaser had walked towards the car, not even turning around to Medkit for a moment, trusting him to not attack him now, at the last second. 

In the car, Biograft had been sitting next to the driver’s seat. 

Medkit had quickly recognized the Biograft as Zeta, the only sentient Biograft, Subspace’s child.

Upon seeing Medkit, Zeta had lowered their head with an angry deep robotic hollow sound, glaring up at him out of glowing, burning orange eyes, however they did not immediately jump out of the car to attack.

Seeing Zeta, Medkit had felt his chest thighten, fear taking over him as he felt how he had struggled not to aim his revolver at Zeta and he could tell that Zeta had been trying not to summon their weapons in order to jump Medkit in that moment. 

Hyperlaser gestured something at Zeta which had seemed like a sign to stay in their seat and keep the door closed. 

“They insisted on coming too. I couldn’t talk them into staying at home. I'm sorry, they won’t do anything. They know they can not leave the car. It’s already risky enough for me to be outside, a whole Biocraft would draw too much attention and us being here would not be a secret anymore. So don’t aim.”

Medkit had swallowed hard before unclenching his grip on the revolver and taking his finger off the trigger, nodding slowly, his eyebrows however furrowed and his frown still very visible as he watched Hyperlaser open the door of the backseat, gesturing at Medkit to come closer in order to look at the inside.

His entire body had been stiff as he had carefully walked closer, Zeta’s watchful and angry eyes never moving off him just once, making him feel awfully uneasy and unsafe.

As soon as he had been close enough to see inside, his eyes had widened and he felt his heart sink painfully.

Subspace had been lying on the backseats, his entire body tense, not wearing his pink round sunglasses or his cyberlox, his messy short black hair had been sticking to his face as he had been sweating awfully, his face wet, his eyes had been squeezed shut, his limbs lying on the seat entirely limply just his fingers sometimes moving weakly, twitching as if he tried to move, not entirely passed out, breathing loudly and heavily yet completely uneven, sometimes his breathing stopping for a few seconds before he took a deep, almost scared sounding breath again, the part of his face which was visible twisted in pain, the gas mask which he wore seemingly making it even more difficult to breathe, the gas mask itself connected to a big container which stood on the car’s floor in front of the backseats, a concerning amount of pink poison gas had been visible through the glass. 

Hyperlaser had carefully strapped Subspace to the seats with the car’s seatbelts but despite them, he had somewhat curled himself into a ball as much as possible, something he only did when in horrible amounts of pain.

“...Get him inside..Now. Fast.”

The words had left Medkit faster than he had been able to think about what to reply and suddenly he had felt nothing but a cold fear, his body had felt cold, his ears had been ringing and his heart had been beating way too fast. 

“I carry him. You get the couple of storage boxes out of the trunk. I don’t know what you need. I just put everything I know he uses, like IV stand and IV stuff into these things.”

Medkit had looked at Hyperlaser with a relieved, admiring and sardonic look, smiling cynically at the merchant. 

“Whatever they pay you, it is not enough, not for all of that effort.”

As a reply, came a huff which had sounded somewhat like a huffed out laugh. 

After that, everything in his memory was blurry. 

He had opened the trunk and had taken out the boxes while Hyperlaser put the container on his own back like Subspace usually had in Phights, before he had pulled Subspace out of the car, hurrying to carry him inside the apartment, lowering his upper body a bit over the other so that people who could look out of windows would not be able to see the face of the person he carried, hiding his identity as well as he could, the other laying limp in his hold, not even reacting to being touched, picked up and hurriedly carried and handled around like that. 

Medkit had rushed behind them into the apartment, opening the door to his apartment after the had walked up all the stairs, trying to calm his breathing again as they got in, locking the door to his apartment shut after the had entered, blurting out that Hyperlaser had to lie down Subspace on Medkit’s bed, guiding him to his bedroom.

He himself had put down all the boxes on the floor while Hyperlaser laid down Subspace and the container with gentle, slow and careful motions.

While Medkit had opened the boxes digging through everything that was inside, searching for things he could use, summoning his own gear as well and putting on his heavy leather gloves which he always wore in Phights and when he had to do actual treatment, Hyperlaser walked up to him, standing next to him . 

Medkit had immediately stood up, looking at the black visor of the other, suddenly feeling rather unsafe. While he hadn’t been able to actually see the other’s expression or face, he could tell that Hyperlaser had stared right into his eye, staring through it, deep into his soul. Suddenly, the entire air around them had shifted.

“You know how I let you run away after you ran into me right after that one fight, bloody, panicking and the title of a traitor freshly on you? I was ordered to kill any traitor. I did not. I missed my shot on purpose, letting you run. I saw something in you which kept me from killing you even if it was my order. I could have ruined my life. I could have got killed for the betrayal. If I wouldn’t have been lucky as well. 

I never wanted something in return. 

However, today I must ask one thing. 

Do not kill him. He is at your mercy. 

I don’t know why he told me, ordered me, to bring him to you. I don’t know what is going on between you two. Again. 

However I must ask you to not end his life. 

If not for him. Do so for me. 

I brought him here. I am supposed to keep him alive. Safe. That is my only purpose right now. 

I beg you, don’t ruin my life, I would not be as lucky as back then. 

We are both at your mercy, Medkit, please -”

“Didn’t plan on doing that anyways”, had interrupted Medkit the other, sneering these words at him as he pulled his glasses out of the pocket of the loose baggy cyan sweatpants he wore, putting them on. 

“You can watch  me work if you need that.”

After that, he remembered putting his curly brown hair with a way too large amount of grey streaks for a person his age into a pony tail before walking over to Subspace, taking note of every single symptom he showed, making sure of it, it was really his illness being worsened by pushing past his limits overworking himself mixed with overheating due to the heat during today’s Phight.

His state had been by no means good or stable but if he treated him right, they luckily had been in time so Medkit could prevent the worst. 

It was weird. This situation had been everything he wanted back then. He could end him. A year ago he would have used this situation, a once in his life chance to finally kill him without a fight, having his life in his hands, blaming his death on a medical mistake before running from Hyperlaser’s revenge. By now, he did nothing of that. 

He cussed at himself for becoming so soft. So weak. For letting himself be wrapped around the other’s finger once again. For caring. For caring so disgustingly and painfully much again. 

For never being able to fully let go of the other. He knew Subspace felt the same. 

And it made him insane.

It made him feel like he was going to lose his mind slowly but surely.

The sniper stood in the corner of the room, watching Medkit never taking his gaze off the other, no matter how awful to watch the medical work appeared to be.

It didn’t make the work easier at all. He had felt small and vulnerable underneath the other’s gaze, knowing very well who the other was and what he was known for, known for never missing a shot, no matter what was going on.

The treatment had felt like hours. 

He hated every second of it. He hated how his heart had raced and how his chest had  tightened to a point where he felt like he couldn’t breathe in enough  air all due to the fear and worry he felt, not fear for his own life. Fear for the other. Fear for Subspace. Fear for Subspace’s life.

