Archive of Our Own

Jack's been feeling pretty bad lately. Sure, not surprising, Malleus Draconia of all people just overblotted and sent everyone into what would've been eternal slumber, but his issue isn't related to that.

Rather, he just feels.. Alone. Which is kind of crazy because he has more friends than ever before, but it's true.

He always tries to be active in conversation, make himself approachable, he helps with people's problems when he can, and he's been doing good.

But he's noticed he's not exactly people's first choice. Ace has Deuce and vice versa, Sebek prefers Malleus or Yuu, Epel prefers Deuce and Yuu, and he's just kind of there.

Vil has Rook, Ruggie and Leona have eachother, and Ortho has Idia. All Jack has is himself.

He shouldn't be bothered. He's happy he even has so many people willing to be around him, truly. He just can't help but feel a little left out at times.

He knows it's easily fixable. Just tell one of them, they'll listen, adjust their behavior, problem solved!

Except it's never that easy for him. He'd rather not throw everyone off by ruining things. Plus, he's the one solving problems- not making them.

Besides, the problem will probably go away on it's own time. Traumatic events mean people stick to the people they're closest to, so.. After a few weeks, it'll be fine.

He just needs to hold out and be there for everyone.

Jack might have made his problem worse. Rather than being there for others, he's essentially made himself invisible.

Yuu will invite him over, he'll show up, only to then keep himself out of conversation.

His brain tells him that's fair, he doesn't want to intrude conversations, but he's noticed Yuu looking concerned.

So, new problem, and he's the issue. Solution one, he invites himself into conversations like a jerk. Solution two, he stops showing up altogether.

"Jaaack!" Yuu yells, running up to him. Jack pauses, turning around with a grin.

"What's up, Yuu?" He asks, noticing the lack of a certain furry companion.

"Okay so," they huff from the running. Why were they even running? "First year study session, you in?"

Study session with the other first years.. Jack sighs, already dreading it. 'Studying' with them basically meant listening to Ace and Deuce bicker before it just turned into a gossip session.

Gossip sessions he wouldn't be apart of.. Which led to Yuu being concerned.. Which made him a nuisance.

"I'm busy, sorry," he says, rubbing his neck. "Wish I could come, but I can't."

Yuu frowns, shaking their head slightly. "Busy with what? I can help, y'know."

Busy with absolutely nothing. Jack just told a bold faced lie and now he's going to have to lie his way out of this conversation.

"Family stuff," totally believable, good going! "Helping my brother with homework," actually kind of believable? Maybe hanging out with Ace was good for something.

"Aw, okay... Try to make it to the next one, please?" They whine, staring up at him with what he assumes is meant to be pitiable eyes.

"Yeah, I will," he most certainly will not. "Gotta head to class, see you later," he turns around, continuing to class. Yuu yells their own goodbye and runs off.

Seven, he's kind of an asshole for that one, isn't he?

"Okay, so.." Jack watches his roommate mumble, bumbling his way through the mess on his side of the room. Real invigorating stuff.

"Right, Jack, I'm leaving, please cover for me if Housewarden gets mad for whatever reason," he begs, making his way to the door. Jack nods, mumbling an agreement.

"Sick, thanks. Have fun, I'm leaving," and with that, his roommate closes the door. Great, alone in his room for the night with nothing to do.

He sighs, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. His earlier interaction with Yuu rings in his head, haunting him.

They bought his lousy excuse, sure, but how long can he make excuses? That lie already felt horrible, he didn't want to do it more.

Then again, he supposes a few white lies to remove awkwardness isn't too bad. Basic problem solving, if he's ruining the atmosphere, he leaves.

.. Still, maybe he should apologize to Yuu and the others somehow. He did feel really bad about skipping so he could soak in his own emotions.

The cafeteria bustles with its usual noise, students bickering back and forth about who knows what.

Jack's ear twitches, and he turns just in time to see Sebek sitting down. Great, full groups here, time to apologize.

He coughs to get everyone's attention, feeling almost skittish when they all actually look at him. He really wasn't expecting that to work.

"I wanted to apologize for missing yesterday, so.." He pulls out his backpack, taking out a plastic bag. "Here."

He puts the bag on the table, ignoring the stare Ortho gives gim. Ace immediately snatches the bag, taking out the contents.

"Aw, sick! Dessert!" Ace's eyes light up comically as he gives Jack a side hug.

Great, apology basically accepted. Jack stands up, shrugging off Ace's hand.

"Right, sorry again. I have something to do, so I'll be off," he walks off without waiting for a response, only feeling slightly rude.

His roommate sneaks out again, once again demanding his assistance in sneaking out. As if Leona would care, assuming he even found out.

He's once again left staring at the ceiling, thoughts swirling in his head. His thigh aches from already healed wounds. Noise echoes from other rooms.

.. One more time wouldn't hurt, right? He sits up, staring daggers into his dresser. He promised himself he'd be better, but..

Blood runs down his thigh and Jack panics as he tries to patch it up. Thank the seven the dorms have first aid kits.

He wishes he never did it at all, but he can't undo his actions so this is the next best thing. Biting down on his lip as he applies antiseptic feels like the nail in the coffin.

With the injuries dealt with, he washes everything up and puts everything in its original place.

He flops onto his bed once it's all over, blinking away tears as he stares into the ceiling. This will be the last time, and he won't screw up again.

