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All his life, Zanka was taught that a Nijiku is strong, brave, fearless, and so on. Of course this was true, Zanka knew, but he also retained a small thought in the back of his mind. Everyone fears something, right?
Zanka did, but one time he told Goka in confidence of his worries.
He would never make that mistake again.
Facing his fears was out of the question, nu-uh, not him. He clearly didn’t feel cured from that kinda experience.
Besides, isn’t one little fear ok? Just one won’t hurt, right? After all, fear makes a human live. Have a sense in reality. It makes you survive.
And it is small! Just...moths are kinda scary, all right? What would it hurt for Zanka to be afraid of something he doesn’t confront often and can easily escape from? Nothing! Not a single issue, or at least until it was.
Which is why Zanka stands absolutely still, tensed from head to toe. His gaze locked onto the moth out of desperation, to know where it was, to know to keep away.
“Ah! Look!” Guita chimed and ran across the training grounds to where the moth wandered around the exterior wall of the HQ. She didn’t take much notice to Zanka’s state of being, too excited.
Zanka could hear his heart rate in his ears spike even further. She was gonna scare it, she was gonna make it move, she was gonna trigger it to act. No. No. Nonononononon—
“Ah!” It took flight, fluttering above them and Zanka just…
Step, step, step, slide of the heel...Turn and run!! He fled before any part of his thoughts to keep up. An instinct, survival instinct to get away from danger. He was fast, he knew if he ran inside, close the door, make it to his floor, then get to his room and block the beast with his own door. Yes, do that.
RUN.
Zanka’s back hit the back of the door, his kidney getting a serious jab from the door knob, but that just meant he definitely wasn’t going to have the moth enter in…
But what if it did?
Zanka flipped back around to stare in horror at his door. His hands were harsh with tremors as he slowly raised his hands to the back of his neck, clawing at the skin below. The pain was dull, but enough to bring him back a bit more. Good.
What if there was another moth? How did it get here, it had to have been brought by its parents, and their parents and—did moths birth in groups? Oh God, no nonono—No.
Zanka scanned his room, checking to see any sign of unwelcomed guests. The window was shut, he looked to his bathroom, the door was also shut (rare for him, but a blessing nonetheless), his bed sat undisturbed in the corner, his personal belongings and his desk didn’t show signs of movement. All four walls accounted for, but they can fly. Zanka gazed up and his eyes darted to each scuff mark or dust from years of aging. None were moth shape, good.
He looked down, his feet were too close to his bed, if it was under the covers, he would be a goner. Dying of fear, certainly.
Zanka stepped toward the middle of the room, body still stiff as a pole. Speaking of, he reached a hand over his shoulder and took Aibo in his grip. He brought her to his chest, to have her sooth his frantic heart in a warm embrace of unseen anima. He tightened his grip.
Once more, he should check once more.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
He felt a bit better, slowly trying to ease his body to not be as tense, but still focused in case he needed to run.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Yeah, that was good, right? No movement. He was safe.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Yeah, safe, his room was good.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
But what if it was a trap? He couldn’t let his guard down until he knew.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Again, he should look again because he thought he saw something move—not his eyelashes or shadow surely.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Window.
Bathroom door.
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
The second for good measure. Ah, but what if he did it out of order, would that make it safer?
Bed.
Desk.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Door.
Window.
Bathroom.
…
Door.
Window.
Door.
Floor.
Ceiling.
Bed.
Ceiling.
Desk.
Door, again.
Bathroom, again.
Ceiling.
Floor.
Bathroom.
Window.
Ceiling.
Window.
Bed.
Window.
Ceiling.
Window.
Bed.
Window.
Ceiling.
Window.
Bed.
Window.
Ceiling.
Window.
Bed.
Bathroo—Knock, knock, knock.
Zanka blinked, his eyes immediately feeling pain. Did he not blink?
“Zanka?” He heard a muffled call from the other side of the door. “You in there? Can I come in?”
Zanka did one more rapid sweep of the room—Window. Bathroom door. Bed. Desk. Ceiling. Floor. then he looked back to the door.
“Um, yeah, it’s unlocked…” His voice was timid in his own ears, but they surely wouldn’t notice. Maybe if they come in, it’ll be safer. He thinks it’s Enjin. He wouldn’t let a moth get past him, would he?
Before he thought any further, Enjin entered the room with a confused look on his face. “Hey, you weren’t at dinner last night. I didn’t see you at breakfast, so I thought I’d come check on ya….Have you been awake all night, man? You don’t look too hot.” The older approached.
What?
“What...um, sorry I lost track of time, what...what time is it, again?” Zanka chewed the inside of his cheek and twisted his hands against Aibo’s grain.
