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Suo wasn't a boy.
Well, he was. Sometimes. Sometimes, she was a girl. And other times, they were neither.
Suo glared at herself in the mirror. How was she supposed to look more feminine today? Short of borrowing Tsubaki's skirts. In some ways, she felt jealous of him. He expressed himself so freely and Suo couldn't.
The first time she wanted to play with a doll belonging to her cousin, her father had glared down at her and snatched it from her hand. "Boys don't play with dolls, Hayato. You're a boy."
Suo had shrunk down on herself in that moment. What was so wrong with dolls and skirts? What was wrong with her?
As she grew older, the dysphoria got worse. Flickering between male, female and non-binary like a roller coaster where the brakes weren't working. It was shame. She was a shame.
She straightened up and left the bathroom before the dysphoria became an unignorable and before she was late to school.
Sakura was yelling at Sugishita as she slid the door open. The tables were spread out across the room and the resident feral cat and Umemiya's number one worshipper were going at it with, Suo had to admit, some rather creative insults which included 'Dumb-ass gollum' and 'Bothersome bastard'. They were grasping for straws a little. The rest of class 1-1 were watching this all go down from various places around the room while Nirei looked like he was about to combust from sheer anxiety. Kiryu was on his phone. Tsuguera was doing pull-ups on the windowframe. She smiled that practised easy smile. The one that was designed to placate bubbling emotions and threatening words. "My, my, Sakura-kun, Sugishita-kun...Already in a fight, are we?" She tried to bring her voice up to a higher register, not too obvious because then her classmates would find out her dirty secret.
Sugishita merely growled and Suo crossed the room to grab Sakura by the wrist, dragging the struggling boy away from the confrontation which he was clearly itching to be a part of. "Hey! Let me go!" the older cried, glaring at the blue haired one still standing in the middle of the table circle. Bringing Sakura over to stand next to herself and Nirei whose anxiety had seemed to lessen by her presence. Sugishita eventually plopped down at a desk next to Kiryu when Umemiya's voice crackled over the speakers.
"GOOOOOOOD MORNING, BOFURIN! I'VE GOT SOME EXCITING NEWS FOR YOU! MY TOMATO PLANTS HAVE REALLY STARTED A GROWTH SPURT! I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HEAVY METAL I'VE BEEN PLAYING THEM!"
In the background, Suo could hear Hiragi muttering about unnecessary details and to just get on with what was important.
"SO ANYWAY," Umemiya's voice boomed, louder than reasonable levels, causing multiple people to cover their ears, "IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! IF YOU CAN AND YOUR TEAM ISN'T ON PATROL, COME UP TO THE ROOF AFTER SCHOOL AND BRING YOUR INSTRUMENTS IF THEY'RE PORTABLE. DO NOT LUG ANY GRAND PIANOS UP ONTO THE ROOF. THAT IS DANGEROUS AND-"
It's entirely possible that Umemiya would have kept up the safety talk but luckily for them, the speaker cut out. Suddenly, the class room was buzzing with conversation. Suo found herself learning quite a bit about her classmates. Anzai could play the violin while Kurita was good at drums. Nirei was writing the new information down in his notebook.
"Nirei-kun," Suo asked. Nirei didn't look up but he gave a quick sound of acknowledgement "Do you play any instruments?" Nirei finally finished his note-taking frenzy and said "Yep! I inherited my mother's clarinet and I've been learning to play since I was seven! What about you Suo-san?"
"I don't play any instruments." Her parents were more concerned with her linguistic and martial arts skills. "Sakura-kun?"
The dual-haired boy, sunk further down into his seat, looking bored with the conversation. He muttered quietly "I play the guitar."
"Ooh, that's cool!" Nirei said, pen already poised, "How'd you learn?"
"Self-taught." Sakura didn't elaborate, nor did Suo expect him to. That boy was a closed book.
After school, Suo had practically dragged Sakura onto the roof, despite his protests. Nirei had headed home to grab his clarinet as did most of the other students who had instruments aside from some random second year who had a kazoo and was currently attempting to serenade a courgette plant with a nasally rendition of 'Cotton Eye Joe'.
There were a few other students milling about, including the four kings who were standing around Umemiya as he talked like a hyperactive puppy about an experiment he did to find out what type of music plants liked best. Suo found herself glancing over at Tsubaki in his heels and skirts with his long flowing hair and dyed tips. If she could have any superpower, she decided, it would be shape-shifting. One day she could have that flowing hair and the next day, it could be short and boyish or whatever she felt like.
Sakura nudged her, bringing her out of her trance "Yoo-hoo, Suo, back to Earth." Suo jolted, realising that she'd completely zoned out while looking at Tsubaki. "You alright? You kinda spaced out there for a minute."