He's coping and he knows it, but that doesn't really matter. All that he knows is that he didn't bother anyone in the process.

Really, he should've been stronger. He just undid two years of work over.. Not getting enough attention, basically.

Maybe he should just go to bed.

Yuu invites him over a few more times over the next two weeks, and he makes up excuses every time.

He feels bad about it, really, but he just can't bring himself to do it. Everytime he's over lately, it feels awkward and he doesn't need to bring that energy.

So instead, he stays in his room. His roommate's gone more often than not, so he enjoys his alone time and pretends he's anywhere but NRC.

His legs ache more but it helps him feel less guilty, so he doesn't stop. Though he might have to buy a first aid kit soon before he starts raw dogging his injuries.

That's a problem for tomorrow him.

"Jack Howl!" Ortho waves, beckoning Jack to come down an abandoned hallway. Great meeting spot, Ortho.

He walks over, albeit a bit awkward, and stares down at the humanoid.

"Can you make it to Yuu's tonight?" He asks, and Jack already has an excuse ready to go. "Actually, scratch that. You're coming."

Well okay, just don't give him a choice. Jack grimaces, reminded of just how many times he's made excuses. What's one more?

"I'm sorry, Ortho, but I really am busy. My-"

"I know you're lying," Jack snaps his mouth shut, staring at Ortho with wide eyes. "Your heart rate picks up."

Right, robot. He sighs, already accepting his fate.

... Well, he could just tell Ortho he didn't want to go straight up. But that might be a little mean.

"I don't want to go, sorry," screw being mean, he doesn't want to ruin the vibe. "I'll make it next time."

Ortho frowns, crossing his arms. He looks like a petulant child. "You said that the last six times. Do you not want to be friends anymore?"

"I never said that!" He frowns, lightly shoving Ortho's shoulder. "I just.. Need some time alone. I swear I'll make it to the next one, you can drag me out of my room if you need to."

And he just dug his own grave. 'Great job, Jack. Your genius knows no bounds,' he thinks, already dreading the event.

Ortho's eyes light up and he lets out a few excited whirring sounds. It almost makes Jack feel better.. Almost.

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow at five. Don't make me actually drag you out!" With that, Ortho happily floats away.

Jack grimaces, checking his backpack again. Textbooks, notebooks, pencils, and a change of clothes greets him. It only serves as a reminder to his impending doom of awkward interactions and eventual lurking.

Still, he already agreed and he'd rather not have Ortho on his tail. Sighing, he turns to his roommate.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he says, heading for the door. His roommate hums and he takes that as acknowledgement enough.

The walk to the mirror chamber feels almost daunting. He passes by a few groups hanging out, easily interacting. It reminds him of the others, in a way. Except nobodies ruining everything..

Whatever, he has someone waiting for him.

Jack's ears press down as he closes the door to the bathroom, the laughter from the other room echoing over.

He enjoyed his time here, truly, but he just can't take it. Inside jokes he doesn't get, laugher and yelling so loud it hurts his ears, references he doesn't understand- it was driving him crazy.

A throb of pain from his thigh snaps him out of his thoughts and he sighs, opening drawers and cabinets in search of a medkit.

He's pretty sure an injury opened, or at least is close to it. He assumed they'd be close enough to healing by now, but that's fine. It's all fine, he just needs to patch it up and find an excuse to leave. Should be easy enough.

"Easy," he said. "I'm a liar," he said. Jack's ears twitch, trying to ignore the argument less than a foot away. He managed to patch up his wounds- at least that was easy. But now he's stuck in the middle of a screaming match with no way out.

He looks around the room for an out and his eyes land on Deuce, sitting away from the arguing. Jackpot.

He makes his way over, avoiding the random items on the floor until he's next to Deuce.

"Deuce, I'm leaving. Tell Yuu for me when.." He glances over at the carnage. "That's over, please."

Deuce's eyes widen and he stares up at Jack before promptly getting up. "Take me with you, please. This noise is killing me. I'll be quiet, I swear."

He's almost tempted to curse Deuce's entire bloodline for that. Unfortunately, he's a good person and curses aren't his strong suit, so he just nods and lets Deuce follow him out.

The duo stare up at the stars, foliage rustling around them. Deuce leans his head on Jack's shoulder with a sigh.

"Thanks, Jack. It was just.. So loud," he pauses to think for a second. "Sorry, that's insensitive. I'm sure it was louder for you, but.."

"Eh, don't worry. We all have our moments," Jack replies, leaning his own head on top of Deuce's. It's definitely an awkward position, but neither of them make an attempt to move.

A breeze occasionally makes its way through the yard, rustling plants and leaving behind a faint chill. Jack finds himself staring up at the moon, getting lost in the glow.

"Jack," Deuce starts, poking his arm. Jack gives a small hum. "Are you.. Okay? You don't come by as often, and.. I'm worried."

Truthfully, Jack isn't okay. He can tell he's slipping into an unhealthy mental space, and he desperately needs help before it gets worse.

Unfortunately for both of them, NRC is rubbing off on him and Jack refuses to be honest.

"I'm good," he smiles, staring up at the moon. "Just need some alone time. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure.. Um. I'm here for you if you need anything."

"Thanks, Deuce. I'll remember that."