He had done everything he could,

firstly he had gently removed the other’s shoes, socks, thick grey cargo pants, the thick leather belt with all the bags on it in which he stored god knows which tools for fixing robots or quickly assembling weaponry, as well as the sleeve and the fingerless gloves he wore, before wrapping cold wet towels around Subspace’s legs, putting a cold wet towel on his forehead and eye,  doing everything in order to make him cool down, careful not to lay one over his eye socket missing the left eye,  before inserting an IV and injecting painkillers.

Not once, the other gave any reaction or just a flinch which made Medkit feel more and more nauseous because of worry.

Looking at the other’s disabled and now exposed arm as well as his hand, he suddenly grabbed into his opened gear, romaging around in it before finding what he was looking for, pulling out a small yet very sharp scalpel, making Hyperlaser call out his name with a stern and threatening voice, however he hadn’t reacted to that, instead cutting out a small piece of the upper layer of the injuried skin, placing it into a small little transparent plastic holder, closing it and placing it in one of the small hidden side pockets inside of his gear before he had  really carefully wrapped thick bandages, which he had previously had let macerate in some of his disinfecting and pain killing ointments which he had made and which he always kept in the house for emergencies, around the other’s hand and arm.

“Why did you do that?” 

“I want to take a look at the rot. Try some treatments."

He had been able to tell that Hyperlaser had a lot of questions but he had not uttered any and Medkit had been thankful for this.

Noticing how the other still struggled to breathe enough through the gas mask, he had shortly stopped his treatment, staring at the other’s face for a second, sighing deeply before opening the straps of the gas mask, setting it aside and opening the window in the room. 

He knew that Subspace’s toxic gas which he exhaled when in stress or pain or when he got very emotional couldn’t hurt him, his own healing powers protecting him from its poison effect unless it was highly concentrated in his famous mines which he used in the Phght. But like this, it couldn’t hurt him.

In Hyperlaser’s helmet were respirators. He had figured out that it was mandatory when working with Subspace this close. Like this,  he didn't need to worry about the latter either. 

The pink toxins had immediately spread through the room, slowly wavering around but the other had immediately started to take deeper breaths. 

Medkit’s own horns had started to glow as well by now. His healing powers healing him, keeping him safe and canceling out the poison which got into his body through his own breathing.

Hyperlaser, who had previously not said a word and who had stood there without any motions, watching Medkit without any visible expressions of what he thought, had now tilted his head, his arms crossed, but Medkit hadn't said anything, hadn't asked, he could imagine what Hyperlaser was wondering. 

Instead he had looked at the other’s face again. 

Now that the other’s face had been almost entirely uncovered, besides the towel over his forehead and eye, he had been able to see the other’s expression which had  still been so horribly twisted in pain, that he had been able to tell how bad it still was, despite everything he had already done. 

Carefully, he had grabbed the arm which was still healthy, his face making a grimace the moment he had spotted the jet black bigger tattoo on Subspace’s upper arm, showing the logo of Blackrock, before pressing his own middle and ring finger against the other’s inside of his wrist, trying to feel his pulse.

Much to his worry, there had been barely any pulse to feel. 

Leaning forwards, hovering over Subspace, he had gently pressed his own middle and ring finger against the other's side of the neck, right underneath his head. There, his pulse had been way easier to really feel but it still didn’t feel any healthier.

His pulse had felt faint and too irregular.

“Weak. It’s way too weak.” was everything which Medkit had hissed out with gritted teeth, his eyes not wandering off Subspace once.

Carefully, he had removed his fingers from the neck and stood up straight. 

He had looked at him for a long moment, lost in thought, before he had furrowed his brows, deeply sighing in defeat, letting his head hang as he had gently taken the crystal which was like always floating between his horns away from its place, holding it between his fingers, twisting and turning around in his grip, the bit of sunlight which still got into his room reflecting in it, making the faintly glowing cyan crystal shine on some places sometimes.

In the back he had heard clothes rustling.

 Hyperlaser had taken a step forwards, his arms uncrossed. 

He knew that Hyperlaser was weary around the crystals, knowing how much problems they caused, knowing how much blood was on them, knowing that they were the reason behind the argument. That one day which changed their lives to the worst.

Before Hyperlaser had been able to say or do anything, Medkit had placed the crystal on his own palm, opening his hand.

The crystal had started to glow brightly, rising in his palm, floating, as a gentle green light emerged from it, glittering particles shining in the air close to it.

Hyperlaser had stopped in his motions, staring at the light which had been glowing even stronger the closer Medkit guided the crystal to Subspace.

Medkit’s eyes and horns had the same light green glow, making him both look strange and beautiful, in an eerie way. Despite the cyan thick paint which the cult forced Medkit to put on his crystal and horns the light green color still broke the paint’s color.

It had been dead silent in the room. 

Hyperlaser had stopped in his movements, watching, the words he had wanted to call out stuck in his mouth. 

He knew that Medkit could heal, he always did it in the Phights, he was a healer after all. However he never saw him use his healing powers as visible as that. Without the revolver, instead using the actual crystal.

Seeing him like that made him wonder just how strong his powers really were and suddenly the fact that his Phinisher could revive others in a certain time window after them getting killed, had seemed very eerie. 

With gritted teeth Hyperlaser had admitted to himself that evening, that he had maybe  viewed Medkit entirely wrong. 

Too weak maybe.

Too normal maybe. 

Not just Medkit. Both Crystal users had suddenly seemed very eerie and anything but normal. 

Subspace had very easy control over ending someone's life, Medkit seemed to have a lot of control over saving someone’s life , their powers perfectly matching and at the same time perfectly canceling each other out entirely. 

Suddenly he had been wondering just how much deeper their bond went than just what was visible, what he knew about. 

After a time which felt both, like forever and like just the split of a millisecond, the glow disappeared and Medkit put the crystal back between his horns where it had floated again, looking as normal and unimpressive, easy to miss, as always. 

The glow in Medkit’s eyes had entirely vanished as well, tired and dark eyes lacking any light looking straight at Hyperlaser. 

“You keep that to yourself I hope.” 

Hyperlaser had just nodded, noticing how not only the glow but also the pink toxins had completely vanished, not a trace still visible. 

Looking at Subspace he had seen that the other had been tensed up anymore, lying there limp but relaxed, his face had softened, his expression not a pained one anymore and his breathing had been quiet and even. 

“What did you do to him?” 

Medkit had looked back at Subspace with an expression which Hyperlaser couldn’t read. A soft one, yet one full of melancholy and sadness. 

“I took his pain, for now. Healed some things. Stabilized him for this  evening and the following day. The medications will do everything else. He is just asleep now, not in this half out of it, half there state. If he wakes up right now, he’s gonna be extremely out of it and drowsy, the painkillers are extremely high dosed and my …healing stuff too but I really doubt that he’s gonna wake up any time soon. Maybe tomorrow. So. He’s stable for now and I can’t do more besides wait for tomorrow.”

With that he had clasped his gear shut, making it evaporate again. 

“Want a cigarette? You saw my apartment. I can’t offer you anything fancy. Sorry.”

Like in a trance, Hyperlaser had just nodded again, still staring at Medkit and then at Subspace.

