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Crying. That’s all Snowball has been doing for the past five or so weeks. Lying in bed and refusing to do anything else. His bros were worried, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t get over Coiny. He was dating Pin and he wasn’t going to get another chance.
He choked back another sob. Why’d he wait until he lost his chance? Why didn’t he just take it? He had so many fucking opportunities to date him but no! He just had to wait until Pin. He would’ve been a way better lover then Pin could ever be.
He’s stupid, just so fucking stupid. He couldn’t live without Coiny. He knew it. He was the other half of him. But he wasn’t the other half of Coiny. He needed Coiny to function, but Coiny was fine without him.
He wanted, so badly, for Coiny to be his but Coiny didn’t want him. Snowball turned around and hugged his blanket, crying into it. Stupid BFDIA, stupid viewers, stupid TLC, stupid LOL, stupid Pin, stupid, stupid, stupid, so fucking stupid. Dumb, dumb, stupid, foolish fucking shit.
If it wasn’t for that stupid season Coiny would’ve been his. If the viewers had voted for him to join instead of Pin, it would’ve been him in her place. He knew Coiny longer, it should’ve been him! Pin didn’t fucking deserve him! That season lasted for four years, four fucking years.
But Coiny chose Pin over him. Because he wasn’t good enough for him, he wasn’t better, he wasn’t.. He wasn’t strong enough. He was some weak, stupid fool that couldn’t do anything right and he wasn’t even a good person! He hurt others, he was violent, and he had a fucking short temper! Maybe he didn’t deserve him.
Snowball looked over to his bedside drawer. Opening it, he saw a razor inside. It was clean, the metal shining from the sun through the curtains. Usually whenever he thought of himself like this, he’d cut himself with the razor. He had to be strong enough, good enough to deserve someone like Coiny. If cutting himself hurt, he’d do it until it didn’t.
His bros, Eraser, Blocky, and Pen, made him promise to not do it anymore. But the itch in his skin for just a bit of relief, he didn’t realize it until he did it. He had grabbed the razor and sliced his skin. The blood fell from his cuts, and to the floor. He kept doing it, over and over, until he couldn’t feel the pain. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but he wouldn’t let it spill if it meant it came from the physical pain.
Snowball stopped himself, dropping the razor to the ground. He bit his lip; he made a mistake. Fuck his friends are going to be so disappointed in him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He immediately ran to the bathroom to clean his cuts, rinsing it with cool water, he watched the water become red. He searched for the bandages in the bathroom cabinets. Fumbling with them at first he was able to wrap them around his arms. Reentering his room, he looks for his arm and leg warmers so his bros wouldn’t see his cuts. And so, his bros wouldn’t be suspicious if he only had his arm warmers.
After putting on his arm and leg warmers, he climbed into his bed, wrapping the blanket around him. He was too tired to clean the blood off the floor. Why the fuck did he do it..? Stupid, stupid, stupid, just so fucking stupid. He hit himself on the head repeatedly, closing his eyes. After a while he stopped, his arm fell to his pillow.
Across his bed, he saw a crocheted Coiny plush. He stared at it for a long time. Breath hitching. Coiny had given it to him as a gift when they still hung out a lot. He had taken up crocheting as a hobby for fun and crocheted it. Snowball actually joined him in his hobby, making Coiny a Snowball plush to give the Coiny plush company. It was.. Cute.
Snowball’s face softened as he remembered that. After a couple of months Coiny dropped the hobby and without Coiny there Snowball didn’t have any motivation to continue.
Snowball grabbed the plush and hugged it to his chest. His face turned into a scowl. He missed those moments, those times when they hung out. This was all Pin’s fault. All that stupid, stupid, stupid, dumb, idiotic thumbtack’s fault. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. This time he couldn’t stop them. He sobbed quietly, hugging the plush tightly. The remnants of their friendship.
He never saw the crocheted Snowball that he gave to Coiny again. He wondered if Coiny kept it or he threw it away. Despite knowing how long it took Snowball to make it perfect just for him. Fuck, maybe he didn’t even care at all. Maybe he forgot it and didn’t even bother to throw it away.
The thought of it just made Snowball cry harder and spiral. He didn’t care. A thought that would forever be stuck in his mind.
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There sat a crocheted Snowball plush on top of a box in an attic. Opening the door to said attic, Coiny finds it. He didn’t remember who gave it to him. But hey it sure as hell was cute. Taking it with him, cleaning it up, he placed it on his shared bed with Pin. Maybe he could ask Pin if someone gave it to her. He’ll just keep it there for now. It fits in well with the rest of the room!