Well, Jack may have lied a tiny bit. Since that outing, he's basically gone back to his middle school days. He doesn't talk to anyone, eats alone, and he doesn't leave his room.

Whenever he tries to get lunch someone tries to approach him, so he's resorted to only eating dinner and having snacks from Sam for lunch.

As a result, he's barely conscious during track and PE. His vision swims the entire time and he has to leave as soon as possible or else he gets nauseous.

Speaking of track, avoiding Deuce is almost impossible. They run at roughly the same speed, so Deuce is always nearby. Plus the coach always pairs them together for partner activities, so that sucks.

In class, Epel always tries to talk to him, so he either has to ignore the boy or entertain conversation. So, he starts showing up to class right on time so he doesn't have to deal with it.

Simple problems have simple solutions, he just wishes his problems were actually simple.

Still, he's almost suffocating with how lonely he is. His roommate isn't exactly great company and the others were his only friends.

Should he have more than six friends? Probably, but he doesn't really know what else
to do.

.. He probably just needs to wait it out. Simple solutions, right?

Blood runs from his thighs, staining the floor beneath him. Jack feels lightheaded, vision spinning as the red stains everything.

He desperately applies pressure to the wounds, begging for the blood to stop. It doesn't work.

Tears well in his eyes, ears pressed to his head. He blindly reaches for his phone, unsuccessfully trying to put in the password a few times.

He opens his messages, pressing the first contact he can and pressing down on the call button.

The ring echoes through the bathroom and he quickly puts it on speaker. He doesn't trust his shaking hands to keep it steady.

"Hellooo? What's up, Jack?" Deuce responds, happily drawling his words. Jack gasps out a sob at the tone.

"Deuce, I'm- I fucked up, I'm sorry, I.." Half muffled sobs make it through his mouth. He tries to resist vomiting from the red coating the floor and the persistent scent of iron.

"What? Jack, what's happening? Where are you?" Deuce asks, sounding panicked. Shuffling is heard along with a door opening.

"I'm.. I'm in my room. I... I don't know, I'm sorry," he sobs, trying to wipe his tears without getting more blood on himself.

"Okay, thank you. You're alright," Deuce softly replies, trying to sound comforting. "Can you please tell me what happened? I won't get mad."

A voice rings out from the call, talking to Deuce. The boy doesn't respond and continues on.

Guilt hits Jack like a bus. Deuce was probably busy, it's past his dorm's curfew, and he was likely getting Deuce in more trouble the longer this goes on.

"I'm- it's.. I'm fine, you can.. You can stay at your dorm."

"No, wait- Jack, what's happening? Are you in danger?"

More red spills onto the floor and Jack doubles over from the nausea and blood loss.

"I'm fine, I just.." He just what? Any possible excuses die in his throat. He was supposed to be past this.

He got over it forever ago. He went two years without this, for what? So he can die without any real accomplishments?

"Deuce, I-.. There's a lot of blood, I-" he hiccups, more tears trailing down his face. "I'm.. I think I'm..?"

The words refuse to come out and he lets himself lay down, not having the energy to hold himself up anymore.

"Jack? Jack, I'm about to enter Savanaclaw. Should I grab Ruggie? Or Leona?" Deuce asks, sounding more and more panicked.

He really doesn't want his housewarden or Ruggie to see him like this. He tries to say it to Deuce, but the words come out slurred and jumbled.

The ceiling spins above him and the floor feels oddly warm. He feels oddly warm in general. It makes him tired, the comforting warmth surrounding him.

The air conditioning hums and resounding echoes of fighting and laughing fill the room. Deuce occasionally tries communicating with him, but he eventually stops.

That's fine. Jack wants to apologize for skipping out on hang outs, lying, and.. Basically everything he's done within the last month.

But he's content with knowing Deuce is still on the other line. Despite his mistakes, his friends still like him.

Why did he think they didn't? Even as his vision goes dark and sticky wetness soaks into his clothes, the thought has all of his attention.

All of this was because he got insecure over.. What exactly? He doesn't even remember, all he remembers is him distancing himself.

"Jack? Hello? Jack?!" Deuce yells into the receiver, shoving his way through the crowd in the lounge. No reply comes through and he hurries his movement.

Finally reaching the stairs, he bolts up them and through the halls, trying to remember Jack's room number.

"Yo, frosh, what'cha doing?" Deuce jumps out of his skin, turning to Ruggie even as he almost trips.

His eyes light up as he realizes who it is, immediately rushing up to him, ignoring the shocked expression he gets.

"Something's up with Jack! He- he called me panicking, saying he messed up and- and I think he's in danger but I don't know-"

"Dude, slow down. Repeat that slower," Deuce pauses, taking a few deep breaths before restarting.

"Jack called me panicking, saying he messed up, and.. And," he remembers the panic in Jack's voice and immediately goes back into his own panic. "I think he's seriously in danger! You have to tell me where his room is!"

Ruggie looks Deuce over, dread sinking in as the words register. He knows that kind of panicked tone doesn't come from senseless worries.

"Alright, come on. We're going. Now."

Ruggie bangs his fist on the door, annoyed by the lack of an answer. Two whole people in the dorm and not one of them answers, typical.

"Oi! If you dont open the door, I'm-" he's cut off by Deuce slamming the door open, not bothering to check the damage before entering.

Oh well, he ain't housewarden and that isn't his freshman.

