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The cry of an owl wakes Bucky from his slumber. His neck feels stiff from the hours he’s spent curled up in an awkward position in the old armchair. Everything is quiet, safe from the low rattling of the old heater and the occasional sound from the wild animals outside.
It’s been six months since they moved out here. Steve said it’s always been a dream of his to live out in the woods but Bucky is aware that he’s the real reason why they’re out here now. He’s eternally grateful to Steve for this but at the same time he knows it’s only the start of all the things he has to learn to handle now.
At first, when they got him out of cryo back in Wakanda, things seemed perfectly fine. The scientists had found a way to help him, even though it is a slow process and not free of failures. He also learned that within the year of him being frozen, Steve had made amends with Tony and had even managed to convince him that it hadn’t really been Bucky who’d killed his parents. Things were still tender between them and Bucky knew he couldn’t blame Tony. It was a miracle that he could look at him at all without seeing nothing but the assassin who took out his parents.
He and Steve had even been given an apartment at Stark Tower and even though no one had ever said it out loud, Bucky knew that everyone had expected him to become a part of the Avengers. At first they’d started hanging out with him, one by one. Then he’d been invited to their meetings and after a while, when they were sure that it wouldn’t give him flashbacks and cause any trouble, he was allowed to train with them.
All of this was nice, being part of a group, using his body to train and work and fight. But Bucky also knew he’d never be what Steve wanted to make of him. He hung out with the others when Steve was around but never on his own. He rarely spoke without being spoken to first. Training was fun but he couldn’t imagine actually going on a mission with everyone. He could tell that when Steve looked at him, he saw his old friend Bucky, the guy who’d always been a charmer. Back before the war, it had always been him talking them both out of anything. Bucky had made friends for them both and brought Steve along, people and social interaction never being a problem for him.
But that Bucky doesn’t exist anymore. Bucky knows this, has always known it, and slowly, step by step, Steve came to terms with that, too. And he learned how to handle him. The noise of the city, once much beloved by them both, is often too much for Bucky. And so was living in such a large building with an ever changing number of others, some staying for a few nights only, some, like them, having a permanent residence here. The apartment Tony had kindly given them was theirs, and private, but people kept knocking on their door. Sam wanting to know if they were up for a training session with him. Nat coming round for a cup of coffee. Clint proposing a round of darts. They meant well but coming to expect these visits was making it impossible for Bucky to relax.
And so was the sheer amount of technology around them. Steve assured him that he would get used to it at some point but it just never happened. Sure, it was nice to know that you’d get a steaming mug of coffee by pushing just one button. Or that a whole room would light up as soon as you walked in. But that, too, left Bucky in a constant state of discomfort, like he was being watched all the time.
He’d felt guilty about making everything so difficult but Steve would have nothing of that. Instead of giving Bucky a chance to turn this into a problem between them, he surprised him with this little cabin in the woods. At least that is what Steve calls it. To Bucky, this is way more than a cabin. It’s big, even has three bedrooms, one of which they use to keep their gear. There are some modern perks like a fast wifi connection, but for the most part it reminds Bucky of a place that could have existed back when the world wasn’t a giant confusing puzzle for him yet. There’s a gas oven and a clawfoot tub and an ancient heater. And best of all: There’s nothing but trees around them for miles.
Even on his own out here, Bucky isn’t scared. Tony’s hooked him up with a new, improved version of his arm and he’s still getting his training sessions in with the rest of the group, so he can hold his ground in a fight. If anyone went so far to come out here just to trouble him, that is.
What Bucky’s worried about is Steve. Unlike him, his boyfriend is still a full member of the Avengers, and Bucky knows how important that is to him, would never dream of asking him to quit. Of course, he trusts Steve and is proud of him in all the ways you ought to be proud of your boyfriend when he frequently saves the world.
But they’ve both lost each other too often now to really be relaxed about all of this. Steve is a super-soldier, he’s built like a bear and strong like an ox, but that doesn’t mean his indestructible. Bucky knows his boyfriend isn’t as clear-headed as he’d like to think, especially not when the lives of innocents are in danger. And as much as he wants to trust the others, they’re incapable of making miracles happen, too.
So every other month, whenever something is threatening to destroy the world they live in, Bucky spends whole days and nights up waiting for Steve. He tries not to make it obvious how worried he is, not wanting him to think he doesn’t trust him, but he also knows that Steve can always read him like an open book and knows what he’s thinking. But there’s a mutual understanding between them that this is the one thing Steve won’t - can’t - quit for him and Bucky won’t ever ask it of him. Still, he much prefers the more peaceful parts of his job. The Avengers’ popularity has increased a lot since Bucky went into cryo and now they’re often asked to do some promotional work - sign autographs for fans, photo sessions, the occasional speech in front of school children or army troops, and recently Steve was even asked to attend the opening of a mall named after him. That one was actually hilarious and one of the few things Bucky accompanied him to, just to tease him about it later.
