Chapter Text
Franks has been having one hell of a day.
Shitty board to start with, a new batch of med students and residents, one of whom is so hellbent of proving herself that she has been ignoring every safety protocols like they are an optional course for graduation, and his daughter, the light of his life, just called him to confirm what the both of them have been fearing since she came to him, all timid and fearful like she hasn’t been since she was eight, to admit she was having a delay in her menstruations.
A rather long delay.
So yes, he might have been a bit short with Santos. Honestly, he still thinks she needs to learn not to make rash decisions and to present her case before starting to implement treatments!
But he definitely could have said it in a nicer way.
He takes a break, needing a moment to stop himself from lashing out at the first person that will come his way. Fuck! He hasn’t felt so out of control since he was a teenager himself!
He hasn’t felt so lost since he first had Abby.
Tanner had been an unexpected addition to their little family, but Frank was already a settled adult when the boy's mother had arrived at the Pitt, already dying and leaving an infant behind her. He had been a newly arrived resident then, relegated to taking care of the child when his superior had realized that he was familiar enough with toddler care to do it well.
For how unexpected he’d been, Tanner had been wanted. Had been somewhat planned, in a way.
Nothing like his sweet Abby. His sixteen year old pride and joy, who’d been dumped on him the moment she was born, with naught an explanation, a girlfriend who wanted nothing to do with him anymore and “step-parents” threatening to sue him if he ever approached her again.
His sixteen year old pregnant daughter.
Yeah.
What a fucking hell of a day.
Xxxx
It's Dana who finds him first, in the middle of the worst breakdown he has had in years. He doesn't even realize that Santos is trailing behind her, that the R1 must have gone to get her.
“Hey, sweety, what's going on? I heard you on the phone, it looked like you were having a row.”
“Abby's pregnant.” He blurts out before he has the time to stop himself, hands tearing at his hair. “She is sixteen and pregnant and wants to keep the baby!”
The silence that follows his declaration is deafening.
“Abby, your… wife?”
Frank snorts bitterly, giving her an unamused glance. Really! What's with people assuming he has a wife? “Abby, my daughter.”
He misses the way Santos’ eyes turn big and round at the information. How she chokes on a gasp, and Dana stiffens imperceptibly.
The urge to move becomes too strong and he starts running circles in the small space of the breakroom, tearing his hair out to cope.
“Fuck! Where did I mess up? I swear Dana! I did all I could to make sure she'd never make the same mistakes I did! She knows about protection and pills and what it does to you to have a kid this young! She knows how fucked up our situation was for the first years of her life! The shit jobs I had to take just to keep us fed! The shitty places. The shitty hours! But nooo! No! She got herself a boyfriend and life was all sunshine and roses, and now she is pregnant and of course that asshole dumped her! And I don't know what I should do! What am I supposed to do?! Fuck, my parents threw me out when I got her, I have no idea what a sane family is supposed to act like in that situation! I barely have enough money to support her and Tanner, we're living in a two rooms apartment and now we're going to have another baby in the house and -”
“Hey-hey!! Frank, listen to me!” Dana forcefully stops him mid-rant, gripping his shoulders and shaking him a bit to rattle his brain into compliance.
The resident slows down, consciously trying to regulate his breathing under the nurse’s severe gaze.
“Do you plan on throwing her out?”
“WHAT?! NO! Of course not!”
“Do you plan to force her to get rid of this baby?”
“No! Do I want her to have one this young?! Fuck no! But I’d-I’d never force her into something so... fuck! So traumatic!”
“Are you going to tell her to find herself a job and start supporting herself on her own now?”
“No!”
“Then you're doing a hell of a lot better than what your parents did from what I understand. Frank, sweety, I want you to breathe with me, okay? Just breathe with me. There you go, in… out… in…”
His breath catches on the first tries, panic still clawing at his lungs and fogging his brain but Dana is right there, her steady presence calming him down, one hand on his chest as she helps him regain control. She pushes him towards a chair and he just… sags into it. Like a puppet cut from its strings.
His hands are still trembling when she takes them into hers to rub some warmth back into it. “It's gonna be okay, sweety. I know it doesn't look like it right now, but it's gonna be okay. You've gone through this before, with less than you have right now! You're gonna be just fine. And we're here, we'll help you.”
“We?” Frank can't help but laugh at her declaration and he knows he should stop there. He knows this is the panic speaking and he is giving the worst example possible to a newly arrived R1, but damn if he can stop himself!