"What the fuck!" Deuce's voice calls out, sounding positively horrified. Ruggie's heart drops to his stomach and he goes in.

The other freshman isn't in there, so that answers the door issue.

He slowly pushes Deuce out of the way, the scent of iron hitting his nose before he can even see anything.

As he takes in the sight, he really wishes he didn't see anything in the first place. Blood coats a good bit of the floor, the scent of iron so thick it's sickening.

"What the fuck."

"What do you MEAN Jack's in the infirmary?!" Ace shouts into the receiver, making Deuce flinch. "Dude I covered for you with Riddle and you're telling me you snuck out to deal with Jack's track injuries?"

"He tried to kill himself, Ace!" Deuce shouts back, immediately regretting his wording. The call is silent for a few seconds.

"He what?" Ace mutters, not sounding all there. Deuce winces.

"I.. I'm not sure if that's what actually happened, but.. I.. He called me and when I got there, he was," he trails off, the sight of the incident haunting his memory.

Ace must notice his hesitation because he quickly switches the subject. "I'll tell Riddle, okay? You won't get in trouble, trust me. And.. I'll-.. I'll tell the others, okay? You do what you need to do. Love you, bye."

"Um, right. Love you too," he mumbles, waiting for the click of an ended call before he puts his head in his hands and sobs.

Ruggie sits beside him, awkwardly patting his shoulder. "It's alright, dude. He'll be fine. Why don't you get some air?"

He doesn't want air. He wants to wait for the nurse to come back, even if that means he'll be questioned about stuff he doesn't want to remember.

The only sounds in the infirmary are his own sobs and a heartrate monitor beeping irregularly nearby.

Ruggie's ears pin down from the sound. He quickly gets up, grabbing the younger's arm and dragging him away from the infirmary.

"I don't want to leave, let me go!" Deuce protests, half heartedly tugging his arm away. He honestly didn't have the energy to fight no matter how bad he wanted to stay.

"Nope, fresh air. We both need it, sitting in a stuffy room that smells like rubbing alcohol ain't going us any good."

They walk through the hallways, barely even lit by candles. Given it was late at night, barely any students were around, and even less bothered to care about the odd duo.

"He's what?" Epel demands, angrily tapping his phone for added effect. "Why's he in the infirmary and why ain't Deuce the one telling me?"

Ace sighs, trying to keep his temper in check. "He.. Deuce said he might've.. Tried to kill himself," he says, ignoring the small gasp from the other end. "We don't know for sure, he isn't awake, and.. No one's checked his room yet."

"Checked for suicide notes?" Epel says, sounding oddly threatening. "Why not? Can we go do that?"

"I'm not.." Ace sighs. He honestly just wanted to take some Tylenol and pretend everything was fine. "I don't think I can do that, you can though."

He ignores the sound of crying from the call. He knows Epel's trying to act unbothered and he isn't about to ruin that illusion for both of them.

"I'll get Sebek, you just.. I dunno, lay down. Bye," he doesn't get a chance to reply before the calls hung up.

He lays down with a thump, staring at the bed on the other side of the room. His head aches with a throb.

He should probably tell Riddle where Deuce actually went.

Sebek knocks on the door as a courtesy, unsurprised when no reply comes. He opens the door slowly and walks in.

The smell of iron hits him and he scrunches his nose. Epel walks in close behind, having the same reaction.

"Is that.. What blood smells like?" He asks, sounding slightly disgusted. "How much was there if the smell's that strong?"

".. A lot, I'd assume," Sebek replies, eyes scanning the room. Neither of them say anything.

Epel walks over to Jack's desk, sorting through it. It's a lot messier than he would've expected, but no one really went to his room.

He walks over behind Epel, peering over his shoulder. A paper catches his eye and he points to it.

"What's that one?" Epel follows his finger, grabbing the paper from the mess. A few pens clatter to the floor.

Epel skims over the paper for a second. "'S just an assignment. Got assigned it.. Yesterday, I think."

"Hm," Sebek stares at the desk longer, noticing a few claw marks. "Is his desk always so.. Messy?"

"No, usually it's all organized and shit," Epel replies, checking out more papers. "Think he probably stopped organizin it at some point. From stress or somethin else."

Sebek nods, even if Epel can't see it. He steps away from the desk and goes over to his bed, which is also extremely messy.

"D'ya think he'd want it tidy when he's back?" Epel asks, holding up a few papers. "Cause this is messier than my desk."

He chooses to ignore the fact Epel said "when" instead of "if". He'd rather hope for the better, even if it's not reasonable.

"I believe he'd like that. I'll make his bed and.." He turns to the bedside table, grimacing at the mess. "Everything over here, I suppose."

Epel hums an affirmative and they both get to work.

Epel stands up happily, dusting his hands off for added flair. "Well, we're done! This is clean enough, right?"

Sebek nods, proud of the progress they've made. It's probably not organized perfectly, but it's the best they could do.

Still, something feels missing..

His eyes trail to a door off to the side and he stands up straighter.

"Epel, I believe we forgot that room," he points to the door. Epel perks up and stares at it, immediately slumping.

"We did.." He groans. "But I didn't find anything.. Suspicious, so.." They both know what he means by suspicious.

Taking a deep breath, Epel makes his way to the door. He opens it with a bit more force than necessary.