“Great. Wait.”

Was everything Medkit had said, taking off his gloves, walking to the bathroom, his hooves  had making clacking noises on the cold wooden floor which broke the entirely uncomfortable silence between the two, before throwing his gloves in the sink, washing his own hands, letting the gloves just sit in the water then leaving the bathroom, taking the cigarettes from his nightstand and taking his hair tie out, shaking his head and rubbing his head, the wild curls falling over his shoulders and his face again before he had looked at Hyper again. 

“Come. We don’t smoke here.” 

Nodding at Subspace, he had looked at the door and Hyperlaser caught the wordless request. 

“Yes sure.”

Leaving the room before Medkit, they had walked into the sad little dark kitchen of the apartment and like that they had ended up on the open window, both staring wordlessly out looking at the sky where the sun had now entirely set, the warm air still there, flowing around them, making the smoke of their cigarettes dance around in the air in front of them, however a few raindrops had started to fall down, falling against the roofs of the buildings, drumming lightly against them making a slight noise, a quiet promise of more rain had been made through all the clouds on the sky which were trying to hide the sky completely, however still failing to do so in this moment, some stars still shining through. It was a nice evening. 

The uncomfortable silence between them had still been  there, Hyperlaser had only lifted his helmet a bit so that he could smoke, staring at Medkit out of the corner of his eye while Medkit hadn’t even been looking at him, lost in thought, staring over the roofs of the buildings. It had been years since Hyperlaser had last looked truly at Medkit. The last time he had looked at him in detail was when he had ran into him, a bloody half of his face, his hair a mess, his horns glowing brightly, a crystal clenched in his fist, pressed again his chest as he breathed heavily, pressing his other fist against the place where his left eye had been a few hours ago, his legs shaking as he stood right in front of Hyperlaser’s aimed gear however staring at him with a burning anger in his eye.

Maybe that burning anger and the will to continue, to run away, had been the reason why Hyper hadn’t been able to end the other’s life back that one day.

By now, there was nothing of that burning left in his eye. Medkit had grown older, more tired, more worn out, more exhausted, more depressed, and Hyperlaser guessed it was that cult’s work on him which worked him up like that. 

Underneath Medkit’s eyes were dark shadows and faint wrinkles just like there was a wrinkle between his thick eyebrows which he had always furrowed, his hair a mess, the brown of his hair was mixed with grey, his posture was awful and there was stubble on his chin, however he had looked less miserable than Hyperlaser remembered him looking a year ago. 

In that one moment, he had just looked tired if anything and that had been more than understandable.

Hyperlaser hadn’t wanted to ask. It wasn’t his business. He had even strictly  forbidden himself from opening his mouth and daring to ask that one question but the longer he was here next to the person he was supposed to kill, next to the traitor, with his boss lying in that very traitors bed after that guy had just saved his life, which was more than weird but not nearly as weird as being ordered to drive Subspace here, while he had been on the verge of passing out, coughing out that order and the information where the address could be found, the address which was officially unknown, which nobody knew because otherwise Hyperlaser would have already been sent there to kill Medkit as an order for what the other had done to the state of Blackrock.He really had tried to keep his mouth shut. 

The words still escaped his mouth before he could act. 

“What is going on between you and Subspace? Why did you help him? Why did he have your address in his very own WALLET and why did he have it in the first place without informing everyone about it. Without sending anyone here to end you if he already knows where you are. He asked me to bring him here as the last thing he told me before passing out, you are the last person he thought about in this situation while passing out. Why. And why does it seem like you care? Like as if you worry? I know you. I know that look. And why do you want to check the rot to make it stop?”

With wide eyes Medkit had looked at Hyperlaser, not breathing at all before sighing, and Hyperlaser had sworn he saw a red tint on the other’s face.

“Oh so he did that huh”, Medkit had mumbled , more to himself than to anyone , looking outside again.

“Well.” He had taken another drag of his cigarette before exhaling, suddenly seeming unsure and fidgeting with one of the golden rings he always wore.

“We…kinda….made up or I don’t know…”

“What.”

“Yeah I don’t know. Sometimes he’s here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes we just fight, argument, yell ugly things, sometimes he’s here and we talk, about everything, about the most stupid stuff, about serious things, about awful things, about lighthearted stuff, about Phights, about Zeta, about work, sometimes he comes here to complain and whine about Korblox, sometimes he comes here crashing out and crying because of stuff that happened at the Headquaters with the shitty people of Korblox, sometimes he comes with a ton of plans and sketches and tools and supplies in his bag and we invent and we fuck around with mechanical stuff like we used to, making cool new weapons or he makes small robot prototypes and loudly celebrates when they walk and work the way he needs them to, sometimes we just cook together and eat, sometimes he’s here and we don’t talk, just exist silently, I smoke, he lies on the sofa or sleeps, 

Sometimes he’s here.”

Hyperlaser was staring at Medkit in disbelief.“So. You two are friends…?again?”

“Sure. But friends don’t end up kissing each other sometimes or end up making out.”

Medkit had immediately bitten his own lip, before quickly putting the cigarette in his mouth again, taking a long drag of the smoke, holding it in for just a bit too long, just for as long as he needed to make his lungs burn a little, a slight pain to drown out the embarrassment he felt right as soon as the sentence had slipped out. 

He had felt how his cheeks burned and how his stomach felt sick from the regret. 

Refusing to look at the other, he had wordlessly stared out over the roofs, slowly breathing out the cigarette smoke again, painfully slowly, as if he hadn't dared to do pretty much anything, awaiting the dreaded reaction of the other. 

The Merchant had just continued to stare at Medkit, not moving, not saying anything. 

Uncomfortable silence had spread across the room and while no one could see Hyperlaser’s expression behind the dark glass of the helmet, the doctor had been able to feel Hyperlaser’s shocked gaze resting on him, his mouth, which was the only thing of his face visible besides his jaw, had been slightly opened.

“I’m dead.” 

The only thought which Medkit had been able to come up with. 

Neither of them had spoken, until finally Hyperlaser had moved. 

Looking out of the window, he had rubbed his hand over his mouth before he had grunted, sounding both tired and also so utterly amused. 

“That’s how you knew that you could take the mask off without it doing any damage to you. I should have known.  You guys are kinda not hiding it too well that you are way more than just ex colleagues. The way he is ranting about you every single day. The way you both argue with each other any time you spot each other during the fights.

I just thought that nothing changed. That you still are arch nemesis or whatever”

“We aren’t together again.”

Hyperlaser had looked back at Medkit, and while the other hadn't really been able to tell, the merchant had looked at him with a surprised expression written all over his somewhat hidden face

“What?”

“Yeah what do I know? I don’t know what we currently are by now. I don't even know how this started, how we got here.

I HATE him. Or at least that’s what I keep saying to myself. I try to make myself believe this very exact thing.

