Chapter Text
The realization came easily, almost as breathing itself. Zuko had pondered this plenty of times over the years. He had wondered how it would feel like to actually have the avatar for himself. Of course, his earlier years were mixed with a horrible possessiveness and wrongness, but as he had grown those thoughts had become different.
By the time Zuko finally allowed himself to kiss Aang, the two were no longer boys stumbling from the ruins of a long fought war. Aang had been twenty then, sun-kissed from his endless expeditions and broad-shouldered from his lifelong training, his laughter had softened too, not diminished though, never that. And Zuko had already spent two years trying to unsuccessfully convince himself he was in love with someone else.
It had not happened all at once. Of course not.
They had one too many duties on their plate to really do much about how they felt. Although the war had ended their jobs had not. The Avatar was needed everywhere all at once, and Zuko was still trying his hardest to make people understand how much the Fire Nation longed for change.
Still, Zuko’s heart had been selfish for once. Just as they stood on what would soon become Republic City, with Aang by his side as he waved his hands around excitedly. He described their future with such clarity Zuko had forced to believe it was true. He could only smile as he listened to the other’s dreams.
Katara, Toph and Zukko had already gone back to their camp. Far too tired from their packed day of usual blabber with countless politicians and the press. Everyone seemed to have high hopes for what The Avatar would do next to bring the continent together. Everyone seemed to have something to say. And Aang, with his boyish charm and endless patience had given them all they wanted and more.
“Can you imagine?” Aang said warmly. “All the nations together, just like we were always meant to be.”
Zuko leaned closer to the other, managing to drop a hand on the other’s shoulders before he could overthink it too much. He did that these days. Every touch, every look, every moment he spent with Aang felt heavier than life itself.
“You are painting quite an image there,” he said awkwardly. He was sure if it had been anyone else he might have been seen as a sarcastic asshole. He tended to do that when the feelings his heart was throwing his way tended to be too much.
If it were anybody else his hand would surely be pushed away. The happiness that had lingered around them would surely diminish into an awkward crisp. Zuko would be left to wonder how it was possible that after years of the war coming to an end his social ineptitude had not made haste.
But Aang wasn’t anybody else. No, the man to his side knew him better than anyone. Even before their friendship had truly managed to come alive, The Avatar had always known who he was at his very core.
So instead of the usual frustration Zuko had grown accustomed to, he received a warm smile for his troubles. Aang looked into his eyes with something close to excitement as he leaned in. “Just think about it! All the work we have done since the war is over will finally come to fruition! Finally, we will be allowed to rest. For a bit anyway.”
Zuko hummed at that. He wanted to remind Aang that his duties as Firelord did not in fact come to a satisfying end just yet, if ever. But he couldn’t bring himself to ruin this small moment of warmth that surrounded them.
“One step closer to fixing the mistakes of my people,” he agreed solemnly. One more step to undo his mistakes, to clear his soul.
“You have more than made up for everything,” the other argued solemnly. “You have proven yourself to me and to the world, and most importantly to you. As far as I’m aware your duty to the world has more than cleared up.”
“Big words coming from the Avatar,” he teased pinching the other’s side, making him squeal.
In moments like this he wished he could kiss the other. He longed to feel that bright smile against his skin. He wished to taste the other and swallow whatever teasing notes the other had left to give. Zuko wondered at times, how easily it would be to kiss The Avatar.
These thoughts were of course another sort of punishment his own brain had unleashed upon him. As a way to pay for his sins he would be forced to love the other from afar. Always within the sun's reach, too much of a coward to truly make contact. Out of all the punishments he could receive, this had to be the sweetest of them all, because at least this way the presence of the other would always make itself known.
“Oh yeah,” Aang chuckled as he bowed. “My word is the law, or something.”
Zuko huffed a quiet laugh as he lightly pushed on the other’s shoulders, turning to look at the surrounding bay. It was beautiful sight, open so people from everywhere could make their way without being stopped. The moon managed to shine brightly on it as the sun was pushed downwards into the horizon to allow for a change of charge.
Aang walked closer to the cliff, allowing his glider to rest at his side as he overlooked what would surely become one of the greatest cities in the world. He looked majestic like this, almost statuesc. Zuko chastised himself for not bringing the Royal painter to make a sketch out of this image. The look on the younger’s face was more than enough to make his stomach drop.
He looked so excited, like he could honestly see the bustling city before him. Like there was something else under him, something bigger than life. It was more than enough to allow Zuko a glimpse into his reality.
“Can you see it too?” asked Aang as if he could read his thoughts.
Zuko, looked down, trying his hardest to see what the other saw. But all that stood beneath them was wood and misplaced rocks. A city that was yet to exist. Still, he nodded, looking up with a warm smile into his companion.
