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My dear Frodo,
It has already been a month since you left us but if I was to be honest it feels like it has been a lifetime already.
I don't think there has ever been a time that we have been parted for this long and I never thought the day would come were I would have to think of a life without you right by my side or me behind you, following you off towards another adventure, whether that was some pretend one we made up when we were young, like when we would look for elves in the forest or hide away from goblins that were hunting us, or one as scary as our real one. I would follow you again one hundred times over if it meant I could be beside you, I would face every single creature that haunts me in the dead of night to be able to see your face again.
The ache in my heart that formed as your boat sailed out of view hasn't left and I fear it never will. At least it is a constant reminder of you, not that I would ever have to worry about forgetting you. That wouldn't be possible.
I wish you had let us know you were planning to leave. Maybe it was part of Gandalf's plans, he always seemed to think in strange ways that couldn't make sense to anyone but him. I used to think that he purposely did that, using riddles and weird confusing sentences that he knew no one else understood. Maybe that's just a wizard thing, we never got to meet any of those other wizards he spoke of, although after the stories Pippin and Merry told us about Saruman maybe that is a good thing.
Maybe just like when Bilbo left the Shire all those years ago, you didn't want to have some big drawn out goodbye, but I still wish you could have at least told me. I would like to think that knowing in advance would have made our goodbye easier but I know that is not true. I could have known since the second you had made your decision and it would have hurt all the same.
I understand why you left, so many things were different when we returned home and part of me fears it will never be the same place that it was all those years ago. None of us returned as the same person we left as but out of us all you had changed the most. It's like a small part of you was left at that mountain and no matter how hard you tried it could never return. I feel bad to admit it but as much as I mourn the you that sailed away on that boat, I also mourn the person you were before that ring came into your possession. Maybe it is good that I cannot actually send this to you.
The world feels so much quieter without you. Everytime I walk through Bag-end I expect to see you as I turn a corner, sitting next to the fire in Bilbo's old armchair reading a book, resting outside in the garden or sneaking something from the pantry behind Bilbo's back. Bag-end may have always been a place I have found comfort in but it doesn't completely feel the same anymore with you missing from it.
That doesn't mean it isn't a lovely home, we are endlessly thankful that you let us have it (although I'm sure part of that reason is to make sure the Sackville-Baggins will never be able to take ownership over it as Bilbo always wanted) I sit at his old desk as I write this letter and I can understand why he spent so long in this room writing, there's this peace that enters your brain as soon as you walk through the door, although I am sure you remember that well.
Currently little Frodo is sitting on the floor next to me, he has been starting to learn to walk and I don't think I have seen a faunt who gets up after falling over as quickly as he does. Maybe it is just because he shares your name but I truly believe he looks so similar to you. His hair is the same shade as yours, his smile looks so close to how yours used to look and I swear his eyes have the exact same sparkle whenever he gets excited in the way yours did. I do wonder how much more he will look like you as he grows up. How do I react if my son looks too similar to you?
I know I shouldn't think that way. You wanted me to continue living my life and not give up on happiness just because you weren't there anymore, but it is a lot easier to promise to do that than actually go through with it. But I will do it, for you.
There are so many things I wish I had said to you, although I know if I had the ability to I still wouldn't be able to say everything. Even on this paper I am unable to describe the depth of my feelings for you. Maybe one day we will find each other again and I will have the confidence to be honest to you.
I hope one day somehow to be able to see you again.
Your closest friend,
Sam