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Watching the news on his phone over the past few days had been rough for Ryland Grace. More difficult than dealing with the sun dimming. More difficult than his own parents passing. This was something he wasn't, could never have, prepared for: the death of his brother, his other half.
'Action Stunt Man, Colt Seavers, Dead in Boating Accident', the news read in big, bold lettering that made it impossible for Ryland to look away from.
First, his brother had been held responsible for a murder, one that Ryland knew he couldn't have done. Colt, despite his rough exterior and looks, was more of a kind and gentle soul than Ryland at times. He wouldn't even kill a housefly, he was more likely to trap it and set it free outside. There was no way he'd killed someone. Nothing was statistically impossible, but this was in Ryland's mind.
"Oh, Colt," Ryland sighed out, pulling up his brother's phone number. "What have you gotten into?"
Ryland held on to every bit of hope he had, that this had been a mistake, that the news had been wrong. That his brother hadn't truly left him.
He'd have felt it if Colt died, right? Some weird twin thing would have told him that his other half was dead before a news report. Right?
"Come on, Colt," Ryland begged silently, redialing the number over and over, getting the same stupid voicemail he made fun of Colt for. He wouldn't make fun of it anymore as long as Colt just picked up.
"Hey, it's Colt Grace, the older, cooler one. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If it's you, Ry, just message me telepathically. I'll continue to ignore you anyway," Colt's joking voice rang out before a beep came over.
"Colt," Ryland's voice shakily began, tears starting to flood his eyes at the thought of his twin being gone. "I really hope you can hear this. I don't know what you're mixed up in and I frankly don't care. Call me back, okay? I… I know we haven't spoken in a bit and kinda drifted. I should've pushed harder after your accident and I'm sorry I didn't," he confessed, tears trailing down his face as gasping sobs left his mouth. "I'm so sorry, Colt. I shouldn't have left you alone, no matter what you said. Please. Please, just call me back or send me a message. I… I can't lose you too. I love you."
Hanging up the phone, Ryland broke entirely, falling to the floor of his lab, sobs leaving his body in broken gasps as he curled up on the cold linoleum.
It had been years since the two last spoke. Colt had his accident and pushed everyone, Ryland included, away. Instead of fighting with his brother, Ryland gave him space, thinking that it would help. Instead of helping Colt to heal, he dropped everyone, refusing to answer messages from Ryland, Jody, or Dan, leaving all of them lost and confused.
Ryland could still remember their last conversation, a memory he replayed constantly in hopes of finding some way he could have changed the outcome. Some way he could have stayed instead of running away.
"I told you to get the fuck out," Colt seethed at Ryland, covered in tubes and wiring, the white walls of his room a stark contrast to his tanned skin.
"No," Ryland argued. "You're hurt, Colt, seriously hurt. I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself."
"I don't want your help. I don't even want you," Colt snapped back, fueled by pain and embarrassment. "God, always gotta sick your nose where it doesn't belong, hoping that someone will put up with your annoying ass. Well, I'm not. Not anymore. So get lost, Ryland. I'm done."
"Colt-"
"I said get the fuck out!" Colt roared, silencing Ryland where he stood, colorful flowers still in hand.
The room went completely silent, the two looking at each other to the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor.
"Okay then," Ryland accepted, keeping his own emotions at bay. "I… Just call me if you change your mind,. I'll be here whenever you need me," he said softly, setting down the vase of flowers, a small get well card attached to it, on the bedside table. "I hope you feel better soon."
Colt said nothing, leaving Ryland to quietly shut the door and went out to his car quickly, dropping something off with a nurse before he went home. He had a bag in his car, one packed with Colt's clothes and phone charger. He figured that his brother might want some of his personal stuff at the least, so, even if Colt didn't want him there, he'd at least have some of his personal stuff.
Ryland wasn't sure how to feel about Colt kicking him out, about his own surrender to leave. God, he wished that he could have done something different back then, stormed back in, fought harder to stay, not let his brother's words creep under his skin. He wished he would have fought harder.
There was no use in it now. Colt was dead. He had to be.
Ryland saw the explosion on the news. Not even Colt could have survived that despite the small voice in the back of his head saying otherwise.
Colt was gone and he'd never even got to tell his brother how much he really loved him one last time. he never got to pull him into a hug and force him to stay, to accept help. But that opportunity would never come, Ryland knew it deep down in his soul as he regretted ever letting Colt push him away.
If he had stayed, maybe then he wouldn't be left sobbing in a hall over someone he hadn't spoke to in over 4 years. Maybe then he wouldn't be mourning his other half from across the globe.
