Chapter Text
No relationships in school? Seems quite reasonable, if I’m being completely honest, after all, it tends to be the top reason as to why many girls are falling out with one another.
I’ve never really understood the hype around boys, or why teenagers get so blinded by their infatuation that they allow them to impact their friendships, their education and their personalities. I suppose I’ve always been different that way - just never sought out the appeal. I had that chance when I was invited to a dance a little while ago, but even then… it was less than anything anyone had even attempted to describe.
No euphoria, no butterflies or the feeling of intoxication when I’m around them - nothing of the sort besides irritation and mild disappointment of their existence.
Cassie hasn’t taken too kindly to this new rule, after all - her new relationship with Nate was most likely the final straw for the school. She spends most of her days being completely numb when she sees him in school, the pair pretending neither of them exist, but then as soon as the sun sets - they’re somewhat of a happy couple in secret. To be entirely honest, I think she’s doubling down on her “love” for Nate as a way to heal from her heartbreak of her breakup with Maddy.
Maddy’s been… well, fine, honestly. From what I know, she’s been continuing to live her life. Nobody really knows what’s going on inside her head, and of course she’s sad - she has to be, Cassie was her best friend, but she wouldn’t dare show it. We have remained friends, even if it’s just a casual relationship, but she hasn’t asked about my sister, not once. In fact, she’s invited everyone to a party at one of her friend’s houses - including Cassie. I’m not sure if I’m going to go yet, it’s a Halloween party - and the last thing I need right now is a distraction from my exams. They’re coming up in a few weeks, and I am anything but prepared. With my play having taken up the majority of my time, I haven’t really had time to revise as much as I should have. It’s my own fault, completely, and I’ll make sure to get on top of it. But, not right now.
Right now, I’m enjoying watching a true crime documentary.
“It was the husband!” I exclaim to myself in disbelief. “There’s no way, he just- oh my god- the kids- but he seemed so-“
“Lex, keep it down,” My mother shouts from downstairs. “I’ve got a headache, and I’m enjoying my peace whilst your sister is out”
“Sorry,” I call back, sighing to myself. I lower my tone and mumble. “Never tell Cassie off for screaming on the phone each night though…”
“What?”
“Nothing!”
“Are you going to that party tomorrow night?” She calls out again. I pause the show and roll my eyes, I’m ready for the ‘take as much of my alcohol as you want’ and ‘take as many condoms as you need’ conversation, one that happens more often than I’d like to admit. Just because Cassie is overly sexually active, it doesn’t mean I need to be. She says I need to- “Might help you loosen up a bit!”
“I don’t know yet,” I reply. “Don’t really have anyone to go with”
“Why not Rue?”
“She’s sober now, mum, I don’t think Rue’s gonna be okay at a party filled with-“
“Okay, I’ll chat with you later. I’m going to lay down! Love you”
‘Calling Rue with WhatsApp’ I hear from my phone. Siri. No.
I spam the end call button, praying that it doesn’t notify her. I haven’t exactly spoken to Rue since the play, not like I’ve been avoiding her or anything - but she’s been busy spending more time with her sister and whatnot now that she’s back from rehab. Again.
I ended the call and let out a huge sigh of relief. There’s no way that she got a call notification from me if I was able to close it within a millisecond. I press play on the documentary, put my phone down and take a sip of my iced coffee. Suddenly, my phone lights up beside me. Rue. Shit.
“Hey, Rue,” I awkwardly chuckle into the phone. “Sorry about that, siri was listening incorrectly again. I really need to turn her off”
“You were talking about me, Howard?” She teases. I feel my cheeks burn ever so slightly, I’m so easily caught off guard - it’s sort of embarrassing, but at least she can’t see me.
“Not like that, my mum was just asking if we’re going to Maddy’s party but I-“
“I’m going,” she says. I blink like a thousand times, she’s messing with me? “Are you going to be there?”