Steve’s been gone for fourty-eight hours now. There was a time when Bucky would ask about every single detail of every mission beforehand. Until he realized that this did nothing to help with his anxiety. Just because he knew what his boyfriend was up to didn’t give him any control over what was going on. And it also made him worry even more because it helped with creating all the worst case scenarios in his head. So now he prefers not to know.
He’s been keeping himself busy as usual, has fixed a few things around the house, cleaned inside cupboards and behind furniture until there was literally nothing left to do anymore. Then he sat down and waited. Bucky loves this house and this little place they call their own, but it’s times like this when the silence just freaks him out. There’s no one to talk to or share his worries with, and some days Bucky catches himself holding up lengthy conversations with himself.
He’s dozed off in this chair while he was trying to read a book, getting stuck on the same paragraph and reading it again and again. But he doesn’t think he’ll actually be able to sleep. Still, for lack of anything better to do, he is about to drag himself into the bedroom when there’s a loud bump outside the door.
Bucky jumps to his feet, ready to defend himself if necessary, but then the noise is followed by an all too familiar voice cursing colorfully. People would be surprised how creative Captain America gets with his curses once he gets going.
He crosses the room in a few big strides and throws the door open, surprising a bent over Steve who’s trying to get the key into the lock and nearly has him falling over. “Steve!” Bucky catches him and immediately holds him in the tightest embrace he can manage before knowing if Steve is hurt. The serum makes him heal faster but that doesn’t mean that bruises and cuts don’t hurt before they vanish.
But Steve seems fine and after a moment of surprise, Bucky’s engulfed by his boyfriend’s warm, strong arms. “Hey, Buck. Sorry, I didn’t know if you were still up. It’s late.”
This makes Bucky laugh. As if this didn’t happen every single time Steve comes home late after a mission. But Steve Rogers has always been nothing but thoughtful and he’d take his own eyes out before risking to wake his sleeping boyfriend.
Bucky’s trying to get them inside and close the door but Steve stops them. “No, wait,” he says, entangling himself from Bucky’s embrace and reaches for his hands instead. “It’s after midnight.”
This puzzles Bucky because it’s such an odd and random thing to say. “And…?” He furrows his brows, not sure what that has to do with anything and why they have to discuss this right here by the open door.
His answer is a laugh and an amused sparkle in Steve’s blue eyes. In the dim light, they seem darker than usual but Bucky can see that they’re the kind of dazzling blue they always get when his boyfriend is particularly delighted by something. That’s how he can tell that he has something up his sleeve.
“You really don’t have any idea what day it is, do you?” Steve asks, shaking his head at him. Bucky doesn’t know if he should be guilty now for not knowing, so he puts what he hopes is an appropriately humble expression on his face.
“Uh...Valentine’s Day? Our anniversary? Wait, do we have an anniversary? I dunno, Steve, ‘s cold and I wanna go inside,” he whines. Getting unnecessarily overdramatic usually gains him some ground with his boyfriend.
Steve is still laughing and shakes his head. “It’s your birthday, dummy!”
This leaves Bucky with a ridiculous cartoon O on his face. He really didn’t have any idea. Not like birthdays really mean all that much when you had died and were reborn as often as him. But to his shame he has to admit that even just asking him what month it was would probably have him guessing. Out here, time kind of ceased to exist sometimes.
Before he can say as much, Steve’s gathered him in another hug, is breathing a gentle “Happy Birthday, Buck” into his ear and then he kisses him and everything else ceases to matter anyway. Steve’s always been a great kisser, before and after the serum. It isn’t due to some perfect technique, not even because of his ridiculously full and soft lips, but because he puts everything into it. When Steve Rogers kisses, he really kisses, with everything he has, and Bucky can definitely appreciate that to the max. He feels himself melt against him and kisses back. They’re pretty much the same height but it’s impossible not to feel small and safe and protected when Captain America holds you in his arms, and this is another thing Bucky enjoys a lot. He sighs into the kiss when Steve’s tongue licks into his mouth, and then mewls in protest when he pulls back.
“I really wanna take you to bed right about now but there’s the matter of your gift to settle.” Just as Bucky wants to protest and tell him he has his greatest gift right here and can’t they please just take it to the bedroom already, Steve takes his hand and tugs, leading him outside. “You gotta come out here for a moment, ‘cause bringing him in would have spoiled the surprise.”