His heart stops. Dried blood sits stagnant on the floor, the scent of it still in the air as if it was just spilt.

"Sebek, I.. Think we need a janitor," he mumbles, trying to not sound as freaked out as he feels.

"Why?" Sebek asks, walking over and staring over his shoulder. He can feel him freezing up. ".. Ah. I'll.. Go get someone."

"And how did you find him?" The nurse asks, staring at her clipboard. Deuce stares at the clock, praying to just be done.

"I found him passed out on the floor," he replies. His body feels heavy.

"Right. Did any of his behavior change leading up to this?"

Deuce straightens up, staring at her. Sweat forms on his forehead.

"I.. Think so? He was kinda..?" His voice trails off. He was probably the worst person for this scenerio, but here he was.

"Kind of..?" She gestures for him to continue.

"He stopped hanging out with us and uh.. I dunno, he avoided me during club, Epel during class.. I don't know."

She nods, writing down the information. The clock ticks irritatingly. He feels too cold yet too hot.

"Do you know if he has a history of mental health issues, substance abuse, suicide, or self harm tendencies?"

His mouth feels dry. He wished he knew anything, but Jack never told him anything. Was that an okay answer?

"I.. Don't know. Jack doesn't really talk about that stuff with people," or maybe it was only him who didn't know? "But uh.. He had a few scars on him, I dunno if those were self induced though."

The sound of pen on paper fills the air again. He just wants out. He wants to see Jack again, probably punch him for the audacity, then smother him. Probably cry somewhere in the process.

"And, in your own words, did he ever seem like he was struggling?"

"Yeah," he says before his brain processes the words. He grimaces. "I mean, kinda. Jack's.. He's the kind of guy to act tough all the time, y'know?"

The nurse nods, looking slightly concerned. Deuce doesn't know if that's because he feels manic and she can tell or if she's worried about Jack.

"But he's really, really bad at acting tough. Like, usually he acts tough and is tough, but when he's just acting he's- I dunno, he just looks off."

She doesn't make an attempt to stop his rambling. "And like, a few days before he called me, we were hanging out outside and.. And he told me he wanted alone time and said he'd be fine, but like- the tone of his voice was off!"

Another nod and more pen on paper. He feels borderline insane the longer he sits here.

Jack opens his eyes with a groan, squinting at the light above him. Beeping fills the air, sounding way too loud and way too close to his ears.

He sits up, ignoring the ache in his body. His vision swims and the beeping gets faster. A twinge of pain in his inner elbow makes him pause.

He looks around the room, actually taking in his surroundings. Empty chairs, pristine walls, medical equipment, and a bedside table with gifts scattered on it.

Dread hits him before any relief. As grateful as he is he didn't permanently screw up, he can't help but feel horrible for whoever found him.

He hopes it wasn't Deuce, but he knows it probably was. The monitor next to him speeds up to the point it's almost deafening him.

The nurse walks in, smiling at him. Jack doesn't bother pretending to smile back. He just wants to get out of here.

"Now, Jack, I just have a few questions," she announces, taking a seat. Jack sighs.

"How long am I staying until I can leave?" He asks, sounding a lot more annoyed than he would've liked.

Then again, he is really annoyed. He's only been to the hospital twice and he hated both times, he doesn't have high hopes for a school nurse's office.

Actually, why does the nurse even have IVs?

"Around two days, maybe more if your condition doesn't improve," she smiles, patting his arm. "You should be fine, though."

Well that's good news. As nice as she seems, Jack would rather choke on water and die than stay here.

"Now, do you have a history of substance abuse, mental health struggles, self harm tendencies, or suicide attempts?"

At least he knows basic procedure for this stuff. "I have two past suicide attempts, I was two years clean of self harm, and I have a two disorders I'm on medication for."

"Understood. May I ask the disorders?"

"Bipolar and epilepsy. I think the medications should be on the chart," his ear twitches at the sound of a door opening.

"Thank you," she scribbles it down. "You aren't required to answer, but why did you try to kill yourself?"

He can feel his heart drop. He sits up straighter, turning to her with more energy. "I didn't try to kill myself. I- I wasn't doing good, but it wasn't an attempt."

Her eyebrows raise a bit. She coughs into her fist. "Alright. Why were you.. Cutting yourself, then?"

"I just.." He definitely wasn't answering that completely. "Was going through something. It won't happen again."

He finds himself actually meaning it. He'd rather not end up worrying people or going to the hospital again.

An ache from his thighs. Yeah, he wasn't doing that again. Phantom pains were bad enough.

"Right. Thank you for your time," she stands up, walking to the door before turning around. "Your friends dropped those off for you. Feel free to open them. Tell me if and when you'll allow visitors."

He waves goodbye, not trusting his voice. The gifts look daunting. He really, really hopes the nurse put them there and people weren't actually in the room with him.

"I don't give a damn. Let me in the room," a voice breaks Jack out of his thoughts. A card lays unopened in his lap.

"Sir, I'm not supposed to let people in without the patient's permission," the nurse argues, voice polite. Jack's ear twitches.

As they continue bickering outside, he continues messing with the card in his hand. It's nicely decorated and clearly hand made.

If he wasn't guilty before, he surely is now. He wasn't all too shocked he got cards, he has some faith in his friends, but he's honestly shocked they cared that much.

The door opens, the nurse quickly walking in and shutting it behind her. He perks up his head as she approaches.