“People from all over the continent will come,” Aang started dreamily. “Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom families, living together in harmony. Water Tribe merchants shall make their way through, bringing trinkets from far away. Kids growing up under one big tribe. Forgetting the ever lasting war and allowing new memories in.”
He couldn’t help but wince at the obvious skip in Air Nation kids, who deserved to grow up in peace just like any other. He couldn’t help but feel guilty at his family’s actions. Aang had, on more than one occasion, taken his words in stride. There was nothing either could do to change the past, the only thing they could do was prepare the world for a better future.
He tried to do just that, truly he did. But seeing the look on his best friend’s eyes, as he reminisced on what would surely be their biggest mission yet. Seeing the soft way he looked forward instead of back, in fear, perhaps of what he would find. He wished there was something he could do.
He knew that thought was a fool’s errands. There was nothing anyone could do. This was just one of those things that could not be fixed. No amount of money or words or arguing would solve it. No amount of crying or begging or bargaining would make Aang feel better in the slightest. In a way they were stuck.
Still, Zuko stood upright, not allowing the night to end with such a horrid note, “All thanks to you.”
“No,” the other said, allowing his hand to drape over the other’s arm. “This was a group effort. Give yourself some credit. Maybe like three percent.”
That made Zuko laugh, “Three percent? Well, thank you, your excellency.”
“Well,” Aang teased with a small smile, “I am nothing if not kind. You may have five.”
“Gee,” he said, letting his usual sarcasm to bleed through his words, “thanks.”
The laugh that filled the space was louder than the Firelords. It was loud and bountiful, just like it always was. A constant reminder that no matter how tall or strong or beautiful the other managed to become, he was still Aang. Aang who had more kindness in his left pinky than the rest of the world combined, Aang who managed to turn Zuko into a puddle with a simple look and stupid smile, Aang who was leaning so close the thought of kissing suddenly became a need.
The younger man caught him staring, finally letting his laugh stop morphing instead into a soft smile. He opened his mouth blowing slightly, allowing some of that air to caress his hair, surely pulling even more hair from his messy bun he had done when pulling construction material onto the beach.
“What?” he asked softly. As if he didn’t know. As if he could possibly be blind to the way Zuko’s fire burned all the brighter when he was surrounded by the other’s presence.
Zuko’s throat tightened unexpectedly. For many years he had carried this feeling lodged deep inside his chest. He had done so quietly, without a complaint. Years ago, when he had begged to be let into their Gaang, Aang had belonged to someone else, and so had Zuko. Then, as they grew Aang had chosen instead to become the world’s, and Zuko had been powerless to stop it.
Somewhere along the way Zuko had admitted, to himself, that his destiny would always entail chasing The Avatar. His chase now was much more fruitful than the first. Now, he was satisfied with whatever small moments the universe allowed him to have. With whatever secrets the other chose to confide in him, in whatever touch the other seemed to bestow onto him. He gladly took it all, thanking the universe for giving him such small mercies.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault really. Everyone had destinies they were forced to comply with. Aang destiny had involved ending the hundred-year war, bringing the nations together like never before. Zuko’s had been to escape the Fire Nation’s regime and training The Avatar. Nothing they could do about it, not one thing. Nobody they could blame either, not truly.
But standing here, above a city that seemed filled with endless possibilities, he couldn’t help but wonder. And wasn’t that a horrid thing. His sister had been wrong about very many things, but she had been right about one thing. Hope was a sure way of dying slowly.
Zuko could deal with the fact that Aang would never love him, not like he so desperately wanted. He could understand his destiny and bite the bullet when necessary. But hoping for things to change, that was something he couldn’t handle in the slightest.
Having Aang looking up at him with nothing but wonder in his eyes. Pulling him closer by his still clasped elbow, like it meant nothing and everything at the same time. All above a city where their wildests fantasies were just coming to life. It was all enough to make him jump.
“I like the way you talk about the future,” Zuko started softly, almost wishing his words were lost to the wind. “You talk like you can actually see it, like it’s sitting right in front of you, and it drives you crazy nobody else can see it too.”
Aang smiled faintly. “I think I just like believe it’s there. Contrary to popular belief, I have no idea what will happen tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that. For all I know everything could go terribly wrong in seconds, I’ve seen it happen before. But dreaming of a better future for the entire world, that’s something I can do. It’s easy enough. Don’t you agree?”
Something shifted inside Zuko that made him crack. How could he not? Here Aang stood, who had lost everything and everyone he loved at just twelve years old. Aang who had every right to be bitter and angry at the world, who could become the continent’s worst nightmare without a second thought. Who woke up every day and chose hope over bitterness every single time.
The realization had almost been dizzying to him. For once his heart no longer seemed pleased with watching Aang have his dream life. Now, his heart was begging him to chase that future, do whatever it took to have the boy by his side until the end of times.
