Work Text:
“Merry Christmas!” Ryuji shouted as he entered the coffee shop, Yusuke following closely behind.
Ann immediately stood up and ran over to give him a tight hug, “Where the hell have you been?”
Futaba was sitting on a stool at the counter, playing on her Vita. She mindlessly waved to the two boys standing by the doorway.
“Ryuji wanted to get some—“ Yusuke started before getting jabbed by the other boy’s sharp elbow.
“Oh? Ryuji?” Haru asked pointedly.
“Well, uh, I guess the cat’s out of the bag…” He pulled a bag out from behind his back, “I didn’t get to wrap any of them, but I still think you’d all like someth—“
He was interrupted by Ann ripping the bag out of his hand and bringing it over to the table where Haru, Makoto, Morgana, and I all sat. She dumped the contents out, the sudden noise causing Sai and Sojiro to break their conversation and look over in confusion.
“SUSHI!” Morgana purred as he leaped at a small cardboard box.
“Well he seems excited about something,” Sai’s face was caught in a deep, genuine, smile, I’d never seen her happy like this before.
Makoto followed my gaze, whispering in my ear, “She hasn’t smiled this much since dad died.”
“Ryuji got him sushi,” Ann explained as she opened the box, Morgana purring and pleading ahead of her.
“What’s this?” Haru pulled something out of the pile. A white box with an old photo of a woman on it, written over her picture were the Arabic numerals one, nine, eight, and nine. My eyes drifted to the English at the bottom, Taylor—
“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! You got me a cd of 1989?!” She snatched it out of Haru’s hand, earning a sharp chirp of surprise from the other girl. “Oh my god! Ryuji, this is amazing, I could just kiss you!”
“Please don’t,” Ryuji put up his hands defensively.
“I wouldn’t mind a kiss,” Yusuke’s voice was flat, but there was the hint of a smirk on his face.
Ann turned to him and, without breaking her smile, replied simply, “no.”
Makoto, Haru, and Sae all broke out laughing at once. Sojiro put his hand against his forehead muttering, “oh god.”
I was shocked that Morgana hadn’t made any comment, but he was so engrossed in his present that I doubted he’d even heard anything.
Haru and Makoto both retrieved their gifts from the pile, thanking Ryuji as they did. Then it was my turn. It wasn’t much of a pile anymore, but there were still a few random presents, it was clear he’d bought gifts for more than just the Phantom Thieves. My eyes traced the various objects, unsure which was my gift, before stopping on one specific item. It was a miniature calling card, attached to a key ring. I picked it up and examined it: Noir, Oracle, Queen, Fox, Mona, Skull, Joker… Our codenames were written in kanji surrounding the, now infamous, hat image. On the back, where the message would typically be, was our codenames again, this time in romanji.
I looked up at Ryuji, smiling, “Thank you… but we didn’t get anything for you.”
“Don’t worry about it!” He replied, mimicking my smile. He grabbed something from the table and shoved it over top of Futaba’s Vita, directly into her line of sight, “I got this for you!”
Futaba was silent for a moment, before finally, breathily, saying “is that…”
“A micro SD card,” Ryuji’s face was alight with a self-satisfied grin, “for the Wii Swap or whatever that console is.”
Futaba snatched it from his hand, “The Nintendo Switch!” she corrected. “Holy shit, it’s only got 32GB on it, according to the specs they put out. There was no way I could fit everything I wanted to play on that! I mean, between the new Zelda, Splatoon, the rerelease of that Mario Kart game! There’s even rumors of a new Mario game! I won’t need to worry about uninstalling stuff constantly! Oh my god! This is gonna be so cool, graphics better than last gen, so many new entries in their iconic series! Oh my god, do you think there’ll be a new Metroid—“ Suddenly she stopped, realizing everyone was staring at her. “Uh, I mean, thank you Ryuji.” She bowed slightly and turned back to her game, cheeks pinker than normal.
“Hey, where’s my gift?” Sojiro asked, a wry smile on his lips.
“Uh…” Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck, “your gift is my gratitude and continued patronage?” He offered.
“I’ll make sure to charge you double then.” Laughter erupted around the room. I could’ve sworn Sai laughed the loudest, but maybe that was just because I hadn’t heard her laugh much. Makoto scooted slightly closer to me, leaning in. It was nice seeing how well her older sister and Sojiro got along. I couldn’t help but wish for them to have as strong a friendship as Makoto and I.
“Wait, boss—“ Ryuji went over to the counter, trying desperately to argue against the up-charge.