But after today? I don’t even think I can make myself sure of that any time again.You told me what had happened and I just followed you. You had no single proof that it wasn’t a trap but I didn’t even need one, I just followed like some idiot. The mere story, the imagination, was all you needed to make me come with you, in an alley, behind the building and to that car. You could have ended me. Right there. All it took for me to blindly come with you was the stupid image of Subspace dying in that car. I didn’t even know if what you told me was true.”

Medkit had clenched the cigarette in his hand tightly, his hands shaking a bit as he had continued to stare over the buildings to the sky.”

“Hyperlaser. 

I can’t stop wanting to be close to him and I can’t stop wanting to be together with him. 

But it’s clearly not my mind who wants this. I want to be as far away from him as just possible, I want to hate him. I NEED to do so.But I can’t.And It’s not my heart.

So 

It must be something deeper, something more personal, something more important than heart and mind.

It must be my own soul, Hyperlaser.

And then I’m doomed because if the soul has tied itself to someone, it will always want to be with the other’s soul. It will yearn until it gets to be with that other soul-

It’s hopeless. 

You can never cut off a soul’s yearning.

I’m doomed. That’s all I am, that’s all I will ever be.”

Medkit’s voice had been quiet, cracking, it was weird seeing him like this. It had felt like Hyperlaser’s chest tightened even if he had never been that deeply involved. Suddenly, he himself had felt something like empathy towards them, grief even. 

“I know he feels the same. Today was making it clearer than usual. It’s making me go insane slowly but surely.”

“Have you ever tried to talk with him about this? About…anything at all?”

“No. We can’t just talk about that???”

Hyperlyser sighed letting his head fall into his neck, staring at the ceiling.

“And THAT is exactly you guys' problem. You never talk. You never confront each other with an honest conversation. Be honest, you did notice his mental health rapidly getting worse, him becoming crazy back then at Blackrock. You noticed how he overworked himself for the approval of the highest ones. You noticed everything and you never talked about it with each other. Neither of you. Neither of you ever talk about what’s really really important and that’s why you always end up failing.”

“That’s-”

“Not true? Not correct? Are you sure?”

“You don’t know Subspace!”

“I know him well enough to know that talking about what’s important isn’t something he can’t do. It's just difficult and needs a lot of patience and work,just like what it is like when talking with you right now, or at any other time if I’m being honest. He’s defensive, you are defensive. You two are so similar. You need to get past that issue with communicating and talk about your feelings or it ends like it once ended already. Do you really need to repeat that again?”

The other had stared at Hyperlaser with a glanced jaw, his eye glassy , his brows furrowed and his expression had anger, worry and utter despair all over his face but he hadn’t said a word, swallowing every sentence that had been in his mouth.

After a moment, he had turned his head again, staring outside again with a scroff, rubbing his glassy eye with just a bit too much force, his hands still slightly shaking. 

“Without thinking too much, would you say that you love him?”Hyperlaser had known that it wasn’t a question which he could ask without the danger of Medkit losing it entirely but he had wanted to know, he had needed him to realize his own feelings since watching them dance around what was clearly there and clearly mutual but which got left unsaid and which they tried to suffocate in dead silence was painful and even a bit annoying for him. 

He had heard Medkit swallow loudly and heavily, not saying anything and instead taking the cigarette to his lips one more time.

As if the cigarette would give him support, or a hint to what he should answer without lying.

After a long moment of a painful silence which had almost felt threatening due to Hyperlaser being fully convinced that Medkit would lose it any second, screaming at him and telling him to leave the apartment, the doctor had finally opened his mouth once again.

“After today I can’t even believe myself that I don’t love him anymore.”

His voice had been quiet, his head hanging low.

He had looked defeated, no hint of anger or denial left in his sentence.

“Hmh”

Hyperlaser had hummed in agreement, turning his head as well taking his gaze off the doctor and looking outside too.

The sky had nearly been entirely dark blue by that moment and the rain still fell on the roofs, not much, gently falling onto the buildings and the stone streets making them shine in the lighting of the street lanterns. The wind had felt cool but not harshly cold. Between some of the clouds, a few very bright stars had managed to shine though some cracks in the thick and heavy clouds. It had felt peaceful, the sound of the soft summer night rain and the smell of the entirely wet concrete making Hyperlaser feel calmer as he had watched the cigarette smoke of their cigarettes rise up into the night sky before it slowly evaporated. 

The silence, which had been between them once again, was nothing like a comfortable silence but it had changed to feel more heavy than tense.

Hyperlaser could only imagine how awful the other felt, looking at him through the corner of his eyes, observing him as Medkit hadn’t moved at all anymore, his eyestill looking  teary as well as tried while his eyebrows weren’t even furrowed as he had stared outside, almost eerily motionless. 

After a while had passed and their cigarettes were out already, Hyperlaser had sighed, which had caused Medkit to finally look at the other again.

“Standing here contemplating all your decisions in your life until now won’t help you, it will only make you hate yourself and Subspace even more. You have to figure it out. Can you…make up entirely? Do you want to be together with him again despite the fight? Or do you want to have him far away but are you willing to face the yearning and pain which that decision brings? This weird thing you have going on will cause more pain and problems-”

“I do know that much already. It’s just…I don’t even know, it’s difficult.”

“Oh I know”, Hyperlaser had murmured. 

They had continued to stay on that window for quite a while until Hyperlaser had interrupted the silence between them, once more.“So? Control over death and control over life huh?”

“Don’t even ask. I explained my private life issue with my situation or I don’t know what ship already. I won’t explain how the crystals work. Why don’t you ask your boss about it.”

Hyperlaser had huffed out a laugh before he had finally removed his arms away from the window still on which he had rested them before and took a few steps away from it, pushing down the helmet entirely again and closing the army coat. “I can try but I don’t think he will give me any more answers. I never saw him use that thing in front of anyone.”

“Oh I thought he would be flexing his “creation” in front of everyone in Blackrock.”

“No, he rarely takes it out from between the horns. He does flex what inventions he did with its supporting powers though, just like he flexes every single thing he invented.”

Now Medkit had made a noise which had sounded a bit like a held back amused laugh.“I need to go now, Zeta is probably close to going into overheating if I won’t return and give them the info that their creator is stable and safe, at this moment.”

Medkit had now pushed himself away from the window too, closing it and walking up to Hyperlaser, still keeping a distance between the two of them. 

“You better keep everything to yourself.”

“I will, it’s not even my business to get involved in your relationship problem. I don’t want any more issues with Blackrock than I already deal with.”

Medkit had nodded silently, avoiding looking at Hyperlaser’s visor, instead looking at the floor.

“Thank you.”

“No need. I will stay at Crossroads in a hotel or something, maybe I will sleep in the car. I will come look again tomorrow. If you should kill him, I will not show mercy to you, I will kill you this time.”

“I know. I am not planning on doing this though.”

“Still.”

“I won’t do anything, oh my god.”

Hyperlaser had started down at Medkit until he spun around on his heel, leaving the others' apartment with a “Good Night Kit.”

His footsteps quiet, barely making noise just like the door which he closed after he left, the air in the room feeling eerie and tense even after the sniper had made himself disappear like that.

