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Entire class 1-A was gathered in the dorms’ common room, and it was pure chaos. The reason for that was the only person currently not present in this mess – Hot Pepper.
Everyone, and most of all Katsuki, was panicking. Again.
Because she was missing. Again.
Today, Hot Pepper was supposed to return from her internship in Kyushu. But it was already late in the evening, no one could contact her, and everyone was panicking.
Katsuki was about to call their homeroom teacher to demand some answers when the main door opened to reveal a rather unlikely trio — Aizawa, the Copy Cat from class B, and Hot Pepper herself.
Before 21 students could rush to the entrance like a flock of rabid pigeons, their teacher raised his hand, activated his quirk, and said, “Get back to the common room. I’ll explain everything, but first, you all need to pipe down.”
Hot Pepper hasn’t spoken a word since returning. It was their homeroom teacher who explained everything instead.
Long story short — as Hot Pepper returned to Musutafu train station, she saw that some snotty brat was about to fall onto tracks. It goes without saying that her hero instincts kicked in and she saved him.
Unfortunately, the story didn’t end there.
Apparently, the kid, in his panic, activated his quirk.
“According to his parents, the kid has just recently turned five and only got his quirk a few months ago. He doesn’t know how to control it at all. That’s why I called Monoma, to see if he could copy this quirk and check if it’s possible to turn off the effects.”
The 1-B's Copy Cat gave a one shouldered shrug as he explained, “Sorry, it’s no good. It seems that once this quirk is activated, the only thing that can make the effects go away is waiting it out.”
Then you should’ve tried harder, you bargain bin loser, Katsuki thought angrily. And why the hell was he still hanging around if he was so useless!?
Katsuki looked at Hot Pepper. She seemed fine physically, but she still hasn’t spoken a word, and knowing her, this one small detail, more than any physical wound, was terrifying.
“Just get to the point already, dammit,” Katsuki finally blew up. “What’s wrong with her?”
And his girl finally, finally spoke up, making Katsuki wish that she hadn’t.
“What’s wrong with me? Where should I start? Abandonment issues, tragic backstory, or the fact that my boobs have been hurting like a bitch all day because my period is in a couple of days?”
What the actual fuck?
The room went dead silent. The only sound was Aizawa’s deep sigh as he dragged a hand over his face...
...and the Copy Cat Bastard’s quiet snickering. So that’s why the asshole was still hanging around — he was here to enjoy the show.
Finally, Aizawa explained, “According to the kid’s parents, his quirk is registered as ‘Unfiltered’. It makes the affected person unable to filter what they say. As you can see, they just blurt out the first thing that pops into their mind,” their teacher finished with an utterly exhausted glance towards Hot Pepper. Katsuki wondered how much the poor man had already heard on their way from the station back to U.A.
“Um, when will the effects fade away?” the Shitty Nerd asked, already writing things down in his shitty notebook.
Aizawa sighed again, somehow deeper than before, if that was even possible, before replying, “That’s the problem. The quirk’s effects aren’t time based. They're energy based. The effects will fade away once she talks enough to exhaust it.”
Well, fuck.
Katsuki glanced at the 1-B's intruder who looked highly amused by this idea. But before he could do anything, Hot Pepper herself spoke up, “Careful, Monoma. Tone down that gleeful expression because it looks like Kats is about to punch you.”
“You should be punching him yourself, you walking migraine!” Katsuki retorted.
“A part of me wants to, but another part of me understands the curiosity to witness this. After all, it is kind of funny.”
“Like hell it is!”
The vice prez tried to solve the problem, as always. She asked, “Is there anything we can do to help you?”
Well, Katsuki appreciated Yaoyorozu for trying to help his girl, but addressing Hot Pepper directly turned out to be a mistake as she spoke again.
“Yaomomo! It’s impressive how you’re always thinking! If our entire class suddenly turned into villains, I think you’d be the most successful one. I mean, couldn’t you technically make cocaine with your quirk? And other drugs? Girl, you would have a drug empire. No, a drug monopoly! Our resident mafia boss Yaomomo,” she finished by making finger guns at the other girl.
This time it was the class prez himself who interfered, making agitated chopping motions, “Even while under an influence of a quirk, comments like these are unbecoming of a future hero!”
“Oh shut up, Iida,” the girl retorted. “I can’t prove it yet, but I feel like out of all of us, you’re the most likely to commit murder.”
Shitty Nerd choked on nothing but air at that. Katsuki noticed that Half and Half Bastard was opening his mouth to say something, but shut up again after noticing Shitty Nerd give a tiny shake of his head.
Could they be any more obvious?
After that, Hot Pepper was on a roll. She picked targets at random, and Katsuki suspected that nothing short of knocking her out could stop this stream of thoughts.
“Speaking of what’s becoming and unbecoming... Uraraka, for some reason I always thought that if you weren’t in a hero course, you’d be a functional alcoholic.” With a shrug, she added, “Huh, actually, now that I think about it, you can still be that even if you’re a hero.”
“Wha–”
“Asui, were you born as a tadpole or just an extra ugly baby? No offence. Quirk or no quirk, all babies are ugly as fuuuck. In that regard, you’re not special.”
“Um...”
“Kami and Jirou, you two should just kiss already. Though, I think it would be better if you didn’t have kids.”
“Hey, what does that even mean!?”
“Speaking of kids... Todoroki, the more I look at you, the more you remind me of that one dude from the League of Villains, the one who shot me back at the camp.” She started laughing like the foul evil witch that she was, “Wouldn't it be funny if you and Dabi were secretly brothers or some shit? Ha ha, that would be some crazy anime protagonist bullshit. Also, I’m so jealous because your pillow can always be cold thanks to your quirk.”