Aang’s expression softened slightly, turning to look at him with slight concern. “Zuko? Are you alright?”
The way he said his name, in the most warm and familiar way, was near enough to undo him. The way he laid a soft hand against his shoulders, trying to shake him out of his terrible thoughts just to take a breath. It was all too much, and still not enough in any way shape or form.
Before he could think better of it, Zuko stepped closer.
Close enough that he could feel the warmth radiating from Aang, even as he stood in nothing more than a breezy tunic under the cold evening air. The Avatar remained completely still, practically holding his breath under Zuko’s stare.
He had imagined a million and one ways this could all go wrong. Including and not limited to Aang actually running away from him as he laughed. He had known, logically, that Aang would never hurt him, not intentionally. He would probably let him down kindly, softly. Like one would a sick familiar dog.
But this, this he had not expected. He had not expected the way Aang looked directly into his eyes with an almost defiant posture. Like he was daring Zuko to step back. A look far too similar to the ones shot to his face during battle many years ago. Though this time, he felt he was being welcomed in.
And spirits, that was somehow worse.
He could practically feel his own heartbeat beating in the back of his throat. This was a terrible idea. A reckless one. A horrible, stupid, not at all thought out idea.
What would his uncle say? He would probably mutter a few old proverbs about choosing to be completely true to his heart. Or he hoped he would. The old man could also very well tell him not to be foolish and not actually ruin everything he had for a stupid kiss. No, that didn’t sound like Iroh in the slightest, that was more Azula if anything.
He could not do this, he reasoned. He could not. Aang was his friend. His best friend! Doing this would put their entire relationship in jeopardy. Not only that but he would be forced to be in proximity to the other as they settled Republic City, which would in fact take years of their lives. He could not do this, he could not.
Stilll, he found himself saying quietly, “If I kissed you right now…”
Aang inhaled softly.
“...would that ruin everything?”
For a moment, Aang only stared at him. Unmoved by the implication. He was staring into his golden eyes with his perfect gray eyes. The more he looked, the more they resembled a storm. He couldn’t decide if he was in the eye of the thing or drowning under its weight.
The wind moved around them, far harsher than it had moments ago, though still soft when kissing his skin. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was all Aang’s doing. He wasn’t moving an inch, but perhaps, his complete anxiety had managed to overwhelm him enough to create a hurricane. He just hoped it was quiet enough to not wake the others from their slumber.
He could hear the distant crash of waves against the unfinished harbor. Hoping he could use such a thing as a diversion. Had he been a few years younger he would have probably got upset from the lack of answer. He would snap at the other’s face practically begging for an answer, like Aang owed him one. Though now he understood, Aang did not owe him anything at all.
“I think,” Aang said very softly, snapping Zuko out of his own mind, “it might ruin me a little if you don’t.”
Aang looked almost started by his own honesty, pulling a hand to cover his lips for a second. As if he could bend them out of existence if he tried hard enough. Though, still he did not step back, if anything, he moved closer still, until barely any space remained between them.
“I have spent far too long imagining this,” he admitted with a weak laugh. “Katara was starting to get annoyed by it.”
Zuko could feel the warmth overtaking his face. He knew that if he looked into a mirror he would be red and hot all over. But he could not be blamed, not even a little. Here Aang stood close to his body, practically pressing his front into Zuko’s.
“You should probably tell me to stop,” Zuko said quietly. “If you don’t, I won’t be able to.”
Aang’s eyes flickered to his mouth with a teasing smirk making his way. “I think,” he whispered, “that if I do that, you might actually listen. Can’t have that.”
And that had been all the push he had needed to close the distance. The kiss itself was painfully gentle. A question more than anything else. Like after many years of begging whoever was listening to grant him this wish, he was trying to prove it was all in place.
Zuko expected uncertainty from it all, awkwardness even. Maybe even regret.
Instead, two strong arms connected behind Zuko’s neck as he let his weight drop onto the other. The younger man made a small broken sound against his mouth and suddenly years of restraint collapsed before him all at once.
Warm hands found their way inside Aang’s modest robes, gripping tightly like he was afraid the other might disappear. Like if any second passed he would wake up in bed, with a problem at the front of his pants and no Aang close to ease the hurt.
Spirits, he thought. Zuko had spent years imagining this. Had spent far too much time alone in his room, trying to imagine just how good it could all feel. He had tried to replicate the warm touch of the other which was practically committed to memory.
Still, none of it came close. Not by a long shot. Not when he had the object of all his affections in his arms pushing closer still. Like he was begging him to remain where he was. Like Zuko had a choice in the matter.
And now, four years had passed. Republic City stood tall and proud, allowing people from across the globe to join them in their glory. It was just as good as Aang had imagined so many years ago, bright and bustling and happy, just like they had hoped.