Medkit had continued to stand right on the exact same spot he had stood on as Hyperlaser had left the apartment, the silence weighing heavy on his chest as he continued to stand there without moving, barely daring to breathe and staring at the door, not blinking, as he started at the door, wide eyed, until the silence felt to tense, too heavy on him, his heart suddenly beating too fast and too much, making him feel scared as the realization started to hit him on what he had just done. 

With a deep, angry exhale, he rubbed his face, letting his hand roam though his hair right after, angrily scratching his own scalp until it had hurt a bit.

“You drive me insane Subspace.”

For the entire rest of the night, Medkit had pulled a chair from his kitchen table into his bedroom as well as carried a bowl with cold water into said room, placing it on the floor next to the chair and the chair next to his bed.

He had watched over Subspace the entire night, soaking the towels over and over again in the cold water as soon as they got too warm and dry, wrapping them around the other’s legs and placing them on his face over and over again, sometimes even gently dabbing the other’s face with the wet towel, before he put in over the other’s forehead and eye again, .

Exchanging the bags of the IV, keeping an eye on the other, watching over his breathing and never looking anywhere else than onto the other or on the supplies he needed to take care of him.

Eventually, deep into the night, Subspace had somewhat gotten more conscious in his deep sleep again, starting to try and move around, whining in his sleep his face twisted in pain once more which had immediately alerted Medkit. After checking onto the other, unable to exactly tell where the pain must be coming from,  Medkit had once again taken out his crystal and held it in his palm, holding it between him and Subspace, a soft glow emerging from it almost instantly and making the other calm down again. 

The rest of the night, Medkit had sat on the chair, the crystal in his hand, always concentrating a fair amount of his own healing abilities in it, channeling them in the crystal as long as he held it. Early in the morning, Medkit had woken up, his back hurting and feeling stif, just like his legs and his neck. 

His hand in which he had been holding the crystal had fallen on the bed, the crystal still in his hand, not glowing or floating anymore.

Quickly he had put it back in the place between his large horns, deeply sighing as he thought about how he had really used his healing until he fell asleep without even realizing, completely drained from channeling and using up this much of his abilities without taking a break, all just for this one guy.

With a groan, he had rubbed his neck and eye before he had looked at the person in his own bed once again. 

Subspace had been lying there, asleep, his head turned to the side so that he had been facing the other one, the towel had fallen off, lying next to his face, revealing it.

 His face had still been damp from him sweating and from the wet and cool towel, making his bangs stick to his face, however his expression had turned into a soft and relaxed one. 

For a moment, Medkit had sat there, before carefully leaning forwards, gently swiping some of the dark black hair out of the other's face, his hand gently moving down the other's temple and to his uninfected cheek, lightly and carefully caressing him, before he moved his hand, pressing his middle and ring finger to the other's neck again, checking onto the pulse of the other.

Feeling it, he had let himself fall back into his chair,making it creak , exhaling deeply in relief, closing his eye for a short moment.

His pulse had felt stronger and stable.

He had succeeded. He had managed to help him, to save him, to keep him safe and alive through this.

For a while, he had stayed there, just looking at the other, not moving, just looking and watching how the other calmly breathed in his deep sleep until he himself had gotten up, yawing before checking the bags on the IV stand, making sure that they still had enough left in them, leaving the room and getting himself a bit ready right afterwards.

After he had got himself a bit washed and  had put on some fresh clothes, he had walked into the kitchen, making hot coffee and shoving two slices of bread with salt and butter down his throat, not really relaxing or enjoying it. 

By now, the sun was rising outside and one look at his clock was enough to make sure, it was still really early. 

The rain was still falling and while the sky was covered in light grey clouds, outside on the streets some people who were already up were walking across the roads with their  colorful umbrellas open. 

While he waited for his coffee, which was boiling on the oven plates, he walked to the window next to him, opening it widely and taking in a deep breath, before taking the little pack of cigs.

Lighting one of them after he took one out, he let his arms rest on top of the windowsill, looking outside and watching the first stores open up and the first few people get out on the 

streets, running and hurrying around with umbrellas or holding their jackets or arms protectively over them.

Smelling the scent of the rain, the morning and the smoke of his cigarette, which danced around in front of him, rising up into the air once again before it dissolved, he sighed.

His back ached and there was a dull headache in his head.

He felt tired. Wornout. As if he got sucked out of all his powers.

He had used his healing ability too intensely, too long and too much.

All for him. 

Using his healing power for his own back and head would be incredibly ridiculous right now. 

Using them before he regenerated them, would do more pain than healing his aching.

“Well, I guess I did that to myself”, grumbled Medkit, rubbing his face as yet another dull piercing pain made his head feel like it was going to bust.

Everything just for this one person. 

With a grimace, he took another drag.

The stuff Hyperlaser about which had scolded him was still in his head.

He couldn’t even think about anything besides this one situation. 

Standing there on the window, only listening to the rain and the quiet chattering to the people outside he couldn't prevent himself from thinking about it.

Their fight. The way he had felt his heart sink after the other had told him what his plan was, fir what he had planned to use their best new invented thing, their crystals. The way he had asked Medkit to join him with his plans. To be right at his side to carry out his plan together. His voice had been overly cheerful but the cheer had sounded off. Not like usual. It sounded lunatic. Insane. He had become insane. Right in front of him but he had refused to really look at what had been happening, deep in denial and too caught up in his own pain to really look at the other. Only then in the light of the lab he had noticed how bad the other’s health had gotten. He had gotten skinny, his hair was thin, his ponytail one mess, he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping well since more than just a couple weeks, he was shaky and his eyes had a shimmer in them which Medkit didn’t like. Not the mischievous one he had grown to deeply love. It was another one. A twisted and insane one. The other’s eyes had been darting around as his breathing had been hitching, all while he had made big dramatic gestures to the crystals which had been set on the big table behind him, together with written out plans. 

Suddenly the glow of them felt deeply unsettling to the other as he had stared at the other.

Only then, he had felt fear and regret about what had happened with his love.

He never stopped regretting that he never took a look to see what had been done to Subspace, that he had never asked the other. 

That he never tried to get into a conversation about why he was growing so distant, day and night overworking himself in the lab until he would stumble into Medkit’s little dorm, passing out in his bed. If he managed to walk all the way to the bed.

He remembered how Subspace had clenched his claws on Medkit’s upper arms, his hands holding them tightly as he begged the other to come join his plan. 

He remembered how the fight started. How it went. 

Neither of them had wanted to injure the other that badly.

He thought about the years of fights and arguments. 

He thought about how they met.

He thought about how they got together back then. 

How they kept their secret relationship hidden from everyone there.

How they would tease each other playfully during their work, how they ragebaited each other, how they comforted each other after one of them got called to the higher ups again, how they would spend each second they had for themselves together.

How he would wake up in the nights  here in his apartment in Crossroads because he dreamt about Subspace again.

How he felt hearing that Subspace got the rare sickness. 

How he felt seeing the other after years, face hidden behind a big gas mask, his body weak and the sickness taking up his entire life.  How he felt when Subspace was standing right in front of his apartment last year. 

About the thing they had now. 

About their fights now.