Makoto slid until her head was resting on my chest, rising and falling as I breathed. I thought back to our romance conversation, “I can't learn about romance by myself…” “You'll find someone someday.” It was nice to see that she was still comfortable with me, even after that. There were a few days where it had been weird, but then everything seemed to go back to normal. I did love her, a lot… just not in that way.
My mind began to wander. Futaba I had to let down easy, Ohya I ended up cutting off completely, Kawakami-senpai… I tried my best not to think about her. It was starting to seem like everybody I met wanted to sleep with me.
I looked over towards the counter where Sojiro, Sai, Ann, and Ryuji were speaking animatedly. Then over to Morgana, still ravaging the sushi he’d been gifted. Sometimes I had to remind myself there were people like them too, people I knew cared about me beyond the possibility of getting me naked.
My eyes drifted over to Haru, who was staring at the pack of seeds in her hand. I didn’t know enough about gardening to recognize the packaging, but the way she looked at them told me they must’ve been quite exotic.
“No offense but… where did you get the money for all this?” she asked. I didn’t know her all that well. We hung out a few times over the months since she joined, she even taught me the basics of gardening. But that was the extent of it. She and Makoto seemed pretty close though, and if Makoto trusted her I trusted her.
“Oh uh,” Ryuji spun around, breaking his faux-heated argument with Sojiro, and anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, “Mishima and I might have maybe been selling Phantom Thieves merch behind your backs…” Quickly he added, “but it was all for this! I… I knew that when all of this was over I wanted to get something for everyone! So we could all remember, even when he goes back home.” He shot a glance at me, and then braced himself for the berating he was sure to get.
But it never came. Instead, Makoto replied, the vibrations of her words buzzing against my chest, “Thank you, Ryuji. That really means a lot.”
“Speaking of Mishima, where is he?” Ann asked, looking quizzically at Ryuji, “wasn’t he supposed to come with you two?”
“He was busy, said he was going out with a girl.”
“WHAT?!” The entire room shouted at once, surprise on everyone’s face, including mine.
“Are… you sure he wasn’t just lying because he didn’t want to come?” Makoto asked, once the noise had died down.
“Why would he want to bail on us?” Ryuji asked, looking around for approval and not getting any. “Okay, maybe he wouldn’t want to hang out with the rest of us, but there’s no way he’d miss a chance to hang out with this guy!” He shot a look at me.
“That’s a good point,” Futaba said, not once looking up from her game, “I was starting to think he was okama with how much he wanted to be around this guy.”
Everyone stared at her shocked for a moment.
“What?” She added, “there’s no way you guys didn’t suspect it too.”
“I thought he might be,” Yusuke affirmed, causing Futaba to give a less than joyful groan before becoming clearly engrossed in her game again.
“What about all of you? Where are your plus ones?” Ryuji asked.
“My plus one is here,” Makoto replied, indicating her sister.
“Shiho’s doing something with her family tonight.” Ann explained.
“My plus one is also here,” Futaba grinned.
Sojiro looked taken aback for a moment, “I’m your plus one?”
She nodded
“I own the shop! Were you just going to open it without me?!”
“Well he lives here,” she pointed her Vita at me, “he could just let us in.”
Sojiro scoffed, but said nothing more as he put another coffee on.
“Takemi-san stopped by earlier just to check in. Apparently the family of that girl she saved is doing something, so she was on her way to that. Haru, that was your invite, right?” Makoto asked.
“Yes. I went by the pharmacy on the way here to invite her, she seems really nice.” Haru replied with a soft smile.
“What about you?” Ryuji looked right at me as he asked, “weren’t you gonna invite that Yoshizawa chick?”
“Ryuji!” Ann snapped.
“What?” He looked genuinely surprised, earning a chuckle from Makoto, my chest buzzing at the frequency.
I thought for a moment, how could I even explain it. That I didn’t invite her because I felt there was something off about her. That when I first saw her persona a wave of dread washed through me. That something about her was just plain wrong. I could hear them in my head, “we should’ve checked the Meta-Nav” “could she’ve been working with Shido?” “we already met one evil persona user.” But I didn’t think it was— didn’t want to think it was like that. I wanted to believe she was just the sweet hardworking girl she presented as… but that didn’t change the unease I felt around her.
Luckily, I didn’t have to explain any of that, as, just as I opened my mouth to speak, Morgana jumped up from the sushi and exclaimed, “Wow, Ryuji, that was amazing! Maybe you’re not so bad after all!”