“Hold on, can we go back to–”
“You too, Midoriya!”
“Yes!?”
“I know you’re hiding something, I just can’t prove it yet.”
“Yes! Wait, no!”
Katsuki barely held himself from cackling too.
“Speaking of hiding stuff... Hagakure, I shamefully always hold back on you in training, even if I would flip out if someone did that to me.”
“Huh? But you always fight like crazy! You always kick my ass in any exercise!”
“Oh no, I don’t mean hand to hand combat. I mean your quirk. It's not invisibility, isn’t it? It's light refraction. I can sense the nervous pathways that control it. And I know how to deactivate it. But I always hold back to preserve your dignity, since you’re always naked. Also, how are you, like, always naked? Like, what about your period? Is it invisible too?”
“TMI, girl! TMI!!”
Hot Pepper continued destroying her targets one by one, “Mineta, fuck off.”
“Hey, I didn’t even say anything!”
“You didn’t have to. You're just here. By the way, Monoma, since you’re also still here, if you copied All For One’s quirk, could you steal it from All For One himself so that he wouldn’t have it anymore?” She glanced at her totally-not-dad and continued, “What about Erasure? If you copied it and you and Shouta both looked at each other at the same time, would the world just end?”
“Kouda, could you control principal Nezu since he’s technically an animal?”
“Tokoyami, there are times when I think you are Eri from the future.”
“This sounds like one of the thoughts from the Abyss.” Birdbrain replied.
Hot Pepper ignored him and continued, “I mean, your favourite food is apples. You know who else loves apples? Eri. And you’re both very sweet and kind.”
“Compelling evidence, but I fear there’s one major problem — we look nothing alike. We're not even the same gender.”
Hot Pepper’s face darkened as she replied, “Time travel can do cruel things to a human body.” She then turned to a snickering shadowy companion of the Birdbrain, “Dark Shadow, if the world ended and you and Tokoyami were the only ones left, would you eat him?”
“Huh? Why would I–“
“Aoyama, have you ever considered that it’s not quirk overuse, but excessive consumption of cheese and a potential lactose intolerance that constantly makes you shit yourself? I think you should look into that.”
“Ou-oui...”
“Ojiro, half the time I see you, I notice your tail before I notice your face. And a third of that time I can only think of an improper use of your tail, but explicitly stating what it is would require for the author to raise the rating of this story to Mature.”
Monkey boy gulped audibly, “The author?”
“The author,” Hot Pepper nodded seriously. Listen, Katsuki loved her, but even he could admit that sometimes, his girl was utterly terrifying.
“Ashido, I bet in elementary school you used to melt your homework with acid, calling it a quirk accident, when in reality you were just trying to hide the fact that you didn’t do the homework that day.”
“Girl, that’s so not true! I continued doing that in middle school too!”
“Satou, I’ve honestly had times where I forgot you exist, sorry. Like, last week we got paired up for training, and when I heard your name called, I thought “Satou? Who’s that?”
Instead of Sugarman himself, the one who answered was Eyebags. “I’m afraid Bakugou has rubbed off on you too much. Careful, you’re beginning to treat your classmates as extras.”
“No, just Satou.”
And at this, Katsuki finally cracked and began full on laughing.
“By the way, Shinsou, why did you speak up? Maybe if you’d stayed hidden I would’ve spared you.”
“You wouldn’t have.” Eyebags deadpanned. “Let’s just get this over with...”
“Okay. Shinsou, I’m like 98 % sure that you constantly lack sleep because you always stay up late to watch funny cat videos.”
“What’s the other 2 %?”
“Porn.”
Katsuki was having way too much fun with this.
“Kiri, I only have eyes for Kats, but I’m kinda curious what’s it like to kiss you with those sharp teeth.”
Katsuki was not having fun with this.
“Oi, you foul evil witch!”
“Calm down. You know I love you. Speaking of love, Sero!”
Soy Sauce Face glanced at Katsuki, gulped, and timidly said, “Yes?”
“Sero, you are, unironically, husband material, but unfortunately my favourite colour is red.”
The other boy visibly relaxed after this while Katsuki smirked in satisfaction.
“Shouji...”
There was a long pause. If Katsuki counted correctly, Arm Guy was the last one left yet to hear his judgement. The class collectively held their breath.
“...you’re a good guy.”
The boy looked genuinely taken aback as he asked, “That’s it?”
Hot Pepper nodded. “Yep. Plus, I still owe you for saving my ass multiple times during the training camp.”
The class looked at each other in confusion. Finally, one of the extras asked, “Did the quirk finally wear off?”
Hot Pepper turned to Katsuki, and from a single glance he figured out that the Arm Guy wasn’t the last victim after all.
She suddenly jumped up from where she had been sitting and launched herself into Katsuki like a truck. She hugged him tightly and hung on him like a dead weight, supported only by Katsuki’s arms.
“Kats... Katsuki. Bakugou. Everyone’s always, like, BakuGO. Go go go. But no one’s ever, like, BakuSTAY. And you deserve to hear that.” Her eyes began drooping. “Stay, Kats...”
And just like that, she was asleep, right there in his arms, hanging off like a sack of potatoes.
Katsuki shook his head to himself, “My walking migraine...” Then, louder, he addressed his teacher who looked 5 seconds away from diving off the school’s roof, “Hey, Aizawa-sensei, the brat responsible for this? I think you should contact his parents and tell them that they should update the quirk registry. ‘Unfiltered’ my ass... More like ‘A Bad Fucking Trip’”
For what felt like the hundredth time, their homeroom teacher released a deep audible sigh and said, “Everyone, just go to your rooms already. Show’s over.”
Next morning, Katsuki had to forcibly drag Hot Pepper to class, whose first words after waking up were about changing her identity and moving to a different country.