About how they ended up kissing on Medkit’s couch. After countless weird meetings in his apartment which had left him feeling happy but also angry at himself and utterly confused.

About how Subspace’s lips felt against his own.

About how he still felt so right and familiar.

About how uncharacteristically gently the other had his hands placed on the other’s face and how softly he let his hands run though his messy curly hair.

About how each one of them had pulled the other in closer as if they wanted to close the nonexistent gap between them even more, holding each other tight, their grip so tight that it hurt the other a tiny bit as they held onto each other as if they were scared that they would lose the other all over again.

About how Subspace had held him closely. He had always done that. Holding the other close and tight scared that the other would leave him alone.

He had always been scared of getting abandoned. After Medkit had done exactly that, it was clear that he would start to hate him with a burning hate.

About how shiny and beautiful his pink pupil had looked right after they parted however still staying very close to each other. How he had, for the first time since years, that one look which he used to have back at the headquarters. Before their fight. The one he always had when Medkit would tell him again and again how much he deeply loved him.

About how sick seeing that look after all that had happened made him feel.

A look of nothing but absolute love.

He thought about how they became closer again.

He thought about how it ended in fights so often and how often he had already thrown him out. However they yet still found their ways back to each other no matter how many times they would end up fighting.

There was no debate about if he wanted him back or not. 

He needed him back.

However, something in him knew that it would never be the same again, the same as back then, and a part of him was utterly anxious about this.

“Oh god.” 

Angrily, he flicked the cigarette stump out of the window, before massaging his forehead. 

He really had to try to stop thinking about this entire problem for just a minute. 

He didn’t manage to do that. 

If it wouldn’t have been for the kettle on the oven to start whistling he would not have stopped to stand there on the window, thinking and entirely forgetting the reality as well as the stuff that was going on around hi

Flinching at the loud whistling, he closed the window and ran over to the oven removing the kettle from the hot oven, the whistling stopping almost directly, making him exhale in utter relief as the whistle did hurt his ears and did make his headache feel even more like a piercing ache, before he took one of his cups out of the cupboard, put some coffee powder into it and poured himself the water into the cup. 

The smell of coffee immediately spread through his apartment.

It felt nice.

Grabbing a small spoon out of one of the cups in which he stored cutlery, he stirred the coffee a bit before hurrying into his bedroom again, the warm cup in his hands like a thing which would help him get through that issue.

Upon entering the room, he looked straight into a glimmering pink colored pupil, staring straight into his very own, green colored one. 

With a smile, Subspace stared at him. 

The other had the towel which he had on his face in his own hand, allowing Medkit to see Subspace’s face entirely bare.

“Hi” 

His voice was weak and small. Raspier than he used to sound. 

But he spoke. 

His eye was only half open, and the shimmering was still weak but he was looking straight at him.

There was no evil or mischief in his gaze. 

His gaze was happy, soft and with a trace of love. 

He looked at him like he used to back when he wasn’t that brainwashed tool of Blackrock’s administrators.

He was still lying on the bed, only his head turned to face the door, and his black hair still stuck on his face as it was still damp from both the wet towel, and due to him sweating a bit more again. 

Despite all of that, despite his still weakened state, he had managed to get out of that deep sleep already.

That moment, Medkit felt like time froze for a split millisecond in which he just stared at Subspace, their eyes locked, staring deep into each other’s souls.

In that moment, Mekdit felt his own heart hurt and twist so painfully in his chest, as a sense of nothing but relief took over his feeling. 

He would have loved to dash forwards, grab the other’s hand, hug him, hold him, kiss him. But he did nothing. He stood there. 

Frozen in spot.

He really could not leave him again. 

It was not and would never be possible. 

His soul needed the other’s like he himself needed air.

After an amount of time spent in utter silence, Medkit sighed and walked towards the bed, setting his cup onto the nightstand before looking at the amount of fluid left in the IV bags.

“Good Morning. Did you sleep well?”, he asked, his voice grumpy as usual. However, if you knew him truly, there was happiness in his voice, hidden behind this thick layer of his usual grumpy way of talking. 

Upon asking, he heard a snicker from the person on his bed, making him look at that person again.

Subspace looked up at him with a big grin. 

“I feel like I died and was brought back to life but at least I get to wake up here, and not in some medical wing at Blackrock's headquarters. That makes up for this.”

Feeling his cheeks heat up a bit upon hearing that, he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah right. I'm glad to hear you feel a bit better…?”

“Yeah.”

A nod. He didn't really know what else he should say. Not once, Medkit felt at a loss for words like this. There was nothing. 

After everything, he wasn't entirely sure what to say to the other. He wanted to say so much but everything felt like it could end so wrongly. 

All he could do was standing there next to the bed, looking at Subspace, his brows tightly furrowed.

“So.”, interrupted Subspace the dead silence between them after a while, turning his head again so that he was looking at the beton ceiling above.

“Hyperlaser really did carry out my orders.”

“Mhmm. You better give that poor person a raise or something. He does way more than what he gets money for.”

Subspace huffed out a laugh.

“I really should, huh.”

“Without him you would be dead Sub.”

Only upon finally saying these words, he realized how painful they were to speak out loud. How heavy they felt. How it made him feel.

“How’s Zeta?”

“I only saw them for a split second. They seemed to be very worried about you.”

“Hmmh,”

They didn't speak for a while. Subspace continued to look at the ceiling while Medkit stared at the other, until the other hastily turned his head, looking at Medkit , his eyes lit up with excitement.

“I know that I was way tooooo close for my liking  to seeing the golden pearly gate-”

“None of us will ever get to see the gate:”

“What I was wanting to say, 

.

Not even your abilities can heal that much to make me feel that “okay” in this short matter of a time so

What did you do?”

The way he looked at Medkit, eyes filled with that one glimmer he always had when he was successfully  annoying the other. 

With him looking like this, he could already tell that the other knew. 

He knew what he had done. He just wanted to hear him say it.

Confess

Admit

He wanted to  torment him even if just a little bit.

“You know it”, muttered Medkit through grit teeth. 

“Come oon. Say it. I don’t know shit. I was unconscious. I was dying in your bed. Kinda poetic.”

“You drive me insane.”

“Nah.”

Subspace grin got even wider.“Tell me.”

“What do you even want to hear? That I used my crystal?! That I used my crystal just to save your life. To keep you from dying here in my care, right in front of me???”

Subspace knew exactly how to make Medkit so utterly annoyed, how to pull on his nerves in the right way to make him explode just a bit for a moment and while he was now furiously rubbing his temple again, he immediately calmed down, against his own will, the moment he saw Subspace’s reaction.

Subspace had looked at him with a smile which got bigger and bigger the more he had said and now he was looking at him, big eyes and an even bigger, joyous smile, before he loudly burst out laughing.

This laugh did sound more however like a giggle. A giggle filled with nothing but utter joy and happiness. It made Medkit feel weirdly happy and weak. 

“YOU CAAAAREEEEEEEEE”

“I just did what I had to.”

“YOU CARREEEEE ABOUT MEEEE.”