“What do you mean? ‘Not so bad!’ I’ve been nothing but helpful!” Ryuji half-jokingly shouted back, earning laughs from the phantom thieves, a confused look from Sai, and another groan of exaggerated disappointment from Sojiro.
Makoto got up to explain to her sister why Ryuji seemed to be speaking to nobody, and the boy in question took her place next to me. Ann and Haru sat across from us, and Yusuke pulled up a chair. The rest of the night went on like that, just chatting and laughing. Sojiro regaled us with tales of his college days, Yusuke talked about his latest art project, Ann about her modeling career. Every once in a while Futaba would look up from her game and deliver a one-liner that sent the whole room into a fit of laughter.
“To the Phantom Thieves!” Ryuji put his coffee mug up in toast, receiving clanks from everyone around him. I chimed in with the pitcher I was using to give out this latest round of coffee, since Sojiro had left nearly an hour ago. “I’m no spring chicken anymore,” he’d said, “I just can’t keep up with you kids.” Sai had left around the same time, but let Makoto stay behind to continue the festivities.
“It’s so hard to believe it’s really over.” Makoto was sitting on a bar stool at the counter, and turned to face us.
“Sometimes I worry it isn’t,” Ann replied.
“We destroyed Mementos when we killed Yaldabaoth,” Morgana explained, “the cognitive world just isn’t strong enough to manifest here anymore. Nothing else could happen.”
“You hear that,” Ryuji shouted, too excited to regulate his voice, “we did it! No more mental shutdowns, no more ‘Holy Grail’ controlling people from the shadows, no more detective prince breathing down our necks, and no more corrupt politician rigging the election!”
No more detective prince…
“At least, not here,” Ann said somberly, vaguely alluding to something, though what that was, I didn’t know.
She and Makoto shared a look. For a moment, I thought they might voice whatever was bothering them, but instead Makoto said, “It’s nice knowing our work made a difference.”
Futaba looked up from her Vita, turned it off, and set it on the counter next to her. “We finally avenged my mom— your dad,” she looked at Haru.
There was an uncharacteristic bitterness on Haru’s face, “We did…”
“The battle was long fought,” Yusuke said in his perpetually flat voice, “but we finally achieved it. Justice.”
“To justice!” Makoto lifted her mug for another round of cheers.
Justice.
The others went back to talking, but I couldn’t really hear them anymore. "Don't make me laugh! Justice? Righteous?! Keep that shit to yourselves!” Justice… To think, everything I thought I’d known about him was…
“…calling it a suicide,” Makoto’s voice sounded so far away.
“Of course they would,” Futaba replied bitterly.
Are they talking about him? “Akechi Goro has been reported dead, among allegations of corruption associated with Shido Masayoshi. We’ve been told it was a suicide of guilty conscience in the wake of Shido-san’s confession.”
“Tarnishing his reputation too,” Yusuke lamented.
“He was a killer,” Haru countered, “this is the least they could’ve claimed.”
“I was very particular about my life, my grades, my public image… I’m an ace detective, a celebrity!” If he could see the way they talked about him now, just another scandal…
“I wonder why we couldn’t have met a few years earlier…”
“How do you forgive something like that? Shido was a monster, pure evil. He ruined so many lives, I don’t know how Akechi could’ve possibly looked past that.” Futaba was fidgeting on her stool.
“Parents hold a lot of power over their kids…” Makoto replied somberly.
“If Sae told you to kill someone, would you do it? Sojiro saved me when my mom died, and I wouldn’t kill for him. Yusuke, would you have killed for Madarame? Ryuji? Ann? What about you? Parents make us go to school and pass our entrance exams. Parents are supposed to give us love and food and keep us safe. I don’t understand, if your parent isn’t giving you that, how do they possibly owe you?”
The room was silent for a moment. “…all of this is to make Masayoshi Shido... my father… acknowledge me. Then enact revenge on him…”
“Futaba…” Makoto spoke softly, “you spent years consumed by guilt when you thought your mom had committed suicide…do you really not understand how you could feel so indebted to a parent—“
“That was different! I thought I’d killed her! She did give me what I needed, and I asked for too much, and she died— Th-that’s what I thought, I mean. And, anyway, it was Shido who had her killed. Shido who faked that note. Shido who made me believe I’d killed my own mother.”