“Which we, Dana? Robby? Robby doesn’t want to hear about his residents’ problems! He is more guarded than Fort Knox! If it's not about Emergency Medicine, it's like pulling teeth out of him! I would know, I'm still trying! Abbot? The man’s half-suicidal on the best of days! Collins? She has her own life, her own problems. And she is leaving once she finishes her R4 anyway.” The nurse startles at that information and Frank finds himself surprised that she did not know that. “I don't know anything about McKay, apart from the fact that she has a son. You have your own kids, your own family to take care off! And enough on your plate as it is!” he gesture towards her black eye, not even taking a breath beofre launching into another tirade. “I still have a ton of debts from Abby's first years and my own surgery bills, I-”
“Breathe Frank, breathe. You’re working yourself up into another attack.” Dana interrupts him once more. “I will help you. And I’m sure Perlah and Princess would love nothing more than to meet these kids of yours. Don't underestimate the mothering power of Filipina women.”
The mention of the two nurses brings a small smile to his face as he follows Dana's pattern again, exhaustion weighting him down. Then he pushes his hands into his eye sockets in a stressed out move. “God! My baby is having a baby. Guess teenage parenting just fucking runs in the family. Grandpa at thirty! What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you, sweetheart. You've been doing your best. Sometimes we just get dealt shitty cards. What matters now is that you're here for your daughter and you learn to lean on us too. You hear me? Start by sharing some of the weight.”
“Yeah” he scoffs bitingly. “Because that worked out so well for me last time.”
Dana slaps the back of his head in a light move. “Enough with the pity part. We’re not your parents, Frank. We don’t have the power to throw you out. No! Not even Robby. Not because you got a pregnant daughter at home…Now, I want you to concentrate on your breathing and stay calm. We’re going to finish this shift and then you and I are going to eat somewhere we can unwind and work on how we can help you. You hear me?”
The resident only nods, cowed into submission by the formidable Head Nurse.
“Good, now you’re going to come back out there with me and free some rooms for me, huh? Come on, up we go. You can finish freaking out at the station”.
Which is exactly what he is doing when Robby decides to confront him.
“Langdon, you have a moment?”
By the end of his question, Robby is already on the move. Already expecting him to follow. Because that's what they do. That’s what they’ve always done. One acts, the other reacts.
That's what Frank would have done. Had it been any other day. Had he not been in the middle of the worst crisis of his life! As it is, his answer is a resounding “No.”
If he'd not been hiding his head into his arms, too busy spiraling away at the idea of his daughter’s angry rant and questioning each and every one of his life choices up to the present day, he might have appreciated the comedy of Robby coming to a full halt in the middle of a step like he has suddenly been turned to stone! But he doesn't see any of it.
Doesn't see him blink at his favorite resident in complete befuddlement, turned silent by the unexpected refusal, or the disbelieving look he sends to Dana who is still patting Frank's back, her touch the only anchor keeping him present in the moment. Doesn't see her face twist funnily in an attempt not to snort at Robby ‘kicked puppy’ expression while also trying to stay empathic towards her work son.
“What?”
“No” he repeats, voice distorted by his arms. “I don't have a moment for you. I don't have a moment for anyone. If it's about Santos, I’ll apologise once I’m done having a crisis. And I’ll only apologise for my tone, not for telling her to stop taking actions without consulting a senior first. Now, unless this is a trauma emergency, please, let me finish freaking out in peace.”
He can feel the tremors in Dana's arm as she is trying to contain her mirth, and the thought of it soothes his mind a little bit.
When he finally raises his head, he spies Perlah and Princess ogling them and smirking at their shocked chief attending. Frank feels a little bad for turning Robby into an attraction. Until the man opens his mouth again, coming closer to the counter to peer at him, worry wrinkling his ever present crow-feet.
“Frank, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, it's personal” he answers quickly, already on the defensive, aware as he is of what the attending thinks of bringing that kind of problem with them at work. “And don't say anything! I’m having a crisis, I'm dealing with it, I’ll be good in ten. Don't be a pain in my ass about it!”
It is clear that Robby doesn't know what to do with this version of him, but sue him! Frank has other problems right now!
The attending blinks and blinks and blinks at him, mouth hanging slightly open, slowly turning red, staring at the wall he has unknowingly been hurtling against. “Will you have a second for me in ten, then?”
Frank eyes him suspiciously, and petulantly. “Is it about Santos ? I told you I’d apologise, and I told you what I’d apologise for. If you don't like it, take her with you. If it's not that, then no. I won't have a second. Feel free to come rip me a new one at the end of our shift.”
