Work Text:
January 2021
Shane sat on the plane reading a book about some famous hockey player from the eighties. He could hear Ilya's voice in his head groaning about how “boring” his book was. Shane knew he loved it though, especially since reading required him to wear his glasses. Ilya would buy him every hockey book in the world if it meant he got to see Shane in his slutty little glasses. The plane lurched slightly, causing Shane's ginger ale to tip over. Hayden caught it quickly before it spilled all the way over. Hayden smirked “Dad reflexes,” he said winking at Shane. Shane focused back on his book. He checked the score of Ilya's game before they boarded the plane and surprisingly, they were doing well. They were up 4-2 against Tampa and Shane couldn't wait to call Ilya afterward to hear him brag about it. Shane was over the moon that Ilya moved to Ottawa to be closer to him, but he knew it was killing him on the inside to be on such a shitty team. Shane made a mental note to tell Ilya how proud he was of him when they landed.
A loud bang rattled the cabin of the plane. Shane's can of ginger ale tumbled to the floor as everything shook around him. It wasn’t much longer before the plane began dropping out of the sky. Everyone in the cabin started screaming and Hayden fumbled for his phone, pulling up Jackie’s contact and pressing the call button. They had no service so it would go straight to voicemail but Hayden didn’t care. He needed her to know how much he loved her before….
Oh god. As Hayden started mumbling into his phone Shane was hit with a gut punching truth. He and Ilya weren’t out yet. No one would know to tell Ilya. No one except Yuna and David, but how quickly after hearing their only son died could they pull themselves together to tell him. What if he saw it on the news first? Would he be able to react? They aren’t married and he isn't a Canadian citizen. Russia would be dangerous for him to go back to if he was outed. Going home would kill Ilya. Well, that's a lie. Shane knew Ilya would die too if he passed away. He knew Ilya was struggling. Ilya wouldn’t hesitate to go if Shane died today. Shane gripped the armrests and closed his eyes.
I'm going to die
I'm going to die before knowing what a life with him in the light is like
I’ll never be able to love him loudly
He was going to be the best dad to our kids
The plane leveled out once more and Shane released his grip on his arm chair. He wiped his face and felt wetness blanketed over his cheeks. He didn’t even notice he was crying. The pilot announced the plane was having engine troubles and that they were making an emergency landing. Before Shane could fully relax he heard Comeau screaming about a fire. He didn't look back. This was real, he was going to die in this plane. Shane yanked his phone from his pocket and opened Ilya’s contact. They had no service, but he didn't want to leave Ilya a voicemail. He knew Ilya would be able to tell how scared he was even if he masked it. Ilya was always able to see right through him. That's how this whole thing started between them. He opened instagram and went to Ilyas DMs. He never used instagram outside of the occasional repost of NHL things and ads he was contractually required to post. Without thinking, he began to type out everything he needed Ilya to know.
Shane:
Ilya. I love you so much. Once a while back you told me how brave I was. How proud you were after we left my parents that day. I need you to be just as brave moya lyubov.
Shane:
I’ve loved you since that second handshake. You were such an asshole but I knew it was all a front. I knew deep down how soft you could be. How big your heart was. You showed me what real love was, how it felt to be truly loved just as you are. You showed me it was okay to be me. Not Shane Hollander, the 2nd draft pick. Not Hollander the Montreal Metro. Just Shane. You loved me just as I was. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you.
Shane:
I know I make it seem like hockey is my entire world, like it was my greatest accomplishment. That's not true. It's you. You are my greatest accomplishment, Ilya. You are my entire world. No matter what happens, please stay. My mom and dad can’t lose both their sons.
Shane:
Ya tebya lyublyu moya lyubov. Spasibo za vso. I promise to tell your Mama how extraordinary her little boy turned out to be.
He swiped at his eyes, praying Ilya would see these after the game. The last thing he needed was for Ilya to publicly find out about this. He swiped out of Ilya's DMs and went straight to his mothers. It wasn’t a shock that she was as active on social media as Ilya was, but he still prayed she wouldn't see this until later.
Shane:
Please don’t ever stop taking care of him. He is my entire soul. Fight for him to stay. Not just in Canada with you, but also to stay alive, for me. Thank you for the best life. It’s Ilya's turn now to have that. Tell Dad I love him, and Thank you for making me just as boring (cool) as he is.
Shane put his phone back into his pocket and let his mind drift back to some of the best days of his life. Something that has stuck with him since those days rings clear within his mind. She would have loved you, like I love you. Irina. Shane was about to meet Ilya's mother. A smile pulled at the sides of his mouth. If he's going to die, he knows he’s going to have the best company in the afterlife. There were still some things he had to ask, to put out into the universe before he left completely. Shane wasn’t religious, so he prayed to the only person he knew would work hard to make sure his prayers were answered. “Irina,” he whispered quietly. “Please make sure he knows I'm with him. Make sure he's taken care of. Send Svetlana back to him, surround him with his teammates, make sure he never has to go back to Russia. Keep Alexei from him. Make sure-” his voice broke. He took a deep breath before continuing on “Make sure my parents never leave him. Surround him with the love you always envisioned for him.” Shane felt Hayden's hand grip his own. He looked at Shane with sad knowing eyes and wrapped him in a tight embrace. They whispered silent thank yous and I love yous before they were instructed to assume the brace position. Shane turned his head from his lap and looked at Hayden for what he believed was the last time. “I wish they could’ve known me.” Shane said. Hayden's eyes filled with tears “ I know bud. I'm sorry we didn't give you the space to tell us sooner.” The plane shook left, then right, then the screech of what had to be the tires hitting the tarmac graced Shane's ears. The Metros began to cheer as the plane steadied and made its slow crawl down the runway. Shane looked up at the ceiling of the plane and cried. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you Irina, I won't waste it.”
—
“LETS FUCKING GET IT” Bood screamed as they made their way into the locker room. They won their game against Tampa. Ilya couldn't wait to call Shane and brag all night about this. They hadn’t talked much since their boxing day argument, but Ilya was ready to move forward. As he approached his stall, he noticed Troy lingering by where Harris was standing in the locker room. He was capturing the moments after the game to post on instagram later. He wished Troy would just man up and tell Harris how he felt. They were disgustingly obvious about how they mutually felt about one another. Ilya reached for his phone and saw he had Instagram messages from Shane waiting for him. Weird. Ilya moved to open the messages but paused when a gasp from Harris cut through the celebrations. “Oh god.” Harris said. “The Metros plane had an engine malfunction. Their plane had to make an emergency landing.” Ilya's heart dropped. Troy whipped his head in Ilya's direction. Ilya slowly opened the messages from Shane and read them carefully. “I promise to tell your Mama how extraordinary her little boy turned out to be” These were Shane's last words. The words meant to be left with Ilya forever as he mourned him. The words he had to replay in his mind as they lowered his body into the ground.
Ilyas phone dropped from his hands and his breaths began to quicken. Troy made his way to Ilya in two giant steps and grabbed his shoulders. “Emergency landing Roz. They landed. They are all okay.” Troy grabbed Ilya's face and made him look at him. “Shane is okay.” Tears flew from his eyes and Ilya stumbled forward into Troy's arms. “No one knows, no one would have known. Our secret would have died with him. No one would know my heart died on that plane.” The locker room remained silent as Ilya continued to cry into Troy. Wyatt was the first to make a move, plopping down next to him on the bench. Before he could get a word in, Ilya's phone began buzzing. Yuna Hollander's contact filled his screen, he accepted the call. “Yuna.” He said weakly. “Has he called you yet?” She said in a panic. “No, not yet.”
“Ilya.”
“Yes?”
“He sent me messages.”
“Me too.” Yuna took a deep breath on the other end. “He asked us to take care of you.” Ilya's chest tightened. A sob tore out of him as he scrambled to his feet “Where is he? I must get to him.” Yuna rattled off information at the speed of light as Ilya gathered his things. The locker room stayed frozen in place. Bood cleared his throat “Roz.” Ilya turned to face his team, expecting the worst. Instead, he found that everyone had tears in their eyes. “Whatever you need we got you. You know that right?” Ilya felt tears begin to fill his eyes again. “ Yeah man, we're here for whatever.” Chouinard spoke up from the back. Luca stepped forward and hugged Ilya “Go get him.” he said quietly. Ilya thanked them all and headed towards the exit. He took one last look at his team, his family, and smiled. As he left the arena he clutched his cross and said. “Thank you for sending them Mama.”
—
Shane sat on the floor of the airport bar with his head in his hands. They had to land in Boston. Ironic. He had called Ilya earlier, luckily catching him before he boarded his plane to Boston. Shane agreed he would rent a car and just drive to Ottawa instead of flying again and Ilya bought another ticket leaving for Ottawa instead of Boston. Now, Shanes sat on the floor waiting for his rental car to be ready ruminating over this whole situation. He could have died. He would have died taking their secret to the grave because he was afraid people would hate him for who he loved. He would have died a coward, leaving the love of his life grieving in silence. Shane knew Ilya would have never told the world what they were after he died. He would keep it locked away inside of himself. Slowly withering away as the secret rotted him from the inside out. His phone buzzed. His car was ready, he could leave now, keeping this secret trapped within himself forever. Or…
“Hey uh, I need to say something.” Every single metro turned their head towards Shane. “This whole thing has put a lot of things in perspective for us, I'm sure. What's important and such.” A couple of stiff laughs escaped from his teammates. “For me especially. Um,” he looked toward Hayden who was nodding his head in support. “So you know im gay but what you dont know is im with someone. Uh, Boston lily was never a Lily im sure you know. Lily was just a cover so no one knew she was actually a he. It was also a cover for who he actually was. We were both scared, me more than him, but even through all that fear we couldn't seem to stop seeking each other out. Hell, even when we were supposed to hate each other we found each other. We wasted a decade dancing around each other and now were wasting more time keeping the world in the dark about our love. I don't wanna do that anymore.” Shane took another steadying breath and clenched his fists. “It's Ilya…Rozanov. I'm in love with Ilya Rozanov. I have been since the day I met him. Weve been together since 2017 and fuck, im gonna marry that man” The tone in the room shifted, his teammates squirming in discomfort as shane poured out his soul to him. “Like all of you, if that plane crashed, I had someone who I would have left behind. Unlike me though, your partners would of had the privilege of mourning outloud. Ilya would have suffered in silence. I just can't- I won't keep him in the dark anymore.” Shane turned to leave as JJ spoke up from the back of the group. “It’s fucked up.” Hayden shot up from his seat “What?! That's your reaction? We almost died and Shane tells you his deepest secret and THAT'S YOUR REACTION?! This is our best friend! Our captain!” Fighting ensues between the teammates. Shane walks towards JJ keeping calm. Once he’s in front of him he speaks up softly “What was that” Shane whispered. JJ stares him down “I said, Its fuck-” his words were cut short by Shane's fist connecting with his jaw. Shane turns back and calmly walks away this time saying “If this is how you feel, after everything we've been through together, then you can all fuck all the way off. You would be nothing without me. Hayden lets go, you're not riding with these assholes.”
—
When Ilya pulled into his driveway he could see soft lighting pouring from the inside of his home. As he reached the door, Shane ripped the door open and launched into his arms. They tumbled to the ground landing in the snow, kissing each other fiercely. They giggled as they kissed each other, their hands squeezing each other's bodies tightly. “Shane, moya lyubov, someone could see us.”
“Let them.” Shane said in between kisses. Ilya stopped kissing him and pulled back grinning. “Let them?” He said sweetly. “I told my team. I don’t care anymore Ilya. I almost died, I'm not wasting another second. I'm not keeping you in the dark anymore.” Ilya felt tears threaten to spill over. He laughed and swiped at his eyes “Shane you better let me up before we freeze.” Shane stood up and took Ilya's hand in his. Ilya tried to kiss him again, but Shane pulled back and said “Follow me?”