Things had changed a bit. His duties as Firelord still took utmost importance, practically keeping him stuck inside the castle walls for a better part of his time. But everything seemed easier these days.
For one, he wasn’t forced to wake up to an empty cold bed, wishing with all his strength for someone to appear out of his sheer will. Instead, every morning he was welcomed by the slight sound of snoring from his side and a tousled arm and grabby leg crossed across his body. For a man that nearly reached the two-meter mark, if not surpassed it by the slightest nudge, Aang possessed a frankly ridiculous need to remain attached to Zuko at all hours of the night.
Of course, Zuko was not one to complain. Not even when he was feeling the urge to get up and get going, something he had implanted into his bones from his early travels with his uncle. Softly he managed to untangle the other’s legs, going for the other’s arms with patience.
“Wha-” murmured the other as he sat up. “Where are you going?”
“Training,” he said softly.
“It’s far too early,” Aang said, caressing a hand across Zuko’s back, trying to ease him back into bed. “Come back.”
“I can’t,” he said longingly. “I have meetings all day today. If I don’t get my training in now, I’ll never get to it.”
“Pshh,” Aang commented, sitting up and laying his head on his shoulder. “Like you need it. Your form is perfect. Well, almost.”
“Almost?” he wondered with a smile. The teasing their friendship had been laced with had not disappeared as their relationship grew stronger, he was fond to notice that.
“You do need to train more against Earth,” he yawned. “I’m not saying your form is bad, but it could use some work. You should meet with Toph, that’ll straighten it up.”
Zuko couldn’t help but laugh out loud, turning in the other’s arms and swatting his chest. “If you are so certain my form is bad, then you should probably take it upon yourself to help me better it. Don’t you agree? It is after all your duty as The Avatar.”
Aang laughed, trying to stop another upcoming attack, “Technically you’re my teacher, Sifu Hotman.”
He groaned, “Too early for you to call me that.”
“You love it,” he said teasingly.
“I tolerate it,” Zuko corrected automatically.
He absolutely adored it. It reminded him of their early friendship, when simple words of teasing served as a way to calm the worst of their worries. It seemed like the perfect deal between the two.
Aang hummed skeptically, not believing him in the slightest, against his shoulder before pressing a lazy kiss against the line of his neck. He did that sometimes, kissing whatever skin was up for grabs. Skin that was usually hidden under plenty of his ceremonial outfits.
The movement was far too casual.
That was the problem with being together for so long, he supposed, for being friends for longer than they remembered. Somewhere along the way Aang had stopped understanding the devastating effect his affections had on him entirely.
Sometimes it struck him that Aang was not aware just how deep his love for him went. He understood the bases, he supposed. But he would never be privy to the embarrassing amount of thoughts Zuko’s mind dedicated in his honor.
Or perhaps he understood perfectly well and simply enjoyed being cruel before sunrise.
“You’re warm,” Aang murmured sleepily, letting most of his weight drop on Zuko’s sitting form.
“You’re clingy.”
“You like that too.”
Unfortunately for Zuko there was no argument he could possibly make against that.
Zuko looked down at the man wrapped around him. At the long limbs tangled carelessly i the sheets. As if, even after all these time, Aang had not realized just how big he had grown to be. He looked at the familiar softness of sleep still clinging to his face despite years spent carrying the weight of the world on his shoulder.
Aang looked older now.
Not old, never that. He was twenty-four, which was in fact the youngest you could possibly get. He was still the youngest in their entire friend group, the youngest in the castle. Thought at times, his wise commentary and patience managed to give the wrong impression.
The boy he had once chased across the world had disappeared somewhere along the years. In his place stood someone steadier. Broader. Softer around the edges in the privacy of their own home. Beautiful in a way Zuko’s brain still lacked the time to describe properly.
Aang finally, allowed his body to release the other. Opening his half-lidded eyes with a faint smile lingering across his face, “What are you thinking about right now?”
Slowly Aang reached for the other’s wrist, thumb brushing lazily against the side of it. An absent gesture that had become his and only his as time went on. Unthinking, intimate enough to undo him complete. Hidden from prying eyes when sitting together during discussions of the Republic.
And suddenly, with a simple touch a realization came over him. Leaving him breathless not unlike his sister’s lightning had done a million years ago. He took a small breath letting it settle into place, trying to redirect it into the light. Never letting uncertainty ruing what he had at this precise moment.
He realized, suddenly, that he wanted this forever. Not the palace, he could do without being stuck in one place for the rest of his life. Not the throne, Spirits knew he would give that away if he could. Not even peace itself.
He only wanted this. Warm mornings spent under tangles sheets. Sleepy conversations just before sunrise. Aangs freezing feet pressed against his legs every winter despite his repeated complaints. The sound of laughter echoing through rooms that had once stood unbearable empty.
This was it. This was all he wanted.
He wanted to marry him.