"Jack, two students would like to see you," he wasn't sure how to feel about that. "Would you like me to let them in?"

He was kind of annoyed just sitting here. It's only been a few hours, but he was quite frankly bored. He left his phone in his bathroom and all he had was gifts.

Then again, he would actually never recover if anyone saw him like this. Or, heavens forbid, they got angry at him.

"You can let them in," leaves his mouth. The nurse nods and walks away. He's hit by the realization he probably should've asked who wanted to see him before answering.

Luckily he gets his answer pretty quickly. Leona and Ruggie walk in quickly, the door shutting behind them. Leona sits on a chair, crossing his arms.

"So, what was the plan here?" He asks, clearly unimpressed. Jack's throat feels dry.

"Plan?" He questions, tilting his head. Ruggie copies the movement, though he quickly stops and moves to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Trying to kill yourself?" Leona raises an eyebrow. "That purple kid said there wasn't a note."

He almost wants to cry. Of course Epel got involved. Knowing his luck, the entire school probably knows by now.

"I wasn't.." His voice cracks and he coughs into his fist. "I wasn't trying to kill myself."

They both stare at him and he knows they don't believe him. He sighs.

"I swear I wasn't-"

"You had a pool of blood around you and a box cutter," Ruggie interrupts, poking a finger into his chest. "That doesn't look good for you."

He feels a growl raise in his throat. Of course they didn't believe him. Obviously, he knows how bad it looked, he wouldn't believe himself either, but they could at least pretend.

"If that wasn't the goal, what was?" Leona asks, voice disbelieving. Jack's just glad someone asked at all.

Though, he wasn't sure how to answer. He wasn't going to say he was cutting himself because of friendship problems, that was pathetic.

He also definitely wasn't admitting this was a recurring issue for him. That might genuinely send him into a coma. He'd never recover.

"It.. Was meant to be stress relief," he decides to say. Leona's tail sways expectantly. "It just got out of hand."

Ruggie's ears pin to his head. "Stress relief doesn't involve blood loss."

Jack finds himself at a loss for words. He was right, of course, but Jack really just wanted them to accept his bullshit and leave.

"I.. It.. Like I said, got out of hand.." He mutters, looking at anywhere but his upperclassmen.

"Look, I'm gonna make it easy. Why were you cutting yourself?" Leona sounds pretty uninterested for what he's asking.

Jack almost wants to scream at him. Tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, or maybe tell him to focus on not retaking another year.

Screw it, it really isn't any of his business. "That really isn't your business, I don't know why you care," he replies, still avoiding looking at either of them.

That is until Ruggie actually whines. He snaps his head over, ears pin straight. Ruggie looks like the epitome of a concerned mother, oddly enough.

"We care because you were bleeding out on the floor. I get you're all-" he gestures at Jack. "Tough guy or whatever, but come on!"

Guilt hits him again. Honestly, he probably really needs his medication. He doesn't think he's taken it for a few days and with how he's feeling, he really needs it.

Still, he had one (two? He doesn't know with Leona,) concerned upperclassman staring at him. He's almost reminded of his siblings, and that's what really does him in.

"I.. Relapsed," he says and it's too late to backtrack. "Stuff's been rough, so I just.."

He glances out of the window so he doesn't have to see the shock on Ruggie's face anymore.

"I really only meant for it to be one time, but I.. Things got worse, so I kept at it, and.." Red stained tiles appear, engrained in his memory. "I don't know. It was a mistake."

It goes quiet. Jack refuses to look. He knows they're likely disappointed or some similar emotion, and he doesn't need that right now.

He's thrown off guard when Ruggie hugs him, and he snaps himself to attention. It's warm and comforting, but the fact it's Ruggie hugging him feels really weird.

He doesn't return the hug, though he does give Ruggie an awkward pat on the back. Bad social skills, he knows, but he can't be bothered at the moment.

Well, if anything good came from Leona and Ruggie visiting, it was the fact he finally got some closure and items.

Small stuff, sure, but he was thankful. He had his phone back, a change of clothes, and the knowledge that his bathroom no longer had blood in it.

Though he was going to miss his box cutter. Believe it or not, that thing was actually used practically, so he'll definitely miss it.

He turns on his phone, getting almost jumpscared by the sheer amount of notifications he has. Endless text messages and multiple missed calls greet him.

With a sigh, he opens up his phone to check who texted him. His family group chat has a few messages and he chooses to ignore that. He'd rather talk to his family when he didn't have an IV in his arm.

Underneath it, he sees the group chat with the other first years. A beautiful notification alerting him there's over fifty unread messages right next to it. Yeah, he wasn't reading that.

He clicks on Yuu's contact, a nice two messages next to it. The first one is a simple apology for not noticing and wishing him well, the second saying they know his upperclassmen visited and wondering if they could.

The first message definitely isn't good for him to focus on right now, so he types out a response to the second one.

"I'm good for company, just tell the nurse I said it's okay," he rereads it multiple times before hitting send and slapping the phone down next to him.

He really wants this to just be over already.

As he sorts through the gifts again, still refusing to read any cards, a door opens not too far away. He listens to the sound of footsteps approaching and he puts the gifts back onto the table just as the door opens.

Deuce and Epel sprint in, barely stopping before the bed. They're red faced and very clearly displeased.