“Sure. Whatever you want to believe. “

Still giggling, Subspace stared at Medkit again, his expressions uncharacteristically happy.

“You can't stand using it, you HATE it. And you did save me with its powers.”

Medkit sighed.

There was no use in arguing with him, he knew him better than most other people.

However it did not mean that he was about to give up.

“Okay so I know that the great Subspace of Blackrock keeps my address in his wallet.”

Immediately, the other got quiet, staring at Medkit before he started loudly laughing again. 

“Oh that absolute snitch”

"Who saved you by the way “, remembered Medkit the other, suddenly regretting what he had said, fearing to have caused trouble for the merchant.

“Don't worry I don't give a fuck that he metioned it.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Unlike you I am not so scared to admit stuff y'know. So yes. I have your address, on a note, in my wallet. The note is light green btw..”

In disbelief and dumbfounded Medkit stared at the other, before harshly pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, shutting his eye.

“Yeah okay…You know what..”, he muttered after a moment, trailing off as he summoned his gear in his hands, setting it down on the bed next to Subspace who was still watching him with the same stupid and satisfied big smile.

“I’m gonna check your vitals and stuff.” 

It had absolutely no ties to what they had previously been discussing-

and that was exactly what he wanted, changing the topic, not talking about it any more. 

In his mind he heard Hyerlaser once again scolding him. 

For once again pulling back the moment they could have chatted a bit more honestly. 

About feelings. 

Medkit hated talking about feelings. He was sure it would never even just change a bit. It made him feel naked. Vulnerable. Weak, his soft spots all mapped out for everyone to stab in if they wanted to. 

It was nothing he needed. 

However, if he wanted to keep Subspace close to him, he needed to do just that. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, close to Subspace, he quietly roamed through his gear, before taking out a blood pressure cuff, a little flashlight and some more things he needed. 

Sitting this close, he could feel the other’s warmth.

It made his heart beat even faster than it already had done and his hands shook a bit. Normally he didn’t feel that way when sitting next to the other. 

They had been closer than that and he hadn’t had shaking hands.

Maybe because back then he was able to still lie to himself. 

That he wasn’t still in love.

That it was something that came out of them both being lonely. 

Neither of them could assume that now. Not after the last evening and night. 

The other’s bandaged hand was lying there, on the mattress, motionless, close, close enough that he could just grab it and hold it tightly. That he could caress it. 

It almost felt as if Subspace was waiting for him to do exactly that. 

He did not reach out for it. 

Instead he set his gear next to him, the needed medical supplies laced down next to him on the bed as well before he grabbed the first thing. 

Subspace was silent the entire time, watching him closely with an expression which Medkit could not decipher.

He wasn't sure if the dead silence made things better or even more awkward.

Every time he touched the other’s skin, which was still way too hot for his usual lower temperature but which still felt better than when Hyperlaser brought him in, his body feeling like it was burning, it felt like his own icy fingers started to slightly tingle. 

The touch felt familiar like it always did. Aside from that one time where the other’s cold hands didn’t feel familiar but instead like icy daggers scratching over his eye. 

Scratching over his face in a desperate attempt to grab him as Medkit tried to turn around and run away.

He was so thankful that now the touch didn’t feel like this anymore. 

The other quietly let the other do everything with him, never once trying to move his arms away. 

His gaze never moved off Medkit.

The room was silent, yet it was filled with a thousand, if not so much more, unspoken words which they wanted to say. 

Which they should have said way earlier.

Nobody took one of these words and finally said them out loud. 

Instead, Medkit finally grabbed the last thing, the little flashlight and moved so that he was directly over Subspace. 

“You need to follow this with your eye so I can test if you have any damage on your eye and brain and nerves and “, he made a gesture with his other hand. 

“Yeah I will”

Moving the light, he stared into Subspace’s eye and for a moment he lost all of his nervous feelings, his hand steady as he fully focused on the other’s reactions. 

“You know it looks good on you when you are so focused on something Meddy.”

With that, his focus was gone again. 

“You are probably still a bit delirious from the meds and painkillers you are saying stupid shit again."

“Nah it’s cute when you furrow your eyebrows like that. Do you know that you scrunch your nose when you focus on a thing?”

“ I don’t??”

Rubbing over his flat deer nose, he glared down at the other. “Could you focus for just this one time?”

Subspace just smiled and with a sigh, Medkit leaned closer again and held the flashlight at the other’s face again. 

“But really. This situation is not the one I wished for which involves both, you on top and me all sweaty and such in your bed.”

In an instant he felt his cheeks burn and his heart beat in his ears for a second, before he turned the light up just for a moment and just bright enough to hurt the other a tad bit before sitting back next to him and throwing the little flashlight in his gear.

“Owowow I’m sorry”, giggled Subspace, rubbing his eye with his not bandaged up hand

“Bad news. With all that shit you keep saying I think your head got way too badly deep fried for me to help healing.”

All it did was earn him a snort. 

“You kept me from dying. I believe a deep fried brain is nothing.”

Letting his forehead fall in his hands, holding his head up as he put his elbrows on his thighs as he was on the bed, he wanted to evaporate just like the cigarette smoke earlier. 

“Why. Why did you even tell Hyperlaser to bring you to me?. “, murmured Medkit eventually. His voice thin. 

Sitting up again he turned his head, looking over his shoulder again and at Subspace who immediately looked back into his eye.

“I could have killed you yesterday.”

For a second, they both didn’t say a thing but then the 

other just shrugged, avoiding Medkit’s eye.

“I guess I wanted to be with you even if it would mean I would soon be dead.”

Suddenly the silence felt too heavy to manage. 

“What…”

Another shrug as the other still had his head a bit turned away, looking away from the other and at the wall next to him, inspecting the cyan beton. 

“You head me.”

“Bu-”

“Besides. I knew you could save me, you would save me. And it would be so much better to wake up here than in the cold medical station of Blackrock with the cold white walls and the even colder doctors all glaring at you.”

Now he was looking directly at him again, with a little smile.

“Anything is better than waking up there.”

Now Medkit’s expression shifted into a serious one, one which couldn't hide the pain 

“It’s because of Korblox right? It’s because of them that you pushed your body yesterday right? Beyond every possible line?”

Subspace smiled bitterly, his gaze suddenly sad.

“Because of who else I’ve been not doing well enough, doing too little, too less, too basic things. Nothing that makes me worthy of being their number one

I had to prove to myself that I can do just as much as they want.”

“You almost killed yourself for them.”

“Exactly! It’s all I know. I was made to break myself for Blackrock”

His voice wasn’t even just raspy, it was breaking by now and it was painfully clear to hear .

There was desperation in everything, his expression, his voice, his sentence. 

With a pained look Medkit looked at the other. He wanted to hold him, he wanted to beat or love, or whatever he had to do, this mindset out of the other. He was so intelligent and yet he could not see that he was their best mindless and brainwashed obedient servant they ever made.

 Out of all the mindless Biocrafts he was their best and most loyal robot they had to offer. 

Which they could  use and which they were about to break.

If it wasn’t the rot, they would kill him soon. 