But… what he wanted was vengeance… Wasn’t it? “I was very particular about my life, my grades, my public image, so someone would want me around…”
“I loved my father very much, and I hate,” Haru spat the word like it was a strand of hair stuck in her mouth, “Shido Masayoshi for having him murdered… and I resent Akechi for doing it for him. But he made demands of me, demands that made me sick. I know what it means to be demanded of by a parent. By someone who you owe your life to. I know what it’s like to try to live up to those demands, and how hard it is to go against them… but to murder people. To kill. How do you defend that as ‘just what daddy needs of me?’ How do you forgive yourself?”
“He was a monster,” Futaba snarled.
“I’m as happy to be rid of him as anyone else, but—“ Ryuji was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder from a sad looking Makoto.
I stood from the stool I’d grabbed, and put up a hand indicating I needed a moment. I couldn’t listen to them anymore. There was simply too much I didn’t understand. Too much I couldn’t ever ask him. My breath caught in my throat as I reached the top of the stairs. He was really gone. Between exams and Yaldabaoth, I’d never really gotten the chance to think about that. Akechi Goro. The Detective Prince. He was…
“Hey, is there room for another?” Ann asked softly as she came up the stairs. I nodded, and she sat down next to me. “I’m sorry, they don’t seem to understand how hard this is for you.”
I shook my head. This wasn’t about me, couldn’t be about me. He’d killed people. People they loved. They should be allowed to scream about how much they hated him. There was no good reason for it to affect me like it did.
“I remember what it was like… when Shiho jumped, I mean,” Ann was staring down at her hands, “I remember how hard it was to keep going. To not get swallowed in my despair. But there you were. You and Ryuji… But especially you.”
My breath caught in my throat again. Oh no, was I gonna have to let her down too? I wasn’t sure I could even do that now. Not when I was like this.
“If it wasn’t for you… I know what you’re going through, at least a little. You helped me find hope when it seemed like there was none. And you were there every step of the way, while I processed… while she was in recovery. I want to be that for you now. I… I want to help you like you helped me.”
She looked me in the eyes for a moment. Helping her like that, it felt so small when compared to everything else we did. But her eyes told me it meant everything to her.
She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when she saw I was gathering my courage. If she really wanted to help… then she needed to know the truth.
“He and I were…” I struggled to find the words, “close.”
She looked at me with sympathetic eyes, “I know, that’s why…”
I put up my hand, “no, we were… really close.”
She stared at me for a long moment, “oh… Oh! You mean—“
I stared down at my shoes. “Yeah… I think I… I think we might have been… All those outings we did, all the time we spent just the two of us…”
“So… you two were dati—“
I interrupted her, “no! Or… I don’t know. He never put a label on it, I don’t even know if he was into me like that. I was too scared to ask, and now I can never…”
“I’m so sorry,” she pulled me close as tears began to cover my lenses. She was warm and soft. I tried not to cover her shoulder in tears and snot, but it was useless. My whole body heaved from the effort, sharp gasps of air serving as my only ventilation.
Slowly, I began to slow my breathing, pulling my body back under my control.
“Sorry,” I whispered softly as I moved my head from her shoulder and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“It’s okay.”
I took another moment to recompose myself. “You’re…” my voice was weak, “You’re only the third person who knows. When I first realized I was… gay,” I whispered the word, as if the mere mention of it might destroy my whole life. As if putting words to it might make it impossible to take back. “When I first realized… I talked to Sojiro about it. I didn’t know who else I could tell, but it was terrifying having it eat away at me. It took him a moment, but he was mostly understanding. A much better reaction than I’d expected, he mostly just asked me to be careful. To not go saying it to everyone, and that he’d beat someone up if they messed with me.”
Ann giggled, “that sounds like him.”
I nodded. “The other one is Ryuji. He… stumbled across us while we were on one of our— while we were hanging out. Later he asked me about it… or more, interrogated me about it. It was… awkward. He tried to tell me it was fine but… things were weird after. The next day he just sorta acted like he’d never heard anything.”
“I’m sorry…”
“He said it was because it was Akechi, but…”
“Akechi? Of all fucking people?!”
Ann let the silence sit for a moment. “Morgana doesn’t know?”
I shook my head.
“Thank you for trusting me with this,” she smiled at me, “I know that must’ve been hard.”
I looked down.
“If it helps at all, I’m sure the others would take it well.”
I appreciated the reassurance, but shook my head. Maybe Haru would take it well… but Futaba? Makoto? And I couldn’t help but think Yusuke would be too traditional to be okay with it, though he was always impossible to read.
“I was starting to think he was okama with how much he wanted to be around this guy.” She had a good heart… but I couldn’t believe she’d appreciate it. Especially with how much she was… attracted to me. I shuddered.
