Chapter Text
He was given every warning to shut his trap the minute the first question left their forsaken lips.
They were playing in his room gaming away until his dad called him over.
It was only for like fifteen minutes, so Griefer didn’t really bother with much details.
“What was that about?”
“D4D W4S M1LK1NG MY F4NGS.”
Player blinked, slow, and deliberate.
“Like a snake? You’re venomous?”
Griefer nodded his head without much thought, he was ready to jump right back into their matches.
“Y34H, S1D3 3FF3CT 0F…” He gestured to himself and his obvious Bubonic features.
Those were the words that unknowingly sealed his fate.
“Are there other effects?”
What a random topic of conversation, like duh, of course a change of physiology would bring about a lot of effects. Not everyone could say they were half plant monster.
“1 C4N PH0T0SYNTH3S1Z3….????”
They dropped their controller.
“You can WHAT?!”
Griefer shrugged, picking up his game controller from the floor.
The game was on.
“T00K 4 N4P 1N TH3 J33P, F3LT H0RR1BBL3, L1K3 D3HYDR4T3D B3Y0ND C0MP4R3. DR4NK 4 WH0L3 G4LL0N 0F W4T3R 4ND W4SN’T HUNGRY F0R L1K3… 3 D4YS.”
“3 DAYS?!” The Player looked horrified.
“Y34H, 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT’V3 GOTT3N BL04T3D 1F 1 ST4Y3D N4PP1NG 4NY L0NG3R.” He huffed.
“And after that?”
“4FT3R TH4T WH4T?”
“You… didn’t measure the ratio of hours in the sun to gallons? So like you could have an even split on the nutrients? Why did you even fall asleep in the Jeep in the first place? The nutrition plants require is way different than a human's, maybe that whole episode was caused by deficiency.”
Griefer thought for a second.
“1 GU3SS 1 W4S M0STLY R0TT1NG 1N MY R00M TH4T W33K, D4D W4S G0N3 4ND 1 W4S H0US3S1TT1NG… I BL4CK3D 0UT… 4ND W0K3 UP 0UTS1D3… ”
At that point it was too late, Player pulled out a notebook.
“You’re venom, is it potent?”
Griefer raised an eyebrow, there was something about the frantic curiosity the player was showcasing that raised some serious red flangs.
“1 D0N’T KN0W…???? WHY D0 Y0U C4R3 PUNK????!”
Player pursed their lips, annoyed.
“Damn, and they’re already milked dry.”
Griefer frowned.
“Do you know where the Mayor stores it?”
“1—”
“Wait, I can just ask him for some, he loves me like a second child.” Player grinned then stood up and ran out the room with a speed that Griefer had only seen when they were running from bugs.
Griefer just stood there waiting, until the player returned disappointed.
“So apparently he thinks it’s dangerous and has been burning it in Alchemical Greek fire for disposal…” They chewed their bottom lip, a habit for when they were plotting something.
“No matter, how long until you produce it again?”
Griefer proceeded to make another grave error.
“4B0UT 4 W33K…? BUT L1K3 TH4T’S 1F 1 DON’T N33D 1T.”
Player turned their gaze to Griefer, eyes piercing.
“Don’t need it?”
Griefer shrugged, giving a playful smirk.
“S0M3T1M3S 1F 1M 4G1T4T3D 3N0UGH, 1T 0V3RFL0WS, 1T’S S0 B4D D4D JUST ST4RT3D H4V1NG H1S T00LS 4T TH3 R34DY WH3N Y0U C4LL M3…H3 S4YS IT’S N0RM4L F0R TH3 SP3C13S. ”
The Bubanic plant?
“You mean the same plant that is said to be EXTINCT?!”
Griefer blinked.
“H0W’D Y0U KN0W TH4T??? 1T’S N0T L1KE MUCH OF TH3 F0SS1LS M4D3 1T 0UT 0F TURIT0PUL1S.”
At this point even the author wonders how the heck this foliage-covered doofus hasn’t caught the hint. I mean the jungle literally had Bigfoot, did he seriously think that the player didn’t take most myths and cryptid shit seriously, now?
“THERES FOSSILS?!?!?”
Griefer nodded his head.
“1 C4N SH0W Y0U-”
“YES- I mean please!!!” Player then stopped and shook their head.
“Wait! Don’t distract me! I can agitate you plenty enough right here.”
“WH4T—?”
This was the reckoning of Brad Thaniyel.