“Him?” Okay, now Bucky is intrigued. He still really wants to get Steve naked and into bed with him - really, when doesn’t he? - but this is starting to rouse his interest. He follows Steve back out to the car, shivering in the cold because he’s only dressed in PJ pants and a shirt and he’s not even wearing shoes, stomping through leaves and dirt in nothing but fuzzy socks.
But none of that matters anymore when Steve opens the door to the backseat and drags out a large cardboard box from the seat. As soon as he sets it down on the ground and lifts the lid, a small wet nose pokes out, followed by the rest of a fluffy puppy. Bucky’s jaw drops and just hangs open in a ridiculous expression as he struggles to find any words, looking from the puppy to Steve and back again. It’s clearly a golden retriever, or it will be once it grows into an actual dog and stops being a tiny golden fluffball.
“We found a litter of abandoned puppies during the mission. We managed to find good homes for all of them but I figured this little guy should come home with me. It was all a bit hush-hush, hence the less than ideal conditions during the transport.” Steve looks a little sheepish as he gestures at the box which Bucky has to admit is almost reckless by Steve’s standards. But then he imagines the Avengers walking into a pet store to buy puppy supplies right during a mission and has to admit that he can’t really see that happen. And anyway, both Steve and this little guy are here now and they’re both safe, and that’s what matters.
“Steve! You got him...for me? For us?” Bucky blinks away a few tears because this is more than a birthday gift, and even more than committing to owning a pet. It means that Steve not only trusts him enough to believe he can take care of himself, but also of another being, one that, as of right now, can’t take care of itself.
Steve bends up his arm to rub the back of his neck in a bit of a humble gesture. “Yeah, well, I know how much you hate it when I go on missions. We both know I’ll never quit, but that doesn’t mean that I like it when you’re out here on your own. I know this little guy can’t take the worry from you, but he can keep you company.”
Bucky can tell that Steve’s worried he’ll take this the wrong way, as if he was too broken to be alone and needed this as some kind of therapy. They both know this isn’t completely wrong, but Bucky can see that this is about much more. Apart from wanting to give him that little peace of mind, Steve also wants to show him that he’s leaving a part of him here with him each time he leaves, that he’ll always has so much to come home to and is willing to build even more on that. In a way, Bucky thinks, this is their way of starting a little family.
He’s still staring at Steve with his mouth open and he can tell that his boyfriend is getting a little nervous now, so he steps in close to hug him, eyes looking straight into Steve’s. “This is perfect, no, you are perfect. Thank you, Steve!”
A relieved little sigh leaves Steve’s mouth just before Bucky brings their lips together in a kiss again. This time it’s different, though, slower, more gentle. This is the way Bucky kisses when he takes the lead, always careful and like a question that needs an answer before he dares take this any further.
There’s no time to take it anywhere right now, though, because they’re interrupted by a high whine when the puppy tries unsuccessfully to hop out of the box. Clearly, he’s had enough of such a restricted space and set his mind on making his new daddies aware of it. They both laugh and Bucky bends down to take him out of the box, cradling the tiny bundle against his chest as he carries him into the house.
“Huh, stubborn and opinionated, clearly your son,” he teases with a glance over his shoulder at Steve who’s picked up the box and is following him inside. “What’s his name, by the way?”
Steve tosses the box onto the porch and locks the door behind him once they’re both inside. “That’s for you to decide,” he replies, already busy unzipping and unbuckling the different parts of his suit. “I just picked him up and made sure we both got here safe. You’re the mom, you get to name him.” He gives Bucky a dazzling smile who silently curses him because damn it, he makes it impossible to be mad at him even when he’s being a teasing little shit.
Bucky holds up the puppy and takes him in as he struggles and whines in his grip, clearly unhappy with not being allowed to explore his new home on his own just yet. When he still hasn’t said anything a long moment later, Steve comes to stand next to him with his hands on his hips and an expectant shrug. “Well?”
A grin lifts the corners of Bucky’s mouth as he turns to look at Steve. “Grant. We’ll call him Grant. Told you he’s your son.”
He gets a scoffed laugh for this, somewhere between outrage and amusement but Steve doesn’t argue. “Poor kid. But you’re the boss. At least you didn’t call him Cap.”
He puts the puppy down who immediately starts scurrying around their feet and sniffing everything he can reach, but Bucky’s attention is with Steve now as he leans in to kiss along the angle of his jawline. “Thank you, Steve. You’re my favourite superhero boyfriend in the world.”
As Steve’s arm wraps around his waist to pull him in close and Grant’s cold little nose snuffles along the small patch of bare skin between his pants and socks, Bucky can’t help thinking that this is exactly where he belonged all along.