Wordlessly Medkit couldn’t keep himself from grabbing the hand anymore, gently taking the other’s bandages hand, holding it, caressing it as he looked at their hands holding each other. 

The same hands which had caused so much awful suffering to people.

And to each other.

Both were guilty of horrible crimes.

And yet, despite everything they had done , their hands still looked so perfectly fine like this. And yet, despite everything, it was still feeling painfully good and  right.

“I am really so glad that he brought me here to you”, Subspace broke the silence between them, his voice less  shaky as he caught himself a bit.

“I am too”, for once he was saying what he was thinking. 

Next to him, he heard a snicker.

“Oh I know that.”

Medkit just sighed before suddenly he recalled something.

You know on that side note, he knows. About this thing”

Medkit made helpless gestures pointing at Subspace and then at himself 

“About us.”

“Who? Hyperlaser?”“Yes?”

Once again, he had to  ask himself why he mentioned it. 

He had to teach himself how to keep his mouth shut again. 

Completely prepared for the other for fully crash out now, he looked down onto hi

There was no yelling

He was laughing.

Subspace was laughing so loudly. A bit hysterically even. 

He laughed so much, Medkit saw tears forming at the other’s corners of his one eye.

“You are not upset?”“Why should I?”, laughed Subspace .

“I don’t know?”

Subspace would have continued to laugh for quite an amount of time but his laughing caused a bad coughing fit quicker than Medkit hoped that it would come.Holding his hand a bit tighter he looked at the other as he coughed, pink poison creeping out of the other’s mouth.

Seeing him like this made him feel strangely helpless.

“I’m not pissed”, said Subspace the second his coughs had stopped 

“It’s actually really fair.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been holding it over his head that he’s dating Thieves Den’s Katana for months”, crackled Subspace grinning at the other with mischief written all over his face.

“He’s…dating Kat?”

Medkit sighed deeply, his headache making itself more present once more.

All of that was already way too much for him. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?? They act like teens in their first relationship at highschool?!”

“They..do? I don’t look at what they are up to that much in the lobby.”

“They do, it’s actually so funny to watch them. Why do you think Hyper keeps missing his ult when it comes to Katana in front of his laser ray gun? He never misses his ult”

“I mean I guess you are correct?”, replied Medkit, realizing how less he actually looked at was happening around him, too busy with healing.

“I am always correct”, replied Subspace with a big grin on his face.

By now, all of his colors looked so much less washed out and grey to him. 

It made his heart feel so much better and yet still hurt in a way he couldn’t put in words when he looked at the other grinning and laughing at him like that, their hands still holding each other. 

All of sudden, the touch didn’t feel warm anymore. It burned. 

Quickly he pulled his hand back, standing up, making his gear disappear.

“I should call Hyperlaser. Tell him that you are all better and stable again. And really awake. That he can come over and take you to the hospital as soon as your IV has run entirely so that you can sleep a bit more there.”

Refusing to look at him, being able to picture the surprised yet shocked and desperate expression of the person behind him, he took the first step so that he could go and walk to the kitchen but he couldn’t walk any further, Subspace grabbing his shirt. 

“Please don’t call. Not yet.”His hand couldn’t grip him tight. It was his disabled hand. 

It would have been easy to just shake off his hold and walk out.

“Please. Medkit.”

Hearing Subspace say his full name made his heart feel tight as it sunk. No Meddy. No Kit. No teasing names. Medkit. 

It felt so strange.

So heavy.

He refused to look at him. To turn back around. 

Swallowing heavily he looked at the floor, searching for something, anything that would tell him what he could do.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me. Don’t send me away  again. Stay here please.”

He pleaded. 

It felt like back then just less scary. It felt so painful.

He could stay. He could now turn around and they would start over. Try once more. Be honest with each other.

Or he could do the same as then. Walk out.

Now he couldn’t do stuff. He couldn’t attack him; he was stuck to the bed, his legs too weak to carry the weight.

There were no dangerous risks.

He could walk away and end it.

This relationship. 

But deep inside of him he didn’t want that. He couldn’t.

He was scared. He knew it would never be the same.

They were both severely ill. Both mentally. Subspace also physically.

They were changed people.

Subspace loved him but he was also loyal to Blackrock.

And with their backstory, who knows if they could ever fix it. If they would ever work.

“Medkit.”, 

Both of them could vividly imagine Medkit walking out wordlessly, calling Hyperlaser, waiting in the living room until the merchant would come and help Subspace out and back into the jet black car.

It felt almost too real.

However it didn’t happen.

Despite both expecting it to happen, Medkit suddenly turned around 

“Move over.”

Subspace’s  expression immediately changed, his face liting up.

Hectically, he moved a bit. It was difficult yet he made the other a bit space before falling back onto the mattress again, breathing hard. Even just moving was too difficult for him. 

Medkit gently got into the bed himself, lying down and after he had put the tube of the IVs out of their w, hanging it over the wooden headpiece of his small bed, he wrapped his arms around the other’s skinny and boney body.

He had lost even more weight since the last time he had been at this apartment.

His touch was cautious yet warm and soft.

For a second, Subspace didn’t dare to do anything but then he moved closer, wrapping his arm around the other as good as it was possible before , intertwining their legs and resting his head right underneath Medkit’s so that Medkit, who was laying on the side, had his own head resting on Subspace’s head, careful not to stab him with his large sharp horns.

They didn’t dare to talk.

Neither Medkit nor Subspace fully believing what Medkit had done.

All Subspace could do was laugh. Laugh in relief and disbelief.

At first it was only a giggle, then it turned into a real laugh.

He laughed and laughed as he held tighter onto the doctor who just faintly smiled a bit.

Eventually his laughing died down again.

“I love you Kit.”

Nothing but silence came from medkit as he froze up for a seon

Subspace didn’t expect any response so when he felt the other move and got up into a somewhat sitting up position, propping himself up with his own arm he couldn’t even expect anything other than the other getting out of their bed.

So when Medkit suddenly moved in away that their faces were in front of each other, he couldn’t help but feel his own weak heart race a bit as he looked at him in utter disbelief before he started to grin 

There was no cruelty or mischief in the grin. To any other person his big grin showing off all his teeth seemed scary but not to him. Not to Medkit. 

He knew the grin was one filled with nothing other than happiness.

Closing the few centimeters between them, he kissed SUbspace so gently that it made Subspace almost feel sick of happiness. 

It was nothing too much. Just a quick kiss. But it was all Subspace had needed ,  it was all which he had needed to do to confirm it. He didn’t need to say anything.

Subspace now knew.

Medkit felt the same feelings. 

Separating again, he looked down at Subspace with furrowed brows but his expression lacked any real anger or annoyance.

The other just smiled back.

They still had so much they needed to chat about.Their issues weren’t fixed. But they could on it. They could start and try all over again.

The rain was still falling against the window making a calming and monotone drumming as the two Phighters were lying next to each other, in their embrace. 

Subspace sometimes fell back into a deep sleep, just like the other, their powers still drained out but now whenever they would wake up again, they were into the other’s arms.

If anything, it was a good start for what was to come.