As promised, he finishes his freaking out within his imparted ten minutes. Then throw himself back into work, with a fervent wish that nothing worse befalls any of them for the rest of the day.
He would have kept that wish to himself, if he’d known how badly he was going to jinx them all.
Xxxx
Robby corners him in the locker room, demanding an explanation, angry about something and Frank has no idea what he is on about!
Fuck him for telling his attending to take charge of Santos, he guesses…
The confrontation gets ugly, of course it gets ugly! Robby, when pushed to anger, is usually ugly. He accuses Frank of diverting, asking to see the inside of his locker, of his backpack! There’s nothing. Of course, there's nothing. What the fuck was he expecting? Fucking benzos? God! As if Frank did not have enough problems as it was!
“You need to take a fucking look at yourself, Robby. And you need to do it quickly. I know today is a bad day for you. But, honestly, did it ever occur to you that it might be a bad day for other people too?”
He stops himself there, because he knows. He knows if he goes any further he’ll say something he will regret down the line. Instead, he pushes past the attending, ignoring the guilt already appearing on Robby’s face, and storms out, muttering something about a break.
He gets exactly twelve minutes and forty-two seconds before shit hits the fan and they learn about the active shooter at Pittfest.
So Frank comes back inside. And when Robby puts him in Pink, he burns inside, but he says nothing. Now is not the time.
He takes the opportunity Robby is offering them to call Abby, conscious he has to make this quick. His daughter answers at the third ring and he exhales in relief. That is as clear a sign as she ever gives that she is not angry about their last conversation, even though her tone is still bordering on incensed.
“Hey sweety. No, no, I’m not calling to talk about that, I promise. We’ll have all the time to do this when I get home, ok? I am going to be late. There’s been a shouting at Pittfest, yeah? You saw the news? Good. Can you get Tanner from school and get the two of you home as soon as you’re done with your classes? No. I know you wanted to go to the new Ice Cream parlor with Meghan. Please, sweety. You can go tomorrow, just go home tonight. For me? Thanks Bug. Love you lots.”
He takes three seconds to look at her picture as she hangs up, then pockets his phone. Now is not the time to be distracted. He is going to need all his head in the game.
“Frank!”
Damn! Really Robby? Must they do this now?
It certainly looks like it when the attending snakes a hand on his waist, turning him to face him. “Listen, I know I fucked up earlier. And I know saying sorry right now won’t exactly mean anything to you but I’ll make it up to yo-”
“Will you?” He challenges him. Because that makes no sense. Why would Robby relegate him to Pink if he truly thinks he was wrong? “You can start by putting me in Red then. You know that’s where you need me.”
Robby drags his two hands behind his head, a clear sign he is agitated. More than that, a clear sign he is this close to losing it. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck! That’s bad. That’s soo bad! Suddenly, all his anger at his teacher melts like snow under the sun, leaving him drained. Letting him remember that he loves Robby. So much! Even if he doesn’t mean half as much to the old man.
His empathy finally kicks back in. He can choose to play it like an asshole. Like Robby played it with him earlier today. Or he can choose to do better. To be better.
Maybe it is because he is younger. Because he has less baggage. Because he’s had less time to be damaged by that job.
But in that instant, he sees Robby, old, greying, exhausted. And so, so hurt! And he chooses to care. He takes the man’s head in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Robby, you’re right, we can deal with what happened later. We have to. But now, I need you to hear me, okay?”
He waits for Robby’s nod, blue eyes drilling into brown. “Put me in Red.”
And Robby, already so lost, already fraying at the seams, acquiesces.
Xxxx
Pittfest puts them all through the ringer. So far out of normal hours that when Dana joins him in the ambulance bay, there is no question as to what they should do. He sends her home. They can talk tomorrow, it’s not like Frank is going to make any life-changing decision in the night.
Neither is Abby. His girl has to be sleeping by now.
He hasn’t seen Robby since his breakdown in the Pedes room. He thinks he caught a glimpse of him when he was talking with Jake, but he isn’t certain.
Abbot told him he had this, and damn is Frank hoping he is right!
Just as he thinks he can finally leave, Santos appears, calling out for him.
“Dr Langdon!” Oh for god's sake, what now?! He turns around in a sharp movement, only coming to a stop when he sees her flinch. For fuck's sake Frank! Stop scarring the poor woman. Get a grip!
“Sorry, Dr Santos.” He grits out, reigning in his worst impulses. “What can I do for you?”
“I-I… I just wanted to say, I’m sorry! I, uuh, I tried to tell Dr Robby I was wrong! I swear I didn't think he would jump the gun like that with you! And I know you’re having bigger problems right now! And I’m sorry about that too, I promise I didn't mean to hear so much, but I swear, I swear, I didn't know he’d-”
Frank interrupts her with a raised hand, ignoring the emphasis she just put on the you. As if she'd expected Robby to have a preferential treatment for him. As if today hasn’t proven to them both that Frank’s favoritism was very much one-sided…
“I thank you for your apology, Dr Santos. However, you are not responsible for Robby's actions. He is a grown man and can act accordingly.” He studies her for a long time, letting her fidget under his stare. He checks the time, sighting in defeat. His chance to kiss Tanner goodnight was long past.
He turns his gaze back towards the R1. “I also owe you an apology. And a lesson. Whether you are willing to hear it, on the other hand…”
She agrees, a bit too quick, a bit too desperate, but he'll take what he can have. “Then follow me, we might as well make ourselves comfortable in the breakroom while we do it.”
He waits for her to sit, handing her a mug full of hot water and presenting her with their varieties of tea, taking one himself once she has chosen and coming to take a chair of his own in front of her, sitting with his belly against the back.
“I am sorry, Dr Santos, for the way I spoke to you this morning. Don't take it the wrong way. I am not sorry for getting on your back after you decided to act on a patient without ever having presented your case and checked in your decision with a senior. You-”
“But-”
“No. There is no ‘but’ here Dr Santos. What you did before coming here, where you worked… It doesn't matter. You put everyone in danger this morning. Your patient, yourself, your referent and your chief attending. This can't go on. However, there were many ways for me to tell you that without targeting you the way I did. For that, I am sorry.”
He lets the apology sinks in before carrying on, making sure to separate both so she can appreciate it for what it is.
“As for the lesson. I have heard about the child you suspected to be abused.” And there, she stiffens. There it is he thinks, the fangs are coming out. “Do you know why we have procedures in place in case of suspected abuse?”
She snarls at his question, just as he had expected. “What does it matter?! They never work anyway!”
“Do you know why we have procedures in place in case of suspected abuse, Dr Santos?” He insists, not letting her get away with her view.
She bristles, but says nothing.
“Let me phrase it differently then. Do you know what will happen to this child when they go home? Do you know what could have happened to you after you threatened that man? Not this hospital, not this Department. You?” He thinks it is the calmness of his tone that actually get through to her, more than his words.
“I will let you think on it. Now, I am not telling you not to listen to your instincts. I am not telling you that you were wrong, or that your decisions were faulty. But one day, they will be. It is not a question of if. It is a question of when. Because we are humans, we are imperfect. I want you to understand that this is not a solo game. That each and every one of your actions have consequences. For yourself and for your patients. But also for your colleagues. I am asking you to remember that, sometimes, confrontation is not the best course of action. Bring your baggage to work if you can't leave it at the door but use it in a productive way, don't put someone in danger because of it.”
She looks at him with a different light this time. He just hopes that means he finally managed to teach her something.
“Dr Robby said there was no time for our baggage. That we should put it away.”
Something between a sigh and a laugh escapes him. “I am aware of Robby’s views on this. You’ll soon realize that this man has never learnt to put his own baggage down, Dr Santos. I wouldn’t put too much stock into that specific speech of his.”
“Which speech?”
Santos jumps in her seat, letting a squeal out. Frank only chuckles and cranes his neck to catch sight of Robby, trailing behind Abbot. He sends a grateful look to the veteran, then winks at his attending.
“Why don’t you take a guess, Professor?”
The way tension bleeds out of Robby’s frame at the nickname is… humbling. Frank might not have mattered to him as much as he wished, but he clearly still means something. And that warms something within him.
“We were all going to grab a drink in the park. The two of you want to join?”
Frank and Santos look at each other. The young woman answers first, thanking them for the invitation but opting to go home.
“Yeah, I think I’ll do the same.” the R4 admits, already dreaming about his bed. “I… There are things we need to talk about” he throws an anxious look toward Robby, thinking of his doubts, but also of Abby, of the fellowship recommendation he mentioned in the heat of the moment. The one Frank is never going to be able to follow through with a new baby coming into his household.
Another lost chance.
“But we can do that tomorrow, right?”
Robby agrees, promising him. And if there is one thing he can still trust, it is that Robby keeps his promises.