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It was Johnny’s funeral. I was sat in a pew wearing an itchy, white button-up and black slacks. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a (non-abandoned) church, it made me nervous. I started to fiddle with the folded piece of paper in my hand.
Darry sat on my left while Sodapop was on my right. I looked behind me to the doors and saw a few people piling in: Steve and Two-Bit (obviously), and a couple more that surprised me: for one, Shepard’s gang was here. It was only Curly, Tim, and their sister Angela, but it was still bewildering. And second: Randy Adderson also walked through that door. He sat down in a pew across the aisle from us, he looked like he was avoiding eye contact. Two-Bit and Steve came to our pew and sat next to Soda. I scanned the church, Johnny’s parents were nowhere to be seen. Good, I thought. They don’t deserve to grieve him.
The service started as people were asked to say their eulogies, or elegies, or whatever. Everyone stayed silent– even Two-Bit. The paper in my hand felt heavy as I got up and slowly walked to the podium. I gulped down my pain as I laid down the now unfolded piece of paper. I looked down at the lined paper that I took from my English class. My usually neat, cursive handwriting was shaky and tear-smudged. I took a deep breath and started to speak:
“Johnny Cade. Where do I start with Johnny Cade? He was my-” boyfriend “-best friend. I guess spending a week alone in a church will do that to you.” I chuckled, trying to push down the hurt.
“He always had a look on his face–” I waved my hand around as I tried to describe Johnny, “like a kicked puppy lost in a crowd of strangers. He never told me what he wanted to do with his life. I think, for a long time, that he didn’t even want a life. By the end of it though, I think he just wanted to see something outside of our neighborhood, something outside of Greasers and Socs, something outside of the pointless fighting.” I paused before continuing to read off the script I gave myself.
“I'm not sure how we’re gonna go on without him.” I sniffed, trying to hold back my tears. “I mean, there was just something about him that made everyone his big brother.” Except you. You loved him more than that. “Maybe it was that ‘kicked puppy’,” I used my middle and index to make physical air quotes, “look. Maybe it was the fact that he got beat half to death by Socs not too long ago.” I saw Randy look away when I said that. “Maybe it was the fact that his parents never did anything good for him.” That last line came off angrier than I wanted it to.
“Johnny Cade. He died gallant. He was braver than any of us. Johnny Cade. He told me to ‘stay gold’.” I sobbed at being forced to remember his last words. “Ironically,” I could barely get the words out and my vision started to blur, “I think he was the most ‘gold’ out of all of us. We’re gonna miss you, man.” A tear fell from my chin, smudging the already very smudged blue ink. “It’s not gonna be the same without you. Goodbye, Johnnycakes. You deserve rest.” I nodded and took my paper, quickly walking back down the aisle and back to the pew where I resumed my spot between Darry and Sodapop. Soda put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer.
I silently sobbed for the rest of the service, not at all paying attention to what was actually being said.