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Grian pulled on one of Scar’s shirts that hung loosely over his frame, and reached just below his shorts— it was the rather comfortable Star Wars one he was fond of borrowing.
“Well Grian I was thinkin—” Scar spoke up from behind him, the bed creaking, an indication of the fact he was sitting down now.
“No you can not bribe me with free cookies for life,” Grian turned around and raised his finger in mock sternness, walking over to Scar and jabbing him in the chest with his finger.
“Oh come on!” Scar huffed, “Please?” He elongated the vowels and made his best puppy eyes, the ones Grian could never say no to.
“I am not joining in pranking Doc this time,” he declared with finality, “I’ve learnt my lesson. I’m pretty sure he’ll behead me this time,” Grian crawled into bed next to Scar and flicked off the lamp, plunging them into thick darkness.
Grian used to love the darkness, but now, he couldn’t bring himself to love it. It felt cold, lonely, depressing. The darkness only served as reminder of the nightmares that haunt him. He didn’t want to be reminded of that. Scar, on the other hand, made it all so much more bearable. He was a candle that never died, never faded away, constantly lit up and chasing away all the darkness, all of Grian’s fears, all of Grian’s evil thoughts.
“Fine then, no free cookies for you,” Scar stuck his tongue out playfully and wrapped his arm around Grian’s waist, pulling him close.
“I’ll rightfully steal them anyways,” Grian whispered, breath ghosting over his neck as he looked up at Scar, barely making out his face in the darkness. “G’night, love.”
“Good night,” Scar brushed away his bangs and pressed a kiss to his forehead, lips hovering over his skin a bit longer. He eventually pulled away. Grian already missed the warm, tender touch.
It didn’t take long for Scar to fall asleep, it never did. He was snoring lightly, chest rising and falling steadily. Grian pressed his head into Scar’s chest, listening to the rhythmic pounding of his heart, letting it lure him into slumber.
Scar’s presence faded away, and so did his room, leaving him alone, stranded, lonely.
Snow fluttered down gracefully, like delicate, white moths, kissing everything in their wake. Grian despite being in just the T-shirt and the shorts, didn’t feel the chill. He was standing barefoot on the snow. He couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything.
Thin, dull trees stood intimidatingly, stretching on and on, their peaks beyond the human sight, blending with the greyish-blue, cloudless sky. Grian exhaled, a white puff escaping his lips. He took one step, then another. He walked, zigzagging through the trees.
He looked behind him. His footsteps didn’t leave a trail behind him. He had no impact on this world. He never did. Yet he still pushed forwards. He walked and he walked, hoping for an end. He hoped for an end, whatever it may be.
The trees slowly and subtly, dispersed. Bumpy and uneven land took over. The pale snow contrasted harshly against the blue ice. It wasn’t a perfect circle. He couldn’t expect it to be. He walked until he was at the edge of the snow, one step away from stepping onto the ice. A distorted reflection stared back at him.
Grian kneeled down and rested his hand on the ice, trying to feel the version of him he was seeing. Until the reflection started taking a form and he realised it wasn’t him. It was Scar. His other half. His love. Scar’s eyes were dark, soulless, depraved of all the life and energy. His mouth was contorted in a frown. This wasn’t his Scar. This couldn’t be his Scar.
“Scar?” He tried calling out though his voice couldn’t manage to escape beyond his throat. “Scar!” He tried yelling again. Again, no sound escaped. He needed the ice to break. He needed to reach out and touch Scar.
As if his thoughts went heard, a small crack appeared in the smooth ice, spreading until it covered the ice like a spider’s web. The ice broke and Grian jumped in, without thinking twice, heck not even once! The water rushed to grab him, weighing him down. He couldn’t feel the snow but he could very much feel the water, it was cold, numbing, mercilessly attacking him. He thrashed and he kicked, trying to find Scar again. He needed to find Scar. The only one that could keep him up, floating. The only one he lived for.
But he couldn’t find Scar. All he could see was the dark, dark water, dragging him down and down, to its depths. Grian couldn’t swim. He couldn’t fight back the water. Maybe it would be better to give into it. Scar wouldn’t like him giving up but he couldn’t find Scar. He couldn’t. He felt useless. Terribly so. And he didn’t want to live without Scar. He couldn’t.
So perhaps it was better to let the water win.
Let the water drag him down…
down…
down.
Grian woke up, gasping for breath, chest heaving frantically. He looked around. It was still dark. He needed light. He needed to see again.
But he couldn’t see. He wanted to see but he couldn’t. His breaths turned shorter, his heart rushed faster. Tears formed in his eyes, trickling down his cheek and falling into his blanket but he couldn’t see. A wretched sob escaped his lips. His head hurt, it felt like it was on the verge of exploding. He wanted it to explode. Anything to take the darkness away.
“Grian?” A light flickered on.
Grian could see! He could finally… see. He turned around to see Scar, sitting upright. Scar’s expression of confusion morphed into one of concern as he saw Grian. Instantly Grian latched onto Scar, wrapping his arms around with such an intensity as if letting go would make Scar fade away. He wouldn’t let that happen.
Scar held him back. He didn’t ask what had happened. He never needed to. He could always tell. He rubbed slow circles into Grian’s back in an attempt to soothe him. “It’s okay. None of it was real.”
“It felt like it,” Grian managed in a broken, hoarse voice, barely louder than a whisper, “It was cold, dark, and yo- I was about to die, and I kind of wanted to.” He thought he had broken free of his will to die. Turns out he hadn’t.
“Hey it’s okay, you’re safe. I’m here. I always will be,” Scar whispered, trying his best to comfort him. He always tried, for Grian.
Grian sniffed in response, his breathing calming down, his sobs dying out, and his grip on Scar loosening. He wanted to go back to sleep. Not that nightmare. He just wanted rest. Scar seemed to have understood because he tugged Grian back to bed, one arm still wrapped around him while the other went to turn off the lamp.
“Don’t. Please.” Grian pleaded, “Unless it bothers you.”
“It doesn’t,” Scar smiled softly, “Anything for you. You even get your free cookies privileges back.” Scar added, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“As if I wasn’t going to take them anyways,” Grian snorted. He leaned in to press a quick, small peck to Scar’s lips. He managed a faint smile against Scar’s lips. He pulled away and tucked his head against Scar’s neck. Scar ran his fingers through Grian’s honey-blonde locks, scratching his scalp the way he knew Grian loved. And sure enough, Grian relaxed into the touch.
“I don’t tell you this nearly enough, but I love you,” Grian mumbled.
“I love you, too,” Scar reciprocated, voice dripping with pure love.
Grian let Scar chase away his nightmares as he slipped into slumber once more.