"Jack, I- are you okay?" Deuce asks, gripping his shoulders. "Why would you..?"

The manic look in his eyes has Jack sweating. Luckily for him, Yuu walks in close behind. They wave, a small smile on their face.

"Hi, Jack. Sorry, they insisted on coming. Ace, Ortho, Sebek, and Grim are coming but they stopped at the vending machine," they say, sitting on a chair.

His tail wags when he hears vending machine. "Are they bringing food from it?" He asks, ignoring Epel's hand carding through the fur.

"Yeah, thought you might be sick of infirmary food," he really, really was. The bed dips beside him and he turns to see Deuce sitting on the bed.

Seriously, multiple chairs and this is the second time someone sat on the bed. Personal space, people. Still, he can't find it in him to he annoyed by it.

"Jack, seriously.. Why'd you.." Deuce's voice cracks. "You said you'd.. I thought you'd tell me if you were struggling."

Tears well in Deuce's eyes and Jack's half tempted to beat whatever thoughts he's having out of him. Still, he's not a jerk, so he pulls Deuce into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he means it, truly. "It wasn't meant to get that bad, and-.. And I wasn't trying to kill myself."

Deuce actually starts sobbing, gripping Jack's shirt. He grimaces slightly, but he ruffles Deuce's hair as an attempt of comfort.

Epel raises his eyebrow, leaning onto the bed. "Jack, your bathroom.. There was a whole lotta blood. I dunno how that wasn't a.. Y'know."

"It really wasn't. It was.. Bad stress relief habits coming back," at least it was easier to explain to his friends. "I.. Messed up, got too into it, and.. Yeah."

A sob shakes Deuce's body and Jack grabs him tighter. Epel nods, staring off at the window.

Silence encompasses the room for a good few minutes. Yuu grabs a few gifts and looks through them. The only sounds are Deuce's sobs and the crinkling of gift wrap.

That is until the remaining four people show up. Sebek and Ace show up, bickering loudly as they pass around gifts. They only pause once they realize Deuce is crying.

".. What's up with him?" Ace awkwardly asks, patting Deuce on the back. Jack's tempted to growl at him for touching him, but he doesn't.

"Emotional stuff," Yuu responds, opening a pack of Cheezits. "Just ignore it."

Grim happily jumps off of Ortho once he spots Yuu, curling up on their lap. They smile and pet him, offering a Cheezit.

"JACK HOWL!" Sebek's voice booms, shocking everyone into stillness. Jack's ears ring. He coughs into his hand, lowering his volume. "We've brought snacks. How are you feeling?"

He passes Jack a small plastic bag filled with food. Jack immediately grabs the first thing he sees, tearing open the packaging and finishing the bag, barely chewing.

He pauses when he sees the horrified look Sebek gives him. He sheepishly smiles.

"Thanks, Sebek. I'm fine," Sebek doesn't reply, still staring at the empty bag. Epel giggles.

"Hungry aren't ya?" He teases, sitting on the bed. Jack rolls his eyes.

"All I've had today was a stale turkey sandwich, I needed some real food," though he really doubts Goldfish count as real food. Still, better than whatever he was eating earlier.

Ortho floats over, poking Deuce. When he doesn't get a response, he shrugs and throws himself onto the bed.

It's really cramped. Believe it or not, but having a giant wolf and three other people on a twin sized bed wasn't exactly a nice fit.

Still, he enjoyed the company so he wouldn't say anything about it. Even if Deuce was kind of crushing him with how he was laying on him, how Ortho was uncomfortably cold on his side, or how his leg was a bit numb from Epel laying on it.

Small sacrifices, he supposed. Even if his eardrums were breaking from Ace and Sebek arguing.

"Jack Howl, may I ask something?" Ortho softly asks, propping himself up on his elbows. Jack nods, tilting his head to look at the boy.

"Does.. This have anything to do with how you were missing hangouts?" Jack's heart stops. He awkwardly glances away, praying no one else was paying attention.

Luckily for him, everyone was distracted. Except Deuce, of course, but he didn't mind if Deuce listened. He did drag Deuce into his troubles, after all.

He turns back to Ortho. "I guess, yeah. I.. Thought I was intruding, so I.. Stopped showing up, but that only made it worse," he responds, practically whispering.

Ortho stares back, a small whirring coming from him. Jack swears he can see a loading symbol in his eyes.

"You.. Thought you were intruding?" He asks, tilting his head. Jack finds himself copying the movement.

"I guess. It's just.. You guys get along easily, and I just- I dunno, don't mesh well with it."

"You do though-" Ortho pauses, looking down at the bed. "We'll talk later."

Jack nods, slightly thrown off. He almost wanted to demand Ortho to continue, but he would rather not start an issue.

.. Plus he had Deuce laying on him, still refusing to move.

Jack stretches his legs with a groan, feeling unused to standing. His thighs ache pretty bad even with the painkillers he took.

The infirmary door opens and he grabs his bag of belongings, rushing out of the room. He waves goodbye to the nurse with a thanks.

"Jack! Are you ready to leave?" Ace waves, a lopsided grin on his face. Jack nods, already making his way to the exit.

Ace continues talking all the way to the mirror chamber. He feels as though his ears may fall off from all the chatter.

Still, his chest feels oddly.. Warm. Despite Ace's incessant noise, he feels content.