“I wasn’t planning on it, I-“
“You should go. It would be nice to see you, catch up, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah maybe. I’ve got a lot of studying to do though-“
“Lex?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll come meet you at seven, don’t forget to dress up”
Buzz
“Did she just hang up on me-“ I scoff to myself. I don’t waste a second to close my laptop, and toss myself from the bed. I need an outfit, and a good one. I need something that’ll stand out, yet is still me. I could go horror-like, perhaps the exorcist or a female Edward scissorhands or something more comedic, like Pitbull or a minion perhaps. I pace around my room a few times, imagining multiple outfits and accessories. Until, I imagine the perfect one. “Oh, yes, it’s a no-brainer!” I exclaim to myself.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••
“Door!”
“Coming!” I smile, rushing down the stairs. I pat my wig, ensuring it’s stability, before opening the door to reveal a very… incredible looking, Rue Bennett. Her hair… her makeup… her entire outfit, I was almost taken aback. She really put effort into this party. Why? “Hey! You want a drink or?”
“You’re…”
“I’m Bob Ross, the painter from PBS?”
She chuckles, shaking and lowering her head slightly.
“Hey creepy,” my mum chimes in, a mouth full of popcorn. “The whole point of Halloween is to look attractive-“
“No it’s not-“
“Oh really?” She says. “Hey Rue, tell me, how many young girls have you seen around tonight that are dressed up as fifty year old men?”
“None…”
“Case closed”
“But,” Rue continues. “I don’t think any of them could pull it off. Lex on the other hand, she rocks that beard-Afro combo”
“Delusional, the pair of you,” she smiles, it’s small but it’s noticeable. My mother has always liked Rue, I suppose she had to since we were so close when we were kids, and she hasn’t been judgemental towards her despite her addictions - she simply knows grief, and understands the ways some people need to cope. I’ll always admire her for that. It almost makes me forget that I’m mostly invisible to her, but at least Rue isn’t. “Well, go have fun, and if you see Cassie - tell her that I said to just text me. She can do whatever she wants, but she needs to check in, the pair of you do”
“I will do”
“I’ll have her back before midnight-“ Rue smiles.
“Please, keep her out until at least three. She needs to-“
“Loosen up,” I chime in. “I know, I’ll see you later”
At the party, it went as about as much as you’d expect. Cassie was dealing with some Nate drama, again, so I barely saw her, and well, Rue mostly just watched drama unfold from afar.
Don’t get me wrong, I mingled for a little bit, but I didn’t want to drink around Rue out of respect - I sort of wanted to show her that we could have a good time without being under the influence.
“You okay?” I ask, noticing how distant she became on the sofa. “We can leave if you want”
“Nah, I'm good, just a lot, you know?” She said, forcing her toothy smile. “You haven’t had a drink?”
“Don’t need one,” I respond, my eyes shifting to just behind her. Across the way, I recognise a familiar face. “Hey, is that Gia?”
“You gotta be fucking joking” Rue snaps, throwing herself up from the sofa after she watched her sister take a hit of a joint from across the way. Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned anything…
I follow suit, someone’s gotta make sure Rue doesn’t rip this guy’s head off.
“What are you doing here?” Her sister asks, seemingly unbothered that she’s been caught with drugs.
“What am I doing here? What the fuck are you doing here?” She fires back.
“Getting lit” The boy cackles. Oh no.
Something shifts within Rue’s body language, I can sense it - the way her shoulders tense beside me, and her foot steps slightly in front of the other, stabilising herself as if she were about to throw hands - or whatever people call it these days.
“I’ll deal with your ass later,” she redirects her vision to the kid almost instantly. “Get up”
“What?”
“I said get the fuck up”
•••••••••••••••••••••••
Now, I’m not an expert in making threats - but if I wanted to learn, I’d definitely ask to learn from Rue. She didn’t need to lay a hand on the poor guy, well, not a harsh hand on him at least - and he was practically shaking by the time he left.