She nodded "Yes. I'm fine, Sakura-kun. Thank you." Umemiya approached them, widest grin on his face "Well, well, well, if it isn't two of my younger brothers."
The 'brother' made Suo cringe a little. It felt wrong for her. She wanted to correct him but how was the question? Umemiya ruffled Sakura's hair, much to his disapproval. Suo offered a quick bow which Umemiya reciprocated. Umemiya was very good at reading people, especially when it came to greetings. He'd hug Kotoha, ruffle Sakura's hair and bow with Suo because he could remember the little nuances. Sakura may pretend to hate human contact when half of Furin knows that he craves it, as evidenced by the fact that when he was around the people he trusted, he had no issue with someone's arm around him. Suo was never into too much touching aside from a select few so she would bow and so would Umemiya.
"Are you two here to help my plants?" Umemiya asked. Suo offered a polite nod "Sakura-kun can play the guitar. I'm hopeless, however."
Umemiya practically bounced in excitement "I didn't know you played the guitar, Sakura. I'll have to see if someone can lend you theirs so you can play for us." Sakura flushed, his face turning an impressive shade of red. He didn't meet Umemiya's eyes. Nirei suddenly appeared behind him with a clarinet case clutched in his hands. Umemiya greeted him with equal fervour which seemed to freak the blonde out. Suo sighed fondly.
They got the firepit going as night started to fall and the whole rooftop turned into a sort of concert organised by the plant obsessed leader of one of the most feared gangs in Makochi. In fact, if you just looked at the scene, you wouldn't have guessed that they were anything but good students. Suo sat on a box, tea in her hand as she watched Sakura strum away on the guitar, his face getting redder and redder, accompanied by Nirei on his clarinet. Someone sat down next to her and Suo turned to see who it was. Tsubaki. "I had no clue Sakura-kun and Nirei-kun could play instruments. Ume's delighted." he said.
Suo had to agree with her upperclassman on that. Umemiya was smiling ear to ear. "I didn't know myself until today." she replied, sipping her tea.
"I saw you flinch when Ume referred to you as 'brother'."
That tea that Suo had been drinking was suddenly spit out in shock.
"What?!"
Suo couldn't hide the hint of panic in her voice. She thought she was being subtle. She quickly schooled her expression.
"The flinch was merely a reaction to an injury I sustained while on patrol last week. Please don't worry, Tsubaki-san."
Tsubaki didn't believe her but he didn't push it. He simply leaned back and looked up into the sky "If that's all it was, I'll leave at that. But if you ever need to get something off your chest. You can talk to me and to your friends. Even if it's the stupidest thing in the world."
Suo's breath caught and for a second she felt tempted. After a long pause, filled with the gentle guitar. She spoke: "I..I'm not always a boy. Sometimes, like now, I feel like a girl. I know it's wrong and shameful but then why does it feel so...right?"
"It's not wrong. Who said that?"
"My parents, mostly. They believe that having a gender different to your assigned sex is a mental illness. They're very traditional in stereotypical gender roles. Blue for boys, pink for girls. I've never felt safe enough to say anything."
She almost regretted saying so much, so she stared down hard at the floor as if it contained all of the secrets to the universe. Tsubaki's hand rested on her shoulder. "That's bullshit. Being mentally ill has nothing to do with your gender identity. And for what it's worth, everyone here will accept you as you are because you're more than whether you're a boy or girl or both or neither or somewhere in between. To many here, you're a friend, a fighter. Anyone who thinks that your gender erases any of that is just plain ignorant."
The conviction in Tsubaki's tone made Suo really believe that maybe, for once, she could just be herself, as she was. Suo met Tsubaki's eyes "Thank you, Tsubaki." A moment passed and she wrapped her arms around him tightly as he reciprocated back.
"Who do I tell?" she asked
"Anyone you want to but if you're nervous, start with people you trust."
That same night, with Tsubaki's help, she came out to Sakura and Nirei. Their reactions were just as Tsubaki had predicted: Sakura didn't give a shit, patting Suo on the shoulder briefly while Nirei wrote it down in his neat handwriting 'Suo's gender may vary'.
Suo told Kiryu and Tsuguera next. They accepted her but Tsuguera had a question "How will we know what pronouns to call you by and what name?" Suo thought about this and decided on "Take a guess and just call me Suo for simplicity."
Someone had overheard this conversation and news about Suo's genderfluidity spread like butter on toast. Surprisingly, no one seemed to mind, nor did their attitudes towards her change. People just adapted. Umemiya referred to her as his little sister when she was a girl and when he was a boy, he was a little brother.
Suo had found people who cared, who didn't look at her with disgust. She was so lucky to have them and she was right where she belonged.