Without ceremony the plant hybrid was tackled onto the ground.
“H3Y!!!! Wh4T TH3 F-”
His eyes widened as Player plunged their fingers into his mouth, prying and touching the tips of his fangs.
The man flushed, eyes wide, and voice scandalised.
“W4H 4R3 Y0USH D0IN’!!! Y0U P3RV!”
Player frowned, eyes entirely focused.
“Now, now Brad this will all be over once you start producing that sweet sweet ancient venom.”
Their fingers traced the sharp red teeth.
(Another thing Player had been fascinated by, they’d asked Mayor Thaniyel about it. It was hereditary afterall, I mean just look at the family portraits, apparently it was a dominant trait he inherited from his Great Grandma Edith!)
“Come on, do it!”
“1 4M N0SH S0M3 BL00DYSH0SHSWP0NY!!!”
“No, you aren’t, showponies aren’t nearly as fascinating as this. Not even those ‘Each Tened’ ones I found in that Fire Temple hold a candle to this.”
Griefer bit Players fingers hard, causing them to let go, but they already got what they wanted.
A milky- almost clear liquid dripped from his fangs and had most definitely gotten into the bite.
Player gasped, eyes dilated.
“That burns.”
“N0 SH1T!”
Player hummed, their fingers were locking up, no matter.
They gripped the ice dagger with their other hand, except the residual Sword Energy didn’t seal up the wound. It tried to, but it didn't.
See, the thing about using residual energy was that it wasn’t enough for a full fledged heal, but it would speed up the average healing process by a large margin, yet the two pinpricks weren’t clotting.
Player smiled.
“A mixture of Neurotoxin and a Hemotoxin… but I’m already extremely resistant to most of them, yet it’s affecting me to this level? Such a miniscule amount….”
Griefer’s eye twitched, this was the psychopath that saved his life?
They sounded like some mad scientist searching for immortality… or something equally as stupid. “D4D!”
Griefer ran out of his room and straight into the kitchen where his dad was happily baking some banana bread.
“Oh, Brad, is something the matter?”
“1 B1T PL4Y3R.”
The Mayor blinked.
“Oh my… that was rather bold… but isn’t that the type of information you’re supposed to keep private…?”
Brad flushed, suddenly realizing the implication.
“WH4T???!!! N0 TH3Y G0T 0BS3SS3D W1TH MY V3NOM AND 4LM0ST CHOK3D M3 0UT W1TH TH31R F1NG3RS!!!”
Mayor Thaniyel covered his mouth, looking mildly concerned.
“I mean they’re a bit bold… at least they aren’t weirded out?”
“D4D G3T Y0UR M1ND 0UT 0F TH3 D4MN GUTT3R 4ND H3LP!!! PL34S3!!!”
“Right! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting Grandkids so soon, you’re like 23!”
“D4D!!! TH4T 1S N0T WH4T 1S H4PP3NN1NG!!!”
The mayor raised his hands in mock surrender.
“Alright, I’ll fetch some of the antivenom I synthesized.”
“Y3SSS, PL34S3 IDK WTH 1S WR0NG W1TH TH3M.”
+++
“Sorry…”
“Y0U C0ULD 0F JUST T0LD M3 Y0U KN0W.”
“I did though!”
“4S 1N T3LL M3 STR41GHT UP ‘1 W4S 4 B10L0GY M4J0R 0B3S3SS3D W1TH CRYPTOZOOLOGY, C4N Y0U B3 MY L4B R4T???’.”
“I’m sorry I thought that after killing my own greed I would learn to stop being weirdo who just took things without asking.. That was uncalled for. Not just stealing the venom, but how I did it.”
“4H S0 Y0U’LL N3V3R D0 1T 4G41N?”
Player nodded their head vigorously.
“... N0T 3V3N 1F 1 S4Y 1 3NJ0Y3D 1T?”
Player stopped and turned to their favorite ally to call on.
“Pardon?”
Griefer sighed, he already shot the first shot, what was one more?
“1’M PR3TTY SUR3 W3’R3 N0T 4T TH3 L3V3L WH3RE 1’D L3T Y0U CL1MB 4LL 0V3R M3 4ND PL4Y D0C, BUT 1’M N0T 4G41NST 1T.”
Player flushed.
“Please tell me that’s a double meaning.”
Griefer smiled then grabbed the idiot hero, pulling them closer.
The kiss what brief, but-
“YOUR SALIVA IS POISONOUS!?!?!”