“Hey,” Ann put a hand on my shoulder, “they’re our friends. And they’re the Phantom Thieves. If there’s anything we’ve learned over this past year, it’s that our society is wrong. That what we’ve learned is right, isn’t justice. That true justice comes from working outside the system. So of course our friends wouldn’t hold on to beliefs like ‘homophobia’… or at least, that’s what Ryuji tells me…”
My head tilted as I looked at her.
She sighed, “Shiho wasn’t ‘just a friend’ either. When I lived in Finland, nobody really cared. I never really had to ‘come out’, I just… kissed a girl one day. But here… I was outcast for my appearance on day one. And being lgbtq is ‘weird’… so I hid it. I never meant to let anyone know until… until I got old enough to move back out of the country. But then Shiho and I had a sleepover and…” Her cheeks turned bright red, “a-anyway! We couldn’t let her parents know, so we hid it. And then, with everything… Ryuji’s been trying to get me to come out to you all, but it’s scary. I don’t… want to be alone again.”
“So… you and Ryuji aren’t…?”
“What? No!” She shouted so loud, I was sure everybody downstairs could hear. “No, no, not at all. Not once, not ever. No. Eww, gross, no! Has everyone been saying that? Is Ryuji saying that?! I swear, if that asshole is telling you all we dated, I’m gonna—“
I shook my head and waved my hands quickly, trying to get her to stop.
“No, we’re not dating. At all. Ever. He’s just a friend. Do you remember when we were in Hawaii? When he and I missed lunch? That’s because I came out to him. We were getting closer and… I didn’t want him to think we might, you know…”
I nodded, smiling slightly to myself. Mishima, Yusuke, and I had bet on the likelihood that they’d been doing something intimate, I’d just made ¥6000.
“Turns out, I’m not even his type. I’m too smart for him,” she giggled.
I raised an eyebrow.
“Honestly. Ever since I came out, he’s been like,” she started to do a bad impression of Ryuji, “‘What do you think about this girl? She’s really hot, right?’ About only the most airheaded girls, it’s honestly pretty funny.”
She laughed to herself. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to take away from your big moment. I just hope that knowing that you’re not alone in this helps. I know it helped me. I feel a lot better knowing there’s another queer— oh crap, do you mind that word?” I shook my head. “Oh, okay, phew. Yeah, I’m happy there’s another queer person in this group.”
How did I feel? Happy? Sad? I was bitter, I knew that. Bitter Ryuji had taken her coming out better than he’d taken mine. But that was unfair, it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t even his, being gay was weird. Having your guy friend tell you he was gay… he probably thought I was hitting on him. I was bitter that she’d gotten to live in a world where being gay was normal. That she could tell her parents without worrying they might disown her. But most of all, I was bitter that Shiho was alive, and Akechi wasn’t.
But that wasn’t fair. It was never fair. She hadn’t forced Akechi to fight his cognitive self. To sacrifice himself to save us… I had. Our “dates”, our bonding… it was hard not to know it was my fault. My fault that he’d decided to save us. I glanced over to my bag in the corner of the room. His glove was just sitting there. I should have never taken it, I should have never met up with him. If I hadn’t… he would still have been alive. Not dead with no body to bury.
I thought back to everyone downstairs… would he have joined us today? Would he have celebrated? We took down his dad, freed Tokyo from a false god. I could imagine his smile, “this is true justice” I could hear him saying.
I looked up at Ann. No, that was wrong. I didn’t even know him, not really. I could only imagine his image, the persona he displayed for the public. Robin Hood. The one I’d fallen in love with.
Ann was looking at me expectantly. “In all honesty, I’d love to see just how far we could go.” Was that a lie too? But that fight, it felt like seeing under the mask. Like I met him for the first time again.
She was looking at me expectantly, but patiently. Patience. Patience… The jazz club, the Penguin Sniper lounge, patience. The duel, the boiler room, impatience. Which was he? Which did I want him to be? Did it matter? That was the hardest question of all, did it matter?
His favorite color? Favorite flower? Comfort food? Childhood movie? Did it matter who he was when I didn’t even know this? Did it matter who he was when I didn’t even know that answer about myself?
Years of learned imperceptibility kept my emotions from showing obviously, but I knew Ann knew what I was feeling. She was always good at that. I sighed, “I’m happy to not be alone.”
She smiled, “are you ready to head back downstairs with the others?”
I nodded. Maybe it did help knowing I wasn’t alone. It did feel like a weight off my chest, having told her. I didn’t need to unpack it all now. I couldn’t unpack it all now. But at least I knew one friend would stand with me through it.