~~~
"Colt, tell me you've seen the news?" Jody's anxious voice rang over the line, her nerves palpable through sound waves.
"Uh, no," Colt responded, confused. "Why?"
"Turn on the news. Now," she demanded.
Without another word, Colt turned on his TV, watching the breaking news about the Hail Mary, humanity's final hope through sending 3 brave people to die in the stars. God, Colt pitied their families.
"Although the Hail Mary already launched earlier today, we have received breaking news from Eva Stratt, the head of Project Hail Mary," the news anchor spoke quickly. "There had been a change in roster for the crew of the mission due to an accident that, unfortunately, left the science crew of Martin DuBois and Annie Shapiro dead. Their position has been filled by Stratt's self reported second in command and the world's leading astrophage expert, Dr. Ryland Grace."
Colt felt his heart drop to the floor, his phone falling from his hand as Jody's voice rang out. He couldn't hear her. All he could hear was the blood pumping through his ears and the news anchor's voice.
"Originally a middle school science teacher who had been discredited and forced out of academia for his radical beliefs about water and its life sustaining properties, he quickly made his way onto Project Hail Mary, becoming the first person to look at astrophage, coining the name and giving humanity its first ray of hope," they explained. Colt was entranced by every word that left their mouth. "We thank him and his fellow crewmates for their great sacrifice for humanity. We will be following the launch of the Hail Mary from the ISS at this point. Stay tuned for more updates."
Colt felt his legs fail him as he hit the couch, tuning out the TV as his mind raced. This couldn't be right. It couldn't be.
There was no way in hell, Ryland, his younger, cowardly brother, had volunteered to go die in space. Ryland was someone who stood up for what he believed in and would do anything to help anyone, but this was too far.
The guy didn't even own a car for Christ's sake! He was too scared to drive. Why the hell would he volunteer to go on a suicide mission? Why would he leave Colt behind?
Colt had tried numerous times over the past 3 days to get in contact with Ryland. The voicemail Ryland had left him had terrified Colt, but he'd been unable to get in contact with Ryland. His brother's voice kept going to voicemail, not even ringing to give him a chance.
It worried him, but he knew that Ryland had been working on some big governmental thing, go figure it was fucking Project Hail Mary, humanity's last hope. It would be just like Ryland to do that for 'his kids' as he liked to call them.
But this was too far. Colt knew Ryland. He would never willingly die. Would he?
Colt pondered that thought in his mind, letting it sit as he sobbed, mourning his brother, not yet dead but never to be seen, never to be hugged, never to be loved by Colt again.
Ryland thought he was dead. There was nothing here to keep him on Earth. Going on the mission would save his kids. It made sense that he might volunteer for the sake of the planet.
Hell, he'd been working on the project for years now. He would be the best option to go with his knowledge of astrophage and radical, sometimes unpopular, ideas.
He was gonna change the world, Colt always knew that. The way he raced ahead in school, graduating early and getting his doctorate, defending his unpopular ideas with insults that made Colt fall over in laughter. Lord, he'd never wanted to be more wrong about his brother before.
Ryland was a good man, truly, and an even better brother. He would have gone for everyone to have a chance.
"This is all my fault," Colt sobbed out, curling in on himself, plush couch cradling his body. "It's all my fault."
Ryland thought he was dead, thought that Colt hated his guts. God, it made sense why he'd leave Earth. There was nothing to keep him here, even if Colt was alive. Nobody here loved or cared for him in the way that his family, his other half, would.
Ryland would die not knowing how much his brother loved him, not knowing how much Colt wished he hadn't pushed him away, his dear younger brother who was smart as a whip and had a mouth on him to rival Colt's.
Ryland would die and it was all Colt's fault he was gone. There was nobody else to blame but himself and his poor decisions.
"Please, Ry," Colt sobbed out, hoping that someone, anyone would hear him and answer his prayer. "I want you here. God, I need you here. Please, come back to me," he begged. "I can;t do this without you."
Colt would have given anything, even his own soul and body, to have Ryland by his side right now. To be able to tell his brother how much he loved him. To be able to hold him tight and tell him how proud of him he was. To be able to just look at him one last time before he was damned. It would be worth it. Just for a single second, it would be worth it.
Separated by time and space, two brothers sobbed for someone they loved, someone they thought was dead and gone. They were a pair, never to be separated, now never to see each other again.
Their souls had been split in two, their other half forever out of reach, separated by a vast universe, and their pleas to hold each other one last time would only fall on the ears of a deaf god, never to be answered.