“It’s like 9am, why? When did you get up?” Enjin tilted his head a bit.
“Uh…Oh, I uh...I don’t think I had dinner, yet…” Zanka cast his gaze away (Window. Floor.).
“Dinner?” Enjin frowned, “That’s not good to skip two meals, Zan. What happened last night if you weren’t able to go eat?”
“I…” Why were his eyes heating up. “I, uh, I dunno, I don’t really remember…”
Enjin nodded, “OK, well maybe let’s have a seat and maybe chill out for a bit until you’re able to remember a bit, yeah? You’re starting to worry me, kid.” He reached out to place a hand on Zanka’s shoulder, but the teen jerked back.
“Iwannaleavehere.”
Enjin pulled back, a bit startled by the sudden and quick outburst. “Come again?” He didn’t hear a single word of that.
“I wanna...I—can we go?” Zanka felt his anxiety slowly fill back up, not realizing he’d felt calmer when Enjin came in.
“Uh, sure?” The taller looked even more confused than he already had by now. “You don’t gotta ask me that. Your room, buddy.” He stepped aside, unblocking Zanka’s view of the door, gesturing for Zanka to lead.
Lead face first into danger? No, not when a moth could still be lurking. He fidgeted, face heating up with shame, “Um, Enjin?”
“Yeah?”
“Can...can you help me go?” He bit his lip staring up at Enjin hopefully.
“…” Enjin looked to the door, then to Zanka. “Of course I can, do you need to hold my arm? I noticed you didn’t wanna be touched, so…”
Zanka latched onto Enjin’s arm in an instant. “OK, I wanna go, please.”
Enjin nodded and slowly led the boy out into the hallway, “Anywhere in mind?”
“…” Zanka shook his head, “I dunno, I don’t wanna go outside, somewhere safe?” He mumbled the last bit to himself.
Enjin looked like he wanted to say more but instead he gave a nod. “OK.” And led Zanka down the halls, still with the other latched onto him like a leech.
Soon enough, they were at Enjin’s door. “Is here safe right now?”
Zanka nodded slowly, almost unsure.
Enjin opened the door and led him in and pulled out his desk chair. “Do you wanna sit here? I also have a folding chair, oh, and you can sit on my bed if you want, make yourself at home.”
Zanka looked at the chair. It was a very simple design, not much to it. He could see most of it, enough to think a moth would be unlikely, especially since Enjin moved it around just now. He took a tentative seat, letting go of Enjin.
Enjin sat at the edge of his bed, close to Zanka in case he wanted to grab on, again. “So, mind running by me what you know happened last night?”
“Oh, um...I was in the training area, but I had to go cuz Guita was messing with a, um...bug, and I wanted to go be alone. I went to my room, and then you were there.” He looked to his feet, feeling himself calm down. His body hurt, muscles upset with him.
“Zanka, did you...stand there? That whole time?” Zanka could hear the worry in Enjin’s voice without having to look up to confirm.
“Yeah.”
“OK, that’s OK. Did you know why you did that?” Zanka shook his head, but then nodded.
“I was checking…”
“Checking on what?” Enjin leaned down so he could gaze up at Zanka under his bangs.
“I got scared, there was a moth. I didn’t know if it was just outside or also inside. So I checked.”
“How did you check?”
“…” Zanka looked away.
“Bud?”
Tears started welling up and Zanka shrugged. “I looked.”
When Enjin didn’t reply, Zanka continued. “I looked cuz I didn’t know what to do. I looked and then looked again...I didn’t know what to do…I didn’t know, didn’t wanna sit down.”
He looked to Enjin, the dam of tears starting to crack and crumble in seconds. “I got scared.” He hiccuped a sob over the word ‘scared’.
Enjin didn’t speak, but pulled Zanka close into a tight embrace. Zanka buried his head into the crook of the blond’s shoulder, letting out his sorrow in sobs. “I wanted to stop, I wanted to go but I couldn’t, Enjin, I couldn’t.” He choked. “I wanna sleep but I’m scared, I dunno what to do.”
Enjin rubbed circles on his back and rest his cheek on Zanka’s head, “I know, buddy, I know. It’s OK now, the danger’s gone. It’s just us here. Hey, let’s just lay down. You can sleep for a bit, I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anything get near you. Does that sound good?”
Zanka nodded and felt himself get pulled forward and lead into laying against a soft pillow, the weight of a blanket cascading over him and Enjin followed by a muscular arm draping over him and pulling him back into the soothing warmth of Enjin’s hug.
“Sleep, Zan. We can help with all this when you’re awake,” the last thing that Zanka heard before falling into a dark and peaceful void.