All throughout her interrogation, I just watched, chimed in a bit here and there to, you know, up the ante, but I mainly just let myself listen to her. I remember pondering that it would’ve been a great addition to my play, but I can’t mess with perfection I suppose.
“I didn’t know she started smoking weed,” Rue says, bursting the bubble of comfortable silence as we walked down the empty street. “She doesn’t talk to me anymore”
“I thought you both were spending time?”
“We were, well, we are, it’s just - we watch movies and hangout and stuff but we don’t really talk”
She kicks a rock, I’m already seeing her mind start to wander. I slowly navigate closer to her, wrapping my arms around hers and resting my head on her shoulder - similarly to the way she comforted me back when we talked about our dads. I could feel her loosen up, her shoulders dropping slightly once my head rests gently upon them. “You will,” I whisper, trying to comfort her as much as possible. “She’s adjusting, but she’ll come around”
“You think so?”
“I do,” I reassure. “She’s just putting up walls. I’m sure you remember that”
“I do…”
We walk in a comfortable silence for a short while; I eventually detach myself from the comfort of Rue’s warmth. For a moment, I glance at her, and the moonlight dances across her skin. She has a small smile, the one that just picks up at the corners of her lips, and ignites a spark in her eyes. For a moment, she looks at peace, happy, content. She looks… beautiful. Not that she didn’t before, but… I suppose I can appreciate it better now. I know I’m gazing at her for a long while now, I don’t necessarily have anything going on in my mind, but I just can’t look away. Something about her tonight, mesmerises me. And here I am, dressed as Bob-Fucking-Ross.
“I really liked your play,” she says, glancing at me from the side. Oh god, she must’ve noticed how much I was looking at her. Quick, look away, look away. “I know we haven’t talked much since then, but I appreciate how you portrayed me. It was the first time I’ve been able to look back and not hate myself for the things I’ve done, you know?”
“You’ve been through a lot, Rue, I wanted to capture you and not your flaws”
“Well, remember me when you’re all hot, rich and famous” she says, nudging into me slightly. I couldn’t quite place her tone.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I chuckle. “It’s just a high school play, plus, did you miss the part that I didn’t grow up to be hot?”
“Must’ve,” she chuckles back. “I mean, look at you, I’d tap that”
My stomach drops, in real time, it’s an unfamiliar feeling, because it wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t weird, it just felt… new? She’s joking, of course she is… so why did my body react that way?
“I mean, Bob Ross is a very attractive man, I would too,” I joke, watching as she purses her lips into an awkward smile. “Well, I wouldn’t really because he’s like, old, but still” She says nothing, just continues to give me her infamous side eye-smile combo. “I don’t have a crush on Bob Ross!” I eventually blurt out.
“Didn’t think ya did”
“You insinuated-“
“Did I? I recall not saying… anything”
I can feel my cheeks burning red - she always knows how to get under my skin, so effortlessly. A pro gaslighter, honestly, but, I suppose it’s not exactly a problem to me. I’ve never really been bothered by it, not the joking around like this anyway - I’ve only ever really been hurt and upset by how angry she could get whilst high and through withdrawal - but, even then I knew it wasn’t exactly her fault. When she’s sober, though? God, she’s an incredible human - so maybe I can forgive her rage baiting.
“You’re so annoying, you know that, right?” I tease, stopping in my tracks and folding my arms like I’m annoyed. It’s similar to what we used to do as kids. I’d always pretend to be annoyed to gain sympathy from her, or to have things go my own way, mainly because it actually worked. I specifically remember one time that we were out walking about, no goal or planned route, just as far as our worn down sneakers could take us, and I wanted to go through the park, collect some flowers for my journal, but Rue wanted to explore the locked graveyard. Needless to say, I put on my trusty pout, folded my arms and… well, I had some pretty flowers for my pages.
“Oh, I’m annoying? Do you see yourself right now, Lexi Howard?”
“Admit that you thought I had a crush on the amazing, incredible painter known as Mr Bob Ross” I shrug, turning my head away to ensure I did not lock eyes with her - otherwise I would smile, and the whole thing would be ruined.
“Or what?” She asks, taking a step closer to me. I can see out of my peripheral vision that she has her head cocked cunningly to the side, eyeing me like she has all the power in the world. All the stars in the sky couldn’t compare to the purple sparkle around her eyes that’s being illuminated by the moon, I almost got lost in it - but I had to remain in character. I already know, she’s just gonna slap my arm and call me an idiot and we’ll go our separate ways - like how we used to, but still - I enjoy it. I’ll take that over mourning what we used to have, any day.
“Or I won’t talk to you again” I continue, my voice as serious as I could force it to be.
“We both know that’s a lie,” she smirks, reaching over to take off my beard. It was only a moderately priced press on, so it came off relatively easily, but I immediately felt bald. “I bet I can make you talk to me again”
I shook my head, I’m required to stay true to my word. However, if she begins to take off more items of accessories and clothing then I will have to use some sort of safe word because I am not getting stripped naked just to prove a point. Especially at night. Especially in the middle of the street. Especially because I’m a little bit cold, now that my warmth has been rudely removed from my face.
She narrows her eyes at me, realising that I am still just as stubborn as always. I can feel my heart begin to skip a beat, it’s like there’s a lot of build up in my lungs preventing me from taking a full breath. My body, for some reason, is in fight or flight mode and I am very confused as to why. I’m not scared of Rue, that would be stupid. Or am I?
She takes a step closer to me, and my knees almost give way. I feel wobbly, and nervous, and dizzy, and my heart is racing and I have no idea why my palms are so sweaty right now when I was just freezing a few seconds ago and-
Oh.
Oh.
It’s not fear, oh my god I’m so stupid. I have a crush on Rue. I thought that disappeared in ninth grade, how on earth-
She grabs my arms and unfolds them casually, grabbing my wrists and holding them down beside me. Right, yeah, I’m currently in a situation where I cannot be in my head. I need to play it cool, I need to hide the fact that I have very quickly realised that the way I have been looking at her can only be described as pure infatuation. All night. Staring. Oh my god!
I’m still looking away, not panicking, trying my best to remain annoyed, but I can feel my breath hitch and it’s slightly audible now.
“Nervous, Howard?” She asks, her voice dropping at least an octave.
Yes, yes I am, actually. This is a very unexpected turn of events and I need to go home immediately and journal it ALL. But I don’t say that, of course I don’t. I’m not a total idiot.
I shake my head, an awkward smile forming upon my lips. She just stands there for a few seconds, almost contemplating her next move.
“Do you think I look good tonight?” She asks quietly, seeking my gaze but gesturing down to her outfit. I gulp, immediately feeling my cheeks begin to burn. Again. I nod slightly. “You gonna use your words?” I shake my head, a large grin now firmly planted across my face. She leans slightly closer to me, just enough where I feel my whole body jolt in anticipation. Is she going to kiss me?
She presses her body against mine, her head a few mere inches from mine, and she leans closer to my ear. She takes a breath and oh my god, I’ve never felt this way before. I have butterflies in multiple areas, and I can literally feel the panic sweats starting to simmer beneath the surface. Is she going to kiss me? I can’t have our first proper kiss when I’m dressed as Bob Ross! I-
“See you tomorrow, Howard” she whispers. I feel her right hand slither up my back, her fingers gliding up the erect hairs at the back of my neck. Suddenly, she rips off my wig and flashes me a cocky smile, before beginning to run off down the road.
“Hey!” I call out, completely taken aback. She didn’t kiss me. Of course she didn’t, she doesn’t like me like that. Ugh.
“I win!” She exclaims, disappearing into the night.
“You’ll rue this day!” I call out after her, giggling like a child again.
Ah… fuck.