"Yo, where the hell are you walking to?" Ace asks, grabbing his wrist. Jack turns to him with an eyebrow raised.

"To my room? Where else would I be going?"

"Dude, we're waiting here for the others? So we can go to Yuu's?" Ace says, gesturing to the other mirrors.

"I know.. I don't have clothes. Or literally anything," he replies, snatching his wrist away. Ace groans and walks with him into Savanaclaw.

As Jack opens the door to his room, he finds his stuff a lot cleaner than he left it. He stares at his desk for a long while.

Ace shoves past him, walking straight over to his dresser to shuffle through it. Jack assumes he's looking for clothes and doesn't bother stopping him.

"Do you know who moved my stuff?" He asks, digging through his desk for his medication. He knows his body will hate him for suddenly taking them again.

"It was Epel and Deuce, I think," Ace throws a pair of sweatpants and a shirt onto his bed. "They were digging through here when they learned what happened."

Jack knows what they were doing without even needing to ask. Looking for notes and probably taking all of his sharp objects.

.. His medication. "Ace, did they find any pill bottles?"

Ace stands up and turns to him with a very clear expression of 'excuse me?' He feels a tiny bit intimidated.

".. Pill bottles? I don't think so? Why do you have pill bottles?" Ace asks, quickly walking over and searching through his desk.

"They're prescribed.. I kinda need them?" He says, though it sounds more like a question. Ace hums.

"Well, I'll keep looking, you go pack up."

Ace, surprisingly, did find the bottle. It was buried under a lot of random junk. Jack realizes the only reason he didn't take them sooner was simply because he couldn't find them.

"So, what even are these?" Ace asks, watching as Jack swallows one with a grimace.

"Antipsychotics," he replies, closing up his water bottle. They taste just as bitter as he remembers, if not more. "I have epilepsy medication.. Somewhere."

Ace doesn't reply, just staring at him. Once again, Jack finds himself pretty scared. Was that really surprising?

"Don't you.. I dunno, kinda need epilepsy medication?" Ace questions. He shrugs, tossing the bottle into his bag.

"I guess, but I don't really take them. They mess with the other stuff sometimes."

"Dude. You are either really tough, really lucky, or really stupid."

Jack's only been at Ramshackle for an hour and the noise is astounding. Pillows and blankets litter the floor, everyone in total disarray.

Ortho sits next to him, pretending to eat popcorn. All he does is put a piece near his mouth before putting it back in the bucket.

Ace and Deuce bicker about.. Something. He's stopped paying attention after they brought up Deuce's mom.

Sebek has a fort of pillows and blankets surrounding him, looking similar to a cat in a bed. It's almost comical.

And Yuu is.. Somewhere. Jack looks around, trying to spot them. All he sees is Grim somehow sleeping through the noise.

Brilliant. Truly wonderful. He feels awkward sitting around, like a ship without a destination. Just.. There.

Ortho taps him on his shoulder and he turns to the robot. Ortho grins at him, a sharp row of teeth showing.

"Why don't you go hang out with Sebek?" He points to the fae. Jack grimaces.

"He seems comfortable, I won't bother him. And you need company," he replies. He can already imagine how horribly that'd play out.

Ortho groans. "Jack Howl, be serious. Yuu will hang out with me and if they don't, I'll go over to Grim. Just go."

The robot slams his back with all the force of an angry bull. Jack swears he hears something crack.

"Shit, okay. See ya, Ortho," he gets up, rushing away before he can get hit again. He notes to himself to never piss off Ortho.

Sebek perks up when he hears Jack approach. Jack is half tempted to run back to Ortho, or maybe just die on the spot.

"HOWL!!" His ears immediately press to his head. Sebek awkwardly coughs. "Apologies. Here, sit with me."

He opens up his makeshift fort and Jack hesitantly sits next to him. He sneaks an arm around Jack and he almost jumps in the air from how cold he is.

"Sebek! You're freezing!" He quietly exclaims, shifting away. Sebek glares at him. "Oh, right. Crocodiles are cold blooded."

"You're warm," Sebek shifts closer to him. Jack resists from trying to move again. He'd like Sebek to be warm, but holy crap was he cold.

He sighs, letting Sebek use him as a makeshift heater. Admittedly, he was pretty comfortable.

"JACK! Over here!" Deuce screams, promptly sitting down once he notices the stares he gets.

Jack quickly walks over, giving Deuce a pat on the back. Ace giggles at his misfortune as usual.

"Dude, I think I'm dead after Crewel's class," Epel groans, face pressed into the table. "Only reason I passed was cause Jack did everything for me."

"Epel, it was simple algebra," Jack sighs. Ace giggles louder. Deuce looks haunted, Sebek facepalming from the reaction.

"Exactly! The fuck does algebra gotta do with potions?!" Jack also facepalms. Of course he somehow he got stuck with the most irritating group of first years possible.

The ceiling stares down at Jack. His roommate bids him another goodbye, already out of the dorm before Jack can reply.

His phone dings with messages, goodnight texts flooding in from his friends now that his phone isn't muted.

He sends out a few quick replies, chatting with Vil a bit longer than usual, before putting it down and staring into the ceiling.

Rather than the typical feeling of dread or guilt, he just feels.. Content. No aches or lingering doubts clouding his mind.

Jack smiles, thinking back to the memories of the day. It was